Africa is an interesting continent. Though we share ties with many other continents, our value system is quite different.

Women do whatever it takes to keep the family. Usually not because their men is great, but because of the children.

Children from broken families struggle with everything when they grow up. To Africans, there is a sense in which unstable homes breed unstable children.

From your experience, how do women married to cheating men handle it?

A) Turn to God in prayers
B) Ignore him as long as he satisfies material needs of the family
C) Make his life hell through verbal and physical abuse?
D) Get depressed and blame themselves
E) Look for a partner and start cheating
F) Live as separated or distanced couples while living under same roof.
G) Move from the house back to their parents without a divorce
H) Ask for a divorce

Your thoughts, please?

You can keep your options to yourself, the type of husband one has determines how to cross the bridge when he starts cheating.

By getting pregnant for another man and pinning it on the husband.

See the kind useless thread wey man dey create , now watch how this vaginal puppies insult and downgrade us , guy we need to flog you .

Ladies know guys don’t cheat with emotions so that’s not a threat to their relationship with their husband , we cheat because we just want to taste a different soup or sample a new wine not because we are in love , but the reverse is the case when women cheat . Moreover some of our spouse are already with the mindset that men are polygamous in nature .

Abeg don’t create this type of thread again , these are the type of thread that sow evil thoughts in their heart , I take GOD beg with

Nwodosis:
You can keep your options to yourself, the type of husband one has determines how to cross the bridge when he starts cheating.

I'm curious. What types of husband have you seen?

Nanaborga:
See the kind useless thread wey man dey create , now watch how this vaginal puppies insult and downgrade us , guy we need to flog you .

Ladies know guys don’t cheat with emotions so that’s not a threat to their relationship with their husband , we cheat because we just want to taste a different soup or sample a new wine not because we are in love , but the reverse is the case when women cheat . Moreover some of our spouse are already with the mindset that men are polygamous in nature .

Abeg don’t create this type of thread again , these are the type of thread that sow evil thoughts in their heart , I take GOD beg with

The O.P is definitely not a man maybe he is Transgenda

Nanaborga:
See the kind useless thread wey man dey create , now watch how this vaginal puppies insult and downgrade us , guy we need to flog you .

Ladies know guys don’t cheat with emotions so that’s not a threat to their relationship with their husband , we cheat because we just want to taste a different soup or sample a new wine not because we are in love , but the reverse is the case when women cheat . Moreover some of our spouse are already with the mindset that men are polygamous in nature .

Abeg don’t create this type of thread again , these are the type of thread that sow evil thoughts in their heart , I take GOD beg with

SMH.

People hating to explore uncomfortable positions is what is wrong with Africa.

If I made it the other way round, you'd get comfortable right?

"If you read what everyone reads, you'll think what everyone thinks" ~ Haruki Murakami

Treat him like a king,shower him love,verbally and in action.pray together,look gud for him,shave those dirty armpit and under,always keep dat smelling mouth fresh,respect him and members of his family..finally,no dey give only bishop style.

Nanaborga:
See the kind useless thread wey man dey create , now watch how this vaginal puppies insult and downgrade us , guy we need to flog you .

Ladies know guys don’t cheat with emotions so that’s not a threat to their relationship with their husband , we cheat because we just want to taste a different soup or sample a new wine not because we are in love , but the reverse is the case when women cheat . Moreover some of our spouse are already with the mindset that men are polygamous in nature .

Abeg don’t create this type of thread again , these are the type of thread that sow evil thoughts in their heart , I take GOD beg with

If this was not seriously written, it would have won the comment of the thread.

Men cannot cheat in marriage. The implied understanding in the marriage contract is that men gain exclusive use of the woman's body and womb, in exchange for his providing her with financial support and protection. Note here that exclusivity is a clause that only the woman is expected to provide. Technically, you could say that a man is cheating his wife only if he does not provide her with financial support and protection, while still expecting exclusive use of her body and womb; NOT if he has extra marital sex.

So to rephrase, how should women handle husbands having extra marital affairs? Well, they should advise him against it, and suggest reasons why it is unethical and dangerous (risk of diseases, psychologically devastating for unwanted kids etc). If the husband remains adamant that his wife is sexually insufficient, then she should try to push him to marry the other object of his affection and thereby, bring it under official regulation; with respect to bringing up the children, inheritance, financial responsibilities etc.

VincentChukwu:

SMH.

People hating to explore uncomfortable positions is what is wrong with Africa.

If I made it the other way round, you'd get comfortable right?

"If you read what everyone reads, you'll think what everyone thinks" ~ Haruki Murakami

A good topic to explore the perceptions of infidelity......reading.

By enjoying the body of another virile man while being submissive and meek at home , smart ones use protection of course to avoid stories that touch. What do you think is responsible for a thriving happy wife that's married to a community preeq?

Some choose to fast and pray, others choose to ignore, some treat infections forever, some turn to lesbianism, some concentrate on the kids.

There's no contract you signed to be faithful to an unfaithful man, you are not bound under any oath to uphold a contract he has breached. You're already managing uninspiring preeq that doesn't even stay in one place and you're expected to chop it forever plus any unexpected craw craw, tuehhh.


Make money so you're bold.Once you have money , your options become bigger and you can objectively view the relationship for what it is. Useful or non useful.. You choose and judge based on your own criteria..Financial independence is key.

Things hit different when there's money in the bank.

Only a fool cries or fights over a cheating man these days..too many fishes to fry.

Those that can be faithful should stick to each other, those that can't should be free for all.

Saccharine:
By enjoying the body of another virile man while being submissive and meek at home , smart ones use protection of course to avoid stories that touch. What do you think is responsible for a thriving happy wife that's married to a community preeq?

Some choose to fast and pray, others choose to ignore, some treat infections forever, some turn to lesbianism, some concentrate on the kids.

There's no contract you signed to be faithful to an unfaithful man, you are not bound under any oath to uphold a contract he has breached.

Make money so you're bold.Once you have money , your options become bigger and you can objectively view the relationship for what it is. Useful or non useful.. You choose and judge based on your own criteria..Financial independence is key.

Things hit different when there's money in the bank.

Only a fool cries or fights over a cheating man these days..too many fishes to fry.

I know a family like that. Four women. Like you, their aged divorced mother (whose husband left her to raise them by herself) has always maintained that women must be financially strong so that they can opt out of their marriage when they feel like; and she raised all her daughters to think this way. Currently the youngest daughter is in her forties and all four daughters are either divorced or on their second or third husbands; if memory serves me correctly. And their scattered children are all over the landscape, and none of them is close to his/her mother. What kind of life is that? Better to remain unmarried.

My point is, if instead of teaching a woman patience and submission to her husband, you stress the importance of financial independence and career of a woman over raising her children, so that she can opt out of her marriage when the going gets tough; she will definitely opt out one day; and keep serially remarrying and opting out. And it will affect her life, her kids, and her happiness.

RisenPhoenix1:


I know a family like that. Four women. Like you, their aged divorced mother (whose husband left her to raise them by herself) has always maintained that women must be financially strong so that they can opt out of their marriage when they feel like; and she raised all her daughters to think this way. Currently the youngest daughter is in her forties and all four daughters are either divorced or on their second or third husbands; if memory serves me correctly. And their scattered children are all over the landscape, and none of them is close to his/her mother. What kind of life is that? Better to remain unmarried.

My point is, if you stress the importance of financial independence and career of a woman over raising her children, so that she can opt out of her marriage when the going gets tough, she will definitely opt out one day, or keep remarrying and opting out. And it will affect her life, her kids, and her happiness.

There are plenty families like that as well that remain happy. There's no one stop formula. What you've described is a family of people who made their own choices based on what they think is best for themselves. I can't knock them for that. They're living a life they choose to live, if they're happy, why not?

Women have had careers from time immemorial and have successfully raised children alongside this.They're not mutually exclusive. Every smart women builds her career and invests in herself while nurturing her family as well.

Financial independence helps to broaden options, people don't necessarily divorce because they're rich, what if the man dies?

As I said, things hit different when you have cash, you're not dependent and you're able to make clearer decisions, not trapped because of finances, but out of choice. When you make your own choices, no matter how hard, you're able to live with them.

Money is a great soother and a door opener..patience does not pay bills , patience is not protection from diseases, submission does not pay for flight tickets to Greece, submission does not provide satisfying sex or an emotional cushion.


No crime in opting out if she is unhappy, isn't it better than pooping in food, jazz or being frustrated?

An unhappy frustrated woman will have an unhappy home and raise insecure unhappy children. Look at all the women pouring hot water and hot oil on others, the ones using iron on step children.. What kind of mothers will those ones be?

No crime in also having a guy that keeps her happy sexually while continuing with the marriage as well if the target is keeping the home together at all costs. Many people are doing these anyway without issues albeit unknowingly and their homes are 'Happy'..

Saccharine:


There are plenty families like that as well that remain happy. There's no one stop formula. What you've described is a family of people who made their own choices based on what they think is best for themselves. I can't knock them for that. They're living a life they choose to live, if they're happy, why not?

Women have had careers from time immemorial and have successfully raised children alongside this.They're not mutually exclusive. Every smart women builds her career and invests in herself while nurturing her family as well.

Financial independence helps to broaden options, people don't necessarily divorce because they're rich, what if the man dies?

As I said, things hit different when you have cash, you're not dependent and you're able to make clearer decisions, not trapped because of finances, but out of choice.

No crime in opting out if she is unhappy, isn't it better than pooping in food, jazz or being frustrated?

An unhappy frustrated woman will have an unhappy home and raise insecure unhappy children. Look at all the women pouring hot water and hot oil on others, the ones using iron on step children.. What kind of mothers will those ones be?

No crime in also having a guy that keeps her happy sexually while continuing with the marriage as well. Many people are doing these anyway without issues albeit unknowingly and their homes are 'Happy'..

You still don't get my point. Having a profession or a career as a woman is ok as a hobby or a side distraction. Telling her to give it precedence over her family so she can walk out whenever her husband(s) 'messes up' is a recipe for disaster. And no, they are not happy. Their children are wayward, barely even communicate with their mothers and the women are getting old and none is even living in the same house with her current husband, I kid you not. Yes, they have money, go for night parties when they like and are renowned for sleeping around. Is that a woman's recipe for happiness in her advanced middle age?

A woman keeping sexual partners while married is a fraud. With DNA tests soon to become mainstream, they will stop getting away with this thievery. Look at the mess this redditor's mother made for the entire extended family as well as herself. You call this happiness?:

RisenPhoenix1:


You still don't get my point. Having a profession or a career as a woman is ok as a hobby or a side distraction. Telling her to give it precedence over her family so she can walk out whenever her husband(s) 'messes up' is a recipe for disaster. And no, they are not happy. Their children are wayward, barely even communicate with their mothers and the women are getting old and none is even living in the same house with her current husband, I kid you not. Yes, they have money, go for night parties when they like and are renowned for sleeping around. Is that a woman's recipe for happiness in her advanced middle age?

A woman keeping sexual partners while married is a fraud. With DNA tests soon to become mainstream, they will stop getting away with this thievery. Look at the mess this one made for the entire extended family and herself:

Only an idiot gets pregnant for a side dick. I detest foisting children on an unsuspecting person. Coochie does not have meter, why get pregnant?


You do not know the formula for a woman's happiness in middle age. If this works for them,why not? Again, one family..there are millions.

I beg to differ on career as a hobby.. Some people have aspirations and have managed to raise wonderful children alongside this, I didn't know that it's only women that raise children.

Having money is important for every woman.. levels the playing field.

I forgot to ask why a woman having extra marital affairs just like her husband is a fraud? What's the problem with it if its what she wants? There's no contract for fidelity if your husband is sharing to others..

Paternity fraud is awful because there's condoms to use, those that do this are very foolish, I am happy there are DNA tests..

Having sex doesn't turn up on a DNA test though, so I fail to see the connection between extra marital sex and DNA testing.

*edited*

Saccharine:


Only an idiot gets pregnant for a side dick. I detest foisting children on an unsuspecting person. Coochie does not have meter, why get pregnant?

You think pregnancies are that easy to prevent? If all those who get pregnant for side dicks are idiots, what does that make Nigerian women, who are second only to Jamaicans in the incidence of paternity fraud?

Saccharine:

You do not know the formula for a woman's happiness in middle age.
Again, one family..there are millions.

Not one family. That was an example, there are millions. Take a trip to the US and see how many women are living alone, without even a phone call from their different fathered children.

Saccharine:

I beg to differ on career as a hobby.. Some people have aspirations and have managed to raise wonderful children alongside this, I didn't know that it's only women that braise children.

Women who have careers and raise wonderful children are almost always below their husbands in financial status. And never do they consider their career to be more important than child nurture.

Raising children is a woman's primary duty. She was solely equipped with the tools to do this. For a man, raising children is restricted to training and preparing them for adulthood, not constant nurture. A child should run to his mother when he's hurt, not his father, or his housemaid.

RisenPhoenix1:


You think pregnancies are that easy to prevent? If all those who get pregnant for side dicks are idiots, what does that make Nigerian women, who are second only to Jamaicans in the incidence of paternity fraud?



Not one family. That was an example, there are millions. Take a trip to the US and see how many women are living alone, without even a phone call from their different fathered children.




Women who have careers and raise wonderful children are almost always below their husbands in financial status. And never do they consider their career to be more important than child nurture.

Raising children is a woman's primary duty. She was solely equipped with the tools to do this. For a man, raising children is restricted to training and preparing them for adulthood, not constant nurture. A child should run to his mother when he's hurt, not his father, or his housemaid.

@ women always below husband in financial status for wonderful kids? I beg to differ, but i don't have stats to back up.

But millions of women are cheating and don't have children as a result.Are you saying once they cheat, they get pregnant? Yes it's easy to avoid pregnancy, use condoms or get contraceptives, condoms better to avoid diseases.


According to this website 53.5% of women are cheating..https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fatherly.com/health-science/do-men-cheat-more-than-women-infidelity-data/amp/

I doubt they're all committing paternity fraud?

@ raising children being a woman's primary duty, that's your opinion, if it works for you cool.
Some people are made for more though.

A child can run to whomever they want to when they get hurt... A child's love isn't dependent on what sex the parent is but the relationship built by that parent. We obviously differ on this and that's okay.

As I mentioned before,a woman can raise children while building and investing in herself. Financial independence is very necessary. This does not mean you must out earn your spouse, sometimes you will, sometimes you won't. Does not change anything does it?
Money in the bank, in investments does not ask who earns more.

The American situation is multifaceted, same as in many European countries..


See this study on quality of life of children working vs non working mothers, the difference is significant, though they did not qualify via type of work but talked about increase in family income, interestingly there was no difference in the relationship between the mothers and the children

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/316463809_The_effect_of_women's_employment_on_children's_quality_of_life

Money is key.. a woman can build a career, make money and raise her kids alongside her husband


This is just my opinion... Shebi the gist is about how women tackle infidelity.. I've said my own.

Saccharine:


@ women always below husband in financial status for wonderful kids? I beg to differ, but i don't have stats to back up.

But millions of women are cheating and don't have children as a result.Are you saying once they cheat, they get pregnant? Yes it's easy to avoid pregnancy, use condoms or get contraceptives, condoms better to avoid diseases.


According to this website 53.5% of women are cheating..https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fatherly.com/health-science/do-men-cheat-more-than-women-infidelity-data/amp/

I doubt they're all committing paternity fraud?

@ raising children being a woman's primary duty, that's your opinion, if it works for you cool.
Some people are made for more though.

A child can run to whomever they want to when they get hurt... A child's love isn't dependent on what sex the parent is but the relationship built by that parent. We obviously differ on this and that's okay.

As I mentioned before,a woman can raise children while building and investing in herself. Financial independence is very necessary. This does not mean you must out earn your spouse, sometimes you will, sometimes you won't. Does not change anything does it?
Money in the bank, in investments does not ask who earns more.

The American situation is multifaceted, same as in many European countries..


See this study on quality of life of children working vs non working mothers, the difference is significant, though they did not qualify via type of work but talked about increase in family income, interestingly there was no difference in the relationship between the mothers and the children

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/316463809_The_effect_of_women's_employment_on_children's_quality_of_life

Money is key.. a woman can build a career, make money and raise her kids alongside her husband


This is just my opinion... Shebi the gist is about how women tackle infidelity.. I've said my own.

You keep misrepresenting my statement. There is nothing preventing women from having a career and raising balanced kids; as long as the career comes second and does not take priority over family.

And no. Women who are wholly or majorly financially responsible for the home do not tend to flourish in their married life. Nor do they or their children, do well if they are left as single mothers. Google studies that show the effect of single motherhood on children. You see, like it or not, diverse civilisations all over the world did not independently assign child nurture as the woman's prerogative and financial responsibility and sustenance as the man's; by mere coincidence. It happened because thousands of years of experience showed that it works. Of course, people may have personal opinions; especially when a feminist narrative seeks to push forward a hippy misandrist agenda and 'prove' that gender roles are fake constructs just to 'get even'. However, centuries of experience cannot be discounted on the grounds of mere whimsical desire for creating a new ideal.

Most of them will know what their husbands are doing but because :

1: husband gives them money for hair and pedicure and takes them on Dubai trips, they'll turn a blind eye.

2: If they leave him, loneliness will kill them. Very pathetic lol

3: if they decide to leave what becomes of their children?

4: The mentality that all men cheat, so manage the one you have. Spits.

5: They believe they're in love. Love conquers all

6: Society has rendered most women useless. They believe they're meant to stay married no matter how promiscuous their husbands are. A divorce is never an option. Stay with him and die because he's a man.

sinaj:
By getting pregnant for another man and pinning it on the husband.

Lmao I don't know if I should support or condemn this

Nanaborga:
See the kind useless thread wey man dey create , now watch how this vaginal puppies insult and downgrade us , guy we need to flog you .

Ladies know guys don’t cheat with emotions so that’s not a threat to their relationship with their husband , we cheat because we just want to taste a different soup or sample a new wine not because we are in love , but the reverse is the case when women cheat . Moreover some of our spouse are already with the mindset that men are polygamous in nature .

Abeg don’t create this type of thread again , these are the type of thread that sow evil thoughts in their heart, I take GOD beg with

Just look at your analysis. You sound like a toddler! God forbid!

Whatever the reason you have for sleeping with another woman doesn't matter!

Cheating is cheating!

Saccharine:
By enjoying the body of another virile man while being submissive and meek at home , smart ones use protection of course to avoid stories that touch. What do you think is responsible for a thriving happy wife that's married to a community preeq?

Some choose to fast and pray, others choose to ignore, some treat infections forever, some turn to lesbianism, some concentrate on the kids.

There's no contract you signed to be faithful to an unfaithful man, you are not bound under any oath to uphold a contract he has breached. You're already managing uninspiring preeq that doesn't even stay in one place and you're expected to chop it forever plus any unexpected craw craw, tuehhh.


Make money so you're bold.Once you have money , your options become bigger and you can objectively view the relationship for what it is. Useful or non useful.. You choose and judge based on your own criteria..Financial independence is key.

Things hit different when there's money in the bank.

Only a fool cries or fights over a cheating man these days..too many fishes to fry.

Those that can be faithful should stick to each other, those that can't should be free for all.

Applause!!!!

RisenPhoenix1:


You keep misrepresenting my statement. There is nothing preventing women from having a career and raising balanced kids; as long as the career comes second and does not take priority over family.

And no. Women who are wholly or majorly financially responsible for the home do not tend to flourish in their married life. Nor do they or their children, do well if they are left as single mothers. Google studies that show the effect of single motherhood on children. You see, like it or not, diverse civilisations all over the world did not independently assign child nurture as the woman's prerogative and financial responsibility and sustenance as the man's; by mere coincidence. It happened because thousands of years of experience showed that it works. Of course, people may have personal opinions; especially when a feminist narrative seeks to push forward a hippy misandrist agenda and 'prove' that gender roles are fake constructs just to 'get even'. However, centuries of experience cannot be discounted on the grounds of mere whimsical desire for creating a new ideal.

I agree that career should not take precedence over the family but in my opinion this should be same for both father and mother.

Lol... Well the coincidence isn't working as men are barely able to shoulder financial responsibilities alone anymore and rightly are seeking a more balanced financial contribution from their spouses. As that happens, the other responsibilities will be shared.

As that happens more and more the balance of power will become more even and no one will expect sole 'use of womb' because of money which can be had by anyone who puts their brain to work.

It's the world we are living in today, not my fault..

Children of single fathers tend to do better than children of single mothers. Maybe a case should be made for the children to be with the man primarily and mother get visitation rights if they split. Ordinarily, the best outcome would be happy parents together but again this is life.


Monogamy itself gets stale for both men and women, sometimes cheating is not about getting even, it's just about exploring other options and sampling pleasures of the flesh,excitement over a new sexual partner is not exclusive to men .Its not that complicated and there's nothing hippy about it.. Been happening for ages and will keep happening.. Give the option of never getting caught and remove religious hell fire threats and see what will happen all round..

The stats are 53.3℅ which is possibly under reporting, I'm assuming lots of the women are happily married, it's statistics not me and no amount of outrage will change that. .

I've just merely answered how women handle cheating men and also encouraged women to work and have their own money in order to have options.

RisenPhoenix1:


I know a family like that. Four women. Like you, their aged divorced mother (whose husband left her to raise them by herself) has always maintained that women must be financially strong so that they can opt out of their marriage when they feel like; and she raised all her daughters to think this way. Currently the youngest daughter is in her forties and all four daughters are either divorced or on their second or third husbands; if memory serves me correctly. And their scattered children are all over the landscape, and none of them is close to his/her mother. What kind of life is that? Better to remain unmarried.

My point is, if instead of teaching a woman patience and submission to her husband, you stress the importance of financial independence and career of a woman over raising her children, so that she can opt out of her marriage when the going gets tough; she will definitely opt out one day; and keep serially remarrying and opting out. And it will affect her life, her kids, and her happiness.

You're the one who's assuming it's affecting her life, the woman is probably having the time of her life wherever she is, but here you are thinking sje gives a fvck about your opinion!

The children will grow up and understand why their mom did what she had to do.

If you're not comfortable where you are, you move! That is the law of life. Only a poor and ignorant or weak woman will stay with a cheating man, hoping he'd change or stop.

Let everyone do what makes them happy. Simple.

sinaj:
By getting pregnant for another man and pinning it on the husband.

DNA test is trending now o.. lol...

RisenPhoenix1:


You still don't get my point. Having a profession or a career as a woman is ok as a hobby or a side distraction. Telling her to give it precedence over her family so she can walk out whenever her husband(s) 'messes up' is a recipe for disaster. And no, they are not happy. Their children are wayward, barely even communicate with their mothers and the women are getting old and none is even living in the same house with her current husband, I kid you not. Yes, they have money, go for night parties when they like and are renowned for sleeping around. Is that a woman's recipe for happiness in her advanced middle age?

A woman keeping sexual partners while married is a fraud. With DNA tests soon to become mainstream, they will stop getting away with this thievery. Look at the mess this redditor's mother made for the entire extended family as well as herself. You call this happiness?:

And a man keeping sexual partners is not a fraud?

You men really think this world revolves around you. Lmao.

As long as men continue to cheat and store bastards with different side chics, women will continue to live as they please. You can't eat your cake and have it.

Shortyy:



You're the one who's assuming it's affecting her life, the woman is probably having the time of her life wherever she is, but here you are thinking sje gives a fvck about your opinion!

The children will grow up and understand why their mom did what she had to do.

If you're not comfortable where you are, you move! That is the law of life. Only a poor and ignorant or weak woman will stay with a cheating man, hoping he'd change or stop.

Let everyone do what makes them happy. Simple.

There are cheating men that are very good fathers and even good husbands.There are cheating women who are good mothers and excellent wives. Why should they separate if they don't want to?
53.3% stat shows there's a lot walking round and doing under gee while maintaining happy homes o.

My own is let her remain not because of fear or lack of money but because it's what she wants to do, if she's arranging sidey as part of the package, so be it. If prayer is her own master key, good for her too.

A lot of people have this arrangement without being totally aware.

Insightful so far, jotting down points......

Saccharine:


There are cheating men that are very good fathers and even good husbands.There are cheating women who are good mothers and excellent wives. Why should they separate if they don't want to?
53.3% stat shows there's a lot walking round and doing under gee while maintaining happy homes o.

My own is let her remain not because of fear or lack of money but because it's what she wants to do, if she's arranging sidey as part of the package, so be it. If prayer is her own master key, good for her too.

A lot of people have this arrangement without being totally aware.

I understand perfectly.

His point is the woman should accept the fact that the man is the "man of the house" as he is a provider and the lady is the receiver, (which is the African setting of every marriage) he is allowed to do whatever he likes, while the woman isn't.


That is what I'm countering

Interesting argument between Risenphoenix and Saccharine...

You move on and never look back because you deserve better than that