AFONAMARO:
Our parents had made the mistake of telling our sisters and wives that their focus should be on getting married, and after marriage, making babies and looking up to their husbands for change (little money they can make for/by themselves). And in turn, this has rendered so many women incapacitated immediately they lose their husbands as well as the male factors (providers) in their lives.

The above reason is why women are wrongly perceived as liabilities and people who only bring sex to the table in exchange for what their husband/boyfriend provides.
This is totally wrong and unacceptable as women are worth more and can do better.

"Most" men can do little without the assistance of their girlfriend, woman or wife, as regards taking care of themselves (washing their clothes, dishes and grooming). Whereas, a woman can do these and more by herself without depending on a man.

Let's help increase the worth of our women by encouraging them to do better, by empowering them, teaching them and supporting them to chase and build their dreams. They are not in competition with us (men), neither are they less of a human.

Never trade what you desire most for what you want at the moment!!!

Kobojunkie:
Our parents and those before them did it wrong but are we doing it right today?

Klass99:




Seven blessings to you for this entire post and 21 kisses in particular for the bolded part.

AFONAMARO:

I personalised it by stating how I am raising my daughters as well as my resolve to ensuring that wifey is on the right path.

So, the question is, are you doing it right, today?

Kobojunkie:
Your story is that you are doing it.

But is your wife and other mothers out there doing it? Or are they sitting back in the delusion expecting things to magically change, as our mothers and their mothers before them also did?

Unless mothers wake up to change the way they live their lives and raise their gals and boys, the cycle is bound to continue.

Iyaebe:
All I sha know is that my husband will be the one to be doing everything financially,its a taboo where I come from for a woman to contribute financially.

JovialJune:
Nice one Op.

AFONAMARO:


And what happens in case of eventuality? You'd start putting the burden of your kid's on another innocent man, whereas you failed to plan your life.

Marriage is not a poverty alleviation scheme, neither is it a skill acquisition program. Build and improve yourself for a better tomorrow

AFONAMARO:

Your assertion is why we are having this problem in the first place. 1. Why are you putting the blame on women alone? 2. What is the work of the man (father/husband) who claims to be superior over women and an alpha male?

Until fathers/husbands (men) learn to play their role in raising the home (family), things will keep going south in the family.

A man's job is not limited to provision, but protecting and leading by example

Kobojunkie:
1. The blame does not lie only on the men folk since our society is not made up of just men but also of men. The vast majority of these women raised by women and not the men.

2. A man has no real power except the power he obtains from those around him. A man who claims to be superior only appears to have power because because women around him submit to him being so over them. The moment women wake up to see themselves as equals in whatever relationship exist, that power claimed by men disappears.

There is no such thing as a "man's job"... even a woman can do what a man can do in a marriage ... what you call a "man's job", and we have seen this proven to us , even right there in Nigeria, many times before us to know this by now.

This here is a link to a story of how one particular woman did what you call a "man's job" and did it very well too.
https://www.nairaland.com/6748029/familys-story-mum-won-time#105721336
Nigeria is littered with many stories such as these, of women doing a "man's job" ... I dare say it has become the norm in that country by now.

However many of the same women, never border to teach their children, particularly the female children, that they are equal to men in all wise. They refuse to inform their children that men and women should be equal shareholders in whatever relationship they find themselves in. Women need to wake up to the truth that has been ever before them.

bukatyne:

That very thread was in my mind when I was responding to the OP.
@bold: how can I like the bolded of your posts over and over again?

Iyaebe:
Irony of life,me I have problems with the bolded

bukatyne:


Well we have different perspectives to life.

Can you highlight why you have issues with them though?

Iyaebe:
I really can't explain, but maybe it has to do with my upbringing.I don't ever want to be equal with my man,I want him to be richer and above me in all aspects. If giving my future husband all I have to get him way richer than I am,then I'll gladly do it.I don't think I can manage the situation of been equal or richer than my man.I want to be under him in all aspects. Maybe I'm weird and wrong but this is my true person,this is how I want it to be.

Iyaebe:
I really can't explain, but maybe it has to do with my upbringing.I don't ever want to be equal with my man,I want him to be richer and above me in all aspects. If giving my future husband all I have to get him way richer than I am,then I'll gladly do it.I don't think I can manage the situation of been equal or richer than my man.I want to be under him in all aspects. Maybe I'm weird and wrong but this is my true person,this is how I want it to be.

bukatyne:
@AFONAMARO:

Interesting convo with your wife/family.

Where I start losing interest in these types of threads fast is when I begin to read 'women were trained/taught not to aspire to anything' bla bla because the reality around me (not even my extended family) (for two generations and counting) and counting is different.

Maybe this is a cultural thing because housewifery is very discouraged (infact, the word for wife is Iyawo Ile (housewife) and husband is baale Ile (head of house/home).

Alluding that stay at home wives (wives who do not earn) are liabilities mean the individual has no grasp of what marriage and family life is all about. Women need to learn about their identities so they stop comparing themselves in relation to men. A fish will think himself stupid all his life if he is compared to a bird.

I have also realized that some women do not have dreams of earning or becoming the next Dangote or Alakija or Awosika which is fine. Some men do not have dreams either and work just because they need to feed their families. I have a colleague who has to use the continuity of their marriage to make his wife work. She did not see the reason to because her husband is the provider culturally.

It is so funny that we do not see that men still enjoy these comparison with them. On traditional roles, A man cannot cook nor clean and he gets a wife with his full chest; nobody calls him a domestic liability A woman wants a provider and suddenly she is called a liability.

According to Collins dictionary, a liability is someone who causes a lot of problems or embarrassment. Also burden, inconvenience, drawback, impediment etc.
How is God's name does a wife who is doing every other thing than bringing in money accept the tag above all because her husband provides the money?

My point is that this discussion is much more complex than we make it seem and there are a lot of moving parts.

Kudos to you encouraging your girls to be whatever they want to be (If the opposite is a thing around you). LoL @ 'they can do everything': no human being can do everything

@women deserving more than they are accorded: please explain further.

Let's help increase the worth of our women by encouraging them to do better, by empowering them, teaching them and supporting them to chase and build their dreams.

bukatyne:

It is so funny that we do not see that men still enjoy these comparison with them. On traditional roles, A man cannot cook nor clean and he gets a wife with his full chest; nobody calls him a domestic liability A woman wants a provider and suddenly she is called a liability.

According to Collins dictionary, a liability is someone who causes a lot of problems or embarrassment. Also burden, inconvenience, drawback, impediment etc.
How is God's name does a wife who is doing every other thing than bringing in money accept the tag above all because her husband provides the money?

AFONAMARO:

The average Nigerian man thinks/believes that a woman's priority should be laced around marriage and child rearing, and that a woman's dream is subjected to the wish of her husband once married. And this has been one of the biggest issues facing single ladies as their parents in most cases, have already given them the orientation that the goal is to attract a man, get married and start making babies.

Owing to the above, most young Nigerian women have been subjected to accept that their biggest achievement would be, getting a man and settling down, while fulfillment comes from being able to make babies for their respective husbands.

Richy4:
Is there a gender that ought to be treated wrongly?
There are many men out there who are docile.. nice to a fault whose wives were been treated badly..

U guys should try and balance some of your write ups sometimes...
Those men suffering under the hands of their wives, Who cannot voice out their problems to avoid being ridiculed by their fellow male counterparts, Who are their advocates?... Do you think it's only women that are suffering?

I guess some of u might be thinking..yea they are not man enough.. yea they should man up, etc... What if that's just their nature?

Kobojunkie:
Can you be a bit more specific about the kind of the suffering you claim these men endure under their wives?

faithfull18:
. Some will come here to start baseless arguments for argument sake.