hi folks, i'm so much in love with my girl and show this very clearly. i have proposed to her and she accepted my ring but has not been putting it on. the problem here is that she doesn't show passion about our relationship, she only just responds to my display of affection but never initiates it on her own. we have been dating for 9months now and at the initial stage, she liked me to be everywhere with her, but lately i observed that she doesn't miss me around her and often times when she calls for my presence, it often turns out that she needed me to help her out to do something. i am not desperate for her but certainly i'm absolutely in love with her and would love to spend my life with her-a fact that i have let her know. I recently made my worries and observations known to her and nicely told her that it was my view that her feelings was just at the level of a mere boyfriend and girlfriend relationship as against an engaged-looking-forward- to-the -altar- relationship thing and that she should feel at ease with that because it was not compulsory that our relationship must end up in a marriage(i actually meant this). However she got offended and wouldn't offer reasons for her being upset.
Now my problem is this, my girl is critical of me, she hardly ever tells me she loves me except i prompt her(which i have stopped doing), she does not display or use affectionate words with me and switches her mood from lovey dovey to cold ice so often. Despite all these she still subtly talks about us getting married thereby getting me confused as regards whether she really loves me or does not just want to be the party that caused a break up. Please guys, do i go on with this relationship in which my girl's level of passion is so inferior to mine? is she honest about her feelings or is she just trying to be nice? she's 23 and i'm 36. i am not seeing another person and i'm so sure she is not either. her folks receive me well and i like them.

It seems she only wants to be with you because you have promised her marriage, and she wants marriage because all her mates out there are getting married. This is a huge issue, if you like PDA (public display of affection), why not find a girl that likes this too ?! Yea ?

Truth be told, I don't think that this chick is feeling you, and even if she is, she doesn't fancy PDA. So you either accept her for who she is or MOVE ON.

Bro
you are trying to rush while you should take your time. 9months is WAY too early to be focusing on marriage. Obviously, you don't know her that well so discover her true self NOW rather than after marriage. I understand that you are 36 and would like to get on with it asap but these things can't be rushes, or else. . . . . ?!

The first mistake you made is to propose marriage to someone you only dated for 9 months so far. The second mistake is you have made your self to seem too available to her and now she knows she has you so what is there to pine for. contrary to what you said of not being desperate for her you actually act like you are and some people don't necessarily like what they can easily have as supposed to what they can't catch

If i were you i would call off the engagement (not break up) and take the time to date while getting to know each other that way there are no pressures of we must do this or that.

Now tell me something, If you had just been dating this lady and she actted the way she is actting now would you still be dating her?

^^Oh yeah the poster definitely IS desperate!

namechio:

hi folks, i'm so much in love with my girl and show this very clearly. i have proposed to her and she accepted my ring but has not been putting it on(1). the problem here is that she doesn't show passion about our relationship, she only just responds to my display of affection but never initiates it on her own. (2) we have been dating for 9months now and at the initial stage, she liked me to be everywhere with her, but lately i observed that s[b]he doesn't miss me around her and often times when she calls for my presence, it often turns out that she needed me to help her out to do something.[/b](3). i am not desperate for her but certainly i'm absolutely in love with her and would love to spend my life with her-a fact that i have let her know. I recently made my worries and observations known to her and nicely told her that it was my view that her feelings was just at the level of a mere boyfriend and girlfriend relationship as against an engaged-looking-forward- to-the -altar- relationship thing and that she should feel at ease with that because it was not compulsory that our relationship must end up in a marriage(i actually meant this). However she got offended and wouldn't offer reasons for her being upset.
Now my problem is this, my girl is critical of me, she hardly ever tells me she loves me (4).except i prompt her(which i have stopped doing), she does not display or use affectionate words with me and switches her mood from lovey dovey to cold ice so often. Despite all these she still subtly talks about us getting married thereby getting me confused as regards whether she really loves me or does not just want to be the party that caused a break up. Please guys, do i go on with this relationship in which my girl's level of passion is so inferior to mine? (5) is she honest about her feelings or is she just trying to be nice? she's 23 and i'm 36. i am not seeing another person and i'm so sure she is not either. her folks receive me well and i like them.

(1).She hasn't been putting on your ring because she doesn't want guys to know she's engaged. Her mind isn't fully made up about marrying you.
(2). Love flows so so naturally. For her to never initiate a display of affection towards you means that she isn't feeling you fully that's if she's even feeling you at all.
(3) This further emphasises point number 2 above.
(4). I've got no problems with her not telling you that she loves you. But does she show it? Does she buy you little things often? I don't mean expensive gifts please but inexpensive items she knows you like? can she bend over backwards just for your sake? can she go the extra mile for you even if it's at a great measure of disconfort? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then she isn't fully into you that's if she's into you at all.
(5) Read thru responses 1 to 4 again and make your decision. The choice is yours. All the best bro

Please forget her.She is not feeling u at all. May be he r mind is somewhere else.
I dont knw ur age but to me u may not be the kinda  of men that wait too long for courtship be4 they get married. She is  not ready to settle down with you and the ring is just temporarily tying her down. As soon as she gets what or who she wants, she will throw ur ring back at you. To me you love her as well thats y continue to display ur love. At t he same time let me chip in also that she might h ave discovered somethg abt ur dat she doesnt like and she doesnt want to hurt u by  telling you. So she believes acting funny will give u the message that she  is not interested again. But becos u r blind wit ur your love for her, u cant read ds.
Tell her you need a break  and make sure u mean it. Give her a break of like 2 weeks without paying her any visit, if u r calling 10x in a day, reduce to 1.
No text message. You see hw she will react to ds. If she is meant for you she will be d one calling or looking ard to be wit you.
Try to be strict a bit and see mayb she will feel you.
If she isnot into u, u wont care and ds will finally give u the bitter truth.
All d best

I dnt knw why. I just cnt read long lines. Any way sha gudluck.

MRbrownJAY:

Bro
you are trying to rush while you should take your time. 9months is WAY too early to be focusing on marriage. Obviously, you don't know her that well so discover her true self NOW rather than after marriage. I understand that you are 36 and would like to get on with it asap but these things can't be rushes, or else. . . . . ?!

I beg to differ. There are some people who got married after courting for only a few months and they've been having it smooth. There are also others who date and court for 9 years only for their marriage to last for a couple of years max. My point is the length of time you spend courting doesn't count much when it comes to knowing who  your partner really is.

Hey Babypinkyz. 'Sup?

my guy you are not alone, in it
my advice is to look closely, watch for signs that tell you to be careful,
trust your instincts, and tread carefully
marriage is not something you get into with your eyes closed.

sometimes people just stop communicating, and then they are there but are not connecting
sometimes they are stressed out and that tends to affect how they feel or express such feelings
try and find out whats with her,

bottom line is take your time, if it is a phase it will pass

i have been dating my girl for over 3yrs now i am still very careful about making the final decision
i can't afford to make the mistakes my parents made

hope you do whats best for both of you,

@fork addict
Obviously, by the look of his post, we can clearly understand that he has absolutely no idea who this woman is or what she is all about.

thanks guys for your wonderful contributions. now that it appears to many that i am showing signs of desperation contrary to my honest impression that what i'm doing rather is a sincere show of how i feel about someone i absolutely love, what should i do? i actually tried the part of staying off calling her for some time and reduced drastically my visits and this earned me the description of an uncaring guy. this was particularly so because,  unknown to me, she was down with an illness at that period when i was incommunicado.

namechio:

thanks guys for your wonderful contributions. now that it appears to many that i am showing signs of desperation contrary to my honest impression that what i'm doing rather is a sincere show of how i feel about someone i absolutely love, what should i do? i actually tried the part of staying off calling her for some time and reduced drastically my visits and this earned me the description of an uncaring guy. this was particularly so because, unknown to me, she was down with an illness at that period when i was incommunicado.

you are totally missing the point
desperation or not, you dont really know this woman enough to be considering marrying her. Stop playing games with yourself by stop calling because you want affection or because you think that will make her call you more. Truth is a person who accepted your proposal will not hesitate to try and work out whatever it is that is killing the relationship.
A person who accepts a proposal will be open and caring and if you are quarelling you will know about it because thats what people in relationships do. you simply are in this relationship by yourself and the sooner you see that the better.

I think you need to slow down the rship seems your gal is not sure you are the man for her.She is in the process of making up her mind about you. why dont you just stay engaged and see how things go.dont bother talking to her just shine your eyes and trust your instinct.

@poster
You want to marry her that fact has already been confirmed but have you ever asked her A) if she truly want to marry you and B) why?
If she has no concrete answer to the B one, I suggest you reconsider.

She is not that into you. She probably has another guy who she prefers but the dude is not ready to tie the knot. You are the plan B since she wants to get married, no to you tho.
She is not wearing your ring tells you she is ashamed to be seen engaged to you or she doesn't want someone (see first paragraph) to know she is dating or engaged to you.
If you can find a way or proving any of the above true, don't even try working it out with her. Drop her like she's hot.

you are sure moving too fast for ur woman. at 23 she still feels probably too young to settle down.
or maybe she's holding out for someone else (better)!!

Not wearing your ring said it all, most girls in her position would be only too proud and happy to be showing off their ring to friends and co; but not your babe, haba - lest there's something you are not telling us - otherwise, what's her excuse for not wearing your ring?

Guy, much as you may love her so much, its obvious this babe isn't into you and the sooner you realize this the better - or else be ready for the inevitable (disappointment) its already on its way.

Sorry, bro

My candid advice is forget her, and who told u she is not seeing anyone.You are just plan B, so watch out, look for someone more matured for yourself,

.

Babypinkyz:

I dnt knw why. I just cnt read long lines. Any way sha gudluck.

you need to go back to school.

Lol
Kaycrystal,a 23 yr old woman is not too young to get married. The babe isnt just feeling d guy.

@poster, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT SO INTO YOU. or you are her plan B

something about u is just not rocking her boat,

i d'd advice you to pull the chain,
tell her that u feel that u guys need some time apart, bone her, dont call her, watch her, if she doesnt make any move to jump start the relationship,
just click ctrl alt del.
get on with ur life, lotsa good chics out there,

op
may be she is still a small girl.

Have U thot of d fact dat she might not really be ready 2 get married cos at 23 most ladies feel they are still too young 2 get married. Think abt that and give her a little space,she might turn around later.

The gal in quest is too young for U̶̲̥̅̊ and I think she is kinda angry U̶̲̥̅̊ are taking the most interesting part of her life away from her.what happened to those gals who are like 28 niway na the fresh blood they make U̶̲̥̅̊ dey anxious,U̶̲̥̅̊ can't wait to luck her up in the house and load her up with babies lol forgive me but its the truth.take it slow with her cos she is way below Your way of thinking and Your marriage rush.give her a lil time off marriage talks and love talks,play her own way like ignore,keep the love word off and act bussy.just for a while and see what happens she feels Your there no matter what.that's what happens when U̶̲̥̅̊ put money in the bank U̶̲̥̅̊ don't av to call the account officer all the time cos U̶̲̥̅̊ know Your money is safe.give her a lil shake.