That means you don't yet know what marriage was meant to be by the originator of marriage. He stated that the man and woman will become one flesh and that they should leave their families where they were born and raised and nurtured. So it is two of you against the entire planet including any of your parents and siblings whose heads are not correct. So yes, a wife should without even being told, go to war against her own mother to protect her family if her mother so merits it. Same goes for a husband.

jaxxy:


How would u like if ur wife quarreled with ur mom or a motherly figure in ur life? Let’s be considerate in how we handle situations.

Ur wife cannot quarrel or breake up with her mother/motherly figure because of u.

Learn to know how and when to adjust.

Compromises should be made by both of u not just one person.

I hear you. I am not suggesting we forget our families when we get married. Not in the least. But the nature of the relationship requires a change. You shouldn't continue with that two hours long daily conversation with your mum at the expense of making out time to continue to know and build a relationship with your partner. Else your partner will feel he or she is second best and become jealous. Your partner becomes your best friend and your mum takes a back seat. Also, family members should not come anywhere near your physical location unless it is unaviodable. The first few years of a elationship are the most dangerous because you both still do not fully understand each other's psyche and deep desires. A single feeling of being neglected, or being made to feel second best to someone else could end a relationship. You work at becoming each others' best friends. Not work at continuing your relationshup with your family. Those family relationships should become second best, if we want to retain our marriage. Your partner becomes your family, actually! It's the same thing with those who were your best friends and closest friends before marriage. Those relationships must change else there will be trouble in your marriage. Thats all I'm saying. And all of the above is not gender specific. But then we should not even get married to someone who has not demonstrated over time that we come first in their lives!

akinade28:

Boss, try to understand my point. Yes any third party shouldn't never interfere in anyone's marriage, but it takes wisdom and caution in dealing with the third party especially family members. Yes, the bible instructed that both parties must leave their family members and cleave to their spouse but the reality is that you can't just delete every relationship you had prior to marriage especially with family members just because you are married, you need wisdom to put them in their place. Let's not forget, anyone that's gets married is a spouse and a parent in their new home but still a child with obligations to the family they came from.

NemoDatQuod:
I hear you. I am not suggesting we forget our families when we get married. Not in the least. But the nature of the relationship requires a change. You shouldn't continue with that two hours long daily conversation with your mum at the expense of making out time to continue to know and build a relationship with your partner. Else your partner will feel he or she is second best and become jealous. Your partner becomes your best friend and your mum takes a back seat. Also, family members should not come anywhere near your physical location unless it is unaviodable. The first few years of a elationship are the most dangerous because you both still do not fully understand each other's psyche and deep desires. A single feeling of being neglected, or being made to feel second best to someone else could end a relationship. You work at becoming each others' best friends. Not work at continuing your relationshup with your family. Those family relationships should become second best, if we want to retain our marriage. Your partner becomes your family, actually! It's the same thing with those who were your best friends and closest friends before marriage. Those relationships must change else there will be trouble in your marriage. Thats all I'm saying. And all of the above is not gender specific. But then we should not even get married to someone who has not demonstrated over time that we come first in their lives!

I totally agree with you

GetMeRight:


You meant her hatred for him? She should stop disturbing their lives, the girl don marry. She should let her be. Who likes in-laws interfering in her or his marriage?

What would be your advise to this man if he tells you his wife and his mom never gets along and his wife does not want him to talk to her again? Be honest.

Apart from being financially bouyant u got to have some balls as a man before getting married. All this long stories for no dey come up ahswear, be the man plan ur home to avoid third party interference.

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

You own your home.

STAMP YOUR FEET AND DICTATE WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR SPACE.

FUkc

uyimen
You have wicked inlaws if what you're saying is true. They do not love your wife. All they care about is proving they "own" her.

Your wife too can't differentiate between love and abuse. They may destroy your marriage. Many parents have destroyed marriages because of this.

When you're married, you're one with your wife. That means you are both the most important people in each other's lives. Anyone usurping your roles is trespassing and entering into your space.

The problem isn't your inlaws- it is simply your wife who does not realize she is being manipulated and controlled and has become their puppet or pawn. Once, she realizes the truth, she can keep them at arm's length.

eazzzy1:
I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

What you're saying involves a lot of tact. Even if you win her aunt over, what of her children? These empty barrels yearn to feel important by being in charge. Her aunt needs to put her kids in check as well or it will all fail.

The hand that feeds you has POWER....

Unless you open cur it Through Sacrifice of Fasting.....

It will not stop hunting you.....

Whether Good or bad...

NemoDatQuod:
You are truly a Senior Man. I've always thought that marriage is between two people who want to be with each other. There are no exceptions to this. No brother or sister or father or mother or aunt. Just the two. That is why the One who officiated in the first ever marriage on earth stated that a man and a woman shall leave their families and marry each other and become one flesh. He did not say that the woman will bring along her family members.
A woman who truly wants to be married will be the one that will tell her family not to come to her husband's house without arrangement and she will limit the rate and frequency of the visits. What are family members even going to do in the house of a married couple, unless they want to cause problems for them?

I wonder oo

Hmmm. Don’t set yourself up for failure in life, son.

You VOWED to protect her. No excuses. Remember.

You vowed to God. Before men and angels to always protect her.

Can’t you move to another state? Na by force?

Or what type of man are you?

Don’t you have any area boys in your life?

Can’t you break bottle for the woman?

Listen. All these things are the things you can use to win respect back. If you cannot protect your wife from drama, why the hell did you marry her?

She’ll never respect you. She wants you to stand and FIGHT for her. Unless she’s not worth it to you sha.

Don’t disappoint us, son. Lion UP!

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.
now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

She expects you to save her from that bullshit. But she’ll never tell you directly. She is hoping you have sense and balls.

No fuggup

You saw the baggage she was about to bring into your marriage.

And you choose to marry her with it .

There's no magic portion to make this go away since you wife approves of the baggage.

I wish you all the best in your search a viable solution.

DroppingLiquid:


If your wife was a wise woman, she would know that it's her they hate and not you. They don't want her to be happy, it doesn't matter which man she marries, whether you or someone else, they want her miserable and they will not stop. She better realize it quickly. You and your wife must cut all contact with them. And if she brings up that 18 years nonsense, you must shut it down immediately.

She’s not the only woman that lives with a family member until they got married.

Thank God somebody sees it.

I have them in my family, we cut them off, all what they are after is the lady's unhappiness, deep down they are not even happy she's married. And people like this aunty have a strong hold on their relatives that live with them.

OP you will have to fight this battle for her, they will not rest till they destroy your marriage.

Uyimen Your wife will always want to please them, it's the fear they have created in her, she will still want to serve them despite the fact she has her own home. The hold her parents don't have on her, her aunty and the children by extension have it on her that's what years of servitude can cause.

I pray her eyes open but since she's still trying to please them, you will have to make strongmoves, move your family from within their reach.

It's not about the man himself it's all about the Lady and whoever she marries , they seem to want her miserable hence all the frustration s during the marriage and the curses.

I can't even understand how shes allowing them to the same home they cursed Nawa.

uyimen:


Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Munzy14, see that issue I was trying to make you understand the other time.

Read the op.

uyimen:


Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Haa I have not even seen this when I made my comment.

Carry your family and run oo

This people will not rest until that lady is miserable and one way they will do it is to break that marriage at all cost.

They can go diabolical if desperate enough

Run run run.

All those 'Na only my children go prosper another person canot excel more than them' relatives can go to any length.

Carry your family and run far from them.

Baba, you are yet to marry your wife.
For now, you just married her Aunt and children.

So plan and prepare properly to marry your wife.
If your wife no fit get sense, give am sense..

Other ladies that stayed with their parents for 25 years nko, and clinged to a man, they are fools or what.

Rubbish.

NemoDatQuod:
I hear you. I am not suggesting we forget our families when we get married. Not in the least. But the nature of the relationship requires a change. You shouldn't continue with that two hours long daily conversation with your mum at the expense of making out time to continue to know and build a relationship with your partner. Else your partner will feel he or she is second best and become jealous. Your partner becomes your best friend and your mum takes a back seat. Also, family members should not come anywhere near your physical location unless it is unaviodable. The first few years of a elationship are the most dangerous because you both still do not fully understand each other's psyche and deep desires. A single feeling of being neglected, or being made to feel second best to someone else could end a relationship. You work at becoming each others' best friends. Not work at continuing your relationshup with your family. Those family relationships should become second best, if we want to retain our marriage. Your partner becomes your family, actually! It's the same thing with those who were your best friends and closest friends before marriage. Those relationships must change else there will be trouble in your marriage. Thats all I'm saying. And all of the above is not gender specific. But then we should not even get married to someone who has not demonstrated over time that we come first in their lives!

I don't quite agree. Love and respect is what we owe our spouses, not for them to come and be struggling to cutoff existing family ties built over years. If the relationship was toxic, do you think the lady will speak good of her aunt and relate well with her aunt's kids? When you love someone, you naturally find yourself loving whom they love... except you're being opportunistic and trying to cut off any ties with her family. This scene plays out especially when the lady is independent financially. But you forget that someone trained her and would like to enjoy fruit of her labour. That same woman he's labeling as evil trained his wife! He should learn to ignore showing displeasure after their visits, with time everyone will become comfortable. It's probably his nagging after/during their visits that would have caused the week long quarrels. Men should face their main business of making money for the family and forget about these petty stuffs here and there. By the time he lavishes the aunt with gifts and gratitude, he'll win her over as a friend which will be useful for him in future when his wife misbehaves, at least he knows an aunt that can talk sense into her!

uyimen:
Just to add that initially there was nothing i did not do humanly possible to please these people name it. All to no avail.

You went extra mile to please them..smh that was the costly mistake that made them take you for a fool.

If you had operated on principles, trust me they will be scared of visiting your home even when you invited them..Your wife is their house help (slave girl), Even as married woman, they still have that mentality of she is our slave..And psychologically she accepted her fate...Even you, will not change her....

If you like take her overseas, she will be home sick in weeks...You could av sorted this baggage initially, but you played inyo the Aunt's tricks and traps..You even call her mummy for what exactly?

Is she your MIL?

Infact address her by her name Mrs A or simply Madam....Very formal.

The reward for trying to please people is disappointment and depression...

It is better to be feared, than to be liked~~~~Nicolo Machiavelli in his book "The Prince "

Cc Mariangeles this case is a perfect of that narration...I kwu tere ya ofuma that day.

There is little or nothing OP can do , he failed to man up from onset...

O nor na arachaa ndi na enwehu time ya..

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

what type of slavish mentality do you have...even if you stayed with your own mother forever, ....even after she rains curses on you etc, forcing your husband against his will, youd sit down there and claim 'unbroken bond'

this is the curse of africa, slavish mentality

Mariangeles:


Mun.zy14, see that issue I was trying to make you understand the other time.

Read the op.

Hapu ga OP ka anyi kelee chukwu maka ncheta omumu gi..

Happy birthday and I am wishing you the best for this new age...Have fun and have a merrier Christmas ahead...

As you be owner of baking and cooking, today go be like national party for your house na...Food food everywhere...One person one full cake...

Enjoy your special day and keep being yourself..It's amazing!

Munzy14:

Hapu ga OP ka anyi kelee chukwu maka ncheta omumu gi..

Happy birthday and I am wishing you the best for this new age...Have fun and have a merrier Christmas ahead...

As you be owner of baking and cooking, today go be like national party for your house na...Food food everywhere...One person one full cake...

Enjoy your special day and keep being yourself..It's amazing!

Thank you so much. God bless you.

Cake wu batch by batch.
Cake ndi first batch a gaala, e so'm na ndi second batch, then there's Christmas batch.

Munzy14:

You went extra mile to please them..smh that was the costly mistake that made them take you for a fool.

If you had operated on principles, trust me they will be scared of visiting your home even when you invited them..Your wife is their house help (slave girl), Even as married woman, they still have that mentality of she is our slave..And psychologically she accepted her fate...Even you, will not change her....

If you like take her overseas, she will be home sick in weeks...You could av sorted this baggage initially, but you played inyo the Aunt's tricks and traps..You even call her mummy for what exactly?

Is she your MIL?

Infact address her by her name Mrs A or simply Madam....Very formal.

The reward for trying to please people is disappointment and depression...

It is better to be feared, than to be liked~~~~Nicolo Machiavelli in his book "The Prince "

Cc Mariangeles this case is a perfect of that narration...I kwu tere ya ofuma that day.

There is little or nothing OP can do , he failed to man up from onset...

O nor na arachaa ndi na enwehu time ya..

There were so many things I wanted to make the op understand about this issue, mana nga m ga e bido wu nsogbu.

His wife's case is much worse than that other one whose wife couldn't call the daughter of her "aunty" to order.

She should choos between her husband and her aunt. Stockhood syndrome is affecting her

eazzzy1:


Hmmm I’m not married sir! but what would you do about a manipulative aunt? Especially when your partner doesn’t the manipulation? Would you force her to see things from your perspective? I like people to make their own mistakes, that’s how people learn best.

You are not married and are giving advice on marriage.

uyimen:


Thanks God bless

Yourr sunny in-has bioligal children!?

Mariangeles:


There were so many things I wanted to make the op understand about this issue, mana nga m ga e bido wu nsogbu.

His wife's case is much worse than that other one whose wife couldn't call the daughter of her "aunty" to order.

Yes...He was roped in by him trying to please the aunt unlike the other one.

Udi ihe a nwere ike ime ya agbaa nwaanyi ya alukwaghi m ma nsogbu karia...If the wife can't stand up to keep her home as the manager.

Munzy14:

Yes...He was roped in by him trying to please the aunt unlike the other one.

What he should've done was to only play along, mee ka o mahu ihe gaga on, until they've finalized the marriage, then put his foot down.

Udi ihe a nwere ike ime ya agbaa nwaanyi ya alukwaghi m ma nsogbu karia...If the wife can't stand up to keep her home as the manager.

A gahu'm a tacha nwaanyi ya uta o. The hold they have on her is strong, and he has to step in to "save" her.

He might need to take her to go see a psychologist if that is what it'll take to open her eyes.

JooEeL:


What if someone is sleeping with ur wife while she's away from u?

Doesnt that disturb u?

I dont let anything disturb my peace! Thou Shall Not Be Caught! That's My Own! Caught! And You Are Gone! Period!

Mariangeles:


Thank you so much. God bless you.

Cake wu batch by batch.
Cake ndi first batch a gaala, e so'm na ndi second batch, then there's Christmas batch.

Lol...okwa ya.

Mariangeles:


What he should've done was to only play along, mee ka o mahu ihe gaga on, until they've finalized the marriage, then put his foot down.



A gahu'm a tacha nwaanyi ya uta o. The hold they have on her is strong, and he has to step in to "save" her.

He might need to take her to go see a psychologist if that is what it'll take to open her eyes.

Ya noro kwa ngahu...ike gwu op, ya kwakoro ngwo ngwo ya gbafuo..


The woman want to turn the guy's wife to miserable one....househelps are shaped into almost everything a man looking forward to marriage will want in a woman...Especially submission...

Ya bia maa kwa mma, di kwa intelligent, thats icing on the cake for the man.

Munzy14:

Ya noro kwa ngahu...ike gwu op, ya kwakoro ngwo ngwo ya gbafuo..

O gahu a gbafuli.
O huru nwunye ya n'anya.

The woman want to turn the guy's wife to miserable one....

She's envious. Ufu obi wu ihe nyege ya nsogbu.
It pains women like her when the "house helps" gets married before their children.
Her plan is probably to frustrate the guy out of that marriage.

House helps are shaped into almost everything a man looking forward to marriage will want in a woman...Especially submission...

Ya bia maa kwa mma, di kwa intelligent, thats icing on the cake for the man.

I read where the op termed her his "dream woman"

Mariangeles:


O gahu a gbafuli.
O huru nwunye ya n'anya.




She's envious. Ufu obi wu ihe nyege ya nsogbu.
It pains women like her when the "house helps" gets married before their children.
Her plan is probably to frustrate the guy out of that marriage.



I read where the op termed her his "dream woman"

O ga agbafu kwa o..

Yes, ndi madam obi ji agbawa ha ma umu ha ghasara, ma house-help di na abiara ha....

As nwoke I know what we discuss....

Udi Nwaanyi OP na awukari dream woman for nwoke choro ilu nwaanyi.....

Personality na attitude wunu ihe anaalu na.