Dear All,

Hope your day is going on fine!

Please I need expert and mature advise here.

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married.

But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

At this moment how do I handle this? I appreciate experienced input. Thanks

Note: our marriage is blessed with a child.

She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Why not focus on the now and your family future. Over time you will win if you do not repeat your past in your present.

What you are experiencing is one of the consequences of our lives seeds sown in the past and their fruits keep showing up in our everyday life. In scripture Jesus says carry your cross and follow me.

Issue of marriage is unquestionable, op might not be saying everything that happened. Maybe op hasn't changed his ways or not. Maybe it like the case of 2face, whatever the case maybe please inform her parents too, sudden changes from her is something suspicious.

Op don't care, whenever she starts press ignore button or help her complete the usual sermon, isn't she aware of your past before she agreed to get married to you? Ignore her o, focus on doing what is right as a married man and don't let wife matter distrupt your happiness

Your wife is baiting you. There is certainly no need to bring in your past situation when she is aware of it and still agreed to marry you.

Lay the ground rules as a man. Caution her to stop it and inform her of the consequences if she decides to continue such pattern.

Women are not men and they act irrationally. They are emotional beings with hormonal imbalance that creates lots of confusion in their head. You must be firm with women and not flexible else they will blame you for their shortcomings, unhappiness, family issues, and literally anything that make them insecure.

I also want to include this advice to men. Don't focus on making a woman happy. Happiness is from within. Focus on you and your goals and your wife will fall in line appropriately.

It is well op...

This is one reason why I don't joke with my present lifestyle.. Because any slight fvck up today may come back to haunt me tomorrow......

Well,op,but you suppose know say one day time like this go must pop up na

Thanks all for the mature inputs,Godbless you all. She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Your advises are giving me strength

Babsojimjim:
Thanks all for the mature inputs,Godbless you all. She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Your advises are giving me strength

Have you ever met this her so-called pastor?
How come she has to travel (and stay up to 3-4days) to go see a pastor?
If the so-called pastor really means well, he’ll ask to see the both of you.

mariahAngel:


Have you ever met this her so-called pastor?
How come she has to travel (and stay up to 3-4days) to go see a pastor?
If the so-called pastor really means well, he’ll ask to see the both of you.

Hmmm the pastor matter get as e be.

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,
Hope your day is going on fine!
Please I need expert and mature advise here.

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married.

But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

At this moment how do I handle this? I appreciate experienced input. Thanks

Surely, you didn't figure that you could eat your cake and have it too, did you? You lived your life as a playboy and then expected that once you chose marriage, it would all be as though your play boy days never were?

Your wife is clearly telling you that your past remains an issue for her. You need to pay attention to her and learn to live with the consequences of your past choices. The behavior you describe seems like that of one even depressed by your past and this isn't something that can be resolved through arguments.

I don't understand your claim that it affects the sanity of the entire house though.

As for her seeking counseling from a pastor, I would instead advice that she seek professional help instead. Inform her that you are willing to pay for her sessions too.

Babsojimjim:
Thanks all for the mature inputs,Godbless you all. She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Your advises are giving me strength

Go ask around for marriage counseling from a mental health professional. And know the price. Suggest this counseling instead to your wife who seems to be struggling with depression.

See, being aware does not translate to begin OK with a thing. It takes time and lots of it, for the human mind to properly process ideas and decisions. She now realizes that she is also in a state as vulnerable as your past baby mama's who you also quit after your time with them, and is probably terrified by it.

What has this to do with travelling and seeing a pastor?


Hmmm! I say hmmmmmmmmm!

Where does the travelling to see a pastor come in please?


All I can say is be wary of women controlled by a pastor.

OP don’t you think you need prayers too?

Follow your wife go meet her pastor o.

70 years old man!!!

Traveling to see her pastor so as to regain her sanity


My thoughts are positive
Robust sanity .
Pastor fatoyibo

OP if you dig well, you'll find out about her own past. Nobody is without blemish. Whenever she raises your past, throw hers in her face, she will learn to adjust.

Modified: how can your wife travel to go collect preek in the guise of going to see her pastor and you willingly offered to pay her tfare? Are you that dull? No wonder she guilt trips you everytime to have her way.

She is very silly, no be she open her kokoro eyes marry an after one man, did you force her? Was it an arranged marriage? Some ladies sef, they allow love cloud their judgments to reason logically when it comes to marriage because they want to marry early due to pressure or they feel they can live or cope with certain flaws, when they enter that's when they realise its not easy and start running everywhere singing "had I know" in regret,

Op ignore her, you cannot change your past or wish your child away, cultivate the habit of overlooking certain habits that doesnt affect you from functioning as normal, when she sees that you no send her anymore, Na she go reset her brain.

StPete:
OP if you dig well, you'll find out about her own past. Nobody is without blemish. Whenever she raises your past, throw hers in her face, she will learn to adjust.

Modified: how can your wife travel to go collect preek in the guise of going to see her pastor and you willingly offered to pay her tfare? Are you that dull? No wonder she guilt trips you everytime to have her way.

How exactly did you know she went to collect preek? Are you the pastor?

Babsojimjim:

She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Why pastor??
Many of these so called pastors are not trust worthy. Didn't u tell her u have child before marriage?

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

Hope your day is going on fine!

Please I need expert and mature advise here.

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married.

But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

At this moment how do I handle this? I appreciate experienced input. Thanks

Note: our marriage is blessed with a child.

She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Dude are you sure it is her pastor she went to see for advise? Are you sure it is not her boyfriend she went to see? Are you sure the reason she is bringing up your past is not because she has been doing something sexually wrong and she needs to justify it as her getting even with your past life? Are you sure that daughter is yours? Are you sure you are a man at all? Would a man let his wife out of his sight for a good three to four days? Are you sure your wife isn't getting counseled into the next pregnancy as I type? Did your wife also confess her past exploits as you did? Are you sure it is the house of one of your relations she is currently spending the night? Are you sure your relation isn't doing the 3rd round on your wife after the pastor finalizes his own browsing? Are you sure you have sense at all? Will you ever get sense?

By the time you answer all of these questions, you would have had the advise you need!

Babsojimjim:
Dear All,

Hope your day is going on fine!

Please I need expert and mature advise here.

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married.

But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

At this moment how do I handle this? I appreciate experienced input. Thanks

Note: our marriage is blessed with a child.

She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Your wife don go collect premium penís outside and you dey here dey type.

Your name na sorry

Did she know you fathered a child before your marriage BEFORE your marriage/BEFORE you two got married, or did she find out after you got married? You say she's aware of your playboy ways and that you had a child before you got married but didn't say if she knew BEFORE you two got married. With the way you wrote that, it sounds like she found out after y'all got married (which's why she might be feeling insecure and upset now), otherwise if she knew before the marriage then she knew what she was getting into and can't be forming upset or insecure now.

Babsojimjim:

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married. But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

As for the other woman and child, I hope you've not neglected them, or are you paying monthly child support and in the child's life?