Hi guys, please I need matured advise please.

There is this girl have been dating for 5years, I disflowered her, we have been planning to settle down this year December, but around May/June she has sex with a guy, which she claimed it was a mistake. I discovered about it around same week but I kept it from her since then until this morning. Before this morning, have been telling her to open up to me if she did something wrong, but she claimed she did nothing wrong, I asked her multiple times but she said nothing. She even went ahead to swear with her life and God at same time.

I confronted her this morning and finally she told me she actually did it and was sorry, she claimed it was because I traveled out for about 2months, so she couldn't hold herself and when the guy forced her, she gave in to him.

She has been crying and begging since morning but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to her family nor my family either. Also, i don't think it's about money, because I told her not to work and I send her 50k monthly too, excluding money for her hair, makeup and others, I give her money separately for these.

I love her so much and she does too, but the reason she gave in easily is what I don't understand. The fact that she still chat the guy also baffles me.

We will be relocating to Canada after wedding this December, but with all this coming up, I don't know what to do nor tell my family.

Please advice me as I don't have any close friend to discuss this with and I don't want to disgrace her by telling someone close to us.

Note: I'm 27 and she is 25. Please matured advice only!

NewBaba:
Hi guys, please I need matured advise please.

There is this girl have been dating for 5years, I disflowered her, we have been planning to settle down this year December, but around May/June she has sex with a guy, which she claimed it was a mistake. I discovered about it around same week but I kept it from her since then until this morning. Before this morning, have been telling her to open up to me if she did something wrong, but she claimed she did nothing wrong, I asked her multiple times but she said nothing. She even went ahead to swear with her life and God at same time.

I confronted her this morning and finally she told me she actually did it and was sorry, she claimed it was because I traveled out for about 2months, so she couldn't hold herself and when the guy forced her, she gave in to him.

She has been crying and begging since morning but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to her family nor my family either. Also, i don't think it's about money, because I told her not to work and I send her 50k monthly too, excluding money for her hair, makeup and others, I give her money separately for these.

I love her so much and she does too, but the reason she gave in easily is what I don't understand. The fact that she still chat the guy also baffles me.

We will be relocating to Canada after weeding this December, but with all this coming up, I don't know what to do nor tell my family.

Please advice me as I don't have any close friend to discuss this with and I don't want to disgrace her by telling someone close to us.

Note: I'm 27 and she is 25. Please matured advice only!

show no mercy like she didn't show you any mercy when she was fucking the other man.

The only condition for forgiveness in this case is if she had come to you to confess her guilt. But she kept on insisting until you showed her the evidence.
That's a red flag. She's not sorry. She's only sorry she was caught.
Use your head.

Have you ever considered if she was actually raped?

Obakashdee:
Have you ever considered if she was actually raped?

If she was raped, she will not be chatting the guy

loko50:

If she was raped, she will not be chatting the guy

No it doesn’t mean sha, the guy might have apologized

Obakashdee:


No it doesn’t mean sha, the guy might have apologized

How can you stay with a girl that is chatting with her rapist?

loko50:


How can you stay with a girl that is chatting with her rapist?

No justification for the rapist ofcourse, but I can’t judge if she still keeps chatting with her rapist, we offend God and we ask for forgiveness and he accepts us back, I have been with a lady that was raped by the brother of her flatmate, they all stay together, after the stuff, he begged her and all thought they don’t talk like before, the guy still messages her on WhatsApp to check up on her and all. So e no mean say she forgive him

Obakashdee:


No justification for the rapist ofcourse, but I can’t judge if she still keeps chatting with her rapist, we offend God and we ask for forgiveness and he accepts us back, I have been with a lady that was raped by the brother of her flatmate, they all stay together, after the stuff, he begged her and all thought they don’t talk like before, the guy still messages her on WhatsApp to check up on her and all. So e no mean say she forgive him

You didn't answer the question. I can as well shoot or stab you and if you survive it, I will apologize and we can play ludo.

loko50:


You didn't answer the question. I can as well shoot or stab you and if you survive it, I will apologize and we can play ludo.

I just told you my life experience, I stayed with her, she was living with her rapist, cooking and so on, doesn’t mean she forgives him

Obakashdee:


I just told you my life experience, I stayed with her, she was living with her rapist, cooking and so on, doesn’t mean she forgives him

Well, your story is hard to believe. Even the fact that you could comfortably live with the rapist as if nothing happened is nauseating. I wonder if you will tolerate your sister or daughter's rapist like that. What happened to justice?

loko50:


Well, your story is hard to believe. Even the fact that you could comfortably live with the rapist as if nothing happened is nauseating. I wonder if you will tolerate your sister or daughter's rapist like that. What happened to justice?

Lol hard to believe but it’s the truth, nothing added nothing removed, she still stays with them till today. Everybody cannot be like you any ways sha. I never said I live wth any rapist, read well.

And my sister or daughter rapist tolerance is another thing entirely, I never said they should be tolerated but if it’s her choice, what will I do, go after the person?
I’ve betrayed someone before and I asked for true forgiveness and he forgave me and we are good today. So not everyone is after vendetta like you

Obakashdee:


Lol hard to believe but it’s the truth, nothing added nothing removed, she still stays with them till today. Everybody cannot be like you any ways sha. I never said I live wth any rapist, read well.

And my sister or daughter rapist tolerance is another thing entirely, I never said they should be tolerated but if it’s her choice, what will I do, go after the person?
I’ve betrayed someone before and I asked for true forgiveness and he forgave me and we are good today. So not everyone is after vendetta like you

The world will be a terrible place of rapist and criminals are forgiven without getting punished. This is impunity! I am trying so hard to view this from your own perspective unless infact you have been guilty of something similar in the past. Concerning someone raping my daughter, I am going to kill that person and feed his body to dogs