https://www.nairaland.com/6843005/why-people-improve-themselves-after#107482371

This post is on front page and I think is high time we make somethings clear.
The first problem in marriage of today is people getting married with hidden motives in mind.

Why do you want to get married....it doesn't make any sense for someone to start complaining about taking care of the home or providing for the home after marriage....just like you wanting to have a degree and after getting admission you start whaling about studying (my sis and bro it isn't meant to be easy).
Most times woman who complain about home duties are actually people who don't like doing all this when they are single.....a lady who hardly cook for herself, do her laundry, do her groceries will find it difficult when she get married....it isn't rocket science.....she can't even cook to feed her mouth and you expect her to cook for a whole family ofcourse she will be crying everyday about how stressful it is.

You getting married to someone who all she does before is watch Instagram from morning till nite,watch zeeworld,chat all day and now kids are here and it affecting her time to watch this things....ofcourse she will complain about how taken care of her own kids is extremely difficult.

On that thread some ladies were just deliberately been naive about the reality of today marriage....gone are those days were the woman do everything at home.....before me and my wife separated I was the one who clean the house on weekends,I go on errands and I fix everything that fault in the house and I never complained about it,most of the meals she cooks 80% is consume by her because am not always that around due to work(like she just cooking for herself ).....is always annoying when ladies paint this picture of the man just sleep and wake up in the house without doing anything aside from bring the money.

Marriage will only be a bondage to you if the reasons why you married the man/woman isn't achieve (your hidden motives)....then he/she start painting narrative that suits best.

We are all hypocrite and biase when it come to issues in marriage.....God made it clear in the bible each role ...
For the male 1 Timothy 3:1-5
For the female Titus 2 :1-5 (if you are a Christian).
Marriage isn't meant to be easy.....It is stressful and require lot of sweat and tears....if you can't stand the heat don't enter the kitchen.....if you are expecting to be celebrated for a job you signed up for then there something wrong.
Providing for the house is the man duty whether he is celebrated or not baba must provide likewise a woman must take care of the home....if you expect a man to be praising you for taking care of your own kids then you are sick.

On that thread it was evident no woman want to have a conversation about attitude and character which is the main reasons why marriage/relationships are crashing this days.
As a man it is stupidity if you have a very nasty attitude with terrible character and you ain't making any conscious effort to change but expect to be accepted that way likewise a woman too.

For me am not going to be crying everyday about what I go through to make money to provide for my family because is what am expected to do.

A woman who embrace the fact that going into married her first duty is taking care of her home won't be seen complaining everyday about it.

A man who truly loves you won't kick you out because of body shape after given birth but trust me he will kick you out if you nagg the hell out of him.

Lastly let us all know this not every family will be super rich.....no matter how hard you work you will find yourself in one financial class......so the question is what are you doing as a woman to support whatever your man is bringing home??

Observing from far, una sure day I go marry like this, Cus is sounding like telling me to rewrite WAEC and jamb after I luckily scale through.

yuping:
Observing from far, una sure day I go marry like this, Cus is sounding like telling me to rewrite WAEC and jamb after I luckily scale through.

Just make sure you know the reason why she want to marry you......the major problem we facing now is hidden motives.

If we are all honest from the get go there won't be issues.

Pecoleee345:


Just make sure you know the reason why she want to marry you......the major problem we facing now is hidden motives.

If we are all honest from the get go there won't be issues.

Please can you give me five good reason someone should marry, to my own personal believe I just think no matter how we all have hidden agenda to get married.

yuping:

Please can you give me five good reason someone should marry, to my own personal believe I just think no matter how we all have hidden agenda to get married.

We just have to find a way around it .....having a family of your own Is a joyful thing.

Pecoleee345:

We just have to find a way around it .....having a family of your own Is a joyful thing.

I will surely have I have the best parent put I'm of meeting a bad partner.

The only disability in life is bad character, bad attitude ruined that marriage.


On that thread one lady even said washing machine is not luxury....and I was like ?


I think to a very large extend men are the problem, we put women on the pedestal too much......making thing easy for them.


My colleague wife said something one day and since then, I always gist my wife about the stress at my work place.

Their child was sick and was admitted at the hospital, the mother (my colleague's wife) was by his sick bed taking care of him while the husband my colleagues sleeps in his car at the hospital. They were at the hospital for two weeks.

I drove my wife to the hospital for check up, i was bored waiting in the car and decided to stroll around, then i ran into the guy (my colleague) looking somehow rough and I asked him what up with him, he narrated his ordeal and that he was heading to the pharmacy to buy the newly prescribed drugs, I followed him to the pharmacy and then to the children ward. I met the wife trying to feed the boy and greeted her and was trying to commend both of them......then the wife said something that struck me; she said he (her husband) does not know how it feel to take care of a sick baby and sleeping in the ward for days, shebi all he does is to bring the money

I was like without the money, would you be here in the first place ? And who is sacrificing more, he has been sleeping in the car, running around to buy this and that, and you think you love the baby more than him ?

Well, they were discharged from the hospital and me and my wife went to their apartment to check on them, while we were charting outside, I noticed his front bumper was painted and I asked him what happened, he said that night they were rushing the child to the hospital, he hit a car ahead of them, the driver of the vehicle came down and was shouting but when he came down, begged the man and explained why he drove so reckless was because his child is dieing in the car and he was rushing him to the teaching hospital. He said the driver peeped into their car, saw his wife and the sick boy in the front seat and let them go.

I think its high time men start telling their own story as well.

It not easy to be a man!

Pecoleee345:
We are all hypocrite and biase when it come to issues in marriage.....God made it clear in the bible each role ...
For the male 1 Timothy 3:1-5
For the female Titus 2 :1-5 (if you are a Christian).
Marriage isn't meant to be easy.....It is stressful and require lot of sweat and tears....if you can't stand the heat don't enter the kitchen.....if you are expecting to be celebrated for a job you signed up for then there something wrong.

God didn't tell you any such things so don't rope God into the mess that is or was your marriage.

God told you intend in Genesis 2 vs 24 that marriage is an agreement between a man and woman - He set no gender roles as far as marriage is concerned. However, as a result of man's sin, in Genesis 3 vs 16, God cursed marriage stipulating the man would rule over the woman until they both perish.

Jesus Christ came to redeem all men and women, including marriage from the curse, commanding that His followers no longer live in submission to the curse but as Sons of God , above the curse. He even went ahead to declare that your marriages are of this world and not of His Kingdom - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36.

The opinions of Paul expressed in the letter to Timothy have nothing to do with what God said and so does your adherence to them.

[ quote author=kazyhm post=107588288]The only disability in is bad character, bad attitude ruined that marriage.


On that thread one lady even said washing machine is not luxury....and I was like ?


I think to a very large extend men are the problem, we put women on the pedestal too much......making thing easy for them.


My colleague wife said something one day and since then, I always gist my wife about the stress at my work place.

Their child was sick and was admitted at the hospital, the mother (my colleague's wife) was by his sick bed taking care of him while the husband my colleagues sleeps in his car at the hospital. They were at the hospital for two weeks.

I drove my wife to the hospital for check up, i was bored waiting in the car and decided to stroll around, then i ran into the guy (my colleague) looking somehow rough and I asked him what up with him, he narrated his ordeal and that he was heading to the pharmacy to buy the newly prescribed drugs, I followed him to the pharmacy and then to the ward. I met the wife trying to feed the boy and greeted her and was trying to commend both of them......then the wife said something that struck me; she said he (her husband) does not know how it feel to take care of a sick baby and sleeping in the ward for day, shebi all he does is to bring the money

I was like without the money, would you be here in the first place ? And who is sacrificing more, he has been sleeping in the car, running around to buy this and that, and you think you love the baby more than him ?

Well, they were discharge from the hospital and me and my wife went to their apartment to check on them, while we were charting outside, I noticed his front bumper was painted and I asked him what happened, he said that night they were rushing the child to the hospital, he hit a car ahead of them, the driver of the vehicle came down and was shouting but when he came down, begged the man and explained why he drove so reckless was because his child is dieing in the car and he was rushing him to the teaching hospital. He said the driver peeped into their car, saw his wife and the sick boy in the front seat and let them go.

I think its high time men start telling their own story as well.

It not easy to be a man![/quote]

A million likes to this cheif...
Thanks for sharing...

One thing I've learnt is that, in an ideal setting, both the father and the mother loves a child EQUALLY...The difference is in how it is expressed!!

The man expresses his love clearly by making sure the child gets the best he can afford and to do this, he may have to be away for most of the day... This in my opinion is not healthy... I know that the economic situation of things is to be blamed, but men have got to find a way to strike a balance ((maybe by devoting their entire weekend to their kids))

The woman on the other hand, may feel that her being around the child when the father is absent, automatically shows that she loves the child more than the father and the annoying part is that some women go as far as making the child feel that the absence of the father is proof that the father doesn't love them...they'd make the child feel that they ((the woman)), loves them more than their father...Thus'd see cases of the child growing up with a strong dislike for the father ((though not in all cases))...

Truth is men take as much heat as women as regards bringing up a child, but most times, they don't get appreciated for it...

I sincerely pray that God blesses the hustle of every man, so that they can spend time with their kids...

kazyhm:

I think its high time men start telling their own story as well.

It not easy to be a man!

From the story you told, men telling stories is not going to resolve anything. In your friend's case, what would work better is if he and his wife shared the load. If he babysat the kid she did some of the running around, then they can both be exposed to all aspects of the experience and have less complaints.

It isn't just men putting women on some imaginary pedestal but also men putting themselves on a pedestal as well.

Kobojunkie:
From the story you told, men telling stories is not going to resolve anything. In your friend's case, what would work better is if he and his wife shared the load. If he babysat the kid she did some of the running around, then they can both be exposed to all aspects of the experience and have less complaints.

It isn't just men putting women on some imaginary pedestal but also men putting themselves on a pedestal as well.

He should babysit or what did I read ?
I understand some issue requires action not discussion with women.

kazyhm:
He should babysit or what did I read ?
I understand some issue requires action not discussion with women.

That is an understanding based on a delusion, a result of the pedestal men put their ownselves and egoes on without realizing the devastating it inflicts on their paths.

What is wrong with a man babysitting his own child while his wife do some of the necessary running around?

Kobojunkie:
That is an understanding based on a delusion, a result of the pedestal men put their ownselves and egoes on without realizing the devastating it inflicts on their paths.

What is wrong with a man babysitting his own child while his wife do some of the necessary running around?

If I can make sense of what you said.......during his period of babysitting, the wife will go and do his duty at work........I suppose It would be rotational babysitting roaster.

kazyhm:
If I can make sense of what you said.......during his period of babysitting, the wife will go and do his duty at work.....

His duty? Where exactly is this "his duty" written down in stone?

Na only man dey go store go pick up medicine for sick person for house? Na only man dey go work go make money for house? Get off these ridiculous high horses abeg!

Kobojunkie:
His duty? Where exactly is this "his duty" written down in stone?

This is the reason I said men should start telling their own story......because female belittle men effort and contributions.......even those effort that gave them advantage over others........female on average don't even know the value of things provided by men for their elevation and comfort.....they downplay everyone's effort except their...

Women should not monopolies the over estimation of their contribution and effort in family building to their favor.....

kazyhm:
This is the reason I said men should start telling their own story......because female belittle men effort and contributions.......even those effort that gave them advantage over others........female on average don't even know the value of things provided by men for their elevation and comfort.....they downplay everyone's effort except their.

Telling stories in a bid to somehow elicit pity from the other party will not help resolve anything. If anything, it just cements you as a storyteller in your marriage and nothing else.

Marriages don't survive on storied, they are instead meant as a partnership and should be operated operated one.

This mentality you have of female is because you place yourself on a pedestal above females...where from where I sit, what you do here is no different from the nagging men typically accuse women of.

Rather than nag your wife, share responsibilities. Let her do her share of the work you do, her right as a partner in the marriage. A wife is not meant to sit as a painting or sculpture to be elevated and comforted...they are partners. And until you get that into your head, you will continue to grumble about doing what ever single mothers do in their own situations without as much as a whine or a sigh.

kazyhm:


This is the reason I said men should start telling their own story......because female belittle men effort and contributions.......even those effort that gave them advantage over others........female on average don't even know the value of things provided by men for their elevation and comfort.....they downplay everyone's effort except their.

Bro stop replying this lady abeg........it is a waste of time.

Kobojunkie:
Telling stories in a bid to somehow elicit pity from the other party will not help resolve anything. If anything, it just cements you as a storyteller in your marriage and nothing else.

Marriages don't survive on storied, they are instead meant as a partnership and should be operated operated one.

This mentality you have of female is because you place yourself on a pedestal above females...where from where I sit, what you do here is no different from the nagging men typically accuse women of.

Rather than nag your wife, share responsibilities. Let her do her share of the work you do, her right as a partner in the marriage. A wife is not meant to sit as a painting or sculpture to be elevated and comforted...they are partners. And until you get that into your head, you will continue to grumble about doing what ever single mothers do in their own situations without as much as a whine or a sigh.

I laugh in ijebu.
Reality is far from female analogy. Thanku.
Fantasy of 50:50 responsibilities in marriage is delusional to say the least.

And by the way, his duty at work is not cast in stone.....it was casted in contract, agreement and appointment.

Kobojunkie:
God didn't tell you any such things so don't rope God into the mess that is or was your marriage.

God told you intend in Genesis 2 vs 24 that marriage is an agreement between a man and woman - He set no gender roles as far as marriage is concerned. However, as a result of man's sin, in Genesis 3 vs 16, God cursed marriage stipulating the man would rule over the woman until they both perish.

Jesus Christ came to redeem all men and women, including marriage from the curse, commanding that His followers no longer live in submission to the curse but as Sons of God , above the curse. He even went ahead to declare that your marriages are of this world and not of His Kingdom - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36.

The opinions of Paul expressed in the letter to Timothy have nothing to do with what God said and so does your adherence to them.

I guess satan gave the inspiration for the bible passage i quoted....

kazyhm:
I laugh in ijebu.
Reality is far from female analogy. Thanku.
Fantasy of 50:50 responsibilities in marriage is delusional to say the least.

And by the way, his duty at work is not cast in stone.....it was casted in contract, agreement and appointment.

Oh, now you want to plead reality as your excuse? And all I have stated so far are not reality-based?

Tell truth.... you are just a man looking for excuse to nag your wife and beat your chest about how much you supposedly do and all so you can feel good about yourself.

Visit reality of those who live as single mothers and abandoned wives and see how they wear the hat of husband and wife in their homes. Maybe then you will learn to bow your head in shame anytime you imagine yourself some sort of rare specimen.

Pecoleee345:
I guess satan gave the inspiration for the bible passage i quoted....

Paul freely expressed his opinions in his letters .. you chose to worship his opinions over God's own declaration.

Boss lalasticlala please do the needful

Kobojunkie:
Paul freely expressed his opinions in his letters .. you chose to worship his opinions over God's own declaration.

I will pass.....it ain't worth the argument.

Stink of bitterness

Pecoleee345:

I will pass.....it ain't worth the argument.

There isn't anything to argue.

Leave God out of your bitter marriage woes next time.

Kobojunkie:
There isn't anything to argue.

Leave God out of your bitter marriage woes next time.

Ok single mother

Don't marry any woman who does not subscribe to your paradigm. Same advice for women.

Sadly, the economy is too bad that women go after money, then suddenly it becomes insufficient.

For the same reason, a made man will marry yansh and bress, just because he was deprived of it when he was still in the making.

Some men/women are for the community. 'Wifing or husbanding' them will only delay the inevitable.

BTW, I have noticed that Muslim women hardly have these issues with their spouses. Your guess is as good as mine as to why this is so.

Another surprising class of women who hardly have these issues are the super successful, ground breaking , high end women like Indra Nooyi. Not the bottom pot FCMB Olosho type.

I really appreciate people. Even delivery guys, I tell thank you on top my money. I tell my junior sister thank you when she serves me food. It's my culture and it has paved way for me real BIG.

But, the kids that you claim to die for did not say thank you, you did not cringe. Why cringe for the man. Take your pressure elsewhere pls. You left many men who can tell you that for his money so, deal with it.

Pecoleee345:
Ok single mother

Um.... I am neither a single mother or father.

Kobojunkie:
Um.... I am neither a single mother or father.

Ooo so why were you telling the other guy what single mother goes through I thought you were talking from experience.

Pecoleee345:

Ooo so why were you telling the other guy what single mother goes through I thought you were talking from experience.

Why not?

Experience? I don't have to be one to know these things. I see and know many who currently wear the hat of wife and husband in their own homes. And Jane I see married individuals such as yourself whining about how you do it all, it makes me wonder why you chose ignorance and arrogance even in this day and age.

Kobojunkie:
Why not?

Experience? I don't have to be one to know these things. I see and know many who currently wear the hat of wife and husband in their own homes. And Jane I see married individuals such as yourself whining about how you do it all, it makes me wonder why you chose ignorance and arrogance even in this day and age.

I guess you need to see a Optometrists..there absolutely something wrong with your eye sight and you have comprehension issue.

Read what I wrote again with your glasses on and your brain fully charge so you can grab what I wrote.

(I talked about hidden motives and not about anyone doing it all)just incase you read it again and your brain can't still comprehend.

Pecoleee345:
I guess you need to see a .....there absolutely something wrong with your eye sight and you have comprehension issue.

Read my what I wrote again with your glasses on and your brain fully charge so you can grab what I wrote.

(I talked about hidden motives and not about anyone doing it all)just incase you read it again and your brain can't still comprehend.

Again .... Why not?

Experience? I don't have to be one to know these things. I see and know many who currently wear the hat of wife and husband in their own homes. And when I see married individuals such as yourself whining about how you do it all, it makes me wonder why you chose ignorance and arrogance even in this day and age.

Kobojunkie:
Again .... Why not?

Experience? I don't have to be one to know these things. I see and know many who currently wear the hat of wife and husband in their own homes. And when I see married individuals such as yourself whining about how you do it all, it makes me wonder why you chose ignorance and arrogance even in this day and age.

Read the thread again.