ImaIma1:


This MIL relationship is both sides. One can be trying to get close while the other is resisting.

I removed myself from trying to be daughter to my MIL when she and some of her kids turned against me the last time their husband refused to send money for something he didn't agree with.

I got voice notes with insults, calling me names, saying I had put my husband in my p...y. I didn't respond to one. I just saved them. Her plan later blew up in her face and her kids turned against her. No one apologized and I just maintained my distance since then.

Some people choose to always blame DILs always, as if MILs are automatic saints. Experience teach us.

Experience is a teacher dear. Mine was FIL. A good but authoritative man. Even his kids fear him. They call him by his title or professional name and not daddy. You don't dare say no to him. I started calling him papa, not daddy . He corrected me several times anyway and I told him so you don't want to be a daddy to me. He hardly call me on the phone when I got married simply because I'm beneath their class. One day when I was very annoyed at work on my way home, I used the annoyance call him. I blasted that man for good 30 minutes. I didn't even say goodbye

He rang my husband and his kids to lay a formal complaint before dealing with me. Nobody supported him. He was shocked.
They told him to call and apologise for how he has been behaving towards me. He refused. I took in, nobody told him till I put to bed. For somebody who is always in the affairs of his kids, that's another blow. He rang and apologised, than said we should bring baby to him. I refused. He should visit or forget about it. He came with his entourage. Started dishing out command again in my own house. First of all as soon as he entered our house, he said we should pack out from that area. No son of mine should live there blablabla. I told him to calm down, he is a visitor and his is my house. If he don't like it, he should go and lodge in a hotel. Me and my FIL, lots of stories. He reported me at one time to our uncle, this man has to flew in the next day thinking I had killed him. Fast forward ,we became the best of friends. (That man has bought lots of things for me
Very expensive jewelries.
Every month,alert from him enters account. He even begged me to stop working he will pay double my salary. Just take care of the kid
I no gree that one.
Always disturbing his son to take me out for summer holiday every year)
Do you know in all these, hubby looked the other way? I no even send am. FIL said his son should and will never enter the kitchen
I said why not. He said it's an abomination.
I said that abomination no dey work for my house or is he more igbo than all the males in my family cos they enter kitchen even my grandfather. In fact, he is not a true igbo man as he couldn't teach any of his kids how to speak igbo or any igbo tradition. He closed his mouth . I love that man a lot though we were cat and dog then
Hubby said for once he saw somebody who stood up to his dad, even his late mum didn't. FIL one day asked hubby, where did you get this one? I know the family I'm married into
You have to have muscle to have voice there.

descarado:

If you haven't met this type of MIL, I pray you don't meet such.
What wives see eeh, if not for societal and religious discrimination, some won't last 2 yrs in marriage.
And our fathers always exonerate themselves when they are the architect of this circle of problems.
I haven't seen a woman dearly loved by her husband that has time to fight with her daughter inlaw over her son. Never.
She don't even have time.
When she come for omugwo, she will stay just small and go back to her husband cos she miss him dearly. Papa emeka will not even allow emeka to rest.

@bold

100%.

If the men are not ready to build homes with their wives, they should leave them alone.

yommen:


Because he bought a car his mum? His mum Hin mama? Ah ahhh. Awon eleriibu lawon eleyi o. And like you don't know that many girls of now a days are full of shoko in their head. Do you know may be he bought a small car for his mum in order for his mum not to be angry when he eventually buys his wife her own choice of a car?

this is not about car.its about the series of depriotizing her and still making it obvious

If she wasn't pregnant or had a little child that's different but she has YOUR OWN CHILD.comon na nobody is saying don't take care of or love your mom.i mean it's totally different if she's a widow or your dad is not taking care of her.butif she has a husband
and he's doingg everything he should as a husband and father,why should she even accept the gift at the expense of A PREGNANT WIFE WHO NEEDS IT MORE

let's apply emotional intelligence, empathy, understanding and wisdom when dealing with our women and if you must buy for your mom buy for your wife too and if it's only 1 car you can afford as at that time then don't buy the car till you have money for the 2 cars for both.that way bad blood and resentment is not built by either 1 of them or against you or against mother inlaw or daughter in-law.this is wife we're talking about not girlfriend

GIdiata:


I know that's why you love him.
buying things in a woman's name in the 21st SMH I pray/hope he doesn't regret this.

Anyway, hope he and the family are your first responsibilities too? and you are not managing your finances like a Spinster also?

I loved him before any of that. Besides, I think the reason they adopted that is because of their large family, because my husband's grandfather had over 20 wives. To avoid issues with family.

For your second concern, our finances are managed in unity. We both have each other's atm and mobile passwords.

My husband is a rare kind and I don't take it for granted. He doesn't have the mentality and outlook of the average Nigerian man especially the average Nairaland kind with prejudice towards women.

Thanks for your concerns.

descarado:

Experience is a teacher dear. Mine was FIL. A good but authoritative man. Even his kids fear him. They call him by his title or professional name and not daddy. You don't dare say no to him. I started calling him papa, not daddy . He corrected me several times anyway and I told him so you don't want to be a daddy to me. He hardly call me on the phone when I got married simply because I'm beneath their class. One day when I was very annoyed at work on my way home, I used the annoyance call him. I blasted that man for good 30 minutes. I didn't even say goodbye

He rang my husband and his kids to lay a formal complaint before dealing with me. Nobody supported him. He was shocked.
They told him to call and apologise for how he has been behaving towards me. He refused. I took in, nobody told him till I put to bed. For somebody who is always in the affairs of his kids, that's another blow. He rang and apologised, than said we should bring baby to him. I refused. He should visit or forget about it. He came with his entourage. Started dishing out command again in my own house. First of all as soon as he entered our house, he said we should pack out from that area. No son of mine should live there blablabla. I told him to calm down, he is a visitor and his is my house. If he don't like it, he should go and lodge in a hotel. Me and my FIL, lots of stories. He reported me at one time to our uncle, this man has to flew in the next day thinking I had killed him. Fast forward ,we became the best of friends. (That man has bought lots of things for me
Very expensive jewelries.
Every month,alert from him enters account. He even begged me to stop working he will pay double my salary. Just take care of the kid
I no gree that one.
Always disturbing his son to take me out for summer holiday every year)
Do you know in all these, hubby looked the other way? I no even send am. FIL said his son should and will never enter the kitchen
I said why not. He said it's an abomination.
I said that abomination no dey work for my house or is he more igbo than all the males in my family cos they enter kitchen even my grandfather. In fact, he is not a true igbo man as he couldn't teach any of his kids how to speak igbo or any igbo tradition. He closed his mouth . I love that man a lot though we were cat and dog then
Hubby said for once he saw somebody who stood up to his dad, even his late mum didn't. FIL one day asked hubby, where did you get this one? I know the family I'm married into
You have to have muscle to have voice there.

Men! You really entered a tough one. What a FIL!

That's how some men grow up with that kind of attitude of dominance and authority and they lose a lot in the end. His children will hardly be close to him, etc.

You handled it well. He needed that kind of rude awakening to be reminded that he is a mere mortal. Abeg enjoy the benefits you receive now...lol.

As for my MIL, I have agreed that keeping ourselves at a distance is best. I am one person that finds it hard to do eye service. I might not say anything when I'm wronged but you will see it on my face and back off.

She was instigating her other son to send me insultive voice notes, even threatening to kill me and our daughter. That was where I drew the line and I sent the notes to my family. They had to call my husband's uncle. My husband had already blocked them on his phone because they were sending him insults too.

Some families are troublesome and come with drama and me I don't like drama. Even on the wedding day, they brought drama and my husband was so embarrassed.

We just try to manage them. But he tries to keep me away from it.

yommen:


That woman carried him in her womb for 9 months, went through pain to bring him to life. She struggled to nurture him to a fully grown and handsome man that the wife now finds worthy to call her own husband. So, because he bought a car for his mother, she wants to divorce him. That's a very stupid thing to do sha o. In fact, she should just go ahead and abort the pregnancy too because she is not fit to be a mother. Imagine if it was her own mother the guy bought a car for, would she also file for a divorce?

Oh please please please. Not this same narrative.

The mother prayed for a child. Had sex and enjoyed it and got pregnant. The baby didn't enter her stomach by mistake.

Relished and proudly carried her evidence of fertility for 9months and gave birth to her child.

Who else is supposed to nuture the child? Me?

The parents who brought the child that didn't beg to be born have an obligation to take care of that child. If they have to suffer, it's their CHILD.

Don't forget that the wife was also born of a woman who "nutured and suffered" to take care of her. But she doesn't constantly rub that fact in her husband's face.

ImaIma1:


Men! You really entered a tough one. What a FIL!

That's how some men grow up with that kind of attitude of dominance and authority and they lose a lot in the end. His children will hardly be close to him, etc.

You handled it well. He needed that kind of rude awakening to be reminded that he is a mere mortal. Abeg enjoy the benefits you receive now...lol.

As for my MIL, I have agreed that keeping ourselves at a distance is best. I am one person that finds it hard to do eye service. I might not say anything when I'm wronged but you will see it on my face and back off.

She was instigating her other son to send me insultive voice notes, even threatening to kill me and our daughter. That was where I drew the line and I sent the notes to my family. They had to call my husband's uncle. My husband had already blocked them on his phone because they were sending him insults too.

Some families are troublesome and come with drama and me I don't like drama. Even on the wedding day, they brought drama and my husband was so embarrassed.

We just try to manage them. But he tries to keep me away from it.

Extended family wahala
You have a good man there. Hold tight to him and give him all his due respect. They are hard to find these days.

His family will come along when they see it isn't working their way. As long as you are respectful towards everybody minding your business, they have no choice. Humans use bullying to hide their inadequacies and envy.

My mama sacrificed her career in the banking sector to see me and siblings through school, to nurture and make us successful kids. Now I want to buy her a car cos of old age and I need the permission abi consent of a wife that only saw me worthy of marriage because of the outcomes of my beloved mama sacrifices. All of una here with this line of thought are stewpid.
If the wife so desires to go to hell because I bought my mama a car with my own money I will use that car and drop her at the junction of hell.

proclinician:
My mama sacrificed her career in the banking sector to see me and siblings through school, to nurture and make us successful kids. Now I want to buy her a car cos of old age and I need the permission abi consent of a wife that only saw me worthy of marriage because of the outcomes of my beloved mama sacrifices. All of una here with this line of thought are stewpid.
If the wife so desires to go to hell because I bought my mama a car with my own money I will use that car and drop her at the junction of hell.

Are you minding those vagina people

Nisiw365:

Nonsense. So far the man makes money on his own. He owes the wife no explanation how he spends his money ok

Real talk

Hathor5:


Like I said, you can run your marriage however you want it. Just don't complain if you one day find out that your wife has properties you didn't know about.

Guy do you know if the man wants to surprise her after giving birth?

Are you trying to tell me that his wife can't forgive him..if she thinks that he wronged her?

Don't judge cause you are not in the guys head and heart