Sorry, my story is a bit lengthy but kindly take out time to read. Thanks
I have this friend that has been in a serious relationship for a year and 7 months, but has been complaining of too many red flags from her guy.
She started dating this guy last year January, though was a match make kinda relationship. The age of my friend and her boyfriend is 25 and 30 years respectively. She lives in Lagos and him Abuja. When they started dating, this guy had no job and she was serving back then. When it seems the job wasn't forth coming my friend fasted and prayed for him to get a job and God actually did it. She gave him his first transport fare for a month #10,000 and never collected it back.

This guy started working, lied about his salary. He told my friend he was collecting 45k, all of a sudden he changed it to 50k, but she knew he was lying, hmmmm... not a straight forward guy at all. He visited her once last year. The first day he saw her he insisted they have sex, she objected but later agreed. The second time they saw last year was in his family house. He showed her to those that matters in his life, this gave her rest of mind that he really means business.

Fast forward to early this year she was already done with service ( last year November) but loses all her savings of #800,000 to an investment. Being the first child of her parents with 5 other younger ones she really has lotta responsibility cause she's from a very very humble background but doesn't want this guy to know about her family background because she feels she might lose him if she tells him.
During this trying times of losing such a big money to an investment that got her so devastated, she became so emaciated, look darker and unhealthy. Told her boyfriend about the whole investment palava but this guy kept blaming and abusing her that she's a traitor, he abused her of not telling him she had such amount of money. This caused serious issue between the two of them, they both decided to break up at a point but it was the guy's family friend that settled the issue. Each time she ask this guy for money or subscription he would say he doesn't have. The last time he did was when he gave her 2k and 1k subscription for just 3months and he stopped. She complained again but this guy didn't do anything about it.

Luckily for her she got a customer service (intern) role at a multinational online retail store immediately she finished service and was collecting 42k but she was spending a lot on transportation. Had to quit the job and kept searching for another. She got another one few weeks later, same role as the former but at a very big hair saloon. Her salary here is 50k. Worked for few months and she later quit the job because of the nature of the job. This time around she wasn't looking good due to stress and lack of enough cash on her, she really used to be a caramel beauty. Few days later she got a new job as a teacher on the Island and was collecting 65k. She needed to get an accommodation and change her phone by her self but doesn't have much then and she doesn't want to sit at home as she feels she's a big sis and has those she's fending for. Told her boyfriend about the amount for accommodation but keeps telling her God will provide and reminded her she's working too and earns more than him. This very month my friend complained about accommodation issue was when this guy got a new car worth 3.5m for himself ( claimed his boss helped him out with some little change) and eventually sent my friend 40k to add to her accommodation fee or phone. Isn't that too small from him?

She complained about her boyfriend not giving her monthly stipend ( at least 3k) for upkeep. Each time she says this, her guy would tell her his younger sister is his priority. She truly loves this guy but she noticed this same guy lies a lot, nags, has someone he takes advice from before coming to her and talks shabbily to her.
My friend is actually a stubborn girl but brilliant and very respectfully. Most times this guy capitalises on this trait that that would be the only disqualification for him to getting married to her.
Each time she complains about her guys bad habits it turns into fight and might not talk for days.

Fast forward to this year, he visited my friend in Lagos sometime last 3month. The first thing this guy did was to body shame my friend, told her she wasn't looking good at all, that she's looking too black, looking so lean and asked her why she folded her jeans. Started showing her different girls and what they wore, he had to tell her he already has a car so girls will start flocking around him. She had to replied him by saying any one that wants to flock should flock, when he had no car who was there with him. This got him angry and later led into another fight.

Well, to cut the long story short, my friend worked on her dress sense, changed her body cream, bought supplements just to make him happy but with all these, this guy doesn't even care. She noticed this guy is cheating on her but kept saying he isn't. The last time he visited her, his phone was on airplane mode for the 2days they spent together. Reason being that he doesn't want his boss to know he traveled. Please how true is this?
She saw a video of someone calling him baby on his phone but he claims she's just a friend. Please I hope this guy isn't cheating on my friend cause she's a very emotional being and her health is really important to me.

Well, the question now is, should my friend visit him in Abuja for a week or more to know what exactly is wrong or she should just walk out of this relationship and focus on her career. Thanks

Extremely unhealthy relationship. Lady should Leave the relationship and focus on her career.

When she has built herself and her career genuine successful people will beg to be her life partner through real marriage.

Healthiness is relative.
That's why someone can die from a headache and another person will live with cancer.
To you, those things are redflags but she sees them as marriage capacity-building tests.

And she's right.
She's building capacity for living in denial.

My people say that you do not need to smell the armpit of a he-goat to know that it has body odour.

But your friend has used 4 roll-ons, 3 air-fresheners, 2 perfume and 5 body-sprays on her he-goat to convince herself that it smells nice.

The only good thing about being in denial phase is that it eventually ends. And when it does, even fried rice will taste like camphor in her mouth.

Kai



Very unhealthy


Is it by force to be in a relationship....


Extremely toxic if I must say

Mine is healthy.


Babe mi bi Panadol for every headache. I con bi alabuku.

O poor gan.

Is that one a relationship?
If you're the one, find your way out

Does she need God to write on the wall in her local dialect before she understands the writing on the wall?

@Thermidehby:

The only problem your 'friend' has with her boyfriend is the fact he is stingy.

It is either she gets him to become much more generous and placing her on monthly allowance OR she gets a richer, more generous boyfriend.

Once he is generous and has money to spend, he can do no wrong to her.

Welcome to 'Nigerian' marriage 101.

I am amused when I read people's fantasies online; the real world never disappoints.

Both are not healthy for each other and should end whatever is between them.

It's gonna be painful,but she should take a walk while there's still time.

Why would you allow someone to treat in this manner just because you think you love him? This is unacceptable. I think you have low self-esteem that gives him the conviction that whatever he does to you, you would explain it away as a necessary discomfort expected in building a relationship. So he keeps on abusing you, debasing you since you appear cheap and senseless.

Get out of the relationship and regain your self-worth and esteem. If love is not reciprocated in any form, it becomes slavery and foolishness. As it is now, you are a slave to him, one that sheepishly does his biddings.

is money your only motivation in the relationship?,seems the guy have seen ur all for the money and he is trying to play smart.

iDGAF

The only reason why I would call it an unhealthy relationship is because of the body shame aspect, it's not good enough because you don't know the damage you cause for an individual when you body shame them. Tell her to take a walk.