I never thought I will be among those that will create a new username just to post their problems. But I have many Nlers friends....I don't want anyone calling me or coming to my WhatsApp to sympathize with me or something.

I have a sister who is in her early thirties, she has been married for over twelve years. She kept complaining to mom that her husband is cheating. And my mom kept advising her to stay on the marriage. This is why;

1. My sis is extremely stingy( she's the type of woman that won't cook for her children if her husband doesn't drop money). She can't single handedly raise those four children in case of divorce or something.
2. She exaggerates a lot. She's a liar. And a nosey woman that listen to hearsay. Sometimes she let the first child to follow her husband to his workplace and she would start interrogating her. Who did your daddy spoke to? Blah blah.
3. She pays her Husband apprentice to give her information about her husband and the women he sees. She snoops through his phone, call customers and curse them.
4. She doesn't have time for her family. She doesn't have time to cook. Its mostly noodles and Pepsi she gives her husband.
5. The husband had told mom he's still in the union because of his children and the support from our family
Mom had told her on many occasions that if she was her DIL she would have sent her packing because she's a terrible woman.

Background story: she was sent to school, but she kept visiting the guy. She got pregnant and mom was against the union because the guy is not educated. Not even SSCE level, eventually mom gave her support, they got married.
Fortunately for her, the guy is responsible. He loves her and the children, even we the family and he pays the bill.
She has never called mom for any financial assistance. Just this one complain that the husband is cheating. Mom has talked to the husband many times, at the end of the day we found out that she's just exaggerating (the guy might have cheated o, but most of the accusations are not true).

The Problem; she has been calling mom for weeks now to complain the same thing and mom told she wasn't interested. She said, "you've been married to him for twelve years and still its the same complaint. If you can't focus on your kid and yourself, that's your problem"
My sister replied with "Is it possible to focus on my kids when my husband is doing all these"
Mom said, : Then leave the marriage.
My sister called me and said our mom is not a good mother.

My mom has been sad since, she has been unable to sleep. And I seriously hate my sister.

Like what our mom wanted for us was not to be like some of the women in our family with seven husbands.
I just hate her really, and the whole thing is saddening. I want to make my mom happy and all.

Sorry,what of your dad?

First of all,the way children turn out in life rests greatly on the training of the parents(there are exceptions though where the child just turns bad no matter what the parents do).
If a mother is having sleepless nights because of a child,she has part of the blame.How come your sister doesn't cook for the family?

Anyway,your sister is an adult now and she has to handle her business.Was she not sent to school and chose the option of getting pregnant?She should deal with her own marriage.
Your mom has given her word,if she can no longer cope,let her leave the marriage.

thorpido:
Sorry,what of your dad?

First of all,the way children turn out in life rests greatly on the training of the parents(there are exceptions though where the child just turns bad no matter what the parents do).
If a mother is having sleepless nights because of a child,she has part of the blame.How come your sister doesn't cook for the family?

Anyway,your sister is an adult now and she has to handle her business.Was she not sent to school and chose the option of getting pregnant?She should deal with her own marriage.
Your mom has given her word,if she can no longer cope,let her leave the marriage.

She's having sleepless night because she felt she has given her all and my sister said she isn't a good mom.
My sis knows how to cook but she's married to her business. and would rather opt for bread, noodles etc.
Our dad is battling an elderly disease. It wouldn't do his heart good if we told him.

Heavyheart:


She's having sleepless night because she felt she has given her all and my sister said she isn't a good mom.
My sis knows how to cook but she's married to her business. and would rather opt for bread, noodles etc.
Our dad is battling an elderly disease. It wouldn't do his heart good if we told him.

Could there be an element of Truth in the bolded or your sister is just exaggerating?
It doesn't seem your sister is into her husband/marriage that much.For whatever reason,the love really isn't there.
You can't force it.

Typing

thorpido:
Could there be an element of Truth in the bolded or your sister is just exaggerating?
It doesn't seem your sister is into her husband/marriage that much.For whatever reason,the love really isn't there.
You can't force it.

There is no truth in it, that woman has done everything for us. she's not the typical Nigerian mother you can't talk to.....she's our friend.

Truth is, modern women don't know Jack about marriage.

Why is your mother taking it to heart? Let her know that if she develops high BP and dies, your sister will continue living her life lavido loca, so she should let her heart rest.

Nonsense dysfunctional family. There is nothing we can do about it

thorpido:
Sorry,what of your dad?

First of all,the way children turn out in life rests greatly on the training of the parents(there are exceptions though where the child just turns bad no matter what the parents do).
If a mother is having sleepless nights because of a child,she has part of the blame.How come your sister doesn't cook for the family?

Anyway,your sister is an adult now and she has to handle her business.Was she not sent to school and chose the option of getting pregnant?She should deal with her own marriage.
Your mom has given her word,if she can no longer cope,let her leave the marriage.

The absense of the dad is not an excuse bro. It's like saying you won't be educated cus your parents aren't financially buoyant. Many people sponsored themselves thru sch and are doing fine today. Likewise, many single mothers have successfully raised disciplined children while some moms and dads despite their presence have not raised good children. I'm a product of single parenting.

Op you need solution right? Harsh as it may sound, the best thing to do is what mom said...leave her to bear her cross. The truth is, she got pregnant and began a family when she wasn't ready and mature enough. She wasnt prepared for the whirls of marriage. The unconscious thought of "I'm married and have 4 kids on a platter of ease...what many single ladies at 35 are still hoping to have" is not making her grow up. She hasn't grown up and the best way to let her be is to withdraw from being her confidant over such an issue.

Men cheat (not right though) but she shd be more prepared on how to handle it. It's like a man who got married without preparation for women's wahala. If you want a person to grow up, withdraw help and confidentiality from such a person. Wonderfully, you would see the person coping well and become a master in handling what he/she complains about.

A proverb in Yoruba says "don't kill me, don't kill me this child, after a while, it will become this child you better don't kill yourself" Tell your mother to ignore her, especially for the sake of her health and you take care of your mother and ensure she sleeps well

Truth is, modern women don't know Jack about marriage.

In as much as I'm not in support of your sisters behavior, permit me to say the husband might be the cause of her irrational behavior. In your narration, you cited that the husband may have cheated. Now, this alone can make a woman to begin to act irrationally hence your sisters behavior. Especially as that's the only thing she has kept complaining about ( according to your mother) in the twelve years of their marriage.

How about cutting a slack on your sister by giving her a listening ear and try to see how best you can manage the situation by calling the husband to order. Then see if she won't change for good. All she needs is help and counselling for both of them and not the cold feet you guys are giving her; as that will make her feel since nobody cares she'll try to make a statement by doing worse things, just to drive home her point. She's only being reactive to what the husband is doing to her in the name of cheating.

As for your mum, let her see how she can come into the situation with an unbiased mind this time around to counsel both of them and also be prayerful about it. It's not by worrying herself to stupor.

In all, pray for your mum and sis. Prayers can go a long way to restoring her home and your mums' sanity.

You can't throw away a child because it's soiled with dirt.

Send your sister to a marriage counselor, she needs a proper orientation on marriage. With the way she's going she might eventually drive her husband to begin to cheat.

It's so terrible struggling in life to cater for someone who doesn't even show the slightest appreciation.

You can speak up for your mum. Tell her to let her be and carry her cross or mellow on her words. .

for her to still intimate your mum of her marital woes indicates that ur mum always have a listening ear but she shouldn't overdo it. Age comes with health f ragility . she should tone it down. After all she doesnt inform her when make up sex is on.

let her see a counsellor or leave the marriage.

But which combo is Pepsi and Noodles?

Your sister is just insecure. you need to make your mum see reasons why she needs to not worry about a grown Adult with four kids.

Try to get your mom out of her current mood. Then you all should stop your sister from making anymore complaints to your hearing.

You, your mom, your sis and her husband are all wrong.
I honestly feel like you guys on your part are even more wrong to make her feel like she has no one she can depend on to be on her side when her husband treats her badly. Maybe because he pays the bills you guys are willing to throw her under the bus and tell her “it’s just cheating”.

Now you’ve listed all her faults, where’s the accountability for him in all of this? I’d disown y’all if I was her. She merely called your mom a bad mom. That’s mild for someone who encourages her daughter to sit down and collect STD after STD year after year.
Una well done.
try to make sure that your judgment and recommendations are not one sided. Where’s his family in all of this? Are they supporting his years of “just cheating?”. Has anyone even told him he’s wrong for that? Or you guys are just focusing on the one she’s doing wrong?

All of you need to change. Her attitude, the husband, you and your mom need a do over. Thanks

Some responses here dey fear me... Person wey don live with the sister dey tell you about her innate character yet many are trying to shift the goal post.


Hmmm.... I fear who no fear una o!


OP let her be as saner people here have advised! She can't kill her own and kill that of others. She is a grown woman with 4 children; she should act like one, and put herself and house together.

Funny she would learn to deal with her shit when she knows no one cares again.

5. The husband had told mom he's still in the union because of his children and the support from our family

Since the man has said this, that means he is a good father at least.

My sis is extremely stingy( she's the type of woman that won't cook for her children if her husband doesn't drop money). She can't single handedly raise those four children in case of divorce or something.

So this shouldn’t be a problem. She won’t have to singlehandedly raise the kids. The man that can stay in the marriage you described all for his kids, would also be nice enough to co-raise them.

With how you have even described your sis, I think the man should have the 4 of them if a divorce happens. He should consider that option for his peace of mind (and hers too).

iboboyswag:
Some responses here dey fear me... Person wey don live with the sister dey tell you about her innate character yet many are trying to shift the goal post.


Hmmm.... I fear who no fear una o!


OP let her be as saner people here have advised! She can't kill her own and kill that of others. She is a grown woman with 4 children; she should act like one, and put herself and house together.

Funny she would learn to deal with her shit when she knows no one cares again.

You never see anything...

Your sister's behavior is somehow irritating,I don't give good advice when I feel irritated.Mouth zipped....

crackhaus:

You never see anything...

True... The thing muzz me!


Many judge situations through the lenses of their own experiences.

So, rather than read through and understand as is, they tend to gravitate towards how they must have felt in their own situation and mirror the same in the one under question.

Your sister will just worry herself to oblivion since she has refused to act rationally. Marriage is not by force.

cococandy:
You, your mom, your sis and her husband are all wrong.
I honestly feel like you guys on your part are even more wrong to make her feel like she has no one she can depend on to be on her side when her husband treats her badly. Maybe because he pays the bills you guys are willing to throw her under the bus and tell her “it’s just cheating”.

Now you’ve listed all her faults, where’s the accountability for him in all of this? I’d disown y’all if I was her. She merely called your mom a bad mom. That’s mild for someone who encourages her daughter to sit down and collect STD after STD year after year.
Una well done.
try to make sure that your judgment and recommendations are not one sided. Where’s his family in all of this? Are they supporting his years of “just cheating?”. Has anyone even told him he’s wrong for that? Or you guys are just focusing on the one she’s doing wrong?

All of you need to change. Her attitude, the husband, you and your mom need a do over. Thanks

He pays his family bills. Not ours. My parents single handedly sponsored my education (and that of our other siblings). I am a medical doctor searching for a place to do my house jobs. My parents are comfortable, when they become 80 they won't still need us to give them money because they already built things that'll keep bringing money for them.
I don't understand you cococandy o, did you read the post?
So far she has been claiming this man is cheating, still there's no evidence.
There was one time she started a rumor that her husband has children outside, she even called her mother in law and was cursing her. At the end of the day, it turned out its wrong information from one of her husband's apprentice.
Till this hour, her MIL had not step into that house again. When she had her last child, the mother-in-law, did not show. It was mom that traveled to Abeokuta last year to beg her. And still, she's a bad mom abi?
I'm the last child of the family. I don't want to call her and start telling her she's senseless at 34.

Your husband is not educated, whatever money he makes, he saves it in your bank account. And you will be telling him the bank manager called you and said #100,000 is missing. Whereas, you're the one stealing his money.

When I visited them during this pandemic, he told me how he's sad about the whole banking system. How money get missing and nothing is done about.
I told him my bank doesn't steal money, helped him to open another account. And my sister stopped talking to me.

very interesting story and sister.

Heavyheart:
I never thought I will be among those that will create a new username just to post their problems. But I have many Nlers friends....I don't want anyone calling me or coming to my WhatsApp to sympathize with me or something.

I have a sister who is in her early thirties, she has been married for over twelve years. She kept complaining to mom that her husband is cheating. And my mom kept advising her to stay on the marriage. This is why;

1. My sis is extremely stingy( she's the type of woman that won't cook for her children if her husband doesn't drop money). She can't single handedly raise those four children in case of divorce or something.
2. She exaggerates a lot. She's a liar. And a nosey woman that listen to hearsay. Sometimes she let the first child to follow her husband to his workplace and she would start interrogating her. Who did your daddy spoke to? Blah blah.
3. She pays her Husband apprentice to give her information about her husband and the women he sees. She snoops through his phone, call customers and curse them.
4. She doesn't have time for her family. She doesn't have time to cook. Its mostly noodles and Pepsi she gives her husband.
5. The husband had told mom he's still in the union because of his children and the support from our family
Mom had told her on many occasions that if she was her DIL she would have sent her packing because she's a terrible woman.

Background story: she was sent to school, but she kept visiting the guy. She got pregnant and mom was against the union because the guy is not educated. Not even SSCE level, eventually mom gave her support, they got married.
Fortunately for her, the guy is responsible. He loves her and the children, even we the family and he pays the bill.
She has never called mom for any financial assistance. Just this one complain that the husband is cheating. Mom has talked to the husband many times, at the end of the day we found out that she's just exaggerating (the guy might have cheated o, but most of the accusations are not true).

The Problem; she has been calling mom for weeks now to complain the same thing and mom told she wasn't interested. She said, "you've been married to him for twelve years and still its the same complaint. If you can't focus on your kid and yourself, that's your problem"
My sister replied with "Is it possible to focus on my kids when my husband is doing all these"
Mom said, : Then leave the marriage.
My sister called me and said our mom is not a good mother.

My mom has been sad since, she has been unable to sleep. And I seriously hate my sister.

Like what our mom wanted for us was not to be like some of the women in our family with seven husbands.
I just hate her really, and the whole thing is saddening. I want to make my mom happy and all.

After reading your narrative about your sister, I will say she is a parasitic human being that doesn't want to help herself talk more of her family

It's time you guys ignore her and regular complaints because she is already a liability to her husband and children

As for your mum, she is more matured and she just wants to disturb herself over her daughter's attitude

She should put her behind and move on else she will contribute to her early grave

Once more you guys should stop giving her listening ear and if you should give her that ear don't go to take any action, she doesn't deserve it

As for the husband, if cheating will make him happier, so let it be

No one wants a liability as a partner

Heavyheart:


He pays his family bills. Not ours. My parents single handedly sponsored my education (and that of our other siblings). I am a medical doctor searching for a place to do my house jobs. My parents are comfortable, when they become 80 they won't still need us to give them money because they already built things that'll keep bringing money for them.
I don't understand you cococandy o, did you read the post?
So far she has been claiming this man is cheating, still there's no evidence.
There was one time she started a rumor that her husband has children outside, she even called her mother in law and was cursing her. At the end of the day, it turned out its wrong information from one of her husband's apprentice.
Till this hour, her MIL had not step into that house again. When she had her last child, the mother-in-law, did not show. It was mom that traveled to Abeokuta last year to beg her. And still, she's a bad mom abi?
I'm the last child of the family. I don't want to call her and start telling her she's senseless at 34.

Your husband is not educated, whatever money he makes, he saves it in your bank account. And you will be telling him the bank manager called you and said #100,000 is missing. Whereas, you're the one stealing his money.

When I visited them during this pandemic, he told me how he's sad about the whole banking system. How money get missing and nothing is done about.
I told him my bank doesn't steal money, helped him to open another account. And my sister stopped talking to me.

Now to your additional information you provided. She steals from him and curses her MIL? Of course no excuse for that. Just like no excuse for the stuff you said earlier in your OP. But you must learn to not have everyone agree with you. Since everyone has agreed her behavior is bad. Why do you feel attacked because I pointed out you making light of his alleged cheating?

the guy might have cheated o, but most of the accusations are not true.

this was from your post. So what don’t you understand about me saying your blame is one sided? If you believe she maybe right about it but the only person you HATE SO MUCH is your sister, then my post still stands.

I didn’t misunderstand the bills part. Your family finance is not necessary here. I understood what you mean by he pays the bills. Which is often what constitutes a ‘wonderful’ husband. Your mom’s advice to focus on her kids and herself is the classic suffer head advice. Ignore it and focus on your kids.

Look If you believe it’s an outright lie against the man, then that’s a different case. And I’d see your reason for thinking he has done nothing wrong. Otherwise what I see here is classic case of Nigerian marriage where it falls on only the woman to make it work. Even though both of them have areas they could improve on to make the marriage work. She could start cooking better meals and stop being nosey about his outside activities. And he could maybe stop cheating? Oh she could stop stealing his money too and cursing her MIL. Plus other things you’re yet to mention that she does.

Remind me what your thread was about again. Do you want advice on how to stop hating your sister? How to make your mom feel better? Or you’re just venting (it’s allowed). I don’t know what kind of responses you’re expecting. I guess any post that’s not glossing over the man’s fault and heavily emphasizing your sister’s is not welcome? Just tell me what to type and I will

Also good luck with your house job