Hello my gorgeous fellow nairalanders!

I had a funny conversation with a friend tonight about her job switch. I knew things were dramatic at her former place of work but didn’t know she had it that colorful! Let me share one that got me in stitches!

Her male boss was getting married and ofcourse, invited the entire office. It was a small firm she worked in and in all, they weren’t up to 8 staff so it wasn’t a big deal for everyone to get an invite.

Her boss told them that there would be an aso ebi (the notorious uniform wedding guests are pressured to buy) and they informed him that they’ll keep him posted on purchase. At the end of the month, each staff, gateman (who also doubled as the office assistant and sometimes cleaner) inclusive, got a debit of N15,000! On enquiry, her boss told them it went to the purchase of the aso ebi. These were people who the highest earner there was N60,000. They were rightfully mad at him but couldn’t challenge their boss so they kept quiet.

They waited for weeks to see the aso ebi but it wasn’t forthcoming. When he eventually brought his aso ebi to the office a week to the wedding, it was barely 3 yards of the ugliest Ankara and she swore the Ankara wouldn’t cost more than 3,000 in the market. This upset them a lot because they felt cheated and cornered by their boss. They initially planned to get him a nice blender as a wedding gift but no one was willing to part with their money anymore. Instead they bought a set of cute cheap ceramic plates to present to the couple on the wedding day.

On the wedding day, they got a bus and arrived at the venue in their overpriced Ankara and discovered they were the only ones wearing it. Other guests were in lace. Apparently, they discovered later that the couple had sold out on the actual aso ebis but because their boss didn’t want to return their money, he personally bought Ankara from a lady close to their office and shared it to them. Even their aso oke was different.

Because they stuck out like a sore thumb, they were snubbed at the wedding and given a table close to the back of the hall. They were served hot coke and porridge and were falsely informed that jollof had finished. But they could see steaming plates of rice cat walking over their heads to people who wore the actual aso ebi for the bride and groom.

While the others decided to sit back and grumble, my friend and their office manager decided to greet their boss on behalf of the employees. When they got to him, he thanked them and asked after the others. They informed him diplomatically that to look after bags and the table, they were the delegates on behalf of others. Her boss thanked them and they went back to the table.

Time came to dance and spray the couple and my friend and a few of her colleagues gathered their strength to dance with them. During the dancing and spraying, the office gateman was caught picking some crisps N200 notes from the floor and was disgraced out of the wedding hall.

It was especially worse for them as their office gateman during the process of being escorted out asked to make a quick stop at their table to pick up his nylon. Inside the nylon was a change of clothes, face cap, earphones, a glass bottle of hot coke and a piece of fried meat poorly wrapped in tissue paper. Every saw that he was wearing the same ugly Ankara as they did and treated them like lepers. Word got round that they were employees of the groom making it a million times worse.

Their boss had his huge eyes ready to pop out of their sockets when he discovered that one of his employees was escorted out of the wedding for stealing.

They made up their minds to leave and seriously scolded the gateman who was waiting patiently for them in the bus they chartered. The gateman protested that what was N2,400 compared to the N15,000 that was deducted from his salary of N20,000. He felt no remorse and told them that he planned to pick a sum equal to the cost of the aso ebi. It made a bit of sense to everyone but they still admonished him that he did not apply discretion with his actions. They also told him that he could have left the nylon in the bus instead of carrying all that into the venue. The gateman could careless and seemed more upset that he couldn’t complete his mission.

Fast forward a week after the wedding their boss comes in after his honey moon and calls an office meeting. He thanked them all for their presence and gave each of them, gateman included a plastic tray as their wedding souvenir. My friend and the office manger got a mug in addition to the tray. At the end of the month everyone was paid their salary except the gateman.


There are a few others I found hilarious that I may share later. Like when they were always seeing a dead bird in front of their office until they discovered the fxckery behind it.

Please I’ll like to read from everyone here. This will be my second thread.

Thank you!