fykes:

Well since u asked for it... Divorce proceedings without children is very different than with chikdren. If ur friend got visitation rights it's simply cos the spouses don't live in the same town, d father has t travel or there are more than one child in the union. Or a situation where d woman admits that she can't cater for the kids in court.
The role of a court is first to employ every available gimmick to try and save the Marriage including using the children to bait both parents.
His visitation right is as temporary as fart. Maybe a few months to see if they can work out their differences and withdraw their case.
The op needs permanent solution and until dat boy grows enough, only his in-laws can guarantee him access to the boy

....I'm not disputing this rather,what I'm saying is that since his in-laws have refused him seeing the boy he should fight for his right as a father through the court or any other means he deems fit.

Let's also put into consideration that the said wife also abandoned the boy with her parents in the village and left.

JONNYSPUTE:
....I'm not disputing this rather,what I'm saying is that since his in-laws have refused him seeing the boy he should fight for his right as a father through the court or any other means he deems fit.

Let's also put into consideration that the said wife also abandoned the boy with her parents in the village and left.

Brother... I get u but I implore u bcoz we don't know tomorrow, that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight. Marital issues are best approached diplomatically. One thing counts against him, he left d union!! Marital laws the world all over are designed to give women legal backing in case of conflict. In this issue, d wife has 70% chances of keeping the child.. Do u know what she needs to do to keep d boy? Prove that he goes to school, show that she still wears her ring, still maintains their last known address, still has any of his personal effects in the house.
Automatically d court turns against the man and he will pay child support till he begins to wonder if it is worth getting a flimsy visiting right while the woman can fvck anybody while he is in the same house and even better with his money.
And please don't assume that the estranged wife will collaborate everything the op said here.. She won't and u haven't heard from her.
Women are masters of emotional blackmail...he either appeals to his in-laws to prevail on her or he play her game and ignore her while stealthily keeping an eye on the boy. One day a chance will present itself... D boy maybe endangered or hurt physically and if he's smart enough, he can turn the tables on her

fykes:

Brother... I get u but I implore u bcoz we don't know tomorrow, that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight. Marital issues are best approached diplomatically. One thing counts against him, he left d union!! Marital laws the world all over are designed to give women legal backing in case of conflict. In this issue, d wife has 70% chances of keeping the child.. Do u know what she needs to do to keep d boy? Prove that he goes to school, show that she still wears her ring, still maintains their last known address, still has any of his personal effects in the house.
Automatically d court turns against the man and he will pay child support till he begins to wonder if it is worth getting a flimsy visiting right while the woman can fvck anybody while he is in the same house and even better with his money.
And please don't assume that the estranged wife will collaborate everything the op said here.. She won't and u haven't heard from her.
Women are masters of emotional blackmail...he either appeals to his in-laws to prevail on her or he play her game and ignore her while stealthily keeping an eye on the boy. One day a chance will present itself... D boy maybe endangered or hurt physically and if he's smart enough, he can turn the tables on her

....I do get you bro but my concern is not for him to be given the custody of the child.My concern is just that he should have unhithered visitation rights as his biological father.

Remain blessed bro.

fykes:

Brother... I get u but I implore u bcoz we don't know tomorrow, that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight. Marital issues are best approached diplomatically. One thing counts against him, he left d union!! Marital laws the world all over are designed to give women legal backing in case of conflict. In this issue, d wife has 70% chances of keeping the child.. Do u know what she needs to do to keep d boy? Prove that he goes to school, show that she still wears her ring, still maintains their last known address, still has any of his personal effects in the house.
Automatically d court turns against the man and he will pay child support till he begins to wonder if it is worth getting a flimsy visiting right while the woman can fvck anybody while he is in the same house and even better with his money.
And please don't assume that the estranged wife will collaborate everything the op said here.. She won't and u haven't heard from her.
Women are masters of emotional blackmail...he either appeals to his in-laws to prevail on her or he play her game and ignore her while stealthily keeping an eye on the boy. One day a chance will present itself... D boy maybe endangered or hurt physically and if he's smart enough, he can turn the tables on her

One thing counts against him, he left d union!!
I was one of those that advised him to leave because my friend is just too soft,she keeps destroying his phones,valuable things and most times she will lock my friend indoor attempting to harm him with knife,broken bottles and other dangerous weapons.
I told him one day this lady will mistakenly kill you,so it is better you stay away from her.
The most annoying thing to me was, each time he reports report her to her mother, her mother always tell my friend that she can not harm him that she is only doing shakara.

samguru:


One thing counts against him, he left d union!!
I was one of those that advised him to leave because my friend is just too soft,she keeps destroying his phones,valuable things and most times she will lock my friend indoor attempting to harm him with knife,broken bottles and other dangerous weapons.
I told him one day this lady will mistakenly kill you,so it is better you stay away from her.
The most annoying thing to me was, each time he reports report her to her mother, her mother always tell my friend that she can not harm him that she is only doing shakara.

Well, I know of a father who told the mother that when she is tired, she should bring the child to him.

Now, father and son are reconnected inspite of her desire to keep them apart.

That which is good and right shall be, no matter how long it tarries!

samguru:


One thing counts against him, he left d union!!
I was one of those that advised him to leave because my friend is just too soft,she keeps destroying his phones,valuable things and most times she will lock my friend indoor attempting to harm him with knife,broken bottles and other dangerous weapons.
I told him one day this lady will mistakenly kill you,so it is better you stay away from her.
The most annoying thing to me was, each time he reports report her to her mother, her mother always tell my friend that she can not harm him that she is only doing shakara.

OK sir maybe I made a mistake.... He wasn't wrong to leave... I woulda done d same. A toxic person, u run and he did well. But he ran without evidence... All u had to do was make a video of one such rage moment, call the police while she's still raving and threatening and get her to make a statement or sign an undertaken for his safety.
I'm writing this in case of another person... And I'm thinking as a prosecutor or attorney. Evidence is vital.
If he can show proof of her violent nature, she's gone.. A phone recording of her threatening to kill d boy and she will never have custody of the child again. He can even sue her for intent to cause harm.
Don't deal with such issues with emotions... Be calm and strategize record calls, get pics and videos... Involve d police and obtain a statement.. I am sure u get my point now.
Unfortunately, men are often told to man up and hide such abuse. He may even be ashamed to record it.

fykes:

I understand u. Folks like u are more emotional than rational.
U treat sensitive issues with emotions and often than not, u get burnt.
Unfortunately, the law is an ass.. Only d wise can ride

Which wise you wise. All these wannabes that came upon incel materials that have been existing years and years ago because they finally were able to visit sites beyond nairaland forming "Alpha". You will outgrow Sha.

fykes:

I understand u. Folks like u are more emotional than rational.
U treat sensitive issues with emotions and often than not, u get burnt.
Unfortunately, the law is an ass.. Only d wise can ride

Which wise you wise. All these wannabes that came upon incel materials that have been existing years and years ago because they finally were able to visit sites beyond nairaland forming "Alpha". You will outgrow it Sha.

samguru:
Good day Nairalanders,

I have advised him to start a new life and that the boy will come back to look for him in the future, but my friend is yet to heed to my advice.

what other things can he do to reconnect with his son?

So, according to you, that was some good advice?
Start a new life just like that without fighting for his son?
Do you not think that it is cowardly and irresponsible as a father to give up just like that?
If you were that son, what would you think of your father when you've grown?

Thank you all for your contributions,I just reached out to the lady via phone,she insulted me and my generations unborn.

After the whole bruhaha, she said ,if my friend wants to see the boy,he should send #1million to her account and she will make arrangement on where to meet.

I thought she was joking,I told my friend to send her #100k at least to persuade her and all the expenses she has incurred in raising that boy, immediately she sent the #100k back to my friend and said if the #1m is less by a kobo,he should just forget he has a son somewhere.
What kind of woman is this?

samguru:
Good day Nairalanders,

My friend is separated from his wife since 2016 due to intolerable behaviours of his wife. My friend on a several occasions has asked his wife(I still considered them married since they are not legally separated) to open account for his son and also furnish him with details of his son's school so that he can start paying his child school fees.
The adamant wife refused to do so and even took the boy far away from him.Everyday my friend is pained that his wife has not allowed him to access the child and discharge his fatherly responsibilities.

I have advised him to start a new life and that the boy will come back to look for him in the future, but my friend is yet to heed to my advice.

what other things can he do to reconnect with his son?

If you think that your friend should start a new life and the son will come back to him later, is the best way to go, then it's another biggest mistake he will be doing

Even there are ways that former couples can separate yet they still have access to the child /children at will

You didn't state the child age

You didn't state if the in laws are aware and the efforts the made to force their daughter to make the boy accessible by his dad

You didn't state if he has ever been responsible during the marriage and after the marriage

Every woman wants her former to take up his duty over their child, but has it ever been done from on set

Your friend haven't told you all you need to hear

For best results, visit her or speak with her on phone she will tell you more

Despite he complains about the wife naughty attitude, get to know more because you just heard from one side and that's not enough to judge

samguru:


This lady is very violent, he threatened to kill that boy when my friend visited the boy at her mother's house.At that point I told him to stop checking on the child.

I spoke with the lady about allowing my friend to see the boy, she told me according to their tradition once divorce has occurred the father loose the child to the her family.

If that is the case in their own traditional system, then the man world have been told from on set by the family, if he ever married her properly according to their customs and traditions

JONNYSPUTE:
....Pls forget about the guy and his foolish advice.

You are right about him going to court.

That's how so many weak men lose their children because they are scared of court proceedings.

No matter what,going to court is still the best option unless he has been maltreating the wife.

Even at that,the court will still grant him some visitation right.

Let's assume the man is afraid of the court procedures

Is he also afraid of the girls family if yes then he must have prove to them that he has no future for his family hence the separation

Even if you go to court, court will ask you what her family says about the whole issue.

Assuming that child is a girl, that would have been the end of that sojourn or search

samguru:


What I found disturbing about the child custody is that, the lady abandoned the boy with her mother and relocate to another area.

What do you mean by abandoned the child with her mother

Do you expect her to go e every where with the child

Don't be surprise that she us done with that marriage

That boy is in the best hand at the moment

Let everyone be free to find their bearing

SmartyPants:


What about the threat to the child's life??

That man needs to act.

She won't do it, every mother knows the joy and bond they have with their children

And if she does it, she gets jailed

Another revelation,

He told me the lady has another son for another man before she married her.
He said she told her about the child and claimed the father of her first son maltreated her and that is the reason she walked away from that marriage.Her first son with her grandmother too.

Now the lady has two sons for two different men.

When I heard that now, I was like this is a serious matter ooo

fykes:

Brother... I get u but I implore u bcoz we don't know tomorrow, that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight. Marital issues are best approached diplomatically. One thing counts against him, he left d union!! Marital laws the world all over are designed to give women legal backing in case of conflict. In this issue, d wife has 70% chances of keeping the child.. Do u know what she needs to do to keep d boy? Prove that he goes to school, show that she still wears her ring, still maintains their last known address, still has any of his personal effects in the house.
Automatically d court turns against the man and he will pay child support till he begins to wonder if it is worth getting a flimsy visiting right while the woman can fvck anybody while he is in the same house and even better with his money.
And please don't assume that the estranged wife will collaborate everything the op said here.. She won't and u haven't heard from her.
Women are masters of emotional blackmail...he either appeals to his in-laws to prevail on her or he play her game and ignore her while stealthily keeping an eye on the boy. One day a chance will present itself... D boy maybe endangered or hurt physically and if he's smart enough, he can turn the tables on her

people like you confuse family traditional kangaroo courts vrs constitutional laws that applies to everyone irregardless of our traditional tribal beliefs

I.E the father or mother should have access to his/her child irregardless their are married, unmarried or divorced

am sure Nigeria constitutional laws doesnt strip one's right access to his/her child so why would you say "that man has very slim chances of winning that Fight"

Life can turn out in many ways we can't imagine. This situation can go either of so many ways no matter what option you choose. My advice; let the woman and the child be. When the child grows up, he will probably look for you and of course, if the mom ends up brainwashing him and he grows up without being objective, it's not your fault but his, not even his mom's. There are certain things an adult should be able to do. Using one's brain to think logically is a part of it. An adult human being should be able to listen to all sides of a story and make rational conclusion(s), period.

samguru:
Good day Nairalanders,

My friend is separated from his wife since 2016 due to intolerable behaviours of his wife. My friend on a several occasions has asked his wife(I still considered them married since they are not legally separated) to open account for his son and also furnish him with details of his son's school so that he can start paying his child school fees.
The adamant wife refused to do so and even took the boy far away from him.Everyday my friend is pained that his wife has not allowed him to access the child and discharge his fatherly responsibilities.

I have advised him to start a new life and that the boy will come back to look for him in the future, but my friend is yet to heed to my advice.

what other things can he do to reconnect with his son?

He should go to social welfare and make a case there

samguru:
Good day Nairalanders,

The adamant wife refused to do so and even took the boy far away from him.Everyday my friend is pained that his wife has not allowed him to access the child and discharge his fatherly responsibilities.

I have advised him to start a new life and that the boy will come back to look for him in the future, but my friend is yet to heed to my advice.

what other things can he do to reconnect with his son?

This is not a good advice. He should go to those welfare people and report the case. Any woman who would deny her child his/her father’s visitation, should not be left alone with that child. If the man is irresponsible, the court should determine that. Not her or her bias.

He should go to court. Children shouldn’t be used as tools for fighting ex-couples.

What stops him from talking to his wife's parents on the issue, his father/mother in-law, are the first people he should dialogue with, before taking any legal steps.

samguru:
Good day Nairalanders,

My friend is separated from his wife since 2016 due to intolerable behaviours of his wife. My friend on a several occasions has asked his wife(I still considered them married since they are not legally separated) to open account for his son and also furnish him with details of his son's school so that he can start paying his child school fees.
The adamant wife refused to do so and even took the boy far away from him.Everyday my friend is pained that his wife has not allowed him to access the child and discharge his fatherly responsibilities.

I have advised him to start a new life and that the boy will come back to look for him in the future, but my friend is yet to heed to my advice.

what other things can he do to reconnect with his son?

So the time they were married he doesn't know his wife's acc no?The woman's family or family home? Every month send something to the wife's account. If she likes let her send it back.Resend it the next month.

Keep screenshot or receipts of the transaction. In the future the boy will look for you and you'd have evidence to show you are involved.Don't send any 1m.Go to welfare and report her

Even in the law court, the evidence will help the court rule in ur favor.

Partners that hide children from the other irritate me alot. These kids will definitely look for the other parent ND then you'd start claiming hurt.

Nonsense behavior when you forget it takes two to have a child.

He should heed to your advice biko... The woman who wants to do the job alone will wish otherwise by the time the boy becomes an adult.

samguru:


This lady is very violent, he threatened to kill that boy when my friend visited the boy at her mother's house.At that point I told him to stop checking on the child.

I spoke with the lady about allowing my friend to see the boy, she told me according to their tradition once divorce has occurred the father loose the child to the her family.

What sort of silly tradition is that?

Tadeknkeepcalm:

Which wise you wise. All these wannabes that came upon incel materials that have been existing years and years ago because they finally were able to visit sites beyond nairaland forming "Alpha". You will outgrow Sha.

It's not about being an alpha. I read his input and I can see clearly what he's pointing out.

Court cases are never that easy and if the court doesn't see a reason why the child should be with the father, they won't grant it. The visitation rights that he's struggling for will only happen after spending money on court case and the verdict might be unfavourable to him sef. Maybe a 6 hours once in 2 weeks kind of arrangement. Tell me, is it wise to spend like 500,000 naira only to get this arrangement in return?

Sixfeetbelle:


It's not about being an alpha. I read his input and I can see clearly what he's pointing out.

Court cases are never that easy and if the court doesn't see a reason why the child should be with the father, they won't grant it. The visitation rights that he's struggling for will only happen after spending money on court case and the verdict might be unfavourable to him sef. Maybe a 6 hours once in 2 weeks kind of arrangement. Tell me, is it wise to spend like 500,000 naira only to get this arrangement in return?

Then let the court be the ones to see that reason. Since the mum doesn’t want to take the money for her son’s wellbeing, he might as well use it for legal fees. I think some issues should be cleared legally, for posterity sake.

pocohantas:


Then let the court be the ones to see that reason. Since the mum doesn’t want to take the money for her son’s wellbeing, he might as well use it for legal fees. I think some issues should be cleared legally, for posterity sake.

Abeg, I don't know again. This matter is too delicate and I really hate when children are caught in the cross hairs of feuding couples.

What the first guy said made lot of sense to me; he may get the short end of the deal, but I still see court as the way out. However, to ensure favourable verdict, I feel like he should reach an agreement with the in-laws before proceeding to court. I don't want him to lose out totally in court.

Sixfeetbelle:


Abeg, I don't know again. This matter is too delicate and I really hate when children are caught in the cross hairs of feuding couples.

What the first guy said made lot of sense to me; he may get the short end of the deal, but I still see court as the way out. However, to ensure favourable verdict, I feel like he should reach an agreement with the in-laws before proceeding to court. I don't want him to lose out totally in court.

They are about the major victims and their interest/wellbeing should be priority. You are right on reaching out to the in-laws, if he hasn’t done that before. If they refuse to intervene, it is either they are bad in-laws or there is more to this that the OP doesn’t know/isn’t telling.

Sixfeetbelle:


It's not about being an alpha. I read his input and I can see clearly what he's pointing out.

Court cases are never that easy and if the court doesn't see a reason why the child should be with the father, they won't grant it. The visitation rights that he's struggling for will only happen after spending money on court case and the verdict might be unfavourable to him sef. Maybe a 6 hours once in 2 weeks kind of arrangement. Tell me, is it wise to spend like 500,000 naira only to get this arrangement in return?

That's it. You're looking at it from a skewed lens already. Probably divorce stories of the west you read. When in fact, divorce laws are different in each country.

Secondly, you struggle for visitation rights when they take a child from you due to abuse or negligence and you want to prove you're a better person. Is this the case? That's what I'm saying about looking at from some american cases that you're superimposing here. In this case he is using the court to get back is child

Can he talk to his wife's family about this issue otherwise, he should seek the help of the court.

GboyegaD:
Can he talk to his wife's family about this issue otherwise, he should seek the help of the court.

His wife family are not United,most of the family members are not saying anything Good about the lady,only the mother of the lady is on her side and her father is late.

Life no balance