Magnoliaa:

Yeah. It's definitely not what people would pay attention to.

In the e-world, women no dey ever get money o. Dem no dey ever work. Men are complete providers offline.

Rich providers too.

ImaIma1:


When I mean depend on my son, I mean for survival, for my daily bread. Of course as we grow older, we need help.

Many men are quick to point out that the money is the husband's money and not hers. So will he only respect her if her money is involved. [/b]People need to grow up. [b]So if the husband is out of work and she is the one with the money, I guess she can buy a car for her dad.

I just wished people would reason clearly.

1st bold
More often than not yes. I would never allow a daughter of mine to be permanently financially dependent on anyone.

2nd bold

crackhaus:

But still a woman like the wife nonetheless... na the same rope tie all of them las las because if there was a good relationship between the two ab initio, only then could common sense have come into play.

Mother accepts a car gift without considering the pregnant DIL.
Wife is angry and divorces husband over a car gift to her own mother (by marriage).

Summary — no love lost between the two in the first place, and chances are the wife may just end up behaving the same way when it gets to her turn many years in the future.

The fault started from the husband. He has 90% of the fault in this scenario.

If the MIL considered herself a mother to the DIL, she would not accept the gift.

I blame the DIL for marrying such a man out of all the 3.5 billion men in the world.

@Summary: True. I know someone who had two terrible marriages (MIL issues) and is a very terrible MIL today. To think they claim to be Christians beats me. I am sooooooooooooo disappointed in them (mother & son).

Literally, the guy's action can only justifiably be said to be bad if it is not necessitated by a fundamental problem in the union or breach of trust on the part of the woman in the cause of the union. It's always easy to cast aspersions on someone in his position in a case like this when judging from afar, naively or sentimentally.

Let's assume that he came into equity with clean hands in the union and was doing the right things as expected of a sane husband; then, the following scenarios could have necessitated his action, however unpalatable it's:

- The woman who gave him an impression from the inception that her interest in him was because of the quality of his soul rather than his material possessions started acting otherwise in the union, and for instance, started doing "my husband's money is our money," while "my money is my money."

- The woman who gave him an impression that she was a scrupulous woman before contracting the marriage became a termagant in the cause of the union because she felt that there wasn't going to be a need for a campaign after an election, and for instance, started exercising her rights to liberty outside the limits of decorum.

- He possibly discovered that he might not even be the one that impregnated her.

In summary, bearing the wife tag, and vice versa, doesn't automatically qualify one to receive treatments deserving of a wife from her husband. One who comes into equity must always come with clean hands because no one person has a monopoly of pettiness or cruelty. It's insane for an instigator to think that s/he has the right to dictate for their victim how they should retaliate.

Hathor5:
There is something fundamentally wrong with their marriage and many Nigerian marriages for that matter. It always baffles me how a husband or wife will not consult with their significant other before doing a major investment. If you do not run your family budget together, you aren't one and probably never will be.

Why should a man consult some wife before buying a gift for his mother?

The wife is never family, she can go anytime she wants (especially when the man is broke and sick) but a mother will stick with her children no matter what.

LutanFyah:
Why should a man consult some wife before buying a gift for his mother?

The wife is never family, she can go anytime she wants (especially when the man is broke and sick) but a mother will stick with her children no matter what.

Won't it better to marry your mother since she will stick with you no matter what?

Or didn't your mom stick to your dad?

I am trying to understand why you reason that way as per the bold.

crackhaus:

Blame modern feminism and the pervasive snowflake attitude common with the modern woman — She has successfully shown that there's nothing particularly special about being a woman because treating any woman special simply because she's a woman, is sexism (in reverse)...

Equal treatment is a very good thing until you realize that it should also strip you of your "special" status.
No one should be more special than the other in an equal-opportunity equal-outcome society... doesn't matter if you were born with a natural ability to carry a pregnancy.



***
Regarding the topic itself, the only problem I perceive at play is the usual solipsistic nature of women. The wife considers herself more special to a man than his mother (and she acts on it) – Most of the time, the mother feels the same way too (and will also act on it).

Either way, it has absolutely nothing to do with the man because if he decides to buy a car for his mother (who is a woman) and fails to buy one for his wife (who's also woman), can he really be accused of being an ungrateful patriarchal man with no respect/appreciation for women?

I will disagree with you here totally.
That man took that decision alone. Its more than buying a car. Its more like its my money and I will do as I deem fit with it. Why not wait till she put to bed. That's a woman running on high hormone here and this man is acting like a goat. If he is smart, buy 2 cars for them. Get one for wifey when she delivers and one when mum visit for omugwo.

That's a manipulative mother you have there.
Situations like this will make the wife to become manipulative in the future too if she chose to stay and the circle continues.

When husbands don't perform their duties, this is what you get. U guys should wake up na.
This got nothing with feminism and all the sm.

Nisiw365:

Nonsense. So far the man makes money on his own. He owes the wife no explanation how he spends his money ok

So if she makes money on her own, she can spend it without owing him an explanation too.

Supposing the husband is out of work and the wife is making the money, can she spend her money as she likes? She can buy a car for her father when she knows her family needs one?

Some of you men are used to using money as the tool of authority in the home. When the tables turn, I hope the woman won't be blamed for doing the same. By then, the word "submission" will becone popular.

bukatyne:


Won't it better to marry your mother since she will stick with you no matter what?

Or didn't your mom stick to your dad?

I am trying to understand why you reason that way as per the bold.

And you see why families keep on failing. Why homes keep on breaking.
Somebody in this era and year is opening mouth to say a wife is not a family.

U see why Nigeria will never get better?
I know women have a very big role to play but how will you start when your partner( not even a partner in this case anymore) harbours this in his mind?

ImaIma1:


He's as wise as Solomon in the Bible.

A man is not one with his mum but with his wife. If he prioritizes his mum's needs over his wife's, he should as well divorce his wife and be joined to his mum.

Boys on this forum are already reacting and blaming the woman because they don't understand marriage. I can't be trekking with pregnancy and probably a kid or two and he buys a car for his mum instead. We will call a family meeting for it. If he doesn't have sense, let elders teach him sense.

Though divorce is extreme, it's either it's a fake story or the husband has a habit of prioritizing his mum over his wife as Solomon assumed.

exactly

I don't know about Muslims but for christians the Bible says leave and cleave

You want your wife to leave her parents family and cling to you but you still want to be attached to your mom's aprons

Infant boys that should still be suckling with feeding bottles getting married.orisirisi

descarado:

And you see why families keep n failing. Why homes keep on breaking.
Somebody in this era and year is opening mouth to say a wife is not a family.

U see why Nigeria will never get better?

I always want to understand their family dynamics.

I thought basic Social Science in Primary School is that a family is husband + wife + children?

Many damaged folks.

Nisiw365:

Nonsense. So far the man makes money on his own. He owes the wife no explanation how he spends his money ok

Them never born that man in any of my extended family to make major or even minor decision like that without consulting the wife. So also the wife.
Family will tear you apart when such matter is brought to the table.
Who do you think you are?
Because of few coins you will start feeling on top of the world?
Poverty and money miss road srr twins.
That's an act of somebody who rolled in the mud of poverty and when he finally managed to get few coins, he started behaving like hushpuppy.
Nonsense and ingredients

bukatyne:


I always want to understand their family dynamics.

I thought basic Social Science in Primary School is that a family is husband + wife + children?

Many damaged folks.

So many of them here

Some don't even know their background. They don't have root. Nobody thought them family values cos they lived the street.
Some are so bitter they never see something good on the opposite sex.

elonmuskbaby:
exactly

I don't know about Muslims but for christians the Bible says leave and cleave

You want your wife to leave her parents family and cling to you but you still want to be attached to your mom's aprons

Infant boys that should still be suckling with feeding bottles getting married.orisirisi

@bold;

Don't be surprised if the person saying his wife is not his family can quote 'a wife should be submissive'.

bukatyne:
While divorce is over the top and very rash, a man who buys a car for his mother while he & his pregnant wife doesn't have a car is bad market and useful as P in psychology.

A mother who accepts a car gift from her son when he doesn't have a car for his expectant family is a bad mother and very manipulative woman. Even if her son doesn't have sense, she should have rejected the isonu gift and re-trained him a bit.

issues like this will be repeating itself when 8 year old brains in adult bodies get married

There are somethings you should have as an adult - BASIC COMMON SENSE
EMOTIONAL MATURITY

when dealing with something as sensitive as family

bukatyne:


@bold;

Don't be surprised if the person saying his wife is not his family can quote 'a wife should be submissive'.

obviously!

Awon my word is law
I'm the man of the house
My mummy Said..
Virtuous woman singer
Submission choir master

descarado:


Them never born that man in any of my extended family to make major or even minor decision like that without consulting the wife. So also the wife.
Family will tear you apart when such matter is brought to the table.
Who do you think you are?
Because of few coins you will start feeling on top of the world?
Poverty and money miss road srr twins.
That's an act of somebody who rolled in the mud of poverty and when he finally managed to get few coins, he started behaving like hushpuppy.
Nonsense and ingredients

There is a way poverty configures the brain if the person is not careful.

elonmuskbaby:
obviously!

Awon my word is law
I'm the man of the house
My mummy Said..
Virtuous woman singer
Submission choir master

The woman no kuku know the Bible so she is easy to brainwash.

Hathor5:
There is something fundamentally wrong with their marriage and many Nigerian marriages for that matter. It always baffles me how a husband or wife will not consult with their significant other before doing a major investment. If you do not run your family budget together, you aren't one and probably never will be.

Thank you my sister. That's the issue. If all concerned stakeholders' were bought in , there wont be any injure party created. It is well o

descarado:

So many of them here

Some don't even know their background. They don't have root. Nobody thought them family values cos they lived the street.
Some are so bitter they never see something good on the opposite sex.

Very very very true.

LutanFyah:
Why should a man consult some wife before buying a gift for his mother?

The wife is never family, she can go anytime she wants (especially when the man is broke and sick) but a mother will stick with her children no matter what.

Because the wife is now his first priority over anyone else.

Are you married?

Because single people like to give marriage advice. And people in bad marriages tend to liken their marriage to other people's marriages.

bukatyne:


I always want to understand their family dynamics.

I thought basic Social Science in Primary School is that a family is husband + wife + children?

Many damaged folks.

Naaa...these men's family unit is mother + children. Wife is an outsider that comes to interrupt their unit and should be done away with if she messes up. Their mothers are the heads of the family units.

Meanwhile we hardly hear about FILs causing problems. Or didn't they also "suffer discomfort for their children". It's the mums that like to use emotional blackmail for their sons and they fall flat for it

elonmuskbaby:
exactly

I don't know about Muslims but for christians the Bible says leave and cleave

You want your wife to leave her parents family and cling to you but you still want to be attached to your mom's aprons

Infant boys that should still be suckling with feeding bottles getting married.orisirisi

Most guys with that twisted mindset are single o. They have no clue.

descarado:


Them never born that man in any of my extended family to make major or even minor decision like that without consulting the wife. So also the wife.
Family will tear you apart when such matter is brought to the table.
Who do you think you are?
Because of few coins you will start feeling on top of the world?
Poverty and money miss road srr twins.
That's an act of somebody who rolled in the mud of poverty and when he finally managed to get few coins, he started behaving like hushpuppy.
Nonsense and ingredients

After suffering poverty, every penny is god for some. And they will use that money as a tool of control. A woman that marries such a man is in big trouble if she doesn't earn her own money.

ImaIma1:


Naaa...these men's family unit is mother + children. Wife is a outsider that comes to interrupt their unit and should be done away with if she messes up. Their mothers are the heads of the family units.

Meanwhile we hardly hear about FILs causing problems. Or didn't they also "suffer discomfort for their children". It's the mums that like to use emotional blackmail for their sons and they fall glat for it

It is well.

Single mother problems; either single physically or emotionally.

LutanFyah:
Why should a man consult some wife before buying a gift for his mother?

The wife is never family, she can go anytime she wants (especially when the man is broke and sick) but a mother will stick with her children no matter what.

Are you married?

Were your parents not each other's family?

I don't know how you run your family but I am my husband's family and he is mine. Chances are very high it will be me taking care of him in old age rather than his mom.

As for your first question, a man should consult his wife and vice versa because they are one, a team, a unit, and surprise .... a family. You can split everything in your marriage, we run a joint account, own properties together, plan for our kids' future together, retirement etc. If I wanted to do all of this alone, I would have remained single.

Hathor5:
There is something fundamentally wrong with their marriage and many Nigerian marriages for that matter. It always baffles me how a husband or wife will not consult with their significant other before doing a major investment. If you do not run your family budget together, you aren't one and probably never will be.

And why will the man consult with his wife before he invest his money?

sisisioge:


Thank you my sister. That's the issue. If all concerned stakeholders' were bought in , there wont be any injure party created. It is well o

I see men/boys write on NL how they can never disclose to their wives how much they make. I always wonder what kind of people have this kind of a marriage. If you can't trust your wife with everything, why get married to her?

Regex:


And why will the man consult with his wife before he invest his money?

Because they are one, a team, a family. That's how it has been done in my family since generations. You can do it however you want or even better remain single.

Hathor5:

Because they are one, a team, a family. That's how it has been done in my family since generations. You can do it however you want or even better remain single.

OK. If the needs of the family is being met, there's no need consulting the other partner before investing one's money.

descarado:


Them never born that man in any of my extended family to make major or even minor decision like that without consulting the wife. So also the wife.
Family will tear you apart when such matter is brought to the table.
Who do you think you are?
Because of few coins you will start feeling on top of the world?
Poverty and money miss road srr twins.
That's an act of somebody who rolled in the mud of poverty and when he finally managed to get few coins, he started behaving like hushpuppy.
Nonsense and ingredients

Hahaha continue deceiving yourself.
So many men act like that.

What's the wifes business with how a man spends his hard earned money. Did they earn the money together ?

Thats how most men behave whether you like it or not

And which family will tear me apart, we are making money together or have joint account? I will rather tear them apart insteadc

Regex:


OK. If the needs of the family is being met, there's no need consulting the other partner before investing one's money.

Hope the same goes for your wife. If she buys a car for her dad without letting you know, hope it won't be a problem.