Hello nairalanders, I need ur contributions as regards this piece.
I am a young graduate who is just about to complete his NYSC (National Youth Service) programme. I am serving in lagos state and Planning to get married at the completion of the programme. I have been able to secure a job in which i will continue after the NYSC programme. The issue is that i have been thinking of how to settle down when i get married. I dont want to build a family here in Lagos state because of the rugged and rough nature of the cities, so i thought of getting a room apartment here in Lagos for myself and another main apartment elsewhere(maybe in Ibadan which is like an hour drive from Lagos ) where my wife and children will be stay while i go to meet them every weekend or forthnightly. Or i should get a full apartment here in Lagos and just grow my family there.
Pls wats your opinion about this. Sharing of experiences will be appreciated. Thanks

I don't usually like the idea of growing a family apart. It has more disadvantages than advantages, especially for a new marriage like yours. You and your spouse need to spend time together to get to know each other and this cannot be achieved by living apart.

Now, in your own case, I don't see much difference between the Lagos and Ibadan environment. Wherever your children grow up, it is the value you instill in them that is more important than where they're brought up. A lot of families grew in Lagos and are doing fine. Mine is an example.

Success ALWAYS comes with one or several prices.
You can't have it all.
Bottom line? Prioritize.

..

What's wrong with having your family in lagos? I was born in lagos and I couldn't have asked for any place better. If you survive in the hustle and bustle city of lagos you sure can survive anywhere lol.

Do not live away from your family.

youngestpr:

Hello nairalanders, I need your contributions as regards this piece.
I am a young graduate who is just about to complete his NYSC (National Youth Service) programme. I am serving in lagos state and Planning to get married at the completion of the programme. I have been able to secure a job in which i will continue after the NYSC programme. The issue is that i have been thinking of how to settle down when i get married. I dont want to build a family here in Lagos state because of the rugged and rough nature of the cities, so i thought of getting a room apartment here in Lagos for myself and another main apartment elsewhere(maybe in Ibadan which is like an hour drive from Lagos ) where my wife and children will be stay while i go to meet them every weekend or forthnightly. Or i should get a full apartment here in Lagos and just grow my family there.
Pls wats your opinion about this. Sharing of experiences will be appreciated. Thanks

I this,I that . . . .whatever happened to WE ?

Have u sought ur wud-be wife's opinion?Is she working or in school and in which city?

What do u mean by rugged and rough

She is just about to finish school and her opinion is to go along with whatever i decide leaving me to the final decision making. I dont know how to explain rugged and rough more than using those words, i think you should understand.

you no well

youngestpr:

She is just about to finish school and her opinion is to go along with whatever i decide leaving me to the final decision making. I dont know how to explain rugged and rough more than using those words, i think you should understand.

So when she finishes school where wud she work,assuming she don't plan on being a housewife ?

Rough and rugged is relative,depends on how you see it.IMO,every city is rough and rugged,you can't escape that.Besides,Ibadan is more or less an extension of Lagos in every aspect(good,bad,ugly) so wud it really make any difference 

The first 3 years of marriage are sometimes,[/b]what makes or mars a marriage so be careful and apply wisdom.

Its all good and dandy for your wife to tell you [b]NOW that whatever you decide is ok for her but when the talk gets to walk,wud she walk it?Does she have the personality and capability of handling,dealing with and resolving petty conflicts and everyday challenges alone or is she the type that is emotionally weak and dependent ?

Why she no go gree, anything to get the ring on her finger.

BTW your sexual skills sucks for her to even consider doing anythng which includes living in Ibadan away from you. Please check her bags before she waka, she might have some s/e/x  toy.s that helps console her since ya yekini a.k.a amu ojii kannot fit parfom wella

Innocent advise from an innocent sister from yaba left at ya service saaaaaaa

Thanks all for your comments and advice, i think i have been able to pick one or two things.
@jennykadry, i only asked for an advice but i dont know why u need to pass insultive statements in ur 2 statements. I hope this is not the way u act on a normal day.
Its not good for a lady.
Once again, thanks all for your comments and more are still welcome.

Husband and wife are meant to be together NOT separate. You have to weigh the advantage and disadvantage before thinking of having a separate home. I bet you the advantage is more

(a) You 'll have to rent two separate house in a year
(b) You have double household properties.
(c) The intimacy between you and your family is at stake
(d) Avoid infidelity (Perfidy)
(e)It's difficult for single parent to raise kids
(f) Consider the risk and stress involved in travelling every forth night or as the case may be. Some of the roads are bad and remember the bad boys on the way.
(g) Not all kids born and trained in Lagos are bad. I believe been bad has to do more with the family mostly the parents.

Good luck with your decision. Let your female spouse go through this site www.greatwomanwithlove..com

Its amazing how hard it is for some people to give good advice these days. SMH

youngestpr:

Thanks all for your comments and advice, i think i have been able to pick one or two things.
@jennykadry, i only asked for an advice but i dont know why u need to pass insultive statements in your 2 statements. I hope this is not the way u act on a normal day.
Its not good for a lady.
Once again, thanks all for your comments and more are still welcome.

My friend you should be happy that I gave you a good advise. Str8 from yaba left wetin you want again. Ifyalways' advise from oxford university? oga oooooooooo

OP, dont mind the mad woman whose post appears above mine, rubbish it off as a frustrated hag's ranting, seeing every single post this woman/man/eunuch makes, i've often wondered how civilized hooligans are, what could be her reason for being so brash, a terrible childhood? unsuccessful relationships, if there were any (with this attitude, i find it extremely difficult to believe her claims of being happily married) bad lineage, perhaps, whatever the reason, we sure have a guttermouth behind that username.

Nairaland should now come up with apps where a poster can block abvusive users from replying to their posts,

@Topic- What would you do if a communal clash or natural calamity broke out in the peaceful area you choose for your family ? Be thankful for the facilities and peace (whatever little you have) that exists in Lagos and stay together as a family. Life is too short my friend.

Live together with your wife for better for worse, for rough for rugged till death do you part.

^Jenny!!!! Why now? 

Na wa oh, see as them don derail this one too.

Jenny? you no dey look face when u dey angry abi?

You go hia from my lawyers tomorrow

Jenny why cuss this way? Too bad.

If you consider Ibadan safer and not rough for raising kids, then my advise is, why work in Lagos ? Go and get a job at Ibadan and settle there with your family. But if I could advise you on where you requested for no advise, I would ask you not to get married immediately after Youth Service. You need to be single and watch as your life progresses in 2 years, abi you no wan do Masters or you think first degree is really the bu stop ?

Next time you seek a related piece of advice, please visit your pastor and don't publicize your naivety. This site is for more important issues.

Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!! Thread has been derailed! I repeat! Thread has been derailed.

why must it always turn out this way??

GoldCircle:

Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!! Thread has been derailed! I repeat! Thread has been derailed.

why must it always turn out this way??

Honestly, I wonder too sometimes.

@ OP - Keep your family wherever you intend to spend the most part of your time. Keeping a family together is not a part-time business

na wa oh

go ahead, it's your life. you dont need anyone advice here.

youngestpr:

Hello nairalanders, I need your contributions as regards this piece.
I am a young graduate who is just about to complete his NYSC (National Youth Service) programme. I am serving in lagos state and Planning to get married at the completion of the programme. I have been able to secure a job in which i will continue after the NYSC programme. The issue is that i have been thinking of how to settle down when i get married. . . .

youngestpr:

Thanks all for your comments and advice, i think i have been able to pick one or two things.
,  . . Once again, thanks all for your comments and more are still welcome.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

Congratulations on already securing a job before the end of your youth corp service!!

It's always wonderful when the family unit can be together because the time apart can never be regained.  So, I'm going to end with Best all around wishes for a great life, and good luck on whatever decision you make about where to reside. 

P.S.  BTW, I was born and raised in Lagos and will return there and raise my kids there.  (All my family going back generations are there, or lived there, so. . . )  It's understandable if you don't choose to do that.

its not a bad question to ask,

besides, its not every body that might feel comfortable going to their pastor

and most peeps are comfortable with nairaland and it anonymity it offers,

as per the post

oga stay with ya wife ooo

Please, please and please do not be seperated by distance from your wife atleast the first two years of marriage.

You know there are very few good people in Lagos and it will be a challenge having a good up bringing in Lagos

poster,

Keep your wife close to you, bro! There are too many predators out there who may help keep your wife's vah jay jay warm for the time you will be gone, especially since this will be a new marriage, as she may need someone to beat up that vah jay jay regularly. Good luck with your marriage, bro!