Reference: this post is from a nairalander with user name : ogbonti , after reading his intelligent comment on this topic "The Disadvantages Of Having A Baby Mama" , i feel his comment need to be a topic on it own and this is only for matured minds, though i prefer marriage but for those that won't find true love easily then baby mama is not a bad idea. Never make the mistake of spending the rest of your live with someone you don't truely love.


1. Some married guys here in America that I know don’t even get regular s ex from their wife anymore because they feel they got the man caged already and if he leaves her, (divorce) - then financial calamity will befall him with regards to alimony, child support, splitting the estate and other drag on here and there.

2. The nagging too na helele. I have had one or two friends just before the pandemic who were almost living with me - they come in on Friday and leave on Sunday just to escape an irritating and over entitled wife from running up their blood pressure unending. You need to see the excitement on their faces when they arrive my place for the weekend and my wife initially didn’t understand why these guys were doing this but with time she got the picture, and she even validated my conclusion about the awkward complacencies most women display after securing the marital vow from a man - “for better for worse - love and to cherish, till death do us part..... bla bla bla”

3. There is a reason some companies here in America and even in Nigeria seldom hire permanent staff. They hire on contract basis. Now, I know someone may say what’s the difference if both contract and permanent staff can both be fired. However, it is harder to fire a permanent staff without incurring legal and financial liabilities. Same with marriage, when you tie yourself up with legal complexities just to cling to one individual for life, then you must be ready to go through the headache to untangle yourself when things go sour, and it surely will over time - because every man has his price and every dog has it’s day!

4. It takes 2 people in agreement to get married, but it takes the consent of just 1 of the 2 to destroy everything. Any human being can change, over time - because change is the only constant thing in life - and every human being is a sucker for one or multiple things of life - only known to that individual.

For a man - some of us can not resist a very beautiful and brilliant woman. Now, when she is the one initiating flirts with you, it becomes a level playing field between her and your wife for the battle for your love, affection and attention. If the beautiful woman respects you, cooks good for you and doesn’t nag you as a side chic, then your wife is in for a real fight going forward because every man appreciates peace of mind and sweet food. If she is good in bed and your wife over time has become a boring, entitled and nagging sister at home, then calamity has come knocking on the marriage and a divorce is imminent.

Same for the woman, if she is a sucker for money, sweet talks, material things and good looks, but somehow got married because her biological clock was ticking and she is getting pressured at home to get married by her parents - then whatever is available (which is you becomes her dream man at that period) . However, when all dust settles and she is no longer on the edge about her biological clock because she now has a kid or 2, and a man who she exploits financially in a marriage, she is now in a vantage position to deploy “soul searching” screeners to find what which she truly want. Believe me, whenever she finds him and that person is a willing collaborator, she will turn 360 degrees against you. You will keep wondering what has gone wrong? Nothing went wrong foolish husband- your wife has been dealing with you as an alternative to her real dream man. Now she has found him and she sees you as a horrible mistake she urgently needs to correct.

5. Money, Royalty, Power, Fame or Religion can’t tame any partner in a marriage. We have seen that with Bill Gates, Micheal Jordan, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Prince Charles of UK, Ooni of Ife Ojaja, Chris Okotie, Chris Oyakhilome and even Aso Rock’s own Aisha Buhari here in Nigeria where she feels very comfortable staying away from her husband in Dubai for half a year. So what are we not talking about ?


6. I honestly don’t believe a man will ever stay with one woman and not stray for maximum one year and I don’t believe a woman can be committed to one man and not stray for 2 years. If she is not straying then she must be an ugly and irritating sit-at-home-all-day lady that nobody wants. IF if he is not straying, he must be a dirt poor loner who lacks basic confidence to initiate and hold a conversation with a lady for even 30 minutes.


With all these being said, baby mama comes from the freedom it affords both parties (the man and the woman) to stop breathing on each other’s neck and give each other the space and opportunity to keep excelling without the suffocating complexities of an irritating spouse

And who says products from a baby mama can’t be great? Barack Obama is one, and he is one of the greatest black men to ever walk on the surface of the earth and a role model to hundreds of millions of people world wide. I know someone will say but his father married his mother - yes, they did just to take pictures lol, because the father was off before Barack even turned 3 years old and since then his (now late) mom and her family took care of him

So, OP stop propagating neediness, insecurity and lack of capacity for adults to stand their ground and hold on to face the vicissitudes of life because you want them to desperately cling to another human to bail them out with pity parties when life throws them a curve? nah- Instead I will encourage everyone to get on their A game and enjoy their life, independent of any other human being’s perpetual manipulation and psychological slavery.


As for kids born out of wedlock, they will be fine. A baby daddy can support the welfare of the kid as the spirit leads him because even kids you raise in a marriage sometimes will turn against the you their father and give priority to the mom when they grow up because right under your nose, the indoctrination was taking place whenever you are away to work and you didn’t even realize it


So baby mama or marriage is ok for anyone- it all depends on what you are comfortable with

The emphasis on “here in America” is my concern. How do I come and see you?

koladata:
Reference: this post is from a nairalander with user name : ogbonti , after reading his intelligent comment on this topic "The Disadvantages Of Having A Baby Mama" , i feel his comment need to be a topic on it own and this is only for matured minds, though i prefer marriage but for those that won't find true love easily then baby mama is not a bad idea. Never make the mistake of spending the rest of your live with someone you don't truely love.


1. Some married guys here in America that I know don’t even get regular s ex from their wife anymore because they feel they got the man caged already and if he leaves her, (divorce) - then financial calamity will befall him with regards to alimony, child support, splitting the estate and other drag on here and there.

2. The nagging too na helele. I have had one or two friends just before the pandemic who were almost living with me - they come in on Friday and leave on Sunday just to escape an irritating and over entitled wife from running up their blood pressure unending. You need to see the excitement on their faces when they arrive my place for the weekend and my wife initially didn’t understand why these guys were doing this but with time she got the picture, and she even validated my conclusion about the awkward complacencies most women display after securing the marital vow from a man - “for better for worse - love and to cherish, till death do us part..... bla bla bla”

3. There is a reason some companies here in America and even in Nigeria seldom hire permanent staff. They hire on contract basis. Now, I know someone may say what’s the difference if both contract and permanent staff can both be fired. However, it is harder to fire a permanent staff without incurring legal and financial liabilities. Same with marriage, when you tie yourself up with legal complexities just to cling to one individual for life, then you must be ready to go through the headache to untangle yourself when things go sour, and it surely will over time - because every man has his price and every dog has it’s day!

4. It takes 2 people in agreement to get married, but it takes the consent of just 1 of the 2 to destroy everything. Any human being can change, over time - because change is the only constant thing in life - and every human being is a sucker for one or multiple things of life - only known to that individual.

For a man - some of us can not resist a very beautiful and brilliant woman. Now, when she is the one initiating flirts with you, it becomes a level playing field between her and your wife for the battle for your love, affection and attention. If the beautiful woman respects you, cooks good for you and doesn’t nag you as a side chic, then your wife is in for a real fight going forward because every man appreciates peace of mind and sweet food. If she is good in bed and your wife over time has become a boring, entitled and nagging sister at home, then calamity has come knocking on the marriage and a divorce is imminent.

Same for the woman, if she is a sucker for money, sweet talks, material things and good looks, but somehow got married because her biological clock was ticking and she is getting pressured at home to get married by her parents - then whatever is available (which is you becomes her dream man at that period) . However, when all dust settles and she is no longer on the edge about her biological clock because she now has a kid or 2, and a man who she exploits financially in a marriage, she is now in a vantage position to deploy “soul searching” screeners to find what which she truly want. Believe me, whenever she finds him and that person is a willing collaborator, she will turn 360 degrees against you. You will keep wondering what has gone wrong? Nothing went wrong foolish husband- your wife has been dealing with you as an alternative to her real dream man. Now she has found him and she sees you as a horrible mistake she urgently needs to correct.

5. Money, Royalty, Power, Fame or Religion can’t tame any partner in a marriage. We have seen that with Bill Gates, Micheal Jordan, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Prince Charles of UK, Ooni of Ife Ojaja, Chris Okotie, Chris Oyakhilome and even Aso Rock’s own Aisha Buhari here in Nigeria where she feels very comfortable staying away from her husband in Dubai for half a year. So what are we not talking about ?


6. I honestly don’t believe a man will ever stay with one woman and not stray for maximum one year and I don’t believe a woman can be committed to one man and not stray for 2 years. If she is not straying then she must be an ugly and irritating sit-at-home-all-day lady that nobody wants. IF if he is not straying, he must be a dirt poor loner who lacks basic confidence to initiate and hold a conversation with a lady for even 30 minutes.


With all these being said, baby mama comes from the freedom it affords both parties (the man and the woman) to stop breathing on each other’s neck and give each other the space and opportunity to keep excelling without the suffocating complexities of an irritating spouse

And who says products from a baby mama can’t be great? Barack Obama is one, and he is one of the greatest black men to ever walk on the surface of the earth and a role model to hundreds of millions of people world wide. I know someone will say but his father married his mother - yes, they did just to take pictures lol, because the father was off before Barack even turned 3 years old and since then his (now late) mom and her family took care of him

So, OP stop propagating neediness, insecurity and lack of capacity for adults to stand their ground and hold on to face the vicissitudes of life because you want them to desperately cling to another human to bail them out with pity parties when life throws them a curve? nah- Instead I will encourage everyone to get on their A game and enjoy their life, independent of any other human being’s perpetual manipulation and psychological slavery.


As for kids born out of wedlock, they will be fine. A baby daddy can support the welfare of the kid as the spirit leads him because even kids you raise in a marriage sometimes will turn against the you their father and give priority to the mom when they grow up because right under your nose, the indoctrination was taking place whenever you are away to work and you didn’t even realize it


So baby mama or marriage is ok for anyone- it all depends on what you are comfortable with

Thanks Koladata for the compliment. I was just trying to reply to the OP of that thread but as I kept typing, all the points cam flashing before me because I actually experienced the ones I referenced about my friends and other references I made are known to everyone - the Tiger Woods, Buhari and even Bill Gates example. Maximum respect to you!

chatinent:
The emphasis on “here in America” is my concern. How do I come and see you?

You are right about the bold parts, but we can make exhaustive analysis of comparatives between the America and Nigeria. I have seen and heard about married couples in Nigeria who have endured together, raised kids and can be termed as successfully married. But when they get to America or even the UK, they split. Just like Pastor Chris Okotie's wife deciding not to return to Nigeria when she visited the US. But my question is this: [referencing my position - that every human being is a sucker for one or multiple things of life] -

"Did Nigeria limit most married couples from discovering they do not truly love themselves while courting?, [but seeking financial security, bending to societal pressure to be married - raise kids, and stay in the marriage regardless of being happy or not?] that as soon as they get to the west, and there is a degree of basic financial freedom and non existent social pressure, that they bow to their genuine self and seek divorce?

As the saying goes, a pig in Nigeria will be a pig in America, but when a pig in Nigeria transform to a horse in America, then it becomes pertinent to understand the basis of such transmutation. Was the pig actually a horse masquerading as a pig while in Nigeria or was the pig actually a pig in Nigeria and still in pig in America but is being seen as a horse from the partner's perspective? It is an open debate, everyone is welcome