Happy Sunday ladies and gentlemen. While I wait for my G to come meet me so we can go and worship in the sanctuary of st Bottles, let me quickly offload this thought that has been bothering me lately.

Ben marries Jane who is unemployed or underemployed. Shortly after their Honeymoon they decide to open a business for Jane to manage. They rent a shop and Ben uses his savings including the proceeds of their wedding ceremony to stock up the shop.

That is a typical case of most average Nigerian couples. But less than 25% of such ventures survive after one year. What normally happens is that at the expiration of the initial rent, the wife is unable to renew it; she'll probably demand that the husband lends her money for the rent...

Why do such businesses collapse after one year?

First, the wife doesn't have the prerequisites experience needed to run such business.

Secondly, she may lack the required financial discipline needed to run a successful business. For example, you open a grocery store for her and she sees money everyday; she makes sales. She might be tempted to spend extravagantly thinking that the money will always flow in not knowing that she's actually squandering her capital; just one hair she buy might be higher than all her profits in one month.

Thirdly, at the expiration of the initial rent, she might discover that she doesn't have enough money to renew it.

Also, most newly married wives conceive before or immediately after wedding and put to bed few months after that. Prenatal and postnatal conditions can force the wife to either close shop or leave it in the hands of salespeople who would help her mismanage it. From the time of first birth, it will take more than a decade (in most cases) before a woman is ready to BUILD a business. Taking care of children is as tasking as building a business.

Again, your aim of empowering her is so that she can contribute to the family finance. If she live up to that goal, family expenses might choke the business.

Lack of understanding between both of you on how much the business should be contributing to the family and when you should invest more on the business as bailout, could also cripple it.

Most women are not good with power. When she starts seeing money, she'll prioritize herself and her family, this might anger you to the point where you will no longer render any support or bailout for the business when needed.

So in summary, such business end because of the incompetence of the wife, unfriendly circumstances or the unwillingness of the husband to render more support if he hasn't seen the results of his initial investment so far.

My advice? Don't do it if you're not ready to lose your money. It's a gamble, but the probability of failure is high. If you must open a business for your wife, let her start learning the rope before marriage when child bearing has not started or if she has a thriving business already, invest in it, or wait till her last born gets to school age. If you must take the risk, invest small

What if it's the other way round, will a man take these advices?

Sincerely, you have a good heart but your suggestions make marriage appear like a burden where the first task before the man is economic empowerment or training of another man's daughter because you married her. It's both ways that must invest in one another to avoid this pervasive entitlement mentality some singles take into marriage. I honestly understand why some men insist that it's not their job to send their wives to school. If you want to go to school, save up for it or be studious enough to earn a scholarship. Don't let another man's son start harassing you forever that he sent you to school.
I love your suggestion about investing in one's spouse business though. Thank you so very much OP.

FreeStuffsNG:
What if it's the other way round, will a man take these advices?

Sincerely, you have a good heart but your suggestions make marriage appear like a burden where the first task before the man is economic empowerment or training of another man's daughter because you married her. It's both ways that must invest in one another to avoid this pervasive entitlement mentality some singles take into marriage. I honestly understand why some men insist that it's not their job to send their wives to school. If you want to go to school, save up for it or be studious enough to earn a scholarship. Don't let another man's son start harassing you forever that he sent you to school.
I love your suggestion about investing in one's spouse business though. Thank you so very much OP.

This is Africa. The totality of the training given to a girl child centres on being a good wife and a good prospective mother. That is why, once a girl turns 18, she is ready for marriage.

It is common to see a man and his family train a girl just so that he will marry her. Have you ever seen a girl training a boy so that he will marry her? If it happens, the ratio is nothing to write home about.

Why do men marry late and women early? Because men should be materially ready before marriage, while a girl only need home training to be ready for marriage. So after marriage, the man still has the responsibility of empowering his wife

uncleck:

This is Africa. The totality of the training given to a girl child centres on being a good wife and a good prospective mother. That is why, once a girl turns 18, she is ready for marriage.

It is common to see a man and his family train a girl just so that he will marry her. Have you ever seen a girl training a boy so that he will marry her? If it happens, the ratio is nothing to write home about.

Why do men marry late and women early? Because men should be materially ready before marriage, while a girl only need home training to be ready for marriage. So after marriage, the man still has the responsibility of empowering his wife

If I go by your explanation and culture, it then means the family that I come from is definitely not from Africa then
Not even my grandfather married off his daughters off at 18 let alone transfer his responsibilities of training his daughters to their husbands / sons in law to train them.

Btw, I have an aunt of almost 90 now but didn't get married until she was trained by my grandfather and qualified as a nurse.

My advise is that folks should choose what they like ; it is up for anyone to choose from families where they don't have resources to train their daughters and pass on the obligation to their sons in law or choose from a family where they train their daughters and even return your dowry to you so that if you don't live up to your responsibility, their daughter can return home without them owing you dowry.

Anyone, male or female, who isn't business-inclined, should educate themselves first before jumping into it.

uncleck:

Most women are not good with power.

I'm sure you will have daughters some day. Is this the kinda thing you will instill in them?

FreeStuffsNG:


If I go by your explanation and culture, it then means the family that I come from is definitely not from Africa then
Not even my grandfather married off his daughters off at 18 let alone transfer his responsibilities of training his daughters to their husbands / sons in law to train them.

Btw, I have an aunt of almost 90 now but didn't get married until she was trained by my grandfather and qualified as a nurse.

My advise is that folks should choose what they like ; it is up for anyone to choose from families where they don't have resources to train their daughters and pass on the obligation to their sons in law or choose from a family where they train their daughters and even return your dowry to you so that if you don't live up to your responsibility, their daughter can return home without them owing you dowry.

I never said that every girl child is married out at 18. I never said that parents don't train their daughters. Read well

FreeStuffsNG:


If I go by your explanation and culture, it then means the family that I come from is definitely not from Africa then
Not even my grandfather married off his daughters off at 18 let alone transfer his responsibilities of training his daughters to their husbands / sons in law to train them.

Btw, I have an aunt of almost 90 now but didn't get married until she was trained by my grandfather and qualified as a nurse.

My advise is that folks should choose what they like ; it is up for anyone to choose from families where they don't have resources to train their daughters and pass on the obligation to their sons in law or choose from a family where they train their daughters and even return your dowry to you so that if you don't live up to your responsibility, their daughter can return home without them owing you dowry.

I never said that every girl child is married out at the age of 18. I never said that African parents don't train their daughters. Read again

Story

InTheCloudySky:
Anyone, male or female, who isn't business-inclined, should educate themselves first before jumping into it.



I'm sure you will have daughters some day. Is this the kinda thing you will instill in them?

Look woman, I'm not an idealist. I'm telling you the reality that most women who have never had the opportunity to earn their own money will not do well at managing it when they're given such opportunity and you're here asking me about what I will teach my children. What is the correlation?

You go and read your comment. You did.

Smh.

uncleck:

I never said that every girl child is married out at 18. I never said that parents don't train their daughters. Read well

.

InTheCloudySky:
Uncle, I'm not your wife who has wasted your savings doing business, so pls calm down. No one here is fighting you.

You should do away with the gender stereotypes, but since you're adamant on going that route― with your sexist point earlier, that "most women are not good with power," you ought to know that the abuse of power is more likely to occur with men and in male-dominated environments, not with nor in women. Secondly, with your erroneous point above that "most women who have never had the opportunity to earn their own money will not do well at managing it when they're given such opportunity", you ought to know that money mismanagement can occur with anyone who has never made their own money, with the higher likelihood of it occurring more in men. Men are more prone to engaging in various vices and will spend money recklessly on them when they get their hands on little money. Next, business-wise, women, not men, gear towards pragmatism and thus focus more on the reality of the situation [the here and now] when making money-related decisions and because we're risk-averse, we tend to take into account worst-case scenarios, while men focus on the best-case outcome of the risky strategy they want to embark upon. Women are also more likely to follow a budget and are more cost-conscious than men. That you've met a woman who is unemployed, underemployed, and uninformed about doing business doesn't mean most of us are.

You made a sexist, ignorant comment and I reminded you that you may have daughters someday. As a girl Dad and for their sake, I hope you will know better by then, have simmered down your anti-women rhetoric and can inculcate them with more empowering values.

You're actually the one with "sexist orientation". My discussion has been about the experience of both partners in marriage. Most marriageable men are already experienced in how to make money and most marriageable women are inexperienced in it. That is why most men marry in their 30s while most women marry in their 20s. Like I told you earlier, once a girl becomes biologically matured, she's due for marriage. But a man must be economically ready before he is due for marriage. Argue all you want, that is just the fact and it gives most men some advantage over their women at the early stage of their marriage. Over time, the woman equally learns the rope and become good or even better than the man.

On how women abuse power, don't forget that everything I wrote is in the context of marriage. Before getting into marriage, a man has wasted money on girlfriends, unnecessary social life, families etc, before he mastered the art of managing money, that is why marriage is often referred to as "settling down". The woman in the other hand who just graduated from school and got into marriage or even still undergraduate may not have had the opportunity to Make her own money and enjoy the luxury of spending it anyhow she wants. Her first experience might be the business the husband opened for her and she's likely to squander the capital; it's her first attempt. Do you know how many times the men started and failed before they mastered the rope?

You just want to drag me into unnecessary argument. Look around you and tell me how many of such businesses that thrived? If you don't want to be mischievous, just look into your neighborhood and family and tell yourself how many of such businesses that survived into the second year

Nairalanders and unsolicited advice sha.

Nairalanders too like woman matter

Op you are correct
Do not mind all those nairaland trolls

Running a business is not easy n requires alot of self discipline.

Op I agree with u for the most part.

Child bearing alone will affect the biz