the private eye idea is a good one.

does he deny having an affair?
what problems exactly do they have in the marriage that they have to literally live separate lives?

what good will having a p.i follow him do?
sometimes you dont need an oracle to tell you what you already know. even if she finds out he's cheating she'll still have the same crazy optimism that nigerian women have to try and make it work against all odds. i tire.

Your friend has to be very careful,as you said aids is real.For me there is nothing like love when it comes to aids.Have life before you talk of love.Think of the millions of good,lovable,innocent people who have died by loving such evil partners

If i were your friend's shoes,i would quietly start searching for a more serious person and meanwhile try to avoid the sex

@poster, i really feel deeply 4 ur friend, i f i were her i would have left along time ago cos i cant stand been hurt all the time, but i will not advice her to do that cos she is not me.my advice to ur friend, is to move out of that house at list 4 a while .there is a saying that heaven help those who help themselves,she has to pray and take that drastic step of movin out of that house so that her heartless husband will no that she will nolonger take the bullshit anymore, while she is on her own, she should beg GOD 4 his will to be done in her life it might be that, her husband its not the man GOD want 4 her u nava no maybe when she gives that man{husband} a good deal of space he might wake up and smell the coffee and repent of his sin and beg GOD his wife and kids 4 forgiveness or during that time she might even meet her real husband someone GOD has ordained 4 her, someone who will love respect and cherish herself and her kids 4 the rest of her life.The first step 4 her is to move out of that house give her husband space and pray that GOd will be done.Tell ur friend, that i will be praying 4 her

Hello everyone, you have all spoken well.

The lady in question sholud pray very well  and seek the guidance of men/women of God for God to reveal his will for her.

Let me tell you if God say she should remain in the house as a wife so be it, if God tell her to move on. case is close.

All other if's and but's, me no go accept nonesense, too much ill treatment are just human views and opinion.

The ultimate decision will come from God who shall speak to the lady and I can assure you she will never regret whatever decision she made once spoken to by God.

God doesn't lie or take bribe from anybody.

Prayers, prayers,prayers for the will of God to be know and done.

This to me if the lady follows that will be an happy ending story.

In the meantime, let us all pray and interceed on behalf of this family,

Father in the name of our Lord jesus Christ we ask you to come into the home of our sister on the behalf of which her friend is seeking advice, please Lord jesus let there be loving reconcillation and healing of heart. Let the unfailing love of God rule in this family. Let there be an everlasting testimony in Jesus name our Lord we have prayed. Amen

What form you can pray for them do so, as you do it God almighty will heal allyour own wounds in Jesus name.

vigasimple:

Hello everyone, you have all spoken well.

The lady in question sholud pray very well and seek the guidance of men/women of God for God to reveal his will for her.

Let me tell you if God say she should remain in the house as a wife so be it, if God tell her to move on. case is close.

All other if's and but's, me no go accept nonesense, too much ill treatment are just human views and opinion.

The ultimate decision will come from God who shall speak to the lady and I can assure you she will never regret whatever decision she made once spoken to by God.

God doesn't lie or take bribe from anybody.

Prayers, prayers,prayers for the will of God to be know and done.

This to me if the lady follows that will be an happy ending story.

In the meantime, let us all pray and interceed on behalf of this family,

Father in the name of our Lord jesus Christ we ask you to come into the home of our sister on the behalf of which her friend is seeking advice, please Lord jesus let there be loving reconcillation and healing of heart. Let the unfailing love of God rule in this family. Let there be an everlasting testimony in Jesus name our Lord we have prayed. Amen

What form you can pray for them do so, as you do it God almighty will heal allyour own wounds in Jesus name.

prayer!prayer! and yet more prayer!
in as much as i believe in prayer, i dont think you should sit there while a goat begins to eat the palm fronds on your chieftaincy cap while you do nothing.

sometimes you have to take drastic action. eg when Jesus went into the tabernace and saw those folks buying and selling,he knew he had a situation. he didnt fall to his knees and start speaking in tongues to make them leave.he didnt embark on another 40 day fast. he drove them out himself!

its obvious from the lady's refusal to move out or seek divorce inspite of her experiences,that she actually still has some faith in the marriage and  probably BELIEVES things will turn out right,, i sense she's still got LOVE for her husband, i predict that it is this same LOVE that will turn things around, yes i BELIEVE.

spoilt:

prayer!prayer! and yet more prayer!
in as much as i believe in prayer, i don't think you should sit there while a goat begins to eat the palm fronds on your chieftaincy cap while you do nothing.

sometimes you have to take drastic action. eg when Jesus went into the tabernace and saw those folks buying and selling,he knew he had a situation. he didnt fall to his knees and start speaking in tongues to make them leave.he didnt embark on another 40 day fast. he drove them out himself!

this girl,you sabi crack jokes o.

spoilt:

prayer!prayer! and yet more prayer!
in as much as i believe in prayer, i don't think you should sit there while a goat begins to eat the palm fronds on your chieftaincy cap while you do nothing.

LOL!    Marriage na wah oh!  The goat is not only eating the palm fronds on this woman's chieftaincy cap, but the goat has also finished eating her arse!

Why are some women so desperate that they will put up with any "crap"!  If na me, even with my three kids--I don waka go tey tey!  In this short life?  Then with AIDS around the corner too?

@Babyosis
Keep praying oh!  There is nothing our God cannot do sha! Please do not interfere oh! Listen to your husband oh! The next thing the woman will accuse you of wanting to wreck her home while you keep yours! She married the man abi? Only the parties involved can sort out this mess! Sad as it may be!

I spoke with my friend the other day,she's still hanging in there and I'm praying along.
militia,I did heed my husband's advice,I am not giving any advice,I'm just praying along that God should set this man free from the demon of wife hatred
and return him to his wife and kids.

If she dont want 2 dump d guy then she can pray harder

batu:
@babyosisi,
Well, I can see that out of maybe 10 contributions, 8 are from 'sisters' in the house; and I am not really surprised at the 'emotional' solidarity. By the way Davidylan has no right to contribute as a 'man', he is not married yet
But on a more serious note and with all due respect, what you hear from my dear sisters above are the sort of rather narrow-minded feminist advice typical of Oprah Winfrey show. For example, listen to this:



A lot have given examples of "similar situations" always involving "somebody they know", but NOT themselves; but I wonder how many will really really give themselves the same advice they are giving now if they are in the same situation,,,,,uummmhh . Believe me, just as others have seen 'similar situations', I also have seen seemingly "hopeless, end-of-the-road" marital situations of many years brought back from the brink by godly wisdom and not the 'hairdressing saloon' "go-girl" suggestions .
With all due respect to my sisters, you've all done the obvious; what a clinical psychologist will call "victimization syndrome": we now have a 'victim' (the wife) in a 'situation' (her marriage), being oppressed by the 'oppressor' (the "big jerk"; and such have taken the obvious decision to to play the super hero who comes to the rescue of the 'victim' naturally. The three parties involved here needs invidividual consideration and analysis: the wife, the husband (yes!!) and the kids. A careful consideration will reveal that the above suggestion quoted is rather unfortunate. The kids are already in anguish, and their mother leaving their father will definitely worsen their anguish, emotional stability and most likely their future levels of achievements. So, let's do away with Oprah thinking, this is real life situation, not soap!!!

Is it possible that the wife is not a saint? If we get another angle of the story from the 'husband's friend', is it possible we might be a little sympathetic to him too? Is it possible[/] that their is no other woman involved, unlike what our dear sisters seem to have conclusively concluded from 'telekinetic' or from 'experience'? Is it [i]possible that the kids love their father very much despite his 'acclaimed' shortcomings? Is it likely that the kids will prefer mummy and daddy working out their "mid-life crisis"? Is it likely that,,,,,,,,,,,,? and so on and so forth. If you can answer "yes" to at least one of the above questions, then we need to have a 'sisterly' re-think.

As a "man" (a married man is the real man ), Babyosisi, whether in Africa or US, or UK; every "man" has somebody that he respects and listens to. As a friend, you should try and find out from the wife who that is for her husband; and see how to get him or her involved in the situation. He/She might not be the 'pastor' (in the meantime) and I can see that it's not your husband (he definitely has others who respect and listen to him though). Dont anybody call any situation hopeless and unredeemeable, because you are not God as of the last time I checked. Somebody is already asking if she 'has a job' for the post divorce life; may God deliver us from 'technical advisors' like that.

do you mind babyosisi the wandering witch?

babyosisi: Imani you sound exactly like me when I had this discussion with my husband early yesterday morning.
The marriage stopped being a marriage many many years ago,it is increasingly getting worse and my greatest fear is that this woman may go mental with all the stress.
_{God forbid}
The man not only has his own bedroom,he also has his own phone line,his own pots and pans and cooks his own meals.

I too am a Christian and believe in Christian principles but this one one has gone beyond patience and longsuffering.

Terrible. She needs to have a frank talk with him about what they should do about their situation. Why is he staying with her if he is intent on living a totally separate life? A born-again xtian should not do this to their wife. Is he fooling God or man by staying in the 'marriage'?

batu: @babyosisi,
I am replying/contributing to this 'simply' because you posted it; then it must be true. I kinda think a lot of 'questions' or 'stories' on this forum are just blokes trying to write a fiction love story. But you I 'know' to be a serious individual. Now to your 'friend'. I dont know how many of the responders are married; but I am a married man, and I know you too recently married (well not to recent o ); what's the point? we both know the meaning of marriage, the responsibilities or 'cross' of marriage as somebody put's it earlier on from God's point of view, not from ours. I can see you are very angry, in solidarity, with your friend (called the husband a "jerk" and a "big loser"; and if I read your mind correctly, you wont mind the lady divorcing the man; but you dont want to say it because you are 'Christian', oh what a dilema

But I am more surprised at your 'new' husband saying you should not get involved; that is rather strange because I am definitely sure he must be a Christian otherwise he wont be Babyosisi's husband . Why should you not get involved?, are we not supposed to bear each other's burden anymore? who is your neighbour?, is it not anybody you have the capacity or ability to help? Your friend needs your help and you should be involved; both spiritually by praying for her; and physically by encouraging her, talking to her, guiding her to a place of help, and if possible even the husband.
You see, in any relationship, we usually hear one side when there is a problem and tend to take decisions based on emotions. If they get a divorce, both of them will simply go to the next relationship, or next phase of life, with the problem---i.e themselves!!! The wife probably has her own issues or faults as much as the "big jerk" himself, but I'm sure you will want to vouch for her.

So the point is, there is no problem without a solution; my wife and I had some problems some years back in our marriage,,,,,,belive me it was the mercy of God and his grace that made my marriage to survive. I take full responsibility for the problem because it was my fault. But God in his mercies sent us help in the form of our very good family friend (sound familiar?) and later through our Pastor. You see, I still blame myself for the problem and I regret the pain I probably caused then, but on careful analysis and counselling my wife also saw some of her faults. If we had looked at the issues "emotionally", we would have taken an absolutely wrong decision, but with godly wisdom, we pulled through and our marriage is now strong and by the grace of God will continue so.
In marriage, as in life, challenges will come, (even in yours expect challenges); how you deal with it is what will determine whether you overcome it or it overcomes you.
Remember: "Where sin abounds, grace much more abound". If you want to discuss further on a one to one, I wont mind exchanging my e-mail add ( I have never done this on this forum, but I feel for you and your friend); just know that "if you've never been broken, you might not really know how to heal somebody who is". Take care, sister.

Fantastic Post!
God bless your marriage Sir!

Wow,this thread from 6 years ago lol.

Update

The divorce has been final for years now and they are now living separate lives in separate towns.