Hello guys. I have some things that have been bothering me and i'ld be grateful to get some advice from you guys.

So basically, I'm 23 and I'm insecure af. I'm trying to go on a self improvement journey to better my self but I see some obstacles. A major one of these obstacles is jealousy.

My jealousy is so bad, that it makes my chest feels heavy and it starts to hurt. The sad part about it, is that I don't get jealous of people I don't know but I get jealous of my friends and it just makes me feel guilty. I don't act on my jealousy and do anything to sabotage my friends successes, but the fact that I get jealous of them really makes me feel toxic.

How do I fix this. It's really bad. I introspect alot and I know that I'm not in the right. How can I get over this filthy emotion? Also, how can I get over my insecurities or at least shrink them?

At the age of 23 turning 24 next month, I still can't talk to girls. I get extremely anxious and just avoiding speaking with them. Even when I force myself I'm always rejected and my jealousy pops up again when I see my friends doing better than me in that area.

Hope this doesn't seem stupid though I really just want to be a better person.

Lol...

Talking to girls so u can have a girl friend should not be your priority. You should even thank God you're free from girls wahala. You no read the sorry of that guy wey go give em girlfriend belle as him just dey cry for em mistake? He's about to dropout from school now.
The only thing you need to do is to work on that jealous aspect of your life. Reduce it by engaging on thinks that can better your 2moro or turn a blind eyes. Before it metamorphoses to witchcraft (Wishing your friends death).

That jealousy is to show you are a human being.
It happens to almost everyone.

while driving on the road immediately you want to overtake some drivers,that's the time they increase their speed.
It's a little of Jealousy which most times leads to unhealthy competition.

Good thing is you have a choice to ignore it and genuinely be happy for your friends and over time,you will overcome it.

Goodluck man

Good to know that you another your problem and seeking for self development... Get some books to read on that and be intentional about putting to good use whatever you learn thereof.

Lemme relax and learn

When you finally get the morale to talk to girls,


Kindly use condoms. Don't impregnate her and come crying here.

Use condoms or after pill drugs and other drugs too when necessary.

It pays to have mastery of all these.


Concerning your innate jealousy, are you sure you won't murder or poison somebody one day?

Hmm

ThatsTheGuy:
Hello guys. I have some things that have been bothering me and i'ld be grateful to get some advice from you guys.

So basically, I'm 23 and I'm insecure af. I'm trying to go on a self improvement journey to better my self but I see some obstacles. A major one of these obstacles is jealousy.

My jealousy is so bad, that it makes my chest feels heavy and it starts to hurt. The sad part about it, is that I don't get jealous of people I don't know but I get jealous of my friends and it just makes me feel guilty. I don't act on my jealousy and do anything to sabotage my friends successes, but the fact that I get jealous of them really makes me feel toxic.

How do I fix this. It's really bad. I introspect alot and I know that I'm not in the right. How can I get over this filthy emotion? Also, how can I get over my insecurities or at least shrink them?

At the age of 23 turning 24 next month, I still can't talk to girls. I get extremely anxious and just avoiding speaking with them. Even when I force myself I'm always rejected and my jealousy pops up again when I see my friends doing better than me in that area.

Hope this doesn't seem stupid though I really just want to be a better person.

Hi Op, I am very impressed with how you write.
I mean very few Nigerian youths even adults have a good mastery of communication and can express themselves this good.
I can tell you are not a bad person, just dealing with part of what is the growth process for a youth your age in an environment that a country like Nigeria presents.

I will give you a few tips:
Pick up a passion for yourself, coding, learning to play an instrument, Animation etc.
Your jealousy stems from the fact that you think you aren't doing as well as you should so that makes you to start judging yourself by the standards that others around you seems to have reached and that makes you to feel a sense of jealousy.

Let me put this to you, everybody gets jealous. It is part of our element as humans, sometimes it is even justified but you must know how to manage it and use jealousy as a fuel to drive you to achieve your dreams.

As regards women, dont worry, just focus on achieving something for yourself, in a country like Nigerian where way too many women and trying to get married to few unwilling men, lack of women should be the very least of problems a man should worry his head about.

Look around you, there will be one lady that likes you and you know it. Probably you think she is not up to your standards, try and come down to her level and show her love.
These are the kind of men a man should commit to, do not commit to a woman that you will struggle to impress every day. Look for a woman that loves you that way you can live a life without pressure.

Again, keep working on developing yourself, look for a passsion and pursue it, it gives your life purpose and lets you have the direction that you need.

If you'd like to reach me on whatsap then here is my digit save it cos I will take it down in the next few house :

oldienavie:

Hi Op, I am very impressed with how you write.
I mean very few Nigerian youths even adults have a good mastery of communication and can express themselves this good.
I can tell you are not a bad person, just dealing with part of what is the growth process for a youth your age in an environment that a country like Nigeria presents.

I will give you a few tips:
Pick up a passion for yourself, coding, learning to play an instrument, Animation etc.
Your jealousy stems from the fact that you think you aren't doing as well as you should so that makes you to start judging yourself by the standards that others around you seems to have reached and that makes you to feel a sense of jealousy.

Let me put this to you, everybody gets jealous. It is part of our element as humans, sometimes it is even justified but you must know how to manage it and use jealousy as a fuel to drive you to achieve your dreams.

As regards women, dont worry, just focus on achieving something for yourself, in a country like Nigerian where way too many women and trying to get married to few unwilling men, lack of women should be the very least of problems a man should worry his head about.

Look around you, there will be one lady that likes you and you know it. Probably you think she is not up to your standards, try and come down to her level and show her love.
These are the kind of men a man should commit to, do not commit to a woman that you will struggle to impress every day. Look for a woman that loves you that way you can live a life without pressure.

Again, keep working on developing yourself, look for a passsion and pursue it, it gives your life purpose and lets you have the direction that you need.

If you'd like to reach me on whatsap then here is my digit save it cos I will take it down in the next few house :

Thanks alot for your advice and thanks for giving me an opportunity to reach out to you but I'd rather stay anonymous. I'll go through what you wrote again and try to apply them. Thanks again.

Your inability to talk to girls ought NOT be something that should bother you in anyway.
Girls will talk to you once you have the right attitude and give off the right energy, trust me on that.

What do you do right now?
Are you a student?
Are you earning an income?

I believe that there's a certain level of self-confidence that accrues when a young man (or any man for that matter) feels like he's doing okay for himself.
This does not mean you should have acquired everything before you can feel confident, it just means you must learn be comfortable in your own skin and with your present station in life.

The moment you start reminding yourself how bad you're doing, two things will happen in your subconscious... and it's not a surprise you're experiencing both right now:

1. You will start losing your self-esteem and confidence — this is why talking to girls could seem like you're preparing for an exam.
Loss of confidence will also become visible in how you carry yourself... meaning, the energy you give off will not be attractive to a lot of girls.

2. Once your self-esteem has taken a hit, you will start seeing the successes of your friends (and even siblings) and though you may be happy for them, you still secretly wish you had what they had — and this is how jealousy usually starts.

So my advice for you is this:

Whatever level you're at right now in your life, be content and simply focus on improving it. This will help build up your self-esteem and from then onwards, most other things will fall into place.

doggedfighter:
When you finally get the morale to talk to girls,


Kindly use condoms. Don't impregnate her and come crying here.

Use condoms or after pill drugs and other drugs too when necessary.

It pays to have mastery of all these.


Concerning your innate jealousy, are you sure you won't murder or poison somebody one day?

Lol I'm not a murderer

crackhaus:
Your inability to talk to girls ought NOT be something that should bother you in anyway.
Girls will talk to you once you have the right attitude and give off the right energy, trust me on that.

So what do you do right now?

Are you a student?
Are you earning an income?

I believe that there's a certain level of self-confidence that accrues when a young man (or any man for that matter) feels like he's doing okay for himself.
This does not mean you should have acquired everything before you can feel confident, it just means you must learn be comfortable in your own skin and with your present level in life.

The moment you start reminding yourself how bad you're doing, two things will gradually start happening in your subconscious... and you're already experiencing both right now:

1. You will start losing your self-esteem and confidence — This is why talking to girls could seem like you're preparing for an exam. It will also show in how you carry yourself, meaning the energy you give off will not be attractive to most women.

2. Once your self-esteem has taken a hit, you will start seeing the successes of your friends (and even siblings) and though you may really be happy for them, you still secretly wish you had what they had — this is how that jealousy starts.

So my advice for you is this;
Whatever level you're at right now in your life, be content and simply focus on improving it. This will help build your self-esteem and from then onwards, most other things will fall into place.

Thanks for this. I'll continue working on myself.

ThatsTheGuy:


Lol I'm not a murderer

Okay, you sound like a great guy.

You will be fine

ThatsTheGuy:
.... A major one of these obstacles is jealousy.

My jealousy is so bad, that it makes my chest feels heavy and it starts to hurt. The sad part about it, is that I don't get jealous of people I don't know but I get jealous of my friends and it just makes me feel guilty. I don't act on my jealousy and do anything to sabotage my friends successes, but the fact that I get jealous of them really makes me feel toxic.
.....
At the age of 23 turning 24 next month, I still can't talk to girls. I get extremely anxious and just avoiding speaking with them. Even when I force myself I'm always rejected and my jealousy pops up again when I see my friends doing better than me in that area.

What you need is psychological help and not an improvement program. What you describe there in bold seems to stem more from anxiety than what you call jealousy and I believe the sooner you tackle your issues with anxiety, the sooner the pain in your chest alone with your so-called jealous will be too.

Make an appointment with a mental health specialist and start your journey towards improving your quality of life asap.

This is a very tricky problem, but there is hope if you are teachable.

I'd put it this way ... the only person that can help you with this problem is YOU.

I'll list a few things to help point you in the right direction, and they are not necessarily in order.

(1) Have a REALISTIC view of yourself:
Don't listen to anyone telling you that you are this or that. Look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself the truth about your looks: i.e. ACCEPT yourself. Therefore DON'T lie to yourself. Don't EVER think you can get ANY woman you want, at least not yet!
Don't envy any man, because they are not you! If you do, you will only lose more self confidence.
DON'T chase ANY woman. Let things take care of themselves. Assume that any woman who does not give you CLEAR green light is out of your league, and assume that they are not yours anyway. I repeat, NEVER chase ANY woman.
This little self reservation will enable you to gradually build self confidence. The price you will pay for this is obvious: you will be celibate for a while, but trust me, you will gradually lose that celibacy as you master your self control.

(2) Understand that a woman is a MATE (i.e. the relationship you will have with her is SEXUAL):
There are no viable emotions associated with that relationship if it never ends in sex. And woman can see such non-viable relationships with their eyes closed! If it wouldn't somehow end in sex, most women don't see it as viable, and that is why they suddenly end the relationship and move on with someone else. Not that they seek sex, NO. They intrinsically see men as MATE (as in someone who can impregnate them one day -someone they want to have his kids). Women can be very brutal in teaching you that lesson.
They do not pity men who can't (for whatever reason) "man" them, and age is not even a factor -at all.
A 40 yr old woman would even woo a 20-something year old guy who is at uni, but she would avoid a man who is even ready to marry her!
They would even throw themselves at some ruffian younger guy that has "swag" or self confidence, who is arrogant and who even snobs them, than give attention to the guy that has been grovelling and begging them all year long.
They see the man that snobs them as "THE man" while the guy that is trying his best to woo them, they see him as "this guy sef -why-is-he-always-disturbing-me" with an internal determination never to be an "easy catch".
But they would sleep with that bad snobbish guy SAME DAY. Call it the enigmatic mind of the woman. Ask her why she slept with that guy same day, and she can't even tell you why. It is BIOLOGY at work.
This is assuming all things being equal, i.e. you are a normal man who doesn't have some serious problem (example, physically things that put off normal people, or if things gets to d-day, failure to perform).

To summarize, concentrate on improving your self confidence by avoiding the urge to chase women. I can tell you that this strategy worked wonders for me when I was at Uni. I wasn't the best looking guy on campus, but most of the babes were puzzled by my self reserve and confidence. I NEVER CHASED ANY GIRL. PERIOD. And I paid by not having a girlfriend the first three years on campus. I only had a girlfriend in my fourth and fifth year! And THEY were among the best babes on campus. I dated the first one when she was in her fifth year and I was in my fourth, and dated the second one in my final year and she in her fourth years, and we kept going even into youth service.
So, I'm giving you a PROVEN strategy.

Jealousy can be good or bad. A jealous person may not wish another harm. He or she may just resent the success of a companion and crave to have the same qualities or circumstances.

On the other hand, envy is a particularly negative form of jealousy. An envious person may secretly withhold good from the one who arouses his jealousy or may wish that harm will befall that one. Sometimes, an envious person cannot keep his feelings secret. He may be driven to harm another openly, just as King Saul tried to murder David.

@op if you find out that its envy you have, i advice that you work hard to root it out. See what the bible says about those who are envious of others: Galatians 5:19-21


I also found this article on JW.ORG helpful: Should Christians Be Jealous?

oldienavie:

Hi Op, I am very impressed with how you write.
I mean very few Nigerian youths even adults have a good mastery of communication and can express themselves this good.
I can tell you are not a bad person, just dealing with part of what is the growth process for a youth your age in an environment that a country like Nigeria presents.

I will give you a few tips:
Pick up a passion for yourself, coding, learning to play an instrument, Animation etc.
Your jealousy stems from the fact that you think you aren't doing as well as you should so that makes you to start judging yourself by the standards that others around you seems to have reached and that makes you to feel a sense of jealousy.

Let me put this to you, everybody gets jealous. It is part of our element as humans, sometimes it is even justified but you must know how to manage it and use jealousy as a fuel to drive you to achieve your dreams.

As regards women, dont worry, just focus on achieving something for yourself, in a country like Nigerian where way too many women and trying to get married to few unwilling men, lack of women should be the very least of problems a man should worry his head about.

Look around you, there will be one lady that likes you and you know it. Probably you think she is not up to your standards, try and come down to her level and show her love.
These are the kind of men a man should commit to, do not commit to a woman that you will struggle to impress every day. Look for a woman that loves you that way you can live a life without pressure.

Again, keep working on developing yourself, look for a passsion and pursue it, it gives your life purpose and lets you have the direction that you need.

If you'd like to reach me on whatsap then here is my digit save it cos I will take it down in the next few house :

there is nothing normal about jealousy. It's a sign of illness in the mind and should be treated intentionally. Your advise is very bothersome and it exposes your true mindset. What do you mean he should lower his standard and accept a girl that likes him? More like he should pity her and be with. Meanwhile at that age, coupled with his insecurity and jealousy sickness, he should focus on self development, particularly on his jealousy problem. At this condition, he is capable of ruining a girl's life, monitoring her social media, her phone and in case you didn't know, jealousy is the root cause of crimes of passion.

Op you have a very very big problem. You CA a pray it out of your life by asking God to help deliver you because jealousy is a demon.

place your hands on your head and say in a loud voice:
"MY FATHER! MY FATHER!!
ANY TYPE OF WITCHCRAFT INSIDE ME! KNOWINGLY OR UNKNOWINGLY!
HOLY GHOST!
FIRE!!!

say this 21 times every morning and night for 21 days, you will get yourself

You're a ticking bomb.

A dangerous one at that.

Woe to any friend of yours, cause they are friendless.

The reason you're yet to act on your jealousy is that you have no means.

If there was a button to press to cause their downfall, I'm sure you'll push without hesitation.

I call people like you serpents.

That said, you can start by hitting the gym.