Good Afternoon Fellow Nlders. Please guys I NEED YOUR QUICK AND HONEST ADVICE.

I am married, I met my wife in my working place, implies that we're co worker, our marriage is 6 yrs old. We are in the same level. We're both xtian but to me she's more dedicated than I do in terms of punctuality in the presence of God, but my own duty always call for more time.

We love ourselves so much. A year into our relationship my wife started confiding in one Alhaja, a staff too, Anything that happens under my roof she must feed it to Alhaja and that one used to Advice her, of which has made her to change totally at home.

Because of love, Trust and affections between us, I believe we can do things together, I believe if I planted and she watered, all na still because of the bond and love.

As a result of the above, I started my building project and my wife knews about it, it comes to a level she decided to join me in terms of funding the project, I accepted, at least it is OUR HOUSE , mind you, any member of my family didn't know about the project or she joinning in the project. I just believe that after the completion of the project my family members Will surely call upon to see it.

As s results of the funding of this project, we suffers Scarcity of funds in other areas where we supposed to touch and both of us made to understand the reason behind it, after all is our own project we're financing, is just a matter of time, good!

This year February, when it is time to pay our rent, the money on me I just spend on the Site, but my wife has little change, I told her to use her money for whatever she want but she insisted that we should use it to pay rent of which I later agreed to and I added the remaining change to make the actual Cost.

Hmmm, recently, a fight broke out between us, a very tough one. Since I married her I never responded her to any of her siblings neither she reported me too. But this time her mum came around and behold my wife said hat she is the one that paid for house rent, it was a rude shock when I heard such, also, she said I am the one she's giving all her money to(Project), her Mum attacked me so much that I wept.

Before her Mum came, she went to one of my Brother and explained everything to him including the house projects that we've made Secret between Us, and my Brother invited me and said a lot of things to me which she might not be Happy with if she eventually heard it.

Though we've settled it But, My Brothers and Sisters, KINDLY GUVE ME YOUR ADVISE.


Sorry for the long post

Hmmm, recently, a fight broke out between us, a very tough one.

Tell us, was the fight connected in anyway to you telling her she is eating your money and not supporting? Did the fight in anyway bring in the issue of the Alhaja?

Complete the story of the fight so we can study where the anger is from.

Since I married her I never responded her to any of her siblings neither she reported me too. But this time her mum came around and behold my wife said hat she is the one that paid for house rent,

What caused the quarrel! Her statement is clearly induced from what transpired between you both!

it was a rude shock when I heard such, also, she said I am the one she's giving all her money to(Project), her Mum attacked me so much that I wept.

When two people, especially couples, have an issue and are reporting it to a third party, normal normal, dem dey talk things wey go pain the other person. Na who cry fcck up.

Before her Mum came, she went to one of my Brother and explained everything to him including the house projects that we've made Secret between Us,

Ok?
Hmm. This kind of quarrel that went this far you aren't disclosing what went wrong tho. Seems you are at fault. Don't argue. I know if she is the one at fault, you for don clearly state am to have more points to vindicate yourself.

and my Brother invited me and said a lot of things to me which she might not be Happy with if she eventually heard it.

Smiles. Yes, I know what your brother said. When he was telling you why your woman came, you interrupted him and called her names for disclosing the secrets of the house project, as you told him, “wanted it to be a surprise.”

By saying that and defending yourself, your both sided against her and called her a bad wife ...even adding salt to injury. You noticed but was a cowardly man to counter it after the much you yourself said. All of it steemed from your responses to defend yourself and recruit backup to your side.

Though we've settled it But, My Brothers and Sisters, KINDLY GUVE ME YOUR ADVISE.

Psycology says you are still claiming all your roles in the issue were right! Well, well, well, all I can say is don't man-down and follow the woman nature of reporting to relatives when you have issues. That is the point you defend your wife and family!

Why?

The quarrel will definitely end some day...but all you said against her, all the name-calling, all the kiss and tell, all the gossip you said in annoyance, all the things they heard...cannot be unheard.

Peace.


Lalasticlala, Dominique, come and help this uncle.

Here to learn

Advice you on what exactly?

You didn't state the cause of the tough fight that led to your wife's chagrin and exposition of all your family secrets. So how can we do justice to this matter now?

Well, she did wrong by going that far to disclose all that she did to her mother and everyone that cared to listen.
Though that could be a way of getting back hard at you for hurting her. Seems you really hurt her so badly for her to do such.

Just forgive and let go. Holding on to it will only make develop hatred and have distrust in her. If you're still badly hurt, ask the holy Spirit to help you heal and forgive her totally. He'll erase it from your heart and you'll be back to loving her again like nothing happened.

Well,as for me ooo anything project should be strictly handled by the husband,I don't like all this contribution here and there from the wife.It is one area I can never help my husband when I eventually get married, the least I can do is to render assistance in other areas that will relieve him but shishi I won't contribute to his house project because I won't be able to hold back in reminding him always how he won't have been able to build the house without my effort whenever he offends me and its not a good thing because it will kill his ego and other things.Husbands please build your house alone so that you will be fully in charge.

Iyaebe:
Well,as for me ooo anything project should be strictly handled by the husband,I don't like all this contribution here and there from the wife.It is one area I can never help my husband when I eventually get married, the least I can do is to render assistance in other areas that will relieve him but shishi I won't contribute to his house project because I won't be able to hold back in reminding him always how he won't have been able to build the house without my effort whenever he offends me and its not a good thing because it will kill his ego and other things.Husbands please build your house alone so that you will be fully in charge.

What is the big deal in supporting your hubby financially in building the house you both and the kids will be living?
Before you get married ,you need proper counselling and better orientation of what marriage is all about.

Imagine you get married to a man from abroad and he relocate you oversees.You get a job,he has a job too.When is time for you both to get mortgage,so you won’t support in down payment or monthly mortgage payment?

Change your mentality…

@Danzenithh,there is more to your story.
What caused the quarrel?
And for you MIL insulting you to the extent you had to start weeping is very wrong.I doubt if you will ever be close to her again.

Marriage = Money.
Love=Money.
Relationship =Money.

As a man,the day you start having financial challenges hey,you will see the real woman you are married to.

.