Thks to everybody. I really appreciate every pieces of advice u ve all given to me.

I am looking for job now even any

I lost my job as a result of trying to be a good husband and father(trying to satisfy my boss and my pregnant wife but got sacked) but all d same, i know i ll be fine one day.

I just need to speak to someone yesterday because i was miserable and a friend encouraged me to share my predicament with u guys so as to lift d burden off my heart and i think u guys ve done wonderfully well. Thks to all.

if u are a christian, just pray about, and trust God for a change.

Bros, e no easy; one minute u r doing so well, the other second, life happens!!! All u gotta do is pick urself up and move on; make no mistakes of wallowing in self-pity and had-i-knowns.

If ur wife and inlaws r disrespecting u because of ur current financial status, pls leave d house for them and go out to hustle.

From personal experience, when i was newly married and expecting my first kid, i was out of a job; despite d fact i was a Bsc graduate and a serving youth corper, i stooped so low as to seek a newspaper vendor job. My wife was d breadwinner then, she cldnt disrespect me cos i dint laze around. i was out of d house everyday hustling till i made my contacts and got a real job.

Now my wife doesnt work cos i can afford to take care of her needs and my kids comfortably; even bought her a car, glory be to God!!!

Bottom-line, bros no sleep or eat for dat house if u r not contributing anything, it just breeds disrespect & contempt. by d time u disappear for one week and come back wit even N5000 or 5 tubers of yam and dissapear again, na she go dey find u.

Most inlaws are EVIL.  I prefer to date a guy who is motherless.  I am sorry, been there, done that

If they don't get their act togather, leave them there for someone else's misery; Then again, , There is no then again.

ruffrider:

Most inlaws are EVIL. I prefer to date a guy who is motherless. I am sorry, been there, done that

Dont be surprised if your daughter in law prays you die before marrying your son

My daughter in law will never have to worry about me. If my son looses his job, I would help them with food, mortgage, you name it, and even network with my friends concerning him finding employment. Sounds like you have a nagging mother

ruffrider:

My daughter in law will never have to worry about me. If my son looses his job, I would help them with food, mortgage, you name it, and even network with my friends concerning him finding employment. Sounds like you have a nagging mother

Many of the current troublesome mother-in-laws promised more than that before their sons got married, but later felt a new woman can not be more important than them in their sons' life

ruffrider:

My daughter in law will never have to worry about me. If my son looses his job, I would help them with food, mortgage, you name it, and even network with my friends concerning him finding employment. Sounds like you have a nagging mother

You have never ever met this mother in law before praying for her to die. So your Daughter in Law doesnt need to meet you before praying that you die

Moreover like OAMJ said most Mother In laws 3o yrs ago said the same thing you did.

Its really sad to hear the story on this thread. from what I can glean from the entire story, it is obvious that your (KissKriss') in-law's family does not have a respected father figure (They have either "disabled" him with their insolence and tantrums or outrightly killed him (ur father-in-law). What you are experiencing is merely a continuation of the 'movie' with you as the vanquished in this episode. I see that you seem to be someone who erroneously believes that you can win people who do not love or respect you by being extra-nice. This is a false proposition and only works well in one out of a million cases. I do not know if your mother in-law is living in an apartment you paid for or you are co-baiting with her in you father-in-law's house. Whatever is the case, bear the following facts in mind;
1. They are not looking down on you "because you dont have a job". They look down on you because YOU LET THEM. The moment you take charge and show those people that you are in control, they will stop their insults.
2.Even if you don't have a job, remember "You dress to be addressed", the way and manner you carry yourself, will determine the treatment you will get. Are you a lazy man who is waiting to given? Or do you in your current jobless state do what you can to show you REALLY NEED A JOB and LOOK FOR A JOB. I understand the pressure associated with not having a job and looking after a family, but you must "Find something do make something no do you".
3.You have given them the impression that you NEED them to survive. You either love your wife so much that you have lost/forgotten your substance as a man OR you have given them that impression and they are taking undue advantage of it. You should never love a woman and forget who you are UNLESS SHE TOO LOVES YOU AND FORGETS COMPLETELY WHO/WHAT/WHY she is. Am not advocating distrust, am saying "Man, Know thyself and give the woman her place". You can love your wife crazy for all I care, but she should love you crazy too otherwise, hold ur love.
4. Your wife's sister talks to you rudely and your wife cannot call her sister to order. In that case she would have to choose where her loyalty is and stay there, your wife I mean.
5. Get real my friend, the moment you overcome your fears and tell yourself that there is a limit to what you can do to please those people, only then will you understand the liberating power of realism. If people who are supposed to have your back at a time when you need them most, turn their back on you and also run you down, What more do you need to know that they are against you? If you are considering the kids who are obviously in the picture. I can relate to that. But the effrontary with which they are unleashing their reign of terror, you may need to really ascertain the paternity of the children, in case they belong to your wife's Ex cos you never can tell. That way you will be sure of what you are loving and feeling committed to.
5. All said, BE A MAN. DO NOT PANDER TO THE WHIMS AND CARPRICES OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW. You wife must show you absolute support especially at this your moment of trial. Else do not waste you time mining for her/their affection. Rather invest your energy in getting a job and improving yourself. When you have money, you will buy their loyalty and "friendship" since they appear to be materialistic and honor things over people.
6.Do not loose your next job because you wanted to please your wife. You will still end up loosing your wife. When poverty walks in through the front door, some kinds of love walk out through the back door. I sympathize with you. But you don't need sympathy, you need to stand up on your feet. God bless.

@totfulguy,

U ve said it all. I was full of tears while going thru ur pieces of advice and every bit of it's clearly understood. Thks.

Totfulguy:

Its really sad to hear the story on this thread. from what I can glean from the entire story, it is obvious that your (KissKriss') in-law's family does not have a respected father figure (They have either "disabled" him with their insolence and tantrums or outrightly killed him (your father-in-law). What you are experiencing is merely a continuation of the 'movie' with you as the vanquished in this episode. I see that you seem to be someone who erroneously believes that you can win people who do not love or respect you by being extra-nice. This is a false proposition and only works well in one out of a million cases. I do not know if your mother in-law is living in an apartment you paid for or you are co-baiting with her in you father-in-law's house. Whatever is the case, bear the following facts in mind;
1. They are not looking down on you "because you dont have a job". They look down on you because YOU LET THEM. The moment you take charge and show those people that you are in control, they will stop their insults.
2.Even if you don't have a job, remember "You dress to be addressed", the way and manner you carry yourself, will determine the treatment you will get. Are you a lazy man who is waiting to given? Or do you in your current jobless state do what you can to show you REALLY NEED A JOB and LOOK FOR A JOB. I understand the pressure associated with not having a job and looking after a family, but you must "Find something do make something no do you".
3.You have given them the impression that you NEED them to survive. You either love your wife so much that you have lost/forgotten your substance as a man OR you have given them that impression and they are taking undue advantage of it. You should never love a woman and forget who you are UNLESS SHE TOO LOVES YOU AND FORGETS COMPLETELY WHO/WHAT/WHY she is. Am not advocating distrust, am saying "Man, Know thyself and give the woman her place". You can love your wife crazy for all I care, but she should love you crazy too otherwise, hold your love.
4. Your wife's sister talks to you rudely and your wife cannot call her sister to order. In that case she would have to choose where her loyalty is and stay there, your wife I mean.
5. Get real my friend, the moment you overcome your fears and tell yourself that there is a limit to what you can do to please those people, only then will you understand the liberating power of realism. If people who are supposed to have your back at a time when you need them most, turn their back on you and also run you down, What more do you need to know that they are against you? If you are considering the kids who are obviously in the picture. I can relate to that. But the effrontary with which they are unleashing their reign of terror, you may need to really ascertain the paternity of the children, in case they belong to your wife's Ex cos you never can tell. That way you will be sure of what you are loving and feeling committed to.
5. All said, BE A MAN. DO NOT PANDER TO THE WHIMS AND CARPRICES OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW. You wife must show you absolute support especially at this your moment of trial. Else do not waste you time mining for her/their affection. Rather invest your energy in getting a job and improving yourself. When you have money, you will buy their loyalty and "friendship" since they appear to be materialistic and honor things over people.
6.Do not loose your next job because you wanted to please your wife. You will still end up loosing your wife. When poverty walks in through the front door, some kinds of love walk out through the back door. I sympathize with you. But you don't need sympathy, you need to stand up on your feet. God bless.

All that is good but the dude will be homeless if he tries taking charge. What he needs is to get a J-O-B! Nigerian women only understand the language of a good job and CASH! every other language is mambo jumbo to their hears.

basher:


naija babes you dey finish like that!!!! 



Shuo! Na our own
Rubbish!! Marrying a European is one of the most dangerous and confusing (especially for your kids) moves to make.

Dont mind him, Nigerian girls are more accomodating by far.

How come nobody is talking about the pregnant wife?I feel this crisis was precipitated by the pregnancy.

Something else we in the house can do is network for each other. If you've got a contact and you can assist this guy. Why not do more than just advice? Just thinking.

Guys should stop marrying from poor homes.And don't get too close too ur in-laws. They are no good people and wanna appear better.

[size=18pt]

Totfulguy:

Something else we in the house can do is network for each other. If you've got a contact and you can assist this guy. Why not do more than just advice? Just thinking.

[/size]

Hear ye, hear ye

Hmmmm, na God go save us o! I thougth they said it is "for better, for worse, till death do us apart"?
What is all these if you dont have money/job, you're not entitled to love and be loved"? You're not even entitled to impregnate your wife!

So, this is how materialistic we have gone?
OK ooooo.

@Poster; Many people have given you advice, the sensible types, useless types, insulting types, "amebo" types and even some are gloating at you!
To the last group, l can only say that "If things are well for you, dont call your paddy a failure"! AND Yorubas say" it is even better to have good in-laws than even a good wife"

The ebst advice are those that made it abundantly clear to you: Do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to get a job! Even if its to go and "carry load" at Idumota, Lagos or do Bus Conductor or even go and carry cement anywhere they are building a house! Anything apart from stealing, that will put money in your pocket.

I actually "Thank God for you", at least you know your "FRIENDS" early enough in life, now that you're still strong, middle-age and still full of life! What if these happened when you're like 60yrs old, wetin you go do?
Meeen, you go wash plate and "arrange chairs when your in-laws and doing family meeting O!

At times, "we dont value what we have until we loose it". If your wife does not appreciate your value, just because you are experiencing "the valleys of your life", l think she does not deserve you in the first place: TAKE A WALK AND LET HER STICK TO HER FAMILY.

Go far-far away, go squat with friends, PUNISH YOURSELF so you can imbibe the lesson that "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!"
Be "desperate in looking for any work that would earn you money", be "desperate in working hard", be "desperate in being thrifty" with the little you make (I recommend you read books like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad, "What Rich people teach their kids, that poor ones dont, e.t.c so that as you begin to earn little money, you dont start expending it on "non-essentials or ostentations".).

Be prayerful, have faith in God (notice l did not say become a church "follower" or else the little you make will also get pimped off you by the "Chief Executive Pimper" ), just have a "personal relationship" with God.

Before l forget, as a matter of honor, send something to your children (through your wife or a trusted person or just buy their needs for then; school books, uniform, food and some cash), DONT EVER take it out on your children.

You should Come back here on NL and share your testimony with us (we no dey collect 10% or offering, we will just hail and thank God on your behalf ) and do remember that basket mouth called "Lastpage"

I have seen this happen too many times, to too many men.
You either take your destiny in your own hand or you become "Baba London"

May the Lord guide and give you wisdom.

@OP
You are in this marriage already so here we go;
First, the best solution is to pray that God gives you a new job with great pay.

Secondly, pay those people lesser mind including you so-called wife; learn to be happy and fulfilled without them; no matter how ridiculous that sounds; you will surely safe yourself a whole lotta drama.

Thirdly, marriage is overrated. When i say No money=No marriage; people go like, "oh, how gonna say that?, its not true" Guess you know whats up now.

And stop the tears, its Bull; Men shouldn't cry when no one is dead.

kisskriss:

Thks to everybody. I really appreciate every pieces of advice u ve all given to me.

I am looking for job now even any

I lost my job as a result of trying to be a good husband and father(trying to satisfy my boss and my pregnant wife but got sacked) but all d same, i know i ll be fine one day.

I just need to speak to someone yesterday because i was miserable and a friend encouraged me to share my predicament with u guys so as to lift d burden off my heart and i think u guys ve done wonderfully well. Thks to all.

Best wishes for a better life for you.  Good luck with the baby too. 

But that friend that told you to come here to share your troubles? I'd kick him to the curb.  You're a very positive guy to somehow get something out of this thread, despite meanies like Dayokanu.    ::SMH::

@o.poster,
do u have a tv set(even if it is black and white), cd player or anyother thing in ur house? if yes, i will suggest you write your will. i am saying this because you are dying. it is either u kill yourself(recommended) or your wife and inlaw will do that for u.
thanks u.

[color=#006600][/color]it depend on how u allow your inlaw interfere in your family business.there should b boundries,as for your wife make her know u are the head of the house,
Thats so f**ked

is because your poor,why are you poor

You need visit this site where you will get tips and ideas that will make any woman or man respect your view in anything relationship, see here: http://alphamaledating..com/

guy, put your foot to the ground, show the bitch who is boss,seriously she is looking down on you and discusses it with her family which is wrong,first thing first, tell the in-laws to limit their visit, sit the wife down and talk to her, if she behaves childishly, then, guy you gas brush her if she can't respect you, then she should fear you,

you want inlaws to respect you? u first of all respect urself to the maximum level. money may not be case here but maximum respect and discipline will bail u out of this mess.

Sweet T:


All that is good but the dude will be homeless if he tries taking charge. What he needs is to get a J-O-B! Nigerian women only understand the language of a good job and CASH! every other language is mambo jumbo to their hears.

@Sweet T ,

I agree with you completely.

However,they are like that because that is what they are taught to understand, the only thing the the Nigerian society expects the male child to do is to provide for his family while the woman does all other things, if the man should assist in anyway she is constantly reminded that the man is only helping her,so many Nigerian men are useless without a job .

In a marriage like any other relationship, it's give and take, when you cannot bring anything to the table, even the nicest of personalties will find it difficult to tolerate you after a while.


I remember there was once a thread where a working mother was complaining about her inability to keep a househelp and that her husabnd did not have a job, while Nigerians in the diaspora were asking her why she needed a househelp since her husband was not doing anything at the moment, Nigerians in Nigeria were asking why she should turn her husband to a househelp because he did not have a job!

ferdiii:

Guys should stop marrying from poor homes.And don't get too close too your in-laws. They are no good people and wanna appear better.

Marring from rich homes when you are not well to do is worse. And it is not possible for you not to be close to your inlaws.

Hello guys,
                   You all talk well, thats why i consider myself a Nigerian,
Oga Kriskris,
There is this Yoruba adage thats says[b] "Oju boro ko shey gba omo lowo ekuro"[/b]
and Ogbara oni so wipe oun oni gbe ile lo,sugbon oni ile nan ni o ni gba oo"
I really feel you your predicament and my prayer is that God will see you through it.
But lets face fact you too soft, abeg, then never born the in law well.
I was once in similar situations few years ago, me i deal with everybody,da wife,mama wifey,cousin wifey,brother wifey,sister wifey and all the relative of wifey.
I always tell my mother in law,the word in law is use to cheat,i wont say because i come marry for una house,you will now turn me to mumu, nah.
Marriage is like a business of two people,if we no fit go mutually,they we go separates ways.
I ban everybody from my house,i told da wife, i dont want to see anybody in my house,she is free to visit them and without my kids.
Trully money is bicycle of good evagenlism, they dont have right in this world to be disrespect at all.
I this situation your wife needs to stand firm by you,not joining gang against you, abeg you need to add more craze ooo.
otherwise they will run you mad.