Hello All, permit me to add to the avalanche of marital issues that have graced the front pages of nairaland lately. I will try not to bore you with too much details, but the volume of these issues sometimes makes one think this whole 'Happy marital life' thing is just a mirage.

Have been in this relationship with this lady for quite some time now. I met her through a close relative. My family members have always wished that I marry a lady from my tribe. Although I have never been fixated about that, I thought this will also address my parents concerns.

About a year into the relationship, she moved abroad for a BSc program. Unfortunately she didn't meet my immediate family before then because I felt it was kind of early. But my family knew about this.

Honestly, she's one of the most ambitious and hardworking ladies I have had any serious relationship with. However, she's got this nagging, abusive and unforgiving attitude that tend to have overridden the positives. In fact, this was almost soiling her relationship with my family if not that I keep most of these issues away from my family (because some of these abusive attitudes were being directed to my family members whom see erroneously believe have all my attention and my finances).

A little about me: I am generally calm and quiet and typically find excessive talk tiring. I am generally doing well in Nigeria, with some attractive 6-7 figures salaries.

Marrying this lady gives me a golden opportunity to start my family abroad (especially considering the poor prospect in Nigeria for upcoming generations). But the nasty attitudes (that are worsening by the day) have been massive concerns for me.

Interestingly, I am even beginning to look at other ladies that seem to be better off in terms of attitudes, even though they haven't achieved what this lady has achieved.

So I have been battling with several questions in my mind: should I sacrifice my happiness for moving abroad? Should I give a chance to those that truly love me for who I am (and am beginning to really love)? Note that divorce is not an option for me.

Please note that we're not yet married.

Firstly, Oga your writeup is very confusing, you're portraying a married man's portfolio whereas you're yet to even get married,so correct that.
See bro there is nothing like happiness and peace of mind, if abroad is what you desire why can't you work towards it yourself than putting your happiness at stake. You will get there now under the roof of not so friendly woman and become more frustrated because their laws favour the women more, you better be careful op.

I will rather marry a village girl who will give me peace of mind and respect than marry someone just for abroad without respect, I won't try that.

Okay...


Asking well-articulated questions as these is enough to make one conclude that you know what you want.

But because you are a yahoo fiance and a gold digger, you can't imagine yourself losing the chance of living abroad because of one respectful Roseline who greets you every morning by bowing to the ground, or that virtuous Vivian who makes sure she checks up on you every night before you sleep.

So to you, it's the nagging, abusive and unforgiving lady any day, any time twice on Thursdays.

This is one thing all "successful" ladies have in common.

They just suck at managing success. That's why I go for the not so successful ones. It's easier to deal with them

You want to marry her because of abroad.

If you really earn a good pay, what stops you from saving more to move abroad in the future?

“You are a mumu man”

[quote author=Newcon123 post=104324303]Hello All, permit me to add to the avalanche of marital issues that have graced the front pages of nairaland lately. I will try not to bore you with too much details, but the volume of these issues sometimes makes one think this whole 'Happy marital life' thing is just a mirage.

Have been in this relationship with this lady for quite some time now. I met her through a close relative. My family members have always wished that I marry a lady from my tribe. Although I have never been fixated about that, I thought this will also address my parents concerns.

About a year into the relationship, she moved abroad for a BSc program. Unfortunately she didn't meet my immediate family before then because I felt it was kind of early. But my family knew about this.

Honestly, she's one of the most ambitious and hardworking ladies I have had any serious relationship with. However, she's got this nagging, abusive and unforgiving attitude that tend to have overridden the positives. In fact, this was almost soiling her relationship with my family if not that I keep most of these issues away from my family (because some of these abusive attitudes were being directed to my family members whom see erroneously believe have all my attention and my finances).

A little about me: I am generally calm and quiet and typically find excessive talk tiring. I am generally doing well in Nigeria, with some attractive 6-7 figures salaries.

Marrying this lady gives me a golden opportunity to start my family abroad (especially considering the poor prospect in Nigeria for upcoming generations). But the nasty attitudes (that are worsening by the day) have been massive concerns for me.

Interestingly, I am even beginning to look at other ladies that seem to be better off in terms of attitudes, even though they haven't achieved what this lady has achieved.

So I have been battling with several questions in my mind: should I sacrifice my happiness for moving abroad? Should I give a chance to those that truly love me for who I am (and am beginning to really love)? Note that divorce is not an option for me.[/quote

You mean without her you can't move abroad?
Don't marry cos of the reasons mentioned above...marry who loves you and who you truly love...
She knows why you are interested in her...

leave her!

if you like, let her take you to heaven, she will only get worse

Divorce is always an option.Besides,Any one doing well and earning as much as 7 figures as salary shouldn't rely on anyone to travel abroad.
You should be able to date someone you want and travel when you want.

CursedNsukka:
Firstly, Oga your writeup is very confusing, you're portraying a married man's portfolio whereas you're yet to even get married,so correct that.
See bro there is nothing like happiness and peace of mind, if abroad is what you desire why can't you work towards it yourself than putting your happiness at stake. You will get there now under the roof of not so friendly woman and become more frustrated because their laws favour the women more, you better be careful op.

I will rather marry a village girl who will give me peace of mind and respect than marry someone just for abroad without respect, I won't try that.

Thanks for the observation/comments. We're not yet married.

What makes you think you can't move abroad on your own?There are various programs that can get you abroad(you say you have 6-7 figure income).

Peace of mind is very important in marriage.Take it from someone with experience.

Authority1o1:
Okay...


Asking well-articulated questions as these is enough to make one conclude that you know what you want.

But because you are a yahoo fiance and a gold digger, you can't imagine yourself losing the chance of living abroad because of one respectful Roseline who greets you every morning by bowing to the ground, or that virtuous Vivian who makes sure she checks up on you every night before you sleep.

So to you, it's the nagging, abusive and unforgiving lady any day, any time twice on Thursdays.

Seriously the poverty in Africa and Nigeria specifically is creating semi unintelligent humans seeking financial survival over healthy life, imagine he was even born abroad will he ever consider such a rude girl. May we never be poor in this life as to give up what we truly deserve for what is superficial

Newboss:
This is one thing all "successful" ladies have in common.

They just suck at managing success. That's why I go for the not so successful ones. It's easier to deal with them

So you think when we tell you that when a woman makes money she feels she doesn't need a man is a mere talk? Women are noted to be more selfish than men, better understand this so it can help you live a good life

Carchoice:
You want to marry her because of abroad.

If you really earn a good pay, what stops you from saving more to move abroad in the future?

“You are a mumu man”

Very very mumu man,

thorpido:
What makes you think you can't move abroad on your own?There are various programs that can get you abroad(you say you have 6-7 figure income).

Peace of mind is very important in marriage.Take it from someone with experience.

Exactly, all those rubbish at weddings and the nonsense breast and beauty is useless if u don't have peace of mind and respect in that marriage. Married folks will educate you better

Sometimes, I don't understand some questions.

You are in a relationship you are not happy with due to your partner's attitudes which I believe you must have tried to change with no luck..

Why do you think such person would change when you finally settle down with her?

Or perhaps are you a gold digger? No offense

That you contemplate between marrying a career woman with positive financial prospects and your happiness as a human being, says a lot about you. Having heard horrible tales whereby Nigerian couples abroad dissolve their marriages after a messy, protracted court battles, it's not right to marry a woman, any woman, with such unpleasant character.

So going abroad is good given how politicians and their cohorts have ruined Nigeria, it shouldn't come at the expense of one's peace of mind and happiness. Nothing can be compared to man or woman who thinking about him/her alone gives peace and happiness.

I see no dilemma here.
Why?
Cos I don’t expect any reasonable person to consider losing his own happiness and sanity just because of relocating abroad. Especially when that person earns as much as you do.

Abroad can be lonely o. If you enter the wrong marriage as a man, omo, the suffer no be here o.

The only reason there’s a dilemma is you don’t know the value of a peaceful, happy home. If you did, you wouldn’t risk the rest of your life living with an unforgiving, problematic woman in a country where men are always suspected to be guilty before trial, during trial and even when they are acquitted.

If relocation is your problem, search for solutions but please don’t enslave your future in the hands of a woman who can destroy your life later.