Stalking is an attitude of always following or harassing another person, causing them fear, discomfort. It can also be define as an unwanted and repeated surveillance by an individual or group to another person. A stalker can be anyone, friend/friends, family, acquaintance, stranger or close partners. This article is only going to discuss stalking as it relates to partners in relationship of husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend.

Stalking among partners has been since the beginning of time, where men and women alike have constantly grown too inquisitive to know what or everything the other person is doing. It has become so common among partners that many don’t know the legal and emotional implications talk less of the negative impact it poses on the victim. Stalking is a serious issue that causes problems in relationships yet it is not taken as a serious conversation in the society. Partnersaid noticed that several relationships are having issues of their partners trying to know everything they are doing at any point in time and they are not happy. This issue has led to several domestic violence, separation, divorce even death partners. This is why we are bringing it to the knowledge of people so that those who are involved either as perpetrators or victims would learn some things about stalking and its negative impact on victims and society . Above all we want to call the attention of the younger ones who would definitely be going into marriages or relationships to take note of this very dangerous attitude and give it a consideration while making choice of their future partners.

CHARACTERISTICS OF STALKING

Always following you around. Showing up unannounced or at your work place or wherever you are .Using other people as a resource to investigate your life. Putting unwanted phone calls and messages to check where and who you’re with at any point in time. Using social network and technology to track you always. Demanding to read your text messages, emails, letters and other information. Threatening you with violence and actually carrying it out always when you fail to yield to his or her demands. Disclosing to other people your personal information in the process of trying to get information about you. Confiscating your phone/other communication devices and sometimes damaging them in anger. Damaging your personal property such as car, phone, watches, and jewelleries in anger. Manipulating family and friends to get information about you and more.

CAUSES OF STALKING AMONG PARTNERS

 Loneliness: Some people are simply lonely as a result of several factors .Some may be as a result of not being reasonably engaged in terms of work or other activities. Others may include lack of ability to create or form good relationship with other people etc traits that may have developed at young age. These could cause them to be severely attached to their partners that they want to know everything he/she does. It could also be the case of one partner not having time to really get to know and integrate the other partner into his/her life there by creating a gap that the perpetrator is attempting to close by stalking.

 Neglect: Some people were neglected during their childhood without reasonable care, love and attention from their parents or guardians. Others never had the opportunity to love and care as a result of very defective family backgrounds. Some parents are simply too busy to give attention, care and love to their children and this affects these victims as they grow so you find out that a partner may just simply neglect his or her partner not necessarily intentional but as a result of his or her upbringing . The negative consequence is stalking.

 Low self-esteem: One feeling that he/she is not good enough and can’t get anything done right on their own without the help of someone, who they feel is always better. They think without such person or persons they cannot proceed with their lives. This is the feeling of not measuring up to the standard of your pairs. Low self-esteem makes someone to always keep trying to meet up to the expectation of others .He or she is always afraid that someone else is better and that his or her partner may be dealing with such persons. If you have a Good self-esteem, you would have confidence in whoever you are and as a result you won’t be bothered about the presence or absence of some people in the activities of your spouse or partner.

 Jealousy: The idea and fear of thinking or believing that someone else may like or get involved with your partner can be crazy and upsetting. Jealousy is a tendency that is in everyone one way or the other but the rate differs from one to the other. Some people are simple dangerously over jealous that they would rather have their partners in their hand bags of brief cases. This is very dangerous .It is an attitude that had led to fights, separation, divorce and even killings. We’ve bad cases of persons fighting and even killing the other for making a pass on their men or women. This is an issue for those intending to marry. When your intending partner is an over jealous person, look elsewhere because it is an attitude that never goes away even with age and time.

 Obsession: When loving someone in excess of what is considered normal and simply can’t take him or her off your mind or sight, the tendency to stalk them is very high. Obsession is very dangerous because it Leeds to this situation that some would regret ever getting involved in such relationship. Causes or reasons for obsession will be discussed later. Love is good, sure it is but when it gets to the point of obsession, it leads to so many negatives. Don’t proceed with that arrangements to get married to him of her if you notice that he is obsessive with his or her love of you. It leads to a lot of issues that those who are in it today are full of regrets. One of such negatives is stalking.

 Infidelity and lack of trust: Unfaithfulness among partners can lead to lack of trust, though there are many suspicious fellows but knowing that your partner is capable of cheating on you leads to stalking. Once insecurity sets into any relationship, the affected partners will always want to know where and what the other person is doing at every given point in time. This is one attitude that those who are victims would not wish their enemies. The younger ones should take time to know their intending partners because the traces could be found even from the beginning. Research has shown that there are circumstances that could lead the parties to this in course of time but most times the tendencies has been there from beginning and could be sported with an eagle eye. This is one act that those going to marriages new must watch out. If you have an infidel as a husband or wife, stalking becomes the order of the day and this is dangerously growing in the society today. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate the married from the unmarried today because of the rate of infidelity. Investigation by Partnersaid reveal that many are involved in this act and stalking of partners are on the increase but this is a topic for another day.

 Psychological and psychiatric disorder: A lot of people have not accessed or evaluated their mental health status and can exhibit some mental health situations such as stalking without knowing what and why they’re doing so

The question Partnersaid is asking is weather love is a good reason to stalk a loved one. The answer is no because every human being is entitled to his or her space. Love is a feeling of respect, affection, openness, trust, friendship as well as freedom. It is therefore very reasonable that partners respect each other’s boundaries. Every healthy relationship should create and give personal time, space and opportunity to the people involved to explore, understand, build and then bounce back together to share their different experiences and complement each other. Couples should learn to trust each other enough to accord them their breathing space or privacy.

Sometimes the big problem is how to ask or get space without hurting one’s partner. It is good to understand that asking for a space is not a bad thing in a romantic relationship, though one may feel a little panic and give more reason for stalking. Space can be a positive force between partners because it’s done to create the right balance in a relationship. It is not out of place to need space in a relationship, for example, a partner who is an introvert loves to be alone not for any reason than to just enjoy his/her time alone once in a while. Stress and pressure from different sources can make a partner demand for space, needing space sometimes doesn’t mean you don’t love and cherish your partner. It simply means time to recharge and care for yourself without the help and presence of the other person. Asking and giving space may be scary and disheartening sometimes because one wouldn’t know what the outcome may result and can also think that something is wrong with the relationship.

There may be nothing wrong with the relationship and that again brings more confusion but it is perfectly normal and healthy. One person may need the space and in some cases the two may need it. One among many benefits of space in relationship is that it makes them come back together stronger. But if you give someone space and he/she doesn’t come back then something serious is wrong with the relationship. This is one of the major reasons why some partners won’t dare grant the space, it can be very hard sometimes to face reality but the truth is that not stalking your partners helps them to grow to be a better person. Everyone needs his or her space if it is in good faith.

Learning how not to stalk your partner is vital to a happy, secure and trusting relationship and like everything of value, it requires focused effort. It is very easy to fall in love but making a relationship work requires trusting and understanding. Though love feels intoxicating and possessive but the question can anyone actually possess love? It may look so but the truth is that can you hold your lover in the same way as you hold tight to the love you feel? Why you think about this, let’s not forget that thousands of persons in relationships have died painfully and largely pointless deaths because partners mistake their needs and insecurities as true love. Every relationship have the capacity to deepen or die so you either support and encourage one’s growth as individual or you restrict and confine each other until there is no life left in your relationship. Partners must learn how to support enough and give both mental and physical space in relationship and yet stay together, this is a beautiful art every couple need to master. When you pay serious attention to your relationship, you will realise that there’s a thin line that prevents a happy fairy tale from becoming a tragic tale.

Couples, partners, friends must know that true love is selfless and unconditional. Partners are hereby advised not to stalk but rather to give space when it’s needed and allow the road of your love to pass right through the heart of your selfish, jealous and possessive part and emerge on the positive direction. The less you try to possess your love, the more true love you will experience. Stalk not again and live happily after.

Having discussed stalking, its causes and the effects in relationship, our advice in Partnersaid International is that persons intending to choose a partner should take time out and know the man or woman. The characters espoused above are not what you get to see in a week or month of knowing him or her. Marriage is a serious business therefore one should give it enough time to stay and know him or her. Some of these characters are so obvious to detect but if you take your time and once the treats exist, it’s advisable you look for ways to address the issues before thinking about marriage. Talking to professionals would be a good idea.

Discussing the issues on time is very important and this is why professional counselling may be required. Once you notice these treats, take it very serious because they are issues that have broken millions of marriages and will continue to do so unless people begin to take them very serious from the beginning.

Many people who have these problems in their marriages/relationships would tell you that they never knew about this before getting married. Others will tell you they knew but never thought it was a serious matter, some others will tell you they thought it would go away with time but Partnersaid is telling you to speak to professionals once you notice these treats because experience shows that these are issues that make marriages and relationship look like living in bondage.

Remember that your contribution or your experience could be a turning point for someone else. Don’t just read and pass, contribute to the conversation.

source:
https://www.partnersaid.com/