I'm a student in one of the prestigious universities in Nigeria.
This week I come do one or two calls, Pampam-pampam, that was the message tune from my Nokia 3310 phone, signifying credit alert from my bank. Your account xxxxxx59 have been credited with N10,000 available balance N10,001.59. As a guy man I rush go market,
me* good day sir, how much be carton of indomie noodles?
Seller* my customer welcome. Which of them? Standard pack, supreme, hungry nan size or indomitable?
Me* I need the one of #500 I think it is supreme.
Seller* Na market, but when last u chop indomie? That one na 4,900
Me* you say weti? I only budget 5k for food stuffs oh for this semester. Ok I dey come
Me talking to myself. Kia wahlia, this Buhari administration na bad one. That guy and other politicians like Rocha's okorocha, Desmond idiot, sorry Elliott don't deserve to live. Say Baba.
Tintin Tintin Tintin tintintintintineeee that was the ringing tone of my Nokia phone, I ignored am.
Woo it should be one of those hungry girls.
Tin ntin tin tin tin tin tin tin tiririn tin tin tin tin teen my second phone, this time my iPhone 7 way my sister dash me I managed change am battery.
Na Seun dey call.
Me* Guy was up na.
Seun* Alaye how far where u dey?
Me* Ogbeni weti happen Shu why dey disturb see I no get money to borrow you ooo cause I go market to buy food stuff
Seun* Alaye thank God I called at the right time oo. Visual done do me strong thing again.
Me* Bet9ja or sporty?
Seun* Bet9ja guy
Me* So weti happen? Why you call me?
.................... To be continued

Seun*** Guy abeg I need cash from you borrow me small money make I see if I fit rise.
Me*** Na Ogun go kill you there. Money way I wan buy food stuff take dey alright
Seun*** like iw Much foodstuff?
Me*** like 5k
Seun** dey come your lodge sharp sharp make we dey go my side. My mama way bill me food stuff oo. Come buy am
Me** you mean am?
Seun*** Yes na.
Me** ok I dey come.
I fly bike reach house. U no see Seun. Gre gre gregre, Seun pick
Me* Olodo where you dey?
Seun*** I dey jungle beside Ur lodge I dey big small.
Me** dey come fast no time to check time
Seun*** guy I need money give me 20k collect foodstuff.
Me*** 20k? You dey mad na 10k them send for me. Na 10k I get and na 5k I wan spend
Seun*** Chia eledumare see my life like nolly hood movie.
Me*** Ah ah nollyhood movies done dey make sense now oo. Forget those things wat zubi Mikel them dey act.
Seun*** make we reach my side. Give me the 5k.
Me** you dey mad? 5k for good way I never see? What if na Contra band goods cause I know say your mama go out Igbo join.
Seun*** Your mama boy. Na your mama boy friend dey mad. Useless son of a useless father.
Me** You done insult me I no buy again
Seun** i no blame you. Na bet9ja I blame.
We come reach him house


To be continued........

Me** Oboy this things plenty oo. No be indomie be this? I go need Keke ooo
Seun** Na because say na your side I dey chop many times ooo. Abeg add small thing for that 5k.
Me*** Pam Pam Pam Pam that was the sound coming out from the key pad of my Nokia phone as I dial *894*5000*# oya idiot type your account number here.
Seun*** so na still that 5k you give me? You wicked ooo
Me*** shut up your dirty mout. You done bath today even self? No worry my guy I done transfer you 5k hold this 5h.
Make u hold this other one use enter bike. If you like go play your goal and over 2.5. this time around u go sell me yourself.
Seun** Ogun kill you there. I go show your side for evening cook something ooo.
Me** As your wife na. Or as Tolani your bastard girls friend na.
Seun comot for here b4 I kidnapped you
Me*** you get money to feed me even if u kidnapped me?

Oboy na the food stuff this I buy ooo 5k for everything

Stop betting. Stop addiction

La 5k la taliban

Lalasticla make you come see

Emmadoc:
La 5k la taliban

hehee. Bros this na true ooo. 5k everything

If what I just read is true
Then you are too stingy oo

Bolarineliza202:
If what I just read is true
Then you are too stingy oo

it's not about been stingy. It's about been smart

saintbillion:
it's not about been stingy. It's about been smart

Okay now
Brain wee not kee you

Is this truee? Omoor your friend is addicted to betting ooo .. has he ever won before?.. Your 10k gaan cannot buy this in Lagos oooo

if na true ...ur G ...na ju...Guy...mumu

saintbillion:
Oboy na the food stuff this I buy ooo 5k for everything

Only that oil is 4k while the G.oil is 3.5k and the guy sold it for 5k?


God punish addiction.

Well narrated and an enjoyable read

Make sure you nor let that guy go hungry cos those foodstuffs there....

...were gotten for a steal

Lamanii22:
Is this truee? Omoor your friend is addicted to betting ooo .. has he ever won before?.. Your 10k gaan cannot buy this in Lagos oooo

20k self no fit buy all these things ooo

Jagaban880:
if na true ...ur G ...na ju...Guy...mumu

lol Baba no be ju guy ooo. The thing be say na addiction. And more so the guy dey eat for my place 247. So he indirectly things he use my brain cause last last na all of us go still eat the food stuff. And again na the GirlS for him lodge dey help am finished him foodstuff.
You go hear things like
Seun u get rice? You get oil?
Make I cook for you na

luizpippo:


Only that oil is 4k while the G.oil is 3.5k and the guy sold it for 5k?


God punish addiction.

Lol I swear my brother. But guess what?the idiot dey my house now dey rush the spag wah I cook. Him alone go chop half of the food

StPete:
Well narrated and an enjoyable read

Make sure you nor let that guy go hungry cos those foodstuffs there....

...were gotten for a steal

lol. My gee oya take this cold bottles of � beer

saintbillion:
Me** Oboy this things plenty oo. No be indomie be this? I go need Keke ooo
Seun** Na because say na your side I dey chop many times ooo. Abeg add small thing for that 5k.
Me*** Pam Pam Pam Pam that was the sound coming out from the key pad of my Nokia phone as I dial *894*5000*# oya idiot type your account number here.
Seun*** so na still that 5k you give me? You wicked ooo
Me*** shut up your dirty mout. You done bath today even self? No worry my guy I done transfer you 5k hold this 5h.
Make u hold this other one use enter bike. If you like go play your goal and over 2.5. this time around u go sell me yourself.
Seun** Ogun kill you there. I go show your side for evening cook something ooo.
Me** As your wife na. Or as Tolani your bastard girls friend na.
Seun comot for here b4 I kidnapped you
Me*** you get money to feed me even if u kidnapped me?

,..Op,..you are a criminal,..I swear,..This is what dey call Partial robbery, Corruption,.where your side make I come chop.

You must be a real niggar

saintbillion:
Oboy na the food stuff this I buy ooo 5k for everything

Make l analyze am first
Chai e too much oh...bros mk u dey epp dat ur guy via feeding

MARKET Survey Estimated Price list of d above Food Items:
Carton of Indomie #4500
Pkt of Peak Sachet #1300
Pkt of Cadbury Bournvita #1200
Rubber of Palmoil #3800
Rubber of Power Oil #3500
1crate of Eggs in d plastic container #1800
1 Pkt of Biscuits #350
Onions #500
4 Tubers of Yam #2400 @#600 each
Potatoes #2000
Tied Black Nylon of Garri 1paint #1000
2 Sachets of tomatoes #200
1 Bottle of Groundnuts #800
Black Nylon of Rice 1 paint #2200
Black Nylon of Beans 1 paint #2400
5 Packs of Spaghetti #1500 @300 each
Pack of spices dre #700

TOTAL PRICE VALUE of all = #30,150.00

Nawa ohh

Chidexsco8448:

Make l analyze am first
Chai e too much oh...bros mk u dey epp dat ur guy via feeding

MARKET Survey Estimated Price list of d above Food Items:
Carton of Indomie #4500
Pkt of Peak Sachet #1300
Pkt of Cadbury Bournvita #1200
Rubber of Palmoil #3800
Rubber of Power Oil #3500
1crate of Eggs in d plastic container #1800
1 Pkt of Biscuits #350
Onions #500
4 Tubers of Yam #2400 @#600 each
Potatoes #2000
Tied Black Nylon of Garri 1paint #1000
2 Sachets of tomatoes #200
1 Bottle of Groundnuts #800
Black Nylon of Rice 1 paint #2200
Black Nylon of Beans 1 paint #2400
5 Packs of Spaghetti #1500 @300 each
Pack of spices dre #700

TOTAL PRICE VALUE of all = #30,150.00

Nawa ohh

Last last Naija don cast. When I dey school, all those things highest na 10k.

You try with your analysis.

Chidexsco8448:

Make l analyze am first
Chai e too much oh...bros mk u dey epp dat ur guy via feeding

MARKET Survey Estimated Price list of d above Food Items:
Carton of Indomie #4500
Pkt of Peak Sachet #1300
Pkt of Cadbury Bournvita #1200
Rubber of Palmoil #3800
Rubber of Power Oil #3500
1crate of Eggs in d plastic container #1800
1 Pkt of Biscuits #350
Onions #500
4 Tubers of Yam #2400 @#600 each
Potatoes #2000
Tied Black Nylon of Garri 1paint #1000
2 Sachets of tomatoes #200
1 Bottle of Groundnuts #800
Black Nylon of Rice 1 paint #2200
Black Nylon of Beans 1 paint #2400
5 Packs of Spaghetti #1500 @300 each
Pack of spices dre #700

TOTAL PRICE VALUE of all = #30,150.00

Nawa ohh

mehnn.....diz country na wa ooo

household of 5 ....go finish diz food within 2weeks......but how de...poorest of the poor de...survive ni?

Lilsameey:
,..Op,..you are a criminal,..I swear,..This is what dey call Partial robbery, Corruption,.where your side make I come chop.

come UNN ooo

Crowwejihadist:
You must be a real niggar

lol. Na jungle we dey ooo

saintbillion:
come UNN ooo

,..I go come by 2:35am.....

Chidexsco8448:

Make l analyze am first
Chai e too much oh...bros mk u dey epp dat ur guy via feeding

MARKET Survey Estimated Price list of d above Food Items:
Carton of Indomie #4500
Pkt of Peak Sachet #1300
Pkt of Cadbury Bournvita #1200
Rubber of Palmoil #3800
Rubber of Power Oil #3500
1crate of Eggs in d plastic container #1800
1 Pkt of Biscuits #350
Onions #500
4 Tubers of Yam #2400 @#600 each
Potatoes #2000
Tied Black Nylon of Garri 1paint #1000
2 Sachets of tomatoes #200
1 Bottle of Groundnuts #800
Black Nylon of Rice 1 paint #2200
Black Nylon of Beans 1 paint #2400
5 Packs of Spaghetti #1500 @300 each
Pack of spices dre #700

TOTAL PRICE VALUE of all = #30,150.00

Nawa ohh

Bros Abeg no vex. You dey sell food stuff? Your analysis dey correct ooo. Chief

Jagaban880:

mehnn.....diz country na wa ooo

household of 5 ....go finish diz food within 2weeks......but how de...poorest of the poor de...survive ni?

kontry hard my brother

Ola17:


Last last Naija don cast. When I dey school, all those things highest na 10k.

You try with your analysis.

No be lie bro...far back then things were relatively cheap unlike nw

saintbillion:

Bros Abeg no vex. You dey sell food stuff? Your analysis dey correct ooo. Chief

I no dey sell but l dey buy on regular basis bro

Chidexsco8448:

I no dey sell but l dey buy on regular basis bro

boss. U go like food die