I think she needs to understand that very well.
A ship cannot be without a captain, and at the same time it can't have two captains, one person must be incharge.

It's either the woman is the head of the home or the man!

djon78:



Why should I drop the mentality

I am the captain in my relationship

My woman understands that fact and accedes to it wholly

Maybe you can tell that to the men that believe otherwise

MrColdsweat:


Wahala for who no marry virgin.

Are you minding those beta males who don't know the values of virgins. It goes beyond the fact that she has had sex before, her organs will most likely be normal

Hahahahahaahahaha.

SimplyFacts:
For compatibility, a lady once told me that she needed to get confirmation from her two Pastors & her mom's?

3 Pastors Mo ya look away. Before she gave a feedback, I told her my Pastor said (na lie o) he saw death ahead of us .

I can't lay the foundation of my marriage or live my life on the beliefs of other people she called Pastors.

I read the previous post and read this too, I may not have your partners side of the story, but from everything you have said both in the previous and current posts, it's obvious so many things were wrong with your union from the foundation that you felt cud change with time once you both are finally married. As much as I try to understandyour pains, anger, and disappointment at yourself and partner, you did the right thing ending it sooner than later, thereby avoiding further mistakes. Now to the advice that men should stay away from girls raised by single moms, you are wrong! You made a bad choice, deal with it. How many divorce cases are as a result of marriage with women raised by single parent? Dont dish out advices based on a wrong decision on your part. Some single moms are like that by choice, and they are dealing with that decision as best as they can. Likes begets likes, iron sharpens iron. The people we choose to mingle with are a reflection of who we really are in the long run. Change your mindset and perception, may be next time you ll make better judgement of character. Your ex chose who she wanted to be. We have kids raised by both parents and they still turned out a curse to society and the world at large.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Nairalanders always happy whenever they get the opportunity to throw stones at single mothers. Even those that have impregnated girls and abandoned them to raise the kids all alone will still come online to insult single mums. Single mums are bad o but the irresponsible deadbeat men that left their responsibility for her to carry are the poor innocent victims.

Btw, which test does one carry out to reveal that a womb is weak? What is the medical terminology? Asking for a friend o

I think your point is contradictory.

You need to also understand that a ship cannot be without a captain, and at the same time it can't have two captains, one person must be incharge.

It's either the woman is the head of the home or the the man!

CharisEleos:


My response was not to this post here. after reading this, I knew it was an update of a previous post somewhere. So, I went to his profile and found the previous post. That was what I responded to.

Maybe you'll want to read that first so you can understand my submission better.


author=djon78 post=104184179]



Drop this mentality


Exactly my point.

Victorclean1:
Am also a victim. The greatest gift God will give a man is a good wife. Forget wealth though important

Once you made the mistake, you can't easily recover early. Shine your eye very well before you marry because marriage is like an unlimited liability company.

Your girl friend may not be the best in marriage because the game is different. Is so deep but be extremely careful

Is that so?

Rozcol:
Not every man is wrapped up with a toxic and poverty stricken mentality like you.For your information I will only work after having all my kids and that's when the last one would be between age 5or6.Deal with it

Lol. You want what you want. And if your partner's fine with it, all well and good.

A single mother raised me. Perish the ideal of girls raised by single moms are terrible. Background check is very important in marriage for both parties. My mom did a good job, she told me never to have anything against my father, she says alot of good things about him. I really want to hear her own side, alot of men are very good at saying nasty things about women.

Pecoleee345:

No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

bro I need to take you to one nice club for cool relax drink.. you stronger than rock

This is exactly what my husband did back then he even go to my place of work to get vital information about me, my marriage will be 7years by October 15 and we are blessed with two kids a boy and a girl.One thing am always grateful of everyday of my life is that i don't make a wrong choice about choosing a life partner between this 7years of my marriage nobody settle any fights for us neither do we had a misunderstanding that lasted for 15mins.

Mogadishuu:
The op is now an elder because he just shared an experience of his for we the single guys. Background check isn't just about her WhatsApp or Facebook... Go to her area, ask about her.
In the olden days, that's what our parents did. They made research into the family they intend having a union with

And as a woman/man if you were raised by a single parent endeavor to go for counceling before wedding

Rozcol:
I pity women who gives men like you a chance in their life and making them miserable all in the name of women bringing something to the table. Women are not providers,you men of this generation should go learn from your forefathers.

The women worked in the farms for our forefathers
Our forefathers turned the soil and the women planted , harvested and brought it home for our fathers to harness them on the barns. The women cooked and bore children and take the harvest to the market for sale and yet brought the money home to the fathers. Which do you prefer??

Deeper than deep.

Ninejaywon:
You see that background check or underground surveillance, is very very important.

You will bounce back from this. But don't u ever make the same mistake again that is if you would even consider remarrying.

Must I be A FBI or DSS officer before I can marry....?/
Marriage Nah scam...whoever wise pass among the couples take the whole share....he or she will conquer everything and leave the other miserable....most especially Naija lady, trust dem to your peril...

Guys, I think if you can practice celibacy, stay single till the rest of your life but if you can't, it is advisable to find olosho of your status, pay her and do your sharp-sharp...
Say no to rape, sexual molestation, or harrasement, etc.
Most ladies suppose to be thankful to god that some guys still deem it fit to marry them because all they stand to offer in the marriage, can be paid for outside marriage and be gotten better than what they possess...
If all men were like me, a lot of ladies will be begging men to marry them with huge amount of money...but some guys worship butts, boobs, and cunts. So, they see that as a weak point from some of us and they kept on monetizing it.


I cum in piss...

This is the real fact. It is not only a lady raised by a single parent, but a lady whose mother is the one controlling their home. It's important one does his research so deeply. Find out why she wants to marry you!

I really feel for you bro, I agree with you, single mothers or call them baby mamas are so toxic and evil. I remember when I visited my(now wife) in her sister in law's place(single mother with a baby girl) she's so found of abusing her ex and saying all sort of rubbish to make him look weak, irresponsible & useless to the daughter. The ex had already moved on at time by remarrying ...my sis in law was so toxic to the point of making jest of them that they are yet to have a child in their new marriage. Now she too has remarried (second wife) it's 4 years ..no child too...nature is paying her back) I was not comfortable with all these and that made me to be a bit worried about my fiancee living with her. But me I be full streetocrat..I told her I don't tolerate many things and I made her to know...late nights calls from brothers from (church) embassy dem...her mom is late so I was so worried the person standing in that mother's role is her single mother sister with bad attitude, character, extremely jealous, evil, and despicable....she go dey smile with you ...omor she's demon incarnate ooo...daughters raised by single mothers have anger issue and alot of problem...they always feel a man is all out to cheat or abuse them..but the truth is that ...your mom played a huge role in her singlemotherlity but she will never accept and tell you the truth so growing up in that toxic environment is a grooming ground a bad behaved bad charactered infested ladies who see relationship/marriage as a business (profit) or game (WIN) mentality. Finally, not all of them....some are completely opposite and are wonderful but the percentage is 10%. I wish you the best in your next.

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Ee

Pecoleee345:

No.....she had miscarriage twice
It was two year into marriage I got to know she had an abortion while in school.

She has a weak womb according to test results.

Op, did the Doctor tell you that her weak womb is as a result of the abortion she had in school? Or you are just assuming because she told you about her past. Men like you are the reason some women will take some secrets to the grave. She doesn't deserve this banter, if you've divorced her, go your way and get madam perfect. Stop using damaging words on her. Another man will do very well with that lady and appreciate her more. The fact is that you went into marriage not realizing that you are the man. Just two years and you started burrowing from her, meaning you also had alterior motives b4 marrying. Av always adviced men to be financially independent b4 marriage. That same lady who ask for refund after burrowing from her can still pay for your and children fees if you know how to manage her well,as the going says "every mad woman get lover". Be matured and independent b4 you get involved in the next one, else it won't get better. Men goes into marriage not boys, okay!

Please what is your definition of single parent? A woman that left her marriage due to domestic violence or a lady that got pregnant out of wedlock. I have a married friend that was born out of wedlock, and her marriage is good, I can't even take some of the things she takes from her husband. And I have seen lots of ladies that were raised by both parents that are horrible wife's. The thing is their is nothing like marriage for love in Nigeria. The number one reason we marry in Nigeria is for continuation of our bloodline. I strongly believe if that ladies reproductive organs were still in tact, OP would have considered working out the issues in his marriage.

I remembered using cash my current wife do give me then to take care of my ex then, I was so serious because she's Yoruba and the impression that I can marry non Yoruba was full in my memory, until this Yoruba lady started turning me to happy mumu, I was doing the care and another guy was smashing the innocent looking bitchh


she's product of divorce that my parents was against, I paid a deaf ear, love had taken over me, until the bitchh told me is over without any provocation, imagine you and your gf were together no quarrel and she just came the next day to tell me it's over, little did I know she's already pregnant for the dude. thank God my Igbo babe still love me despite I no show her complete love, I just carry all the love I dey give that bitchh to her and here we are today



so I concur with Op, when you meet a lady from broken home/single parenting/wedlock studied her well, throw some test, do some examination before rushing in

Rozcol:
Op is a liar, most Nigerian men are liars and manipulators.You all will be surprised if you hear the wife's side.

why are you taking this personal

ITbomb:

Alternatively (very cost efficient), once most of the box ticks and you have made up your mind and reserved enough cash for the marriage, give am belly, if e enter proceed

Hahahaaaa!!! You bad oh!

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

Bro! The only suggestion I have is this:

Pack your load and stay off the woman asap. Give it time before you start divorce process. Go and reevaluate your life. Please, leave family settlement and any counseling both of you will attend together. Go for a Counselling only you attend if you want. Right now, you need to reevaluate your life. The main thing I have noticed in Nigeria is that they force marriages and peace unnecessarily. The Bible did not say you cannot divorce. Remarriage is another ball game. I will advise you shouldn't divorce immediately, separate yourself first for your mental health cos the signals in your posts tell me you are deeply pained, but you are the type who don't talk too much. So, you need to keep the whole thing away from your head for your mental stability. The best way is to avoid the lady for a long time so you can heal well. Then, you will know the right step to take. Don't divorce her fast, and don't allow people beg you into accepting her back too prematurely. Take charge of your life.

DaddyRochie1642:




You're in pains, I feel your pains but am sorry I cant help myself I just have to say it,.

I'm sure when the Love dey Shack you that time, you were like,
"Baby you're the angel of My Life", "Baby you're the Oxygen that I breathe", "Baby I can't do without you", "Baby any day I don't see your Face my day is not complete", "Baby without you in my Life, my Life is not Complete"

Mad people full everywhere

Cool!... every man deserves peace of mind.

# my way or the high way!

Pecoleee345:
Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/6653469/another-marriage-crash

So over last weekend.... I called family meeting my mum, elder brother and I went to my wife parents house... her family members were present.

They wanted to resolve things between us but no one gave a Bleep about me....they asked her to speak and she said alot of things both truth and lies.

I was lambasted from both sides and I let them finished properly before dropping the bomb......I looked into her eyes straight up and told her am divorcing you.

They were all stunned.... they were now interested in my side of the story.

I decided not to say anything.....am not the type that bad mouth people to score points or look good (my ex-wife is very good at that)....I just told her family to demand the truth from her.

My advice to young men.

1. Make sure u know the background of the lady u wanna get involved with....the way of life etc.

The mistake I made was not evaluating her background...... We came from completely different backgrounds....eg where she comes from people talking crazy and shouting at one another isn't a big deal but me it was a Taboo infact in my parents' house u can't talk with high tones for normal discussions.

2. See forget love and looks...... Make sure you know the main reason she wants to marry you.

I know she loves me but she had another motive which is am meant to give her everything she wants in Life.... She had that mind set of her responsibilities is totally dependent on me.

She told me she can only spare or borrow me money towards doing anything in the house but it is my duty to provide anything she wants even the riddicules ones.

3. For your peace of mind stay away from most ladies raised by single mothers because most her poison to hate men right from teens by their mother.

They are mostly insecure....they believe all men cheat and can never trust.
Comes with mad jealousy

They mostly have anger issue.... they will tell you I don't take shit... trying to show they are strong and can't take what their mother took despite you not doing any shit.....they want to have say in everything just to show you are equal.

They are always quick to be on the defensive
Just to mention a few

I once told my wife am not like your father when I couldn't take the policing, sneaking and threat anymore.

See as a man no one gives a shit about you..... people are sympathetic towards the female and expect you to take whatever she throws at you but you need your peace of mind.
The society has made it possible for women to get away with lot of things.

If you found a woman you want to marry please put love aside and get to really know her background well......cohabit with her for 6month......lastly even if you don't have money, please borrow and go for comprehensive medical check up with her.... (check your sperm count and the state of her womb) please.

OP, u nailed it ooo. Can't have explained this better. Wow. Sorry for the trauma. You gonna look back at this in future with a smile. Stay safe and strong.

BigDan69:
Not just single moms, same effect if they dad is hostile to the mum (domestic violence). My ex was already wired to attack my every word and action. We tried to help her get counseling but she still was same. She ain't violent physical but damn, she is a psychopath.

She used to say she is damaged psychologically.

Had to let her I know I need my peace of mind, after doing my best but since change was forthcoming. My peace is mind is important. I just pray she finds someone who can handle her and most importantly, I pray she changes as well.

I feel you bro, currently in this kind of relationship but whenever I think about marriage omo I'm just sacred and I've been looking for a way to step out man. The OP has finished it, it's like they are wired to take the revenge for their fathers actions on you when you haven't done anything wrong but to love and care for them. Ladies raised by toxic single moms or from a toxic family with an abusive father is a risk not worth taking imo. I just hope this one will not go and commit suicide cuz she always threatens that

ubola:
Op, did the Doctor tell you that her weak womb is as a result of the abortion she had in school? Or you are just assuming because she told you about her past. Men like you are the reason some women will take some secrets to the grave. She doesn't deserve this banter, if you've divorced her, go your way and get madam perfect. Stop using damaging words on her. Another man will do very well with that lady and appreciate her more. The fact is that you went into marriage not realizing that you are the man. Just two years and you started burrowing from her, meaning you also had alterior motives b4 marrying. Av always adviced men to be financially independent b4 marriage. That same lady who ask for refund after burrowing from her can still pay for your and children fees if you know how to manage her well,as the going says "every mad woman get lover". Be matured and independent b4 you get involved in the next one, else it won't get better. Men goes into marriage not boys, okay!

Very true, some men know how to bring out the worst in women.

You have regained your freedom from slavery bro. A bad marriage is a jail term.

Congratulations, you did the right thing..

Ishilove:
Op, nobody is perfect. Let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone.

Looks like you have do ABORTIONS well well?

Single guys in d house look b4 U leap!b4 U pay dowry on any girl.
.Do background check ask around about her xters,her family.
.Put her through tenacity test,check her anger level.
.Love test:Did she love you?why did she want you as her husband?
.Do medical checks:check her womb efficiency,no of abortions, mammogram,STDs,HIV, hepatitis.
.Do financial management test
.Do cleanliness test:do she wake up & sweep d house.
.Integrity test:e.g leave money around to see if she will steal it.
.Lie test:is she Lai Mohammed daughter?
.Sexual compatibility test:do she like sex?is she a nymphomaniac?
This is to avoid stories that touch.