I AM A 23 YRS MALE,, FIRST BORN IN THE FAMILY OF FIVE,, CONSISTING OF FATHER, MOTHER 3KIDS, 2MALE,1FEMALE, MY PROBLEM STARTED SOME YEARS BACK IN MY PRIMARY SCHOOL DAYS WHEN MY PARENT USE TO BE AT LOGGERHEADS WITH EACH OTHER RESULTING IN BEATING MUMMY TO CORRECT HER ,, BUT SUCH OCCURENCE DO SADDENS ME EMOTIONALL AND WEAKENS MY SOUL AND SUBMITTED ME TO FEAR AND GRIEVE OF WHAT BETTER AGAIN CAN LIFE OFFER,, THEY OFTEN LIVED A SEPARATE LIFE UNDER PRETENCE OF STAYING UNDER ONE ROOF, AS I FIND MYSELF IN DEEP SHAME OF EXISTENCE , MORALLY I STARTED DEPRECIATING,, ACADEMICALLY I BEGAN TO BE WEAK FROM MY PAST BRIGHT ACADEMIC BACKGROUND,, I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME THINKING ABOUT '' HOW TO LIVE A PEACEFUL LIFE WITH A SPOUSE' AND STOP ASSIMILATING WHAT I WAS BEEN TAUGHT IN SCHOOL,, I PASSED THROUGH 'O'LEVEL WITH A MANAGEABLE RESULT AND STILL BATTLING RESOLVING AND BRINGING PEACE BACK TO MY FAMILY WHICH IS BEYOND MY CONTROL AND OFTEN LEFT ME QUESTIONS UNANSWERED'' WERE THEY BOTH FORCEFULLY MATCHED'', STILL A VICTIM OF PSCHOLOGICAL DEPRESSION. THEY BOTH WANT ME THE BEST OF EDUCATION, AS THEY FIND IT DIFFICULT TO ASSESS MY ACADEMIC STRONGEVITY AND PASSION AGAIN,, AS THEY ONLY BELIEVE IN MAKING AVAILABLE FINANCES FOR OUR EDUCATION,, I WENT TO OOU IN 2007-2009, AND MY MOTHER SUGGESTED THAT MY BEHAVIOUR HAS CHANGED, SUSPECTING BAD INFLUENCES ON ME DUE TO OOU ENVIRONMENT HAZARDS/MIS-HAPS/BAD GANGS, CULTIST ACTIONS, BREAKING NEWS EVER HEARD,,, NOT KNOWING THAT WHAT THE PAST HAS CAUSED ME WAS THAT I BELIEVED IN ROUGH AND DANEROUS LIFE TO BE, DEATH WAS NEVER A THREAT, PASSIONLESS, WICKEDNESS, EVIL THOUGHT AND ACTS, THE FOUNDATION TO MY BEHAVIOUR AND NOT OF BAD COMPANIES,AS I HELD FIRMLY NOT TO BELONG TO ANY UNGODLY SOCIETY,,, SO THEY BOTH AGREED ME TO BE PRIVILEDGED AS THE FIRST BORN IN THE FAMILY TO GO AND ENJOY '' A BETTER EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND AT A PRIVATE UNIVERSITY'' SO BY LEAVING MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND YOUNGER SISTER TO ''J,A,M,B ADMISSION STRESS AND COLLEGE CHOICES, THINGS STARTED TAKING CAUSES WHEN I GOT TO THE PRIVATE INSTITUTION,, I FELT SO WEAK AND CHALLENGED,, AND I WAS PAYING A HUGE SUM 480,000 AND I CAN'T COPE NOR UNDERSTAND UP TO WOEFULL RESULT AND THEY WON'T ASK ME ,,, SO I THINK I SHOULD LET CHANCED MY SIBLINGS TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY THAN TO GRADUATE AND BE A DISSAPPOINTMENT,, AND I GOT THEM ADDMITTED, WHILE I WAS A YEAR AHEAD OF BOTH OF THEM, SO THINGS GOT WORSE WHEN THEY WERE BOTH BANKRUPTED AND WAS UNABLE TO AFFORD OUR SCHOOL PART-PAYMENT FEE WORTH #986.000 AS MY YOUNGER ONE'S CAN'T COPE WITH LIFE ANYLONGER BEING CHILDISH AND THEY BOTH WANTED TO ACT FAST TO AVERT A SHAMELESS REFFERRNECE FROM FRIENDS ,, MATES E,T.C , MY PROBLEM LIES HERE' THE TENDENCY OF PAYING UP IS ASSURING BOTH MAY BE LATE, AND RESULTING IN EXTRA YEAR FOR THEM BOTH INCLUDING ME WITH A YEAR REMAINING, SO I THOUGHT OF DIVERTING THE MONEY TO A RELIABLE IMPORTATION BUSINESS, AFTERALL MY PAST RESULT HAS AWARDED ME AN EXTRA YEAR, SO I WISH NOT TO PAY THE MONEY FOR ME EDUCATIONAL CONTINUATION, LEAVING BEHIND MY SIBLINGS TO EDUCATION, PLEASE HELP ME AS EVERYTHING IN LIFE NOW SEEMS MEANNINGLESS TO ME AND OFTEN PROMOTES MY LEVEL OF BEEN DESPERATE, I HAD NO FEELINGS, AFFECTION, OR WHATSOEVER IN ME AGAIN, AND MY TEMPER HAS BEEN MOST DESTRUCTIVE, PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO LIVE TO REGRET'' DUE TO WHAT LIFE HAS CAUSED ME,, PLEASE ADVICE ME, AS TAKING AWAY MY OWN LIFE WAS THE HARDEST THING FOR ME IN LIFE BUT I WISHED TO HOPE FOR A BETTER DAY, PLEASE ADVICE ME BEFORE I GOT MENTALLY DERAILED,

I don't understand. I'll wait for someone else before I try again.  Whaaaattt??

me too

At 23  you still have a chance and its never to late for anybody,look, you even have parents,what about people that never saw there parents,what about people that lost their parents.Education is very important for everybody and in Nigeria its an achievnment society and people respect you when you are educated or rich or combine.You better get serious because a time will come you will not see your parents any more and what you do or acquire today will be what you will use or need in the future.Its a pity that the Nigerian educational system is so frustrating and you now need a private university to spend a lot .

Any idea i give you could distract you the more.what if you were schooling in  a place where standards are so high.Your juniors ones will live better than you if you dont complete school and get a job,The nigerian society does not have  place for people that are not educated ,its either you are rich or down,so try

The bottomline is that your parents still love you all. Now even if your Dad has stopped beating your Mum, find time to go home and talk to your Mum alone, tell her everything you saw Daddy doing to her whilst you were growing up is what is affecting you till date and preventing you from moving on. Also let her know this has affected your younger ones too, although they are expressing it differently by truanting, etc.

There is nothing wrong with you nor bad in what you are going through, it just shows you are a very caring, empathic,considerate and kind person who puts the needs of others first, just like you did again by convincing your Parents to let your younger ones join you in private School so they will not keep languishing in Public Universities wasting valuable time.

Accost one of your School Lecturers or the Dean and let them know the battle going on in your head about you quitting School and they will be able to help you decide whether to continue the same Course with added support in place, or help you change your course to a better one. Also let your Mum know this too so as you already know how Education is very important to your Parents so that they will not end up blaming each other for failing you Children. Also if you can, please take a few weeks break from School with official permission of course to cool your head down. And you can even continue studying alongside importation business, if this is what you eventually decide you want as a career path.

May God bless you and uphold you and may He give you sound mind and peace that passeth human understanding and joy that floweth like a river, in Jesus' name, Amen. Don't lose hope, stay strong for yourself and your younger ones. You will be in my thoughts.

I feel bad for you but I think you can overcome this. If you were outside of Nigeria I would have requested you see a therapist. Everybody has a different level of absorbing traumatic events. It seems that you are a very emotional person even though you will not admit it. I also feel like you might have issues dealing with anxiety. You simply have to learn to cope with your stress. Stress can definitely make it impossible to keep up with life. I have been there. The only thing that got me out of that situation was me making this conscious effort that come hell or high water I have to learn to cope to achieve the goals I set for myself. I did. I still have those moments but I have learned how to handle stressful situations.

I think you have to work on yourself first before you can work on your siblings. You have one more year of school to go and my suggestion is that you finish school and let your siblings work while you are finishing. No kind of work is too small. The idea that they might be embarrassed by what their friends will say is ridiculous. Why should that be your stress? They are the ones that need to take responsibility for themselves. When you are done in school and you are able to then you can help out. It is not your responsibility to treat other adults as your dependents. Siblings or not.

What is not really clear to me is if you guys are still in the expensive school. If so why are you still there. Is there an option to transfer to a public university or if not then maybe you guys will have to go one at a time with you going first and the rest working to support the other. There are other options besides you with one year to go quitting now.

You are a classic case study of the long term effects of domestic violence on children --- this is not just for you, there are many children like you, suffering as well.

If you can afford it, move out of your parents home, your father might not be physically abusing your mother but he may be abusing her mentally and emotionally and as you continue to see those things daily, your case may not improve.

Do you have an Aunt or any family that you can scot with ? Move out asap --- you are still alive so there's certainly a continued reason to live.

Young man calm down and think twice. you still have your life ahead of you its not over yet.I feel your pain, i understand what you are going through. You need to love yourself, understand that all your parents labour is not in vain. This is the real world sometimes bad things happen to good people, some people have it real easy some have it real hard. You need to get over your childhood and use whatever happened there to push yourself to greater heights. I bet you have heard of determination and success can you make that your motto?

Refuse to wallow in self pity alot of people you look at and admire have one story or the other to tell but they didnt let it stop them from reaching for the skies they just thought of it as part of their life experience. This is what you should do too. Believe in yourself even if it sometimes looks like everything is going wrong, constantly do your best and remember you have a right to be happy nobody can do that for you.

Your failures or failings in school has to be dealt with. Focus on your studies, put aside all your pain in the past. I didnt quite get all your story because your english is really poor (you need to work on that too) so i dont understand if you are still in school or if you have dropped out. Everything is going to be ok just believe and start working hard in school. Don"t ever give up and i mean that.

You need to look for someone to talk to, if you are a christian look for a bible believing church and if a moslem please look for a sincere imam who you can talk to and if you didnt believe in God before this is a good time to start.

The best thing that you can do is to go away from that family and seek a way to make your life better.

^^^ I agree. Go away for a shortwhile.

@ poster,

To some extent i understand what u are passing through but common you are doing it wrongly too. What happens to drawing strenght from our parents weakness! If you cant build ur strenght from their weaknesses i bet you are planning to live like them.

Now what could sustain your strenght? Education, reorientation, self discovery and lots more. Who are you? At 23 you should know much about yourself, more on what you want in life and little about how to achieve them. Where are you now? What efforts have you made to make your life better, loosing focus would land you in more troubles my dear. Did i hear pack out of the house? All the time you lived in school, you were away from your parents, what effect does it have on you. The peace you are looking for is in your hands and in the hands of your destiny!

Take a walk to a quite place and ask yourself what u want? Answer your questions and come back to ask how do I achieve my heartdreams.

Please complete your education. Why? yes! you can only trust yourself for now. when you are through, you can join forces and train your siblings! What if you drop and they later fail to complete theirs too, you can be a model to them when u complete yours.

Well, you can go in for small business that wont interfer in your acadmics to keep body and soul together but not importation that you are not rooted in.

Calm down, there is still hope and very bright one at that! your anger and self hatred wont make things better. Learn to love yourself and think positive about tomorrow. You can reach for the " the poser of positive thinking" look around and get yourself a role model, go close and learn how he made it, Get closer to God too, love him like a father and hey, love your parents too, let them feel your love believe it there would be a new home in your family.

go way from ur family would have b d best option but cannot solve the problem. now that u growing up, u can talk to ur mum and dad about their behaviour and how it affect u and young one.

And as a man u need to put ur save 2geder and face d reality of life.

* face ur study, try to lay good example to ur young ones

Poster, i say relax. Do not overwork urself for a problem your mum and dad created.I was once in similar shoes like yours.

In my case as the first son and child, i tried to settle the quarrel btw the 2 of them but since i did want to side anyone, i was used as the scape goat.My dad will say i am supporting my mum while my mum will say am supporting my dad. At a time, they both developed hatred for me.

After complaining to my aunt one day, she told me that am too young to carry such family issue on my head. After i had a deep rethink i decided that i will not bother myself too much again but do anything that will better my future. “Guy u know ur dad and mum did not consult u when they were doing i love u, i love u so, why should they now want to destroy both ur present and your future.

Things grew worse when my dad married a second wife and completely packed out from our house but since he owned the house we did not have accommodation issues.

In other to achieve my aim in life while i was in university , i will go to my dad and tell him all the sweet things he wants to hear there by making sure my allowances and school fees is secured. I did same for my mum so that when am on holiday i will stay peacefully and have additional pocket money. I called my immediate younger sister and told her how i survive with everything so that she is not caught in the same trap i was. Today, even though it was not easy to totally erase the psychological effect of want was happening back home, i tried to manage it and not create excuses for myself if i fail in future.

Guy everyone has his or her own cross to carry and nobody will take the excuse of family problem for your failure.
Today i have a good job and praying to GOD that my children does not to through what i went through. My dad has been clamouring for me to get married but just get him off my back, i replied to him that of what use is marrying if the one btw him and my mum was nothing to write home about. I also reminded him of the effect of their actions on I and my siblings. The man just they look me like MUMU ‘i don be big now so i can start to yan”

GUY THINK AND DO WHAT IS BEST FOR U ,FORGET WHETHER THERE IS FAMILY PROBLEM OR NOT AS NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THAT IN THE JOB MARKET. AS PER ALLOWING YOUR SIBLINGS TO SCHOOL WHILE YOU DROP OUT, SORRY THE WORLD HAS CHANGED IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY AGAIIN.

SORRY I IF I AM BLUNT BUT AS U KNOW THAT IS THE LANGUAGE OF CHILDREN FROM BROKEN HOME.
GOOD LUCK