There was problem, confusion and rampage in hell whether to welcome Osama or not. Though Satan knew that Osama bin Laden deserve to go to hell, but his fear was about his position as a king of hell. He believed that Osama’s present in hell also mean close rival and could result to coup d’état. He strongly believed that Osama has what it take to take over his position immediately he enters hell. Moreover, Osama has many supporters in hell, especially those that died in suicide bombing. Therefore Satan was convinced that predicting Osama’s next plan when he arrive in hell could be difficult. And taking any chance is dangerous.

“You can see how long it took America with their CIA to get him” he said. Satan remembered his bitter experience when he was in heaven, how he challenged God and attempted to take over as almighty. He always want to be on top, and his is full of pride. If God is not God, he would have succeeded. But God defeated him, pushed him down and humiliated him. That is why he vowed to fight back, he knew he is not going to win just like Al-Qaida vs. America, but he is sure to inflict pain and suffering to many unprepared people. Satan was happy that he has been discharging his duty tirelessly. He had recruited many followers in all part of the world to fight for him, including Osama Bin Ladin. His reward for them is hell. And he never fail on his promise. But now he faced a difficulty about Osama bin Laden. He was aware of Osama’s ability, and he doesn’t want a repeat of what happened between him and God in heaven, to happen in hell between him and Osama. He doesn’t want to lose his position in hell when Osama arrive. Now he have to plan and redirect Osama somewhere. “But where?!” he exclaimed. There is only two places to go when someone die. Heaven or hell.

“Can God accept Osama’s soul?” He asked himself. He wished Osama could go to heaven. This is the first time Satan wants someone to go to heaven, but that’s because his position was at stake.

He called his assistance and also held emergency meeting with other executives in hell to deliberate on this important matter. Finally they all agreed not to grant Osama access in hell anytime he comes. But they failed to finalize where he should go. Definitely not heaven, some believed.

Satan’s assistance suggested that if Satan could play his game well, Osama still have the chance to make heaven and therefore avoid hell. He recited what the Osama’s religion states about a member who died in Jihad. Whether he kills or was killed, there is absolute assurance to heaven. In this case Satan agreed with his assistance that Osama merited heaven and then he planned how he will convince the people of heaven to accept him.

“At least Osama was a devoted and committed servant till death” he concluded.

He wanted to call Jesus and explain to him why he should welcome Osama despite the fact that Osama did not accept Him as personal Lord and savior.

Satan dialed the number many times from hell but no connection. He remembered that there is always no signal and connectivity from hell to heaven. It’s very hard to connect heaven from hell, but very possible and easy to reach hell from heaven. The only place to connect heaven is from earth. So Satan prepared for his journey to earth to make the call. He knew how important it was and time is already running out. He is confident on himself because he has the power and ability to transform himself unnoticed as human being.
Finally he choose Nigeria as the side he will emerge to make the call. There is no confirm reason why he choose Nigeria. Meanwhile, recently he was not happy that Nigeria is getting better in term of good governance. He was also very angry that Nigeria’s election was free and fair compared to the ones they had in the past. Even international observers applauded their performance.

Immediately Satan noticed all these, he caused violence in northern part of the country with hope it will cause war, but he was disappointed. Though he has other operations in Libya, Yemen, Syria and Bahrain among others. And this year alone, he had been very busy causing different types of disasters; In New Zealand, Japan, Spain and America etc. and he was satisfied by his performance. But now he faces a difficult situation of his life staying with Osama in hell. He emerged in Nigeria at about 3am local time. And hence everyone was still asleep, he waited patiently for day break because he went to phone booth. At 5:30 am he located one close to Motor Park and a lady was an attendance. Meanwhile, Satan did not have any money with him at that moment, but he must make the call. He only has hell cheque which could be accepted only in India. He has no option but to make the call. He dialed the number and once it connected and started ringing. An Angel picked the call and sang to the caller and then gave it to Jesus. Satan was not interested to the song, but did not know that it was simply a caller tune.

“Who is on the line” Jesus firmly inquired. The heaven await your call.

“This is Satan, the king of hell” Satan replied.

Jesus was amazed. “What are you doing on earth? I know that’s how you have been going about seeking souls to devour”

“That’s my job” Satan said proudly. And I have been doing my best.

“But I defeated you, and you suppose to be in hell eternally.

“Yes I know, even your father also defeated me. But he did not take away my power. Now I’m gathering soul that will perish with me in hell forever. And I have to do quick before you come back to judge the living and the dead” Satan concluded

“But now why are you calling me” Jesus asked

“Thank you for that question” Satan continued. I know you are the Lord of lords, the King of kings. And any door you open, no one can close, and any door you close, no one can open. I also know that by the mention of your name, every knee shall bow and every thong confess. Most people on earth don’t know how great you are, and how ready you are to help them. They even go looking for power, wealth, and life elsewhere and I give them fake. I am always proud of myself, though I know that I get nothing. I refuse to ask for pardon because i’m consumed by pride. I seek desperately to be on top and control power. I am always Satan and I will refuse to change. But I would like to ask you for a favour now. Please help me.

“Help you?! Jesus repeated in surprise.

“Yes, you must help me” Satan said confidently. I know you heard the latest news from earth.

“What is that”? Jesus inquired.

“Don’t you hear about the death of Osama bin Laden, the leader of Al-Qaida?

“I know you must be happy with that, continued Jesus. You are glad that he did not repent until death. And you must be satisfied that you are getting more souls.

“No! Exclaimed Satan. I reject him because of my position in hell. Osama was known all over the world as the greatest terrorist, the most wanted man, and the leader of the most dangerous group on earth. Even till death, his impact was felt all over the world. America had spent trillions of dollars to fight him, and that affected their employment rate. The life of an average American was adversely affected, and still the fight was far from over. Osama had won many battles on earth including the one he fought against Soviet Union. Most people from his religion see him as a hero. For this reasons, I became afraid to allow him in hell because he may take over my position and relegate me as the king of hell. And if this happen, where would I go. I cannot live and see someone take over hell. Over my dead body. He concluded.

“But you are the one that trained him”. Jesus said. You are the one that also influence his actions. Why can’t you accept him as your devoted servant?

“Yes I trained him, and I gave him instructions, but sometimes he will even do the worst. If he comes to hell, certainly, it’s likely he will take over my position. Now I’m begging you, accept his soul. I don’t want him in hell. Forgive him for he does not know what he was doing”.

“I will not accept him because he did not accept me as his personal lord and savior. Jesus added. By the way, why should you be afraid of him?

“Even Americans were afraid”. Satan cuts in. That is why they killed him, though he was unarmed, and refuse to show his photo.

Look, I had made that king of mistake in the past when I challenged your father. I was once a handsome Angel, but look at me now, as ugly and black like charcoal. If I lose another fight, how would I look like? Please just accept him in heaven because even his religion believes that such person who died in such a way would inherit heaven. Please don’t disappoint him.

“The fact is that we never welcome such people here” Jesus said. We only accept those that fight and died because of peace, and also anyone that die because of me.

Finally Satan was disappointed, disorganized and confused. The call lasted over 5 hours and now he was not successful. He knew that Osama would first of all go and seek access to heaven, and when he would be rejected, he will then face one option. Hell. He have to rush back to hell to tighten the access.

The phone booth attendance asked for payment after she calculated the amount. She thought she was dealing with her fellow human being. But Satan raged on her.

“Don’t you see that my call was not successful?!” Satan roared

“I don’t care” She replied. This is my business. You have to pay.

“Do you know who you are talking to? I am Lucifer, the king of hell.

“No matter who you are, you must pay”. She insisted.

“I would have dealt with you now, but I don’t have much time. I have to go back to hell. Satan disappeared.

It was at this point she realized she was dealing with the most powerful spirit in the kingdom of darkness. She ran to the nearest police station for cover.

Hence she was working for somebody. She explained to her employer, Mr. GY the cause of shortage. She told him that it was Satan and he called Jesus but refuse to pay. GY did not believe her but wanted to confirm. He called the last number from the dialed list and Jesus picked the call.

“Are you Jesus the one Satan called today with this line?” GY asked.

“Yes, I am Jesus the son of the living God and who ever believe in me shall go to the father. I hope Satan did not hurt you?

“No. continued GY. But he did not pay for his call and now I am losing” GY lamented.

“Don’t worry, Jesus continued. If you believe, I will multiply your wealth by thousand fold.

“Yes I believe” GY confirmed eagerly. And instantly he became extremely rich. But because he was greedy, he sent another employer to the phone booth and instructed her to allow Satan free call any time he comes. The name GY means GreedY.


For more on this story: www.bestip.weebly.com @ blog

Hmmm, Sometimes, wonders work crack (or is it the other way round?)

super story

@ op, what's up?

Satan also know dat "POWER PASS POWER",

Dafemo:

super mega story

no be only super tori!

El Guapo:

Thought i was even watching a horrow film

lol

@samtoknow1
o boy nor come go craze oh.wetin concern devil concern payphone concern police.-na really sam to know, lmao

Na wa oh

Which kain tins b dis sef,shei nah news we come read for nl?

Very foolish essay composition. I didnt even bother to finish the pathetic joke cuz i know i would faint of boredom

Only the length of this post scares me. Lemme go and read it now.

Interesting essay.

@op,dis is a mixture of kaikai,seaman,combine,weed with a touch of snuff...u sure nid rehab.

too too lng,is it a novel.lol

@ op too long though interesting

samtoknow1: There was problem, confusion and rampage in hell whether to welcome Osama or not. Though Satan knew that Osama bin Laden deserve to go to hell, but his fear was about his position as a king of hell. He believed that Osama’s present in hell also mean close rival and could result to coup d’état. He strongly believed that Osama has what it take to take over his position immediately he enters hell. Moreover, Osama has many supporters in hell, especially those that died in suicide bombing. Therefore Satan was convinced that predicting Osama’s next plan when he arrive in hell could be difficult. And taking any chance is dangerous.

“You can see how long it took America with their CIA to get him” he said. Satan remembered his bitter experience when he was in heaven, how he challenged God and attempted to take over as almighty. He always want to be on top, and his is full of pride. If God is not God, he would have succeeded. But God defeated him, pushed him down and humiliated him. That is why he vowed to fight back, he knew he is not going to win just like Al-Qaida vs. America, but he is sure to inflict pain and suffering to many unprepared people. Satan was happy that he has been discharging his duty tirelessly. He had recruited many followers in all part of the world to fight for him, including Osama Bin Ladin. His reward for them is hell. And he never fail on his promise. But now he faced a difficulty about Osama bin Laden. He was aware of Osama’s ability, and he doesn’t want a repeat of what happened between him and God in heaven, to happen in hell between him and Osama. He doesn’t want to lose his position in hell when Osama arrive. Now he have to plan and redirect Osama somewhere. “But where?!” he exclaimed. There is only two places to go when someone die. Heaven or hell.

“Can God accept Osama’s soul?” He asked himself. He wished Osama could go to heaven. This is the first time Satan wants someone to go to heaven, but that’s because his position was at stake.

He called his assistance and also held emergency meeting with other executives in hell to deliberate on this important matter. Finally they all agreed not to grant Osama access in hell anytime he comes. But they failed to finalize where he should go. Definitely not heaven, some believed.

Satan’s assistance suggested that if Satan could play his game well, Osama still have the chance to make heaven and therefore avoid hell. He recited what the Osama’s religion states about a member who died in Jihad. Whether he kills or was killed, there is absolute assurance to heaven. In this case Satan agreed with his assistance that Osama merited heaven and then he planned how he will convince the people of heaven to accept him.

“At least Osama was a devoted and committed servant till death” he concluded.

He wanted to call Jesus and explain to him why he should welcome Osama despite the fact that Osama did not accept Him as personal Lord and savior.

Satan dialed the number many times from hell but no connection. He remembered that there is always no signal and connectivity from hell to heaven. It’s very hard to connect heaven from hell, but very possible and easy to reach hell from heaven. The only place to connect heaven is from earth. So Satan prepared for his journey to earth to make the call. He knew how important it was and time is already running out. He is confident on himself because he has the power and ability to transform himself unnoticed as human being.
Finally he choose Nigeria as the side he will emerge to make the call. There is no confirm reason why he choose Nigeria. Meanwhile, recently he was not happy that Nigeria is getting better in term of good governance. He was also very angry that Nigeria’s election was free and fair compared to the ones they had in the past. Even international observers applauded their performance.

Immediately Satan noticed all these, he caused violence in northern part of the country with hope it will cause war, but he was disappointed. Though he has other operations in Libya, Yemen, Syria and Bahrain among others. And this year alone, he had been very busy causing different types of disasters; In New Zealand, Japan, Spain and America etc. and he was satisfied by his performance. But now he faces a difficult situation of his life staying with Osama in hell. He emerged in Nigeria at about 3am local time. And hence everyone was still asleep, he waited patiently for day break because he went to phone booth. At 5:30 am he located one close to Motor Park and a lady was an attendance. Meanwhile, Satan did not have any money with him at that moment, but he must make the call. He only has hell cheque which could be accepted only in India. He has no option but to make the call. He dialed the number and once it connected and started ringing. An Angel picked the call and sang to the caller and then gave it to Jesus. Satan was not interested to the song, but did not know that it was simply a caller tune.

“Who is on the line” Jesus firmly inquired. The heaven await your call.

“This is Satan, the king of hell” Satan replied.

Jesus was amazed. “What are you doing on earth? I know that’s how you have been going about seeking souls to devour”

“That’s my job” Satan said proudly. And I have been doing my best.

“But I defeated you, and you suppose to be in hell eternally.

“Yes I know, even your father also defeated me. But he did not take away my power. Now I’m gathering soul that will perish with me in hell forever. And I have to do quick before you come back to judge the living and the dead” Satan concluded

“But now why are you calling me” Jesus asked

“Thank you for that question” Satan continued. I know you are the Lord of lords, the King of kings. And any door you open, no one can close, and any door you close, no one can open. I also know that by the mention of your name, every knee shall bow and every thong confess. Most people on earth don’t know how great you are, and how ready you are to help them. They even go looking for power, wealth, and life elsewhere and I give them fake. I am always proud of myself, though I know that I get nothing. I refuse to ask for pardon because i’m consumed by pride. I seek desperately to be on top and control power. I am always Satan and I will refuse to change. But I would like to ask you for a favour now. Please help me.

“Help you?! Jesus repeated in surprise.

“Yes, you must help me” Satan said confidently. I know you heard the latest news from earth.

“What is that”? Jesus inquired.

“Don’t you hear about the death of Osama bin Laden, the leader of Al-Qaida?

“I know you must be happy with that, continued Jesus. You are glad that he did not repent until death. And you must be satisfied that you are getting more souls.

“No! Exclaimed Satan. I reject him because of my position in hell. Osama was known all over the world as the greatest terrorist, the most wanted man, and the leader of the most dangerous group on earth. Even till death, his impact was felt all over the world. America had spent trillions of dollars to fight him, and that affected their employment rate. The life of an average American was adversely affected, and still the fight was far from over. Osama had won many battles on earth including the one he fought against Soviet Union. Most people from his religion see him as a hero. For this reasons, I became afraid to allow him in hell because he may take over my position and relegate me as the king of hell. And if this happen, where would I go. I cannot live and see someone take over hell. Over my dead body. He concluded.

“But you are the one that trained him”. Jesus said. You are the one that also influence his actions. Why can’t you accept him as your devoted servant?

“Yes I trained him, and I gave him instructions, but sometimes he will even do the worst. If he comes to hell, certainly, it’s likely he will take over my position. Now I’m begging you, accept his soul. I don’t want him in hell. Forgive him for he does not know what he was doing”.

“I will not accept him because he did not accept me as his personal lord and savior. Jesus added. By the way, why should you be afraid of him?

“Even Americans were afraid”. Satan cuts in. That is why they killed him, though he was unarmed, and refuse to show his photo.

Look, I had made that king of mistake in the past when I challenged your father. I was once a handsome Angel, but look at me now, as ugly and black like charcoal. If I lose another fight, how would I look like? Please just accept him in heaven because even his religion believes that such person who died in such a way would inherit heaven. Please don’t disappoint him.

“The fact is that we never welcome such people here” Jesus said. We only accept those that fight and died because of peace, and also anyone that die because of me.

Finally Satan was disappointed, disorganized and confused. The call lasted over 5 hours and now he was not successful. He knew that Osama would first of all go and seek access to heaven, and when he would be rejected, he will then face one option. Hell. He have to rush back to hell to tighten the access.

The phone booth attendance asked for payment after she calculated the amount. She thought she was dealing with her fellow human being. But Satan raged on her.

“Don’t you see that my call was not successful?!” Satan roared

“I don’t care” She replied. This is my business. You have to pay.

“Do you know who you are talking to? I am Lucifer, the king of hell.

“No matter who you are, you must pay”. She insisted.

“I would have dealt with you now, but I don’t have much time. I have to go back to hell. Satan disappeared.

It was at this point she realized she was dealing with the most powerful spirit in the kingdom of darkness. She ran to the nearest police station for cover.

Hence she was working for somebody. She explained to her employer, Mr. GY the cause of shortage. She told him that it was Satan and he called Jesus but refuse to pay. GY did not believe her but wanted to confirm. He called the last number from the dialed list and Jesus picked the call.

“Are you Jesus the one Satan called today with this line?” GY asked.

“Yes, I am Jesus the son of the living God and who ever believe in me shall go to the father. I hope Satan did not hurt you?

“No. continued GY. But he did not pay for his call and now I am losing” GY lamented.

“Don’t worry, Jesus continued. If you believe, I will multiply your wealth by thousand fold.

“Yes I believe” GY confirmed eagerly. And instantly he became extremely rich. But because he was greedy, he sent another employer to the phone booth and instructed her to allow Satan free call any time he comes. The name GY means GreedY.


For more on this story: www.bestip.weebly.com @ blog

Open to the cool me samtoknow chapter 1 vs. 1-end

I almost collapsed after reading ur novel. Go get a life pls.

did u guys really read this essay?

mtchew

shouldnt this be in religion? in thought this is a joke section

[color=#770077][/color]
good job.. Bravo

This is Bullshyt, No one would waste their time reading this novel

lwkmd @comments...OP u r disgrace to nairaland section...go get educated so that u can diffrenciate btw joke and stupidity

Op no mind them busyBODY . Them d jealous u . Abeg finish d joke cause i cant get d link to d rest of d joke .

@op. As far as i'm concerned, dis is pure blasphemy!
Btw, can't u differentiate btw 'cracking jokes' and 'displaying madness'?? Damn yoke is just too long! Danielle steel books would've faired much better.....

@dariye. I think u av problem, how can u be quoting such long essay! can't u simply quote d part dat u need?? Smh

@mukina. I hope u read dis sha o, but i was just wondering....if sexu.al jokes are now moved to sexuality section, why aint religious joke moved to religious section?
Why is dis particular one still here?

Where is d joke?

@poster that story is childish, i didnt even bother to read all of it.

@ u all, y can't u just appreciate d guy, he try nah! @least he didn't copy n paste d joke lyk some of u @ u all, y can't u just appreciate d guy, he try nah! @least he didn't copy n paste d joke lyk some of u, guy kudoz jawe

Is this a joke or story book?