Lucrativress:

I am a Southerner also and your jumping into assumptions doesn't really amuse me, it's normal.
I'm being practical,things you wrote up here iif you're being practical enough then you'll note that you won't smile wide teeth if your daughter or Sister beings her prospective spouse Home who has absolutely nothing.
I won't say you're thinking selfishly but think about the scenario I said
The Bible backs up my claim up there, it's been since time immemorial,if you have nothing continuously, you're living for nothing.
I'm not trying to make you like my point,if you'd rather live in denial of facts, that's up to you.

This is the reason the Southern part of Nigeria currently has an army of single women in their 30s, and 40s who have refused to setttle down with a struggling man.
The same men they saw has poor in their 20s are the same ones they are now running after and begging them to marry them in their 30s and 40s .
Go to Lagos and most big cities, you see men taking advantage of them because of their desperation.
I am abroad and see a lot of Nigerian women in this category everyday, at the end the Nigerian guys still go back to Nigeria to marry single ladies in their 20s .
I hope ladies reading this will learn a lesson or 2. A mans financial state is not a criteria for marriage, if a man is educated, matured and god fearing, he only needs time he will break through.

oldienavie:

This is the reason the Southern part of Nigeria currently has an army of single women in their 30s, and 40s who have refused to setttle down with a struggling man.
The same men they saw has poor in their 20s are the same ones they are now running after and begging them to marry them in their 30s and 40s .
Go to Lagos and most big cities, you see men taking advantage of them because of their desperation.
I am abroad and see a lot of Nigerian women in this category everyday, at the end the Nigerian guys still go back to Nigeria to marry single ladies in their 20s .
I hope ladies reading this will learn a lesson or 2. A mans financial state is not a criteria for marriage, if a man is educated, matured and god fearing, he only needs time he will break through.

How remarkable that you're Abroad and you've chosen to know only one side of life.
Seems men cry more when they're jilted...
So what do you say about the good women who stayed with a man in nothing and he jilted her after he had something?
What will you say Sir?
And women who built with men, succumbed and all,good women and were still dumped?
Understand something,penury doesn't always determine loyalty.
Last last all a good woman has to do is use her brains,gold diggers are getting married every Saturday,seems like it's the good ladies crying more on Alters
Do you know why?
Cause of less practicalities..
Stop deceiving yourself,you can call me whatever you feel like,it won't remove anything from who I know I am, I'm not mincing my word's..

LagosNissan:


Are you serious?

She was testing if you loved her or were a husband material?

So how are you guys now?

Yeah. It seemed both were her aim. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I failed.
I just replied her that I wasn't interested in knowing her true personality anymore since she already lied. It was a big red flag for me. Why test me?
After telling her about myself, I expected her to put her best foot forward and see if things could work. If I was an illiterate mechanic (no offense to the great and hardworking mechanics out there), I'm sure she would not have given me audience in the first instance. Rubbish.

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Potatochips:

Yeah. It seemed both were her aim. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I failed.
I just replied her that I wasn't interested in knowing her true personality anymore since she already lied. It was a big red flag for me. Why test me?
After telling her about myself, I expected her to put her best foot forward and see if things could work. If I was an illiterate mechanic (no offense to the great and hardworking mechanics out there), I'm sure she would not have given me audience in the first instance. Rubbish.

Imagine
Yes now
That's an expensive one
We're not kids here
She might have just missed a good man because of what oldienavie is pushing for.

Lucrativress:

How remarkable that you're Abroad and you've chosen to know only one side of life.
Seems men cry more when they're jilted...
So what do you say about the good women who stayed with a man in nothing and he jilted her after he had something?
What will you say Sir?
And women who built with men, succumbed and all,good women and were still dumped?
Understand something,penury doesn't always determine loyalty.
Last last all a good woman has to do is use her brains,gold diggers are getting married every Saturday,seems like it's the good ladies crying more on Alters
Do you know why?
Cause of less practicalities..
Stop deceiving yourself,you can call me whatever you feel like,it won't remove anything from who I know I am, I'm not mincing my word's..

How many times do I have to correct you on this ?
If a man chooses to live a humble life and is not flamboyant, that is not pernury.
A man who chooses to go about telling ladies he has 100 million naira in his account and lives that kind of life will definitely attract good women but he will also attract gold diggers in huge numbers.
If a man decides to live a humble life, he might still attract bad women, but the chances that the women he attracts are there for just the money he has is very low.
Thats the point I am trying to make, yes nothing is assured in life but I am talking about the chances in both scenarios.

Lucrativress:
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Imagine
Yes now
That's an expensive one
We're not kids here
She might have just missed a good man because of what oldienavie is pushing for.

before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges.

She was a liability asking the man to spend on her and her family thats not the same as a man who lives very humbly and doesnt show off that he has huge wealth.

oldienavie:

How many times do I have to correct you on this ?
If a man chooses to live a humble life and is not flamboyant, that is not pernury.
A man who chooses to go about telling ladies he has 100 million naira in his account and lives that kind of life will definitely attract good women but he will also attract gold diggers in huge numbers.
If a man decides to live a humble life, he might still attract bad women, but the chances that the women he attracts are there for just the money he has is very low.
Thats the point I am trying to make, yes nothing is assured in life but I am talking about the chances in both scenarios.

Am I meant to be meek with you?
My God!
Going by OP's write-up, that's what I'm talking about and I never insinuated you being extravagant or damn classic in your lifestyle, I've only told you to leave a little flame on cause man! Ain't no woman's gonna see a good man in the dark..
You were the one that went all Southerner and picturing a personality I'm nothing close to that I have no intention of arguing about Mr "Oldie" that's not as practical as the mediaevals

Lucrativress:

Am I meant to be meek with you?
My God!
Going by OP's write-up, that's what I'm talking about and I never insinuated you being extravagant or damn classic in your lifestyle, I've only told you to leave a little flame on cause man! Ain't no woman's gonna see a good man in the dark..
You were the one that went all Southerner and picturing a personality I'm nothing close to that I have no intention of arguing about Mr "Oldie" that's not as practical as the mediaevals

What I said about Southern women is the truth, which you have also confirmed . And yes it is true that the South has more single women in their 30s and 40s who are single not by choice and would wish to be married.
You do not realise the impact that your line of thought has had on Southern women on a larger scale, I relate very well with women in the older category and It is a serious issue that no one is talking about and a lot of women are suffering in silence cos they were misled.

oldienavie:


before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges.

She was a liability asking the man to spend on her and her family thats not the same as a man who lives very humbly and doesnt show off that he has huge wealth.

And what's the difference between her and a man saying he has absolutely nothing and he wants to be seriously involved with a woman, what's the probability he won't keep being broke and end up being a liability on the long run.
Listen no prospects is what I have issues with here,why the hell will any woman want to be with a visionless man,a man that with his silly deceit can't chip in "but I'm working on something,I believe having you by my side will make those things come quick.. or more achievable through the peace you'd give"
If you want to go poetic please do,not being damn bland "though I have nothing,I can have you,take me as I am"

oldienavie:

What I said about Southern women is the truth, which you have also confirmed . And yes it is true that the South has more single women in their 30s and 40s who are single not by choice and would wish to be married.
You do not realise the impact that your line of thought has had on Southern women on a larger scale, I relate very well with women in the older category and It is a serious issue that no one is talking about and a lot of women are suffering in silence cos they were misled.

As much as you keep picking out what you want to leverage on from my talks and leave my point's,I have no problem with your several analysis, continue..

oldienavie:


before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges.

She was a liability asking the man to spend on her and her family thats not the same as a man who lives very humbly and doesnt show off that he has huge wealth.

If only you'll go by the OP's word's,that wasn't humble living he connoted there,that was insufficiencies Mr,not humble..
You chose a separate scenario and stuck to it

Potatochips:

Yeah. It seemed both were her aim. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I failed.
I just replied her that I wasn't interested in knowing her true personality anymore since she already lied. It was a big red flag for me. Why test me?
After telling her about myself, I expected her to put her best foot forward and see if things could work. If I was an illiterate mechanic (no offense to the great and hardworking mechanics out there), I'm sure she would not have given me audience in the first instance. Rubbish.

I guess it makes no sense hiding one's potentials. It's as if one is seeking enlistment into the police as a msc holder yet presenting on SSCE.

This will make him a rank and file.

But he would have started from ASP if he presented his degrees.

Lucrativress:

And what's the difference between her and a man saying he has absolutely nothing and he wants to be seriously involved with a woman, what's the probability he won't keep being broke and end up being a liability on the long run.
Listen no prospects is what I have issues with here,why the hell will any woman want to be with a visionless man,a man that with his silly deceit can't chip in "but I'm working on something,I believe having you by my side will make those things come quick.. or more achievable through the peace you'd give"
If you want to go poetic please do,not being damn bland "though I have nothing,I can have you,take me as I am"

I think I agree with you on many areas.

I guess nollywood is to blame for this.

We all want people we will be proud of.

A daughter of a university professor may be expected to bring a man who went to uni as well or who has means.

It's a thing of pride for the family. I have heard mothers brag that my in law is so so so...

It's also a thing of pride for the bride among her friends.

Is there anything wrong to desire a multi millionaire, realistically speaking? I guess No.

Imagine that a fine educated woman has 3 suitors, all doing well:

If I was a multi millionaire and pretend to be a loafer, would she be wrong to discard me and concentrate on others?

Isn't that how we resign from or reject low paying jobs for better ones?



Pansophist the realist where are thou.

Ubunja martinezs, pocohantas,

LagosNissan:
Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?






That's a good one there. I guess Nollywood championed this narrative and took it to a ridiculous level where a prince or son of a rich man will pretend to be poor or a gate man to find " true love."

The effect of this narrative is that it demonises it when people get attracted to you because of your wealth, achievements etc. But then like you said, these things form part of your personality as a person and will influence how a partner nay a woman views you.


The daughter of a professor could resolve to marry only a graduate or a rich man. That would make her proud among her family and friends.

Would you blame her if she rejects you because you denied or hid being a graduate or claim poor?

Is it wrong for her to insist on these things? Does it make her a gold digger?

Just be modest and avoid over demanding and entitled women. You don't have to hide your qualifications but you don't have to talk about it when no one asked you.

LagosNissan:


Pansophist the realist where are thou.

When you're hiding your sophistication from your potential partner,  Why would you think the other person is not discerning enough to see your game plan and play along? Also, what's the assurance that even if the person pass the virtue test and later realise you're rich for example, that their hibernated materialism will not be reactivated?

Furthermore, the idea of downplaying your sophistication is a consequence of imbalalance in their respective social status, which to me, is not a good protocol. Generally, you should actually marry your class, because even if a woman/man married you after passing your so called test, the dynamics associated with a huge gap in social status between them is a deal breaker in most relationship.

I mean think about it, even if you pass my test, will your family pass it too? Will I not be guilt-tripped to pay for your grandma medical fees? Even if I'm capable, won't it periodically ring as exploitation in my head? If I refuse, won't it make our home toxic ? Different social status in many cases also implies different work ethics and view of the world, so how is this sustainable in the long term?

Your potential partner should be the kind that pushes you to be better, that their value in your eyes will call forth your best, making you spotlighting your uniqueness as a compelling force to secure their commitment.  Downplaying yourself also implies that they are not a challenge, same way you won't downplay yourself to an employer. It's a sub-optimal solution. People should date themselves, don't just jump into a committed relationship, talk more of marriage.

I was friend with my spouse for at least two years before we even started dating, and all through the friendship period, I already knew her kind of personality, so there was no need us to downplay or hide anything. Experience like they say, it's the best teacher. So for me, it's a big no. If securing your commitment doesn't call forth the best in me, doesn't make me calibrate, redact, enhance and spotlight all my sophistication to blow you mind, then you're probably not that worthy. This has been my formula and it works for me well.

If you lie to a potential spouse that you’re uneducated, squatting with your brother etc in order to test them, what are they supposed to fall in love with? The idea of living with your brother?

Stop playing unnecessary games in relationships. It’s childish.

A guy that will actually lie or extremely downplay his achievement just to get the best spouse is actually a slow person, he is not a person of worth that feels he cannot attract his class and a lady of worth, he may be a money-miss-road by luck, or still has a poverty mentality, if he eventually reveals himself, won't the lady still leech off him?

I'm trying to imagine the scenario here, he'd be like "hey I've been lying to you, I'm worth blablabla", does he expect the lady to just smile as if nothing happened and accept his big reveal just like that? Only a lady without self respect will continue with such a deceptive person anyway, that kind of person can never be honest and truthful in marriage.

Are you normal

Na so una like to dey attract poverty, so wife material is not supposed to love wealth and affluence

Depends on the experience you've had over the years. Some people have been unfortunate finding their soulmate.

Let me learn

Lucrativress:

A good man without money and prospects isn't a man,he is just a living being,his goodness is worthless
Good won't buy 1,2,3 Baby's food and Cerelac you know
Everyone are after their future security, don't blame women soo much,blame the men going for leeches,but don't expect a good and ideal woman to settle for your Korean movie drama's,women are hypergamous in nature, it's naturally imbibed in them,so wake up Fairyman

a good woman without money is also very worthless. You stuupiid

This generation has a lot of leeches and hangers on so it would be wise to know if they truly love you or are just in for mundane things that may not be there tomorrow.

Not really

Wife material no dey Nigeria

Potatochips:
Wonderful topic. This issue actually happened to me. There's this lady introduced to me by my sister. She was supposed to be a nurse. But after interactions with her, she made me believe she was an auxiliary nurse. I was even willing to train her in nursing school (after marrying her though), before she started complaining every day about her family problems to me and all that. That she lost her job and needed money to transport to the new job. I was especially put off by her family challenges. There's no way I could see myself taking up both her family responsibilities and mine at the same time while training her in nursing school. After thinking about everything I decided to let go. After about a month, she wrote me on whatsapp saying she was very happy for not telling about her real status and all that, implying that I'm wicked. I was so disappointed in her. Why hide your true achievements and personality from me when I told you everything about myself?That's deceit. It seemed she had been watching too much nollywood.
Personally I actually don't believe in unconditional love especially when it comes to marriage. People love you most times because of your handsomeness / beauty, education, financial capabilities, intelligence, etc. It's part of life. It is normal. It doesn't necessarily mean they are gold diggers. The question you should ask yourself is, would you accept you if you didn't have any of those achievements? If people have some criteria that you have to meet before accepting you as part of their life, so be it, don't blame them for it, provided they meet yours, then you both should accept each other in the absence of any major red flag.
The problem is that we don't always want to tell ourselves the truth. Even that person that you feel loves you for you has a reason or reasons for loving you, you just don't know it yet. People can be intuitive.

well done bro, you are a rational thinker, and must have taken few those of " redpill" I have for long concluded there is nothing like unconditional love, people love you for a reason, I have watched this happen to many people and even me. I go into relationship with an open mind, knowing full well if she finds a better option she could switch her loyalty, love and whatever she has been offering, no one really love you for no reason but for a reason.

pansophist:


When you're hiding your sophistication from your potential partner,  Why would you think the other person is not discerning enough to see your game plan and play along? Also, what's the assurance that even if the person pass the virtue test and later realise you're rich for example, that their hibernated materialism will not be reactivated?

Furthermore, the idea of downplaying your sophistication is a consequence of imbalalance in their respective social status, which to me, is not a good protocol. Generally, you should actually marry your class, because even if a woman/man married you after passing your so called test, the dynamics associated with a huge gap in social status between them is a deal breaker in most relationship.

I mean think about it, even if you pass my test, will your family pass it too? Will I not be guilt-tripped to pay for your grandma medical fees? Even if I'm capable, won't it periodically ring as exploitation in my head? If I refuse, won't it make our home toxic ? Different social status in many cases also implies different work ethics and view of the world, so how is this sustainable in the long term?

Your potential partner should be the kind that pushes you to be better, that their value in your eyes will call forth your best, making you spotlighting your uniqueness as a compelling force to secure their commitment.  Downplaying yourself also implies that they are not a challenge, same way you won't downplay yourself to an employer. It's a sub-optimal solution. People should date themselves, don't just jump into a committed relationship, talk more of marriage.

I was friend with my spouse for at least two years before we even started dating, and all through the friendship period, I already knew her kind of personality, so there was no need us to downplay or hide anything. Experience like they say, it's the best teacher. So for me, it's a big no. If securing your commitment doesn't call forth the best in me, doesn't make me calibrate, redact, enhance and spotlight all my sophistication to blow you mind, then you're probably not that worthy. This has been my formula and it works for me well.

rubbish. A relationship with an employer is not like that with a spouse. Or can you wake up one morning and Rell your wife you fired and off he or she goes?? It's important you test the spirit. Marriages have challenges and not all are financial. So many others. You should marry someone who can stand with you thick or thin

They call me prince Akeem. From zamunda.

For people who still believe in love and not fake asses they surely don’t want sm1 who falls in love with them just for their money at superficial attributes. They want dept and quality.

Why will I want to intentionally marry a gold digger? Of what profit is that to me when I can just date her and move on to the next?

With the way “some/most” empty gals are drown to money and I think it is wise to hide such aspects of ur life for awhile especially when in search for a genuine partner or else u might marry a snake.

I don’t make friends or date because of money or superficial things I go for personality and character. I can’t stand people who romance u or identify with u because of money either, it automatically irritates me bt I like people who don’t pretend despite their flaws and ready to improve on themselves.

I still want to learn in my late 30s

I think people get this thing all wrong.. some people try to do these things after several past experiences of betrayal and having met several people who are only after his or her money...but I think one is required to go about it with wisdom..if you think you have a reason to come low to find love..you don't need to lie..to me that's pure childish and immature..you can just play simple.. reveal yourself gradually..one step at a time..not that your first or second date you have already downloaded how rich you are..how many houses you have bla bla..