Good day nairalanders.

My neighbor's son fight with his father almost every week, they fight in public without shame and people in the estate are tired of settling their fight. I don't live in a face me I slap you apartment, I live in an estate, this neighbor I'm talking about lives in the next compound, just a fence that demarcate us.

The son should be 23 years old, and he respect people in the estate so much, he greets alot, he can run errands for you without stress. Sometimes he do come to my house to charge his phone whenever my generator is on, If I'm about to wash my car he will say bros don't worry I will wash it, before you say jack he's done.

Some of my clothes I don't wear anymore I do give him, sometimes I do give him money atleast 2k to hold side. He's fond of saying thank you a million times, Infact after a week he will still be saying bros thank you for the other day.

People including me, do wonder why this boy fight his father? they throw punches at each other, better Gidigbo....Anytime they fight, they do speak their language and the boy always repeat one particular statements, and I don't really understand their Lang. (I won't disclose their tribe to avoid tribal bigotry, becus this forum need to work on that) So i asked a friend that speak and understand the lang, it means "you ruined my life"

For those of you that would say I should mind my business. Normally, I don't like to interfere in people's matter, Infact I'm an introvert, I just have few friends but I see this boy as my younger brother and I'm not happy with the way he fights with his father, I would like to advice him to stop but I don't want to force him.

Nairalanders please how do I go about it? For the boy to use that statement "you ruined my life“ to his father, something must be wrong.

It is very simple.

Tell him that he needs to change his ways and that what goes around, comes around. Ask him if he will be happy if his own son raise his hand on him ?

Since you have an established relationship with him, I think you should go ahead and talk to him but ensure you also have a word with the father (I'm assuming you guys have some kind of relationship).

Take him out for a drink and have a One on One discussion with him on that.

Brighton1:
Good day nairalanders.

"you ruined my life“ to his father, something must be wrong.

Mehn... did the Dad lock him in a bottle ? because that's the only way 23 year old who has years ahead would have been ruined, other that this talk to him about the 'Ruin" I believe that will help you understand how to help him.

Would have used abusive words on him if not for the other attributes you talked about but on no grounds should a child stand in combat against the Father, that is a no no.

In other news i still won't agree with you about people telling you to mind your business.

Allow them, face your own wahala in no time they'll reach an agreement and settle theirs.


I've seen worse than this in my own neighborhood and people ignore them. No body tell them anything but they are living in peace now.

Why not sit him down and listen to what he will have to say? If it demands you talk to his father as well please do.

But in case their matter no get head just leave dem.

Wait. The more important question is: what is he fighting his father over?

Ok modifiedd:

So i asked a friend that speak and understand the lang, it mean "you ruined my life"

Well that says it all. What is sure tho is that what goes around is sure to come around.

One thing I know sha is that if we all collectively decide to go into a "gidigbo" with the "alayes" in power for trying to ruin this country's life, they too will not know peace.

Call me
Ask him what is his plan for this year, also about school and what he want to become in future. Them you enter the papa fight matter

Acidosis:


Since you have an established relationship with him, I think you should go ahead and talk to him but ensure you also have a word with the father (I'm assuming you guys have some kind of relationship).

I don't really have that close relationship with his father, just greetings that's all. People in this estate care only about themselves.

Brighton1:
For those of you that would say I should mind my business. Normally, I don't like to interfere in people's matter, Infact I'm an introvert, I just have few friends but I see this boy as my younger brother and I'm not happy with the way he fights with his father, I would like to advice him to stop but I don't want to force him.

Nairalanders please how do I go about it? For the boy to use that statement "you ruined my life“ to his father, something must be wrong.

Before you try to get in between them, try to learn the truth behind the boys grudge against his father. That way you can see what he sees and then know how to go about helping him move on from his hurt.

Ask the boy to tell you his story.

Two things,
Number 1 it's either forces are contending for the guys destiny or
How father is collecting what he showed when he was younger through his son.

Infact both can be occuring at the same time.

My advice OP is to mind your business if the matter pain you so, just try and be advising the guy small small with sense there is literally nothing else you can do.

For him to say his Father ruined his life and the boy being so respectful.

It means the Father did something to the boy that might take a long time before it gets corrected.

And OP please don't mind your business... What if the Boy gets killed or kills his Father in the act of fighting each other.....Take that boy out for a drink and have a deep conversation with him.

Is the mother living with them?

As suggested earlier, do have a one on one with him not in a manner that seems probing but one who is concerned since you listed his positive attributes.

You could talk to him to understand why he's at lower heads with the dad and also talk to the dad. If possible, mentor him.

OP since you’re close to him, ask him how you could help, maybe he needs professional help to better manage himself and his father’s temperament while he still lives under his roof.

Also, pay or tip him always when he does work for you, not sometimes, it’s a mutual favor

A man that does not respect his father will hardly respect or listen to any other man, regardless of what or how the man is to him.

You will learn when you try to cross boundary.

He might seem like he respects you because of what he gains from you.
Don't speak until that "bond" is tested.
I'll advise you tread carefully with him.
If you can, mind your business.

He fights his father?

That's a very wrong perspective. Father and son fights are common. In fact, it's expected.

Mind your business. Let them figure things out for themselves. They will both learn lessons along the line.

For the guy to be this respectful but keep fighting with his father saying "his father ruined his life"

There is no smoke without fire. There's more to that statement. @Op please try to get closer to him the more. Try to make him free with you then have a discussion with him concerning that

Try to know how his father ruined his life. Let him know fighting him wouldn't solve anything instead it'd aggravate it the more through injury or perhaps loss of life

If the boy is very respectful outside his home then I think his father frustrates him at home. When a man frustrates his own child, that means another woman is involved, maybe a step mother. I pray someone doesn’t die due to the incessant fights

Brighton1:
I don't really have that close relationship with his father, just greetings that's all. People in this estate care only about themselves.

As they should. You should learn from the people in your estate. Act like you don't know about anything going on. We all have conflicts, either passive or active.

If you talk to that kid about his family, you will break him. It's basic psychology. Don't do that to him.

If you keep things as they're now, you will contribute to his development as a man without even knowing.

Mariangeles:
A man that does not respect his father will hardly respect or listen to any other man, regardless of what or how the man is to him.

You will learn when you try to cross boundary.

He might seem like he respects you because of what he gains from you.
Don't speak until that "bond" is tested.
I'll advise you tread carefully with him.
If you can, mind your business.

I get the rationale behind your statement...
Our first authority are our parents and if we can't submit to them, chances are we won't submit to any other, I totally get.... but I strongly believe that there's an exception to this... I strongly believe that kids from "bad" homes could turn out better than their parents...

Think about this...
The young man respects other men except his father (from the write up), don't you think there's something the father is doing that is making him act like this?

I mean, a child doesn't just wake up one day and starts exchanging blows with his father right? Don't you think it'll take something in him to snap, before he resorts to this kind of action?

And the dude keeps saying "you've ruined me" everytime there's a fight, don't you think there's more to this Statement?

@OP...
Well...
If I were in your shoes, I would probe cautiously, I'll take that fella out and gist with him, I'll get to hear his side of the whole story, then I'll help where possible...

Cause if you (and everyone) just let this guy be, chances are that he'll take his broken/damaged self and probably unleash on his kids (the next generation) and the circle may very well continue...

So help the young man and you may very well have helped an entire generation...

Favfables1:


Cause if you (and everyone) just let this guy be, chances are that he'll take his broken/damaged self and probably unleash on his kids (the next generation) and the circle may very well continue...

So help the young man and you may very well have helped an entire generation...

it seems you're the only person in my school of thought, you try to see things the way I do. This is exactly my point.

@op. I know you're trying your best and I'm glad you're concern about this matter. Get to know the boy more, and I'm sure he will open up the whole story to you.

[s]

Mariangeles:
A man that does not respect his father will hardly respect or listen to any other man, regardless of what or how the man is to him.

You will learn when you try to cross boundary.

He might seem like he respects you because of what he gains from you.
Don't speak until that "bond" is tested.
I'll advise you tread carefully with him.
If you can, mind your business.

[/s]

The best way to help the guy if you really see him as your younger brother is to try and ask him what's happening in his life and what he would like to do... Try to see how you can empower him... It's after then you can come in if the problem still persist... It's not compulsory you empower him, neither is it compulsory you try to Intervene in his personal matter with his dad... The matter may be bigger than you... So no just go throway the small respect the boy get because of you... But if really you can help him, then help him be meaningfully busy with his life....


If you can't help him, just let him be ... Las las they will find a solution...

Mariangeles:
A man that does not respect his father will hardly respect or listen to any other man, regardless of what or how the man is to him.
You will learn when you try to cross boundary.

He might seem like he respects you because of what he gains from you.
Don't speak until that "bond" is tested.
I'll advise you tread carefully with him.
If you can, mind your business.

Your fathers and your mothers are not gods but fallible individuals such as yourselves.

They don't dictate who you are or who you are to become and your disagreeing with them in any way or form does not color or taint you as an individual unless you chose to let it.

Kriss216:
[s][/s]

Kriss, e nwere ihe I choro I gwa'm?

Mariangeles:


Kriss, e nwere ihe I choro I gwa'm?

Yes...mana ezi nwoke kobojunkie agwala gi ihe'm choro igwa gi. Je zuo Ike, nwanyi oma.

Favfables1:


I get the rationale behind your statement...
Our first authority are our parents and if we can't submit to them, chances are we won't submit to any other, I totally get.... but I strongly believe that there's an exception to this... I strongly believe that kids from "bad" homes could turn out better than their parents...

Think about this...
The young man respects other men except his father (from the write up), don't you think there's something the father is doing that is making him act like this?

I mean, a child doesn't just wake up one day and starts exchanging blows with his father right? Don't you think it'll take something in him to snap, before he resorts to this kind of action?

And the dude keeps saying "you've ruined me" everytime there's a fight, don't you think there's more to this Statement?

@OP...
Well...
If I were in your shoes, I would probe cautiously, I'll take that fella out and gist with him, I'll get to hear his side of the whole story, then I'll help where possible...

Cause if you (and everyone) just let this guy be, chances are that he'll take his broken/damaged self and probably unleash on his kids (the next generation) and the circle may very well continue...

So help the young man and you may very well have helped an entire generation...

I get your point.

Kobojunkie:
Your fathers and your mothers are not gods but fallible individuals such as yourselves.

They don't dictate who you are or who you are to become and your disagreeing with them in any way or form does not color or taint you as an individual unless you chose to let it.

Did you nurture yourself?
Have you always been independent minded?
At what point in your life did you come to self realization?

No matter how you put it, our parents have great influence on us.

Kriss216:

Yes...mana ezi nwoke kobojunkie agwala gi ihe'm choro igwa gi. Je zuo Ike, nwanyi oma.

kobo bu nwanyi. She’s a NL legend. She was once a strong poster in politics section. Odogwu nwanyi k’obu