Before you read, please know that I came here to talk about myself. I am a person that is so badly wounded to the point where I feel that it is impossible for me to heal my wounded soul. Even if God did bring healing to my life, the scars will always be there.

If it is possible I would have died because of my good heart, kindness and love towards humanity. It is God that still says that my works of charity and help will not kill me. Every time I think of my past deeds and sacrifices towards humans, I only realize that I truly do not love myself at all.

For many years with no reward I made many sacrifices to many people that even some of the receivers do ask themself, what kind of person is this? And some of my good deeds to the people close to me always backfire and works against me, but when I keep helping people I dont know, then I have no proble at all. Despite the many advesary I continue to keep my works of charity active and encourage myself to forgive and forget. I was convince that I must not allow my past hurt or betrayals to influence me against my vision. But I later realize that when you forgive and forget your history- then your history will repeat itself.

I experience many injustice without retaliation or bitterness. People who are close to me take me for granted. They take advantage of me because of my selflessness, gentleness and kindness. I ended up making unworthy and wrong people a priority in my life and many of them are no longer in my life. (I let go of them)

My existence is acknowledge mainly when people need my help because I am always available to help them in any areas of their life. It is impossible for me to narrate the ingratitude and betrayals I received over the cause of many years. It got to a point that I asked myself, in what way am I doing it all wrong?

In 2019 I gave a very good and Godly help to a child-hood friend who later manipulate and turn my help upside down and my sacrificial help to him cost me so much suffering and nearly sent me to jail cell. It was even God that intervene. I sat on the floor and I wept bitterly. I said to myself, enough is enough.

In late 2020 I decide to live a new life and I set personal rules that will govern my new life and these rules have helped me to retain my sanity and peace. Although many new people around me, especially women feel offended as I have become a person that is very difficult for one to penetrate easily.

MY SANITY and SAVING RULES

These are my (sanity) and savin rules.

1) Good morning, good morning to everyone

2) I must mind my business and not involve myself over the affairs of anyone.

3) I must watch carefully and observe the character of everyone I meet. This will enable me to spot the judas around me and also relate with people without them violating me.

4) I must not give advice to anyone ( except work related issues. (Newly added)

5) I must watch out for myself always and not pay foolish attention to anyone around me. This gave out the feeling of (rejection) to the kinky ladies around me.

6) I must never give anyone I know important help without them earning it. And even if I do I must do it to a minimum level.

7) I must never help anyone that lives around me and I must not also ask help from anyone that lives around me.

I must help many strangers only. I must help a lot and lot of people from afar who are not close to me and I will never regret over them.

9) I must not be close friends with anyone that lives around me.

10) I must not talk too much; I must speak less, except on important issues.

11) I must acknowlege and respect the personal decision of others, even if their free will of choice is leading them to their early grave, I must stay clear.

12) I must make myself my first priority, this has made me to genuinely love myself and want to take good care of myself for he first time.

13) In a relationship, I must not pass much info about myself to my date or pending wife.

14) My YES is yes and my NO is no, but my NO can be change to YES with multiple pressure.

15) I must not be concern about the criticism of any person about me, as the most important thing is what God is saying about me

What prompt me to write this was my recent breaking of rule No (7). I got burnt instantly by violating this principle that is now governing my life. Right now I am so full of regret as I type this. I must make sure that, it never repeat itself again.

I remember a woman who said that, before you go into the life of people to help them, you should ask God in prayer to bind the demon in their life. I thought she was talking trash and believe that her words make no sense at all. From my bitter experience I know now that she was %100 right.

Saintmary. I have gone through so much that all the many years of my painful experience has changed me in many ways and I can never go back to being that over excessive kind and mr nice person I used to be.

EDIT
Someone quote me and said that I am a people pleaser and not a kind person. She said this because she has no idea that I am born to be a server, messenger and a care giver. I don't have to please people just to gain their approval. Why on earth will I please a person just for them to accept me?

She has no idea that I am a person of peace, and my peace always reflect around me and made me to be well accepted wherever I go. Many people are please with me because I have qualities that people love.

When a person has an evil character, people will hate and reject him. But when you have good character trait, people who experience you become please with you and enjoy you, that is how it is, that is the way it is, that is how it should be.

EDIT 2
The person who prompted me to open this thread was a neighbour. He came to me for directions and guidance on something I know too well. I offered to give him the help he needed to save him from problems that will arise. After few days he started behaving strange and when I entered my bathroom, I heard his conversation with someone, he told the person that he didn't want me to involve because he feels that I may spoil what he wanted to do. I was surprised over his statement and what he said. For me not to get angry I walk out of my bathroom so that I will not hear more of his foolishness. I had to withdrawn from his affairs; and allowed him to do as he pleases.

Right now for the last two days he has been trying to seek my opinion as he is facing the problem I wanted to save him from. I just don't want to tell him that I heard his conversation about me but I plainly told him that at first I tried to help him and save him from the very problem he now complain about but right now his affairs are longer my concern

You will get burnt if you help those that lives around you;

Thank you for reading

@MariahAngel
In your first quote, you said I am not a kind person but a people pleaser. Knowing myself fully well, I will say that your opinion of me is very cloudy. You said this because you didn't know that I have been doing charity works for 17 years without any financial support or reward from anyone.

I removed my mind from materialistic pleasures and I spent all my money on those who needed it more than me. I sacrificed my finance and body doing the works of charity. If I had been married then my vision would have died. I had to sacrifice and suspend my marital life by choosing my vision over marriage because I know that, someday I will reap all I sow.

The unhealthy rules above that is now governing my new life, if I had applied such foolish rule in my past, my vision would have died. In life you meet the good, bad and ugly.

To keep my vision active, I had to embrace all manner of humans and tolerate the good and the bad alike. I receive many wounds in my soul but I never allowed this to stop my calling. Because the works of charity and love is the only virtue that gives me joy.

I am person who believes that someone out there is suffering and needed my money than me. So, I will have no choice but to give them away.

Imagine, if I see a man or woman who cannot pay his/her rent, I will have no choice but to give them the money to pay their rent. Am I not a kind person?

Going back to this question, what is a people pleaser? PP can be define as a person that does things just to please others to gain their approval.

What is is a kind person: A kind person is one who is full of empathy and is able to feel the pain and suffering others.

I am not a people pleaser trying to gain acceptance. I am a server and a helpful soul who feels the pain and suffering of humanity.

I am a very discipline person who always do what is right.

Get this into you

Ok

These wouldn't stop you from getting burnt.

All you need is common sense and to follow your instincts. If these are your rules, then it's fine.


You are the sailor of your ship.

Lostchild:
bukatyne
I guess I still sound like a narcissit from the thread above?

Sorry, the OP is too long.

Biko, do you.

Goodluck.

goodluck

Lostchild:
buk atyne
I guess I still sound like a narcissit from the thread above?

You were a people pleaser! Not necessarily kind.

Many of us have fone through what you going through but that as not stop us from been nice, one simple advise, today yoi might think you been taken for granted but the day the rewatd will come you wont expect it, it's when you given up that the reward of been good will manifest.

We all have our story to tell for been good and nice.

A good heart is NEVER good enough, Lloyd.

mariahAngel:


You were a people pleaser! Not necessarily kind.

I see myself as a good and kind person who loves to help everyone around me, but if I may ask you

What is the difference betweeen kindness vs people pleaser?. can you explain

Waiting to hear from you

bukatyne:


Sorry, the OP is too long.

Biko, do you.

Goodluck.

You love gossip that is why you are just too lazy in reading

Keemsleek005:
Many of us have fone through what you going through but that as not stop us from been nice, one simple advise, today yoi might think you been taken for granted but the day the rewatd will come you wont expect it, it's when you given up that the reward of been good will manifest.

We all have our story to tell for been good and nice.

Thank you

kumulus:
A good heart is NEVER good enough, Lloyd.

You should at least high light more on what you mean

Lostchild:


I am a server. A server does the good will of everyone in his life, but if I may ask you

What is the difference betweeen kindness vs people pleaser?. can you explain

Waiting to hear from you

Not everyone deserves kindness, but a people pleaser aim to please everyone, even those who don't deserve it and at the detriment of himself/herself.

Karleb:
These wouldn't stop you from getting burnt.

All you need is common sense and to follow your instincts. If these are your rules, then it's fine.

You are the sailor of your ship.

Thank You.
That is what I am currently doing, using my common sense to relate with all humans.
To keep my vision alive and active, I must not help anyone around me, this hard lesson I have learn

They take advantage of me because of my selflessness, gentleness and kindness. I ended up making unworthy and wrong people a priority in my life and many of them are no longer in my life. (I let go of them)

May your goodness never bring about your downfall. Always be on the lookout and try to help in situations where it is needed. Like it was once said, majority of people who you come across always have an agenda that most times becomes selfish on the long run.
One of your rules is what I have always known. Never give good advice to someone when unsolicited. It always backfire. (An example, a guy I helped and even advised on what to do to succeed turns out to backstab me. In further digging (by chance), I got to know that, a man that had never rendered any help whatsoever was the one that said I meant evil and harm to him. Both of us parted our ways despite living next to each other)

Never cross an ocean for someone who is never willing to cross a puddle for you. (At the initial time when you make such sacrifices, you might not know. Try and seek for help from such people even not needed and know their reaction. That would help you to limit to the minimum, the future assistance to be rendered to such people).
Nice points which you listed up there. Above all, learn how to say NO verbally in most requests when you actually meant it within you. Your ability to do that, negates you from being a people pleaser.

mariahAngel:


Not everyone deserves kindness, but a people pleaser aim to please everyone, even those who don't deserve it and at the detriment of himself/herself.

Miss Mariah
There is a difference of being too nice, being kind and being a people pleaser. Since my tender age I have learn that no one can satisfy humans. As a person when you have good character trait, people who experience you become please with you and enjoy you, that is how it is, that is the way it is, that is how it should be.

If you want to help only people are wothhy of your help, I tell you the truth, you are not ready for charity work. Just imagine you see a woman with children starving, you know that she has bad attidude but yet you still give her help for the sake of her children. That is what christ love and kindness is all about.

I understand you on this, some people are not worthy of your sacrifice. This is the reason why I have decided not to let people I know into my circle because of over familiarity and abused.

%20 of the troubles I had in the past came from me being too extra nice to people in my life. When I stop being too nice I had more issues because people around me want s me to be very nice to them. This is why trying to please people is very dangerous to ones sanity.

My painful experience comes from those I know in my circle whom I tried to lift up, they only ended up trying to drag me down by waging war against me.

Even Jesus heal and help those who never appreciate or thank him for his help. What I mean is that In life you will meet the good and the bad. They key is to learn from them all.

Miss Maria. Thank You for taking your time to read my long drama and you even comment.

As for me, I am playing safe mode

Thanks to all for reading my dramas

DAramis:


May your goodness never bring about your downfall. Always be on the lookout and try to help in situations where it is needed. Like it was once said, majority of people who you come across always have an agenda that most times becomes selfish on the long run.

One of your rules is what I have always known. Never give good advice to someone when unsolicited. It always backfire. (An example, a guy I helped and even advised on what to do to succeed turns out to backstab me. In further digging (by chance), I got to know that, a man that had never rendered any help whatsoever was the one that said I meant evil and harm to him. Both of us parted our ways despite living next to each other)

Never cross an ocean for someone who is never willing to cross a puddle for you. (At the initial time when you make such sacrifices, you might not know. Try and seek for help from such people even not needed and know their reaction. That would help you to limit to the minimum, the future assistance to be rendered to such people).

Nice points which you listed up there. Above all, learn how to say NO verbally in most requests when you actually meant it within you. Your ability to do that, negates you from being a people pleaser.

DAramis
Some of the issues I have with some people comes through my being too extra nice to them. I learnt a big lesson from this and I stop being too nice to people which become much harder as most people around me want me to be very, very nice to them.

I change my bad habit and I stop being too nice. Right now I playing safe mode just to keep my sanity.

Thank you brother for the great advice.

Lostchild:



DAramis
Some of the issues I have with some people comes through my being too extra nice to them. I learnt a big lesson from this and I stop being too nice to people which become much harder as most people around me want me to be very, very nice to them.

I change my bad habit and I stop being too nice. Right now I playing safe mode just to keep my sanity.

Thank you brother for the great advice.

Sure, I understand your point. The best teacher in life is experience though it would be better to learn from other people's experiences.

There are somethings that are meant for each of us to experience in order to make us better in life. Stay strong bro.

Lostchild:
Before you read, please know that I came here to talk about myself. I am a person that is so badly wounded to the point where I feel that it is impossible for me to heal my wounded soul. Even if God did bring healing to my life, the scars will always be there.

If it is possible I would have died because of my good heart, kindness and love towards humanity. It is God that still says that my works of charity and help will not kill me. Every time I think of my past deeds and sacrifices towards humans, I only realize that I truly do not love myself at all.

For many years with no reward I made many sacrifices to many people that even some of the receivers do ask themself, what kind of person is this? And some of my good deeds, always backfire and works against me because I keep helping people I know and many of whom I dont know. Despite the many advesary I continue to keep my works of charity active and encourage myself to forgive and forget. I was convince that I must not allow my past hurt or betrayals to influence me against my vision. But I later realize that when you forgive and forget your history- then your history will repeat itself.

I experience many injustice without retaliation or bitterness. People take me for granted. They take advantage of me because of my selflessness, gentleness and kindness. I ended up making unworthy and wrong people a priority in my life and many of them are no longer in my life. (I let go of them)

My existence is acknowledge only when people need my help because I am always available to help them in any areas of their life. It is impossible for me to narrate the ingratitude and betrayals I received over the cause of many years. It got to a point that I asked myself, in what way am I doing it all wrong?

In 2019 I gave a very good and Godly help to a child-hood friend who later manipulate and turn my help upside down and my sacrificial help to him cost me so much suffering and nearly sent me to jail cell. It was even God that intervene. I sat on the floor and I wept bitterly. I said to myself, enough is enough.

In late 2020 I decide to live a new life and I set personal rules that will govern my new life and these rules have helped me to retain my sanity and peace. Although many people around me, especially women feel offended as I have become a person that is very difficult for one to penetrate easily.

These are my (sanity) and savin rules.

1) Good morning, good morning to everyone

2) I must mind my business and not involve myself over the affairs of anyone.

3) I must watch carefully and observe the character of everyone I meet. This will enable me to spot the judas around me and also relate with people without them violating me.

4) I must not give advice to anyone ( except work related issues. (Newly added)

5) I must watch out for myself always and not pay foolish attention to anyone around me. This gave out the feeling of (rejection) to the kinky ladies around me.

6) I must never give anyone I know important help without them earning it. And even if I do I must do it to a minimum level.

7) I must never help anyone that lives around me and I must not also ask help from anyone that lives around me.

I must help many strangers only. I must help a lot and lot of people from afar who are not close to me and I will never regret over them.

9) I must not be close friends with anyone that lives around me.

10) I must not talk too much; I must speak less, except on important issues.

11) I must acknowlege and respect the personal decision of others, even if their free will of choice is leading them to their early grave, I must stay clear.

12) I must make myself my first priority, this has made me to genuinely love myself and want to take good care of myself for he first time.

13) In a relationship, I must not pass much info about myself to my date or pending wife.

14) My YES is yes and my NO is no, but my NO can be change to YES with multiple pressure.

15) I must not be concern about the criticism of people about me, as the most important thing is what God is saying about me

What prompt me in writing this was my recent breaking of rule No (7). I got burnt instantly by violating this principle that is now governing my life. Right now I am so full of regret as I type this. I must make sure that, it never repeat itself again.

I remember a woman who said that, before you go into the life of people to help them, you should ask God in prayer to bind the demon in their life. I thought she was talking trash and believe that her words make no sense at all. From my bitter experience I know now that she was %100 right.

Saintmary. I have gone through so much that all the many years of my painful experience has changed me in many ways and I can never go back to being that over excessive kind and mr nice person I used to be.

I'm so sorry about your negative experiences.
I hope you find the healing you deserve and that henceforth, things will turn out better for you.
Regards.

I was once like op untill i learnt things the hard way,right from my sec sch days every one called me father christmas because i was a giver to the fault.. Etremly nice was an understatement.. funny enough i didnt see it as a big deal because I'm the only son and was well boxed up money dey .. But later on in life i learnt especially in this part of the world called Nigeria Once people around you know that u have a good heart and a cheerful giver they will use u to achieve their selfish aim. Right now evn strangers gan i no dey help my good heart almost sent me to jail last year right now i be obi akpor.. Thunder fire father christmas. If God dosent tell me to help i dont render any help.

FLESHnBLOOD:
I was once like op untill i learnt things the hard way,right from my sec sch days every one called me father christmas because i was a giver to the fault.. Etremly nice was an understatement.. funny enough i didnt see it as a big deal because I'm the only son and was well boxed up money dey .. But later on in life i learnt especially in this part of the world called Nigeria Once people around you know that u have a good heart and a cheerful giver they will use u to achieve their selfish aim. Right now evn strangers gan i no dey help my good heart almost sent me to jail last year right now i be obi akpor.. Thunder fire father christmas. If God dosent tell me to help i dont render any help.

You speak reality.

Mee too I have learnt enough lesson. This part of the world is not for the nice guys.

Thank you for reading and comment

Saintmary:


I'm so sorry about your negative experiences.
I hope you find the healing you deserve and that henceforth, things will turn out better for you.
Regards.

Saint Mary
All my life I keep hearing voices in my heart that says to me; All human beings are priceless, precious, deserve to be love and must be loved unconditionally. I obey and acted upon the voice I heard and I live a life of love and service to others. Looking back now I am so full of regret as I realize that I cheated myself and didnt use my finance to take care of myself at all. I did many good deeds but I did not apply wisdom, I am more wiser now.

I understand that It is good to be nice to people. It is also good to be caring, but when you care for people more than they deserve, you will be hurt more than you deserve

"Last year October 2020 I decided to stop my work of charity and focus on myself for the first time in my life, but I found myself going back to it again and again because I just cannot stop the feeling of deep emotional pain and torment when I see a person suffering. The only way for me to be free from that emotional pain and torment, I will have to do everything within me to relief them of their suffering, in doing so I become free from the torment of their pains. What I mean is that the pains and suffering of people burns my soul, this is why I just cant stop caring.

MY LESSONS

'I learnt many lessons from my past. I learnt that human beings are human, anybody can betray you at any time.

"I should expect the worst in every man.

"I learnt that the enemy of a man is a man, your best friend can be your devious enemy.

"Your enemies are not far from you, don’t allow your past betrayals to stop you from doing what is right, by helping those in need help and expect no reward.

"The people in my past, none of them remains. For me to progress, new set of people will come to my life, so I need to let go of my past and keep pressing. Life is a personal race

" Always remember that everything in this world is temporary (vanity upon vanity) and the day you leave this world, it is only you and your character that will go along with you and you will have to give an account of your life and deed to the Sovereign Judge.

Recently I met some two persons who are unmarried and they are heavily suffering. I feel touch over their suffering. I know that I can bring change to their life. I know that with a help from God, I can be of help to them.

I am a wounded person but I want to keep helping the broken hearted, and I will try my best for humanity but I must apply wisdom.

This is my call

Richy4:
OP....I am interested in your number 3... when U've researched a working solution on how to spot a Judas,....Please let me know.. I want to learn too....
I don't want to hear the adage that says all Lizard are lying on their tommy, no one knows the one with stomach ache anymore....I need to Know Judas and Lizards with stomachache ,,.

Richy4
It is impossible for me to tell you how to spot the judas around you. Do not forget that you are living in a fallen world. Some people are like different type of snakes, while some are crocodile, some are like vultures, some are like Cameleon, some are like goat and some are like sheep, while some are even like dove.

For you to fully know the Judas you need a lot of experience that will open eyes to be able to forsee and spot those with toxic (nature) characters and those that can easily betray you. In life you need to have many betrayels and wounds, just as a person need to suffer an injury to know the pain of an injury.

Last year 2020 I move to a new town and rented an apartment there. I was the only male tennant inside the building, the rest tennant were young unmarried ladies. In fact I saw fire with these spinsters because I do not want their friendship as I was an emotionaly drain person. Within two months of stay, I had to flee from the Place of their nagging as I gave them the feeling of rejection. I had to move to another town and rent a new apartment.

In this new apartment I had to apply rule no (1) and rule (3) that is when I realize that if you want peace of mind in this life, especially with women you have to be very nice and friendly to everyone. What I did is that I watched and observe the character of each of everyone and I started spoting the Judas. In all of them I realize that only two person seem very good to be round.

I have realize that in life, no be only who go find trouble go see trouble. You can be on your own, lock yourself inside your house, trouble will still come and knock on your door telling you to come out.

Richy4. I repeat, it is impossible for me to tell you how to spot Judas because my painful life experience is differ from yours. I see things differently than you. I realize that not making friends with people around you, is like fighting an endless battle. You will never have peace around you as long as you say NO to their friendship.

If you make friends with people around you, be ready to be exhausted.

If you dont want to make friends with people around you, you will never have peace around you.

If you want to help people in your life, be ready to be stab, with so many injuries.

If you apply many of my rules, you will escape some measure of troubles but you will not grow.

Some of the things that will cause you tears will only make you a better person and will help you to wax stronger

Just be a little nice to everyone BUT PLAY Safe Mode.

I repeat; play safe mode