JonOfAustrlia:
I m not like Nigerian women... i actually am very accomodating to the village people he gets to send 3x as much back home than when he was single because now.he has less bills to pay. Because thats what true love is. I do all the house chores and take care of the kids work full time take care of the kids every day while he gets 24 hours to do whatever. I wish I was a hupocrite woman because then i could atleast sleep at night but ive given everything for this man to succeed and he does this to me... its very unfair.

Your idea of love na wa! What you describe reads more like the chemical induced kind to me.

JonOfAustrlia:
i told him we should pay 30 percent of our income for bills. But he pays 25% of his income and i pay 75% of my income to bills.. u get? Not fair at all!

Did you also already talk to him about the chores as well?,

JonOfAustrlia:

I was nodding ny head and then u shock me w that last part
How many do this � �

Be mindful of whose advice you listen to before you destroy your marriage. That sisisioge you quoted is almost 43 years and unmarried and has been used and dumped by different men because of her ugliness and bad character, also she is underemployed, so it should not be surprising that she has negative opinion about Nigerian men home and abroad.

Drfernandez:


Be mindful of whose advice you listen to before you destroy your marriage. That sisisioge you quoted is almost 43 years and unmarried and has been used and dumped by different men because of her ugliness and bad character, also she is underemployed, so it should not be surprising that she has negative opinion about Nigerian men home and abroad.

Typical naija leech....may fortune smile on you o

Kingpin1000:
This reminds me of a classic song.

O my brother, O my sister.
O my brother, come and hear my story.
When man get money, woman go chop am.
When woman get money, she hide am for pant o.


Madam, from what I deduce is that you earn 10x more than your husband, He walks menial jobs while you are successful, and yet you want him to pay 50/50 or even more.
Madam you are the classic hypocrite woman.
You want him to be doing cleanup because you have money more than him.
Madam, your husband is expected to send money back to Nigeria and Nigerians don't care if you are doing menial jobs or successful. We have this mentality that, whosoever is abroad is automatically successful.
Or have you been getting advances from another man. And you want an excuse to leave him.

So she should cover the bills , go to work , take care of the children , clean , cook and then what?
You're supposed to just go and marry Wonder woman , wetin you dey find, e no dey market oh

What is her business with what his Nigerian people expect him to do ? Eeeeew I was disgusted reading that
He doesn't have a good job she understands that but he should help out with the chores at least , jeeeeeez
Diapers , fees , clothes , his 2 children are less important than his relatives in Nigeria right?

Men go to abroad and forget their manhood and start running after white woman coz they are easier to manipulate and easier to fool , with a selfless love story ,I love you money doesn't matter , until you find out how expensive babies are and how expensive it is to take care of a full grown man

JonOfAustrlia:


Im not like Nigerian women... i actually am very accomodating to the village people he gets to send 3x as much back home than when he was single because now.he has less bills to pay. Because thats what true love is. I do all the house chores and take care of the kids work full time take care of the kids every day while he gets 24 hours to do whatever. I wish I was a hupocrite woman because then i could atleast sleep at night but ive given everything for this man to succeed and he does this to me... its very unfair.

Your marriage is doing great if what you posted here is the true picture! Ask others to honestly share their opinions, yours may be in the top category. Marriage is not a union of convenience, it takes effort to make it work. There's a good reason they say there's no perfect marriage out there. If you feel cheated and exhausted, start early to communicate with him, and most importantly, see a marriage counselor so they can work it out for you. Random nairalanders cannot help with limited information from both parties, and surprisingly, everyone, including the unmarried and divorced, seems to know the solution to your marital issues.

JonOfAustrlia:
i told him we should pay 30 percent of our income for bills. But he pays 25% of his income and i pay 75% of my income to bills.. u get? Not fair at all!

Does he earn 30% of the household income?

JonOfAustrlia:
Posting this for a female relative:

Im a succesful career woman abroad. I worked so hard for my position that I finally got. My husband from Naija and he came here with student visa. He has his degree now but is only finding menial jobs here. He cant help that and I have been in this country longer. He is a good father and from what I see I think he doesnt cheat. He bathes the kids and takes them to school each morning. But he says because sometimes I sleep early that I should wake up early and get them ready for school. I agreed. I wake up 6.45 to get them ready its not fair because I work more than him.

I work 40 hours a week, cook and clean do all errands pay all major bills and on the nights and weekends he leaves to go work. So after work im taking care of two young children 1 and 2 and he comes back late doesnt clean anything.


For my birthday this year I wanted us to go out so I drove us all to a restaurant. He paid half the bill. Then I told him later we need more money this month. He paid 30% of the bills. Then he accused me of taking all his money when he still has a lot more money left. More than me.

I pay all the bills and make sure we are covered. He gets sad when he has to pay bills. Why is he behaving like this?

Im tired I labor myself till I cant take care of the kids. While im working he gets to come home and sleep he gets to go to school he uses the soap electricity and tv for free does not pay for upkeep of children clothes their diapets does not communicate with the daycare does not treat me well.

Does this man actually even love me? How can someone be so negligent? Doesnt clean the house barely pays for bills works 20 hours but I still end up taking care of kids after work and almost all hours on the weekends.

Does a man actually love me? I feel like im in a relationship by myself.

He's Narcissistic , I can smell it from here , from how he makes you feel guilty about stuff that you should be more upset about , he's still has that Old century mindset of [/b]it's not a man's job to lift a finger at home [b] , no it's likely he doesn't love you but he's not going to leave you because he needs to stay abroad and since he came on a student visa, I don't think he'll stay too long if you left now ( I secretly want you to , but I feel bad for your kids )

you can endure it as African mother's always advice their daughters , or you could go and get a professional counselor or therapist for yourself right now and start untangling , don't make the decision fast or on your own , you might regret it and you might end up going back and that would increase the bad treatment because going back to narcissists make them feel like "yes I have full power now and they will use guilt to manipulate you " and sometimes they play the victims (self pity card )and you'll pay for the damages were done to you

Cousin9999:


He makes a fraction of what you do, you can't expect him to spend every dollar he has. If he earned more than you, he probably wouldn't ask you for anything.



School is a job, and he also has part-time employment. If school isn't a job, go be a full or part time student while working, then tell me it's not a job.



He's supposed to be your life partner and the father of your children, and you're actually complaining about paying for basic human needs? Seriously?



You don't treat him well either.



He's probably depressed about the situation. It's harder on the male ego, and starting over isn't exactly fun. Especially when your wife treats you like garbage. A better question is if you love him.



If you keep this attitude, you will be by yourself. Regardless of what you might think about him, at a minimum there's some fat girl that will gladly boo him up, let him live and eat free, go to school, and then reap the rewards of being a supportive partner when he graduates and gets a good job. If you're not careful, you'll be a bitter single mom scrolling his social media looking at pictures of him and the fat wife on a nice vacation with their kids, or relaxing in the big house he bought.

You sound like a narcissist , the kind that compares and threatens the woman he loves when he doesn't get what he wants

Like if you won't have sex with I have so many girls will gladly do it , so are we having sex or what
I had an ex will probably give an opinion identical to yours

JonOfAustrlia:

I was nodding ny head and then u shock me w that last part
How many do this � �

Alot , check online for marriages especially of younger Nigerian men to older white woman bit if they don't want old women who are easier they choose anyone that's based in the country they went to , everyone here knows this , some even go ahead to have wives in Nigeria and then another wife there and sometimes the Nigerian wives know about it ,they are quiet because the man sends money home and that's good enough

confused ppl

sisisioge:


Most of naija guys married to foreigners I have heard of o

When they are broke or struggling, they castigate naija girls and move towards the foreign women who "help" them get made. Once made, they start gravitating towards the naija girls because they want to grow old with someone whose culture aligns with theirs. Iranu.

sisisioge:
Let no man use and fool you.


You need to discuss the finance and the house work clearly.

1. Let the contributions be fair to your earnings each....spend on percentage of your earnings. If you earn 100usd and he earns 50usd, 50% of each earning will be 50usd and 25usd respectively. That way, you are both contributing as you earn.

2. On the other hand, let the chores/rest be fair too so no one grows old or wary of the family. Discuss this clearly.

Once done, everyone will feel fairly treated. Most of naija guys married abroad use their spouses as stepping stones into achieving their citizenship and greater things. Once they get this, they gracefully move on....dont be that battered woman.

Spot on as always.

Ekwutox:
I keep saying it and will continue to say it.

ANY AFRICAN wife who provides for majority of the things in a household is simply cheating her self. See madam, a large chunk of African men will always believe that a woman's responsibility is in the upkeep of the house which involves cleaning, laundry, cooking etc.

If you like be working a 100 jobs and paying 101% of the bills, these men will still find it "demeaning" to help out in home.

These type of men will expect their wives to join them in providing but when you "beg" them as a good "submissive" wife to please help out a little, they refuse and remind you that they are men.

Talk to him to step up on his responsibility. "Never ever" allow another human being to drain the life out of you all in the name of marriage.

Its better to be single and do everything than to have a partner who gives little to no help.

I kinda agree.

JonOfAustrlia:
i told him we should pay 30 percent of our income for bills. But he pays 25% of his income and i pay 75% of my income to bills.. u get? Not fair at all!

That means you're both living above your incomes if you think your 75% is too much.
Move to a cheaper apartment and city, get a smaller car and cut down on your electricity and water usage.
Secondly, why is he only working 20hours a week, and doing menial jobs at that?
Does he have the visa to work longer hours or his stay/visa has restrictions to it? If he can't work longer hours by law, then it's not his fault

try to talk to him to man up, communication helps.

eyinjuege:


That means you're both living above your incomes if you think your 75% is too much.
Move to a cheaper apartment and city, get a smaller car and cut down on your electricity and water usage.
Secondly, why is he only working 20hours a week, and doing menial jobs at that?
Does he have the visa to work longer hours or his stay/visa has restrictions to it? If he can't work longer hours by law, then it's not his fault

He's schooling and working at according to OP

Double0h7:
You're inquiring for a relative but You're answering all the comments in the first person. What do you guys get from making up all these tales by moonlight

Im his cousin he let me login to his account because i deactivated my old one and nairaland doesnt let ppl reactivate their account. So its on my phone right now he doesnt get on here that that much

sisisioge:




Typical naija leech....may fortune smile on you o

I dont think hes a leach i just wonder how can we make things better. I came here to get ideas

socialmediaman:


Your marriage is doing great if what you posted here is the true picture! Ask others to honestly share their opinions, yours may be in the top category. Marriage is not a union of convenience, it takes effort to make it work. There's a good reason they say there's no perfect marriage out there. If you feel cheated and exhausted, start early to communicate with him, and most importantly, see a marriage counselor so they can work it out for you. Random nairalanders cannot help with limited information from both parties, and surprisingly, everyone, including the unmarried and divorced, seems to know the solution to your marital issues.

lol i talked to my friend the other day and realize oh we dont even have half the problems of others but still want to make the union better somehow. Im a bit stressed

Kobojunkie:
Your idea of love na wa! What you describe reads more like the chemical induced kind to me.

we r talking on the internet its easy to interpret things incorrectly. I think in a relationship although not perfect we should be striving to help each other. Its excellent when a union can do that and help ease each others issues. In fact when the legal foundation of marriage was created the idea is that a man and woman marry and get in laws in order to do business and help each family. So the union helps with money and time. It is legally like a business in a lot of ways. We bare both costs to make life easier for each others family. He helps me too but I think there are a few things that need to change.

Danyyyyyyyyyyy:


So she should cover the bills , go to work , take care of the children , clean , cook and then what?
You're supposed to just go and marry Wonder woman , wetin you dey find, e no dey market oh

What is her business with what his Nigerian people expect him to do ? Eeeeew I was disgusted reading that
He doesn't have a good job she understands that but he should help out with the chores at least , jeeeeeez
Diapers , fees , clothes , his 2 children are less important than his relatives in Nigeria right?

Men go to abroad and forget their manhood and start running after white woman coz they are easier to manipulate and easier to fool , with a selfless love story ,I love you money doesn't matter , until you find out how expensive babies are and how expensive it is to take care of a full grown man

LOL thank u. Are u Yoruba?

Kobojunkie:
Marriage is an agreement between a man and woman, and the terms and conditions, particularly that which has to do with the living arrangement, caring for kids, bills etc. , remains fluid for the life of the marriage. We are humans and change is constant with us.

For that reason, it is essential for the two halves of the marriage to remain in constant communication with each other.

1. If you don't like paying more than half of the bills, you can communicate this to your partner and you can both renegotiate the plan you have..

2. If you feel you can't carry it all by yourself anymore, talk to him or seek professional marriage counseling as a couple so you both can work out a situation that works better for both of you.

3. If you need him doing more of the chores, speak up about it or broach that too when you seek professional marriage counseling so you can both iron out the issues concerning your marriage.

To be honest, Love is a concept foreign to many a married Nigerians. You only need to examine the many married-threads on here and comments from many who claim to be married to know this. They are mostly familiar love(fake) feelings induced by brain chemicals causing a tingly feeling in between their legs - that is what most consider love.

4. Please communicate the way you feel to him or better yet seek professional marriage counseling- none of the pastors or mogs nonsense abeg- so you and your spouse can get on the same page as far as your marriage is concerned..

Hm thank u this was insightful i appreciate the honesty. Can you define Nigerian marriage love a little bit more? I have heard this a little as well. So they think love is like infatuation? For me love is a deep profound understanding and a divine plan between two people.

Drfernandez:


Be mindful of whose advice you listen to before you destroy your marriage. That sisisioge you quoted is almost 43 years and unmarried and has been used and dumped by different men because of her ugliness and bad character, also she is underemployed, so it should not be surprising that she has negative opinion about Nigerian men home and abroad.

u all kno each other?

socialmediaman:


He's schooling and working at according to OP

He's finished school already and doing menial jobs at reduced hours.
He needs to increase his hours, as they obviously need more income.
The only genuine excuse he has is if he isn't allowed to work more hours by law.
It's not good enough for his wife to be working 40hours and he's working 20hours only, and yet sending 3x money back to Nigeria than what he used to send as a single man.

eyinjuege:


He's finished school already and doing menial jobs at reduced hours.
He needs to increase his hours, as they obviously need more income.
The only genuine excuse he has is if he isn't allowed to work more hours by law.
It's not good enough for his wife to be working 40hours and he's working 20hours only, and yet sending 3x money back to Nigeria than what he used to send as a single man.

I see that now

I think he needs time to get a better job. Menial jobs take the same time from you as regular jobs and they don't give you so much work history for your resume so it takes a while to make that transition to a regular full time job. He's stuck on the menial jobs because he has bills to pay so it will take a little more time to get the job that pays much better. They both need to talk it out and decide on how much time he needs to focus on applying and going for interviews.

It's all about communication and commitment. If he needs help with his resume or needs to work with an agent, he needs to do that, but they both need to understand the process and focus on it

JonOfAustrlia:
u all kno each other?

I kuku no know am o. The matter must have spoken to his inner core hence the reason he became insultive. You see how "some" male folks go about giving the rest of the clan bad names? Integrity and fairness are strange words to them

JonOfAustrlia:
u all kno each other?

Yes, she and I have intimately known each other for a very long time within and outside here. But I am not here to discuss her and us. My experience with her is the reason why I have always advised men to avoid women who have small breasts.

JonOfAustrlia:


Im his cousin he let me login to his account because i deactivated my old one and nairaland doesnt let ppl reactivate their account. So its on my phone right now he doesnt get on here that that much

You are his cousin?

JonOfAustrlia:


LOL thank u. Are u Yoruba?

I'm not , I'm from one of the minor tribes in rivers state

JonOfAustrlia:
u all kno each other?

He doesn't know her , he's just trying to insult her because she's a woman and he doesn't support her opinions , even if she said something that will benefit so far as she's a woman , he won't listen

Drfernandez:


Yes, she and I have intimately known each other for a very long time within and outside here. But I am not here to discuss her and us. My experience with her is the reason why I have always advised men to avoid women who have small breasts.

Liar liar pants on fire , where's the proof

socialmediaman:


I see that now

I think he needs time to get a better job. Menial jobs take the same time from you as regular jobs and they don't give you so much work history for your resume so it takes a while to make that transition to a regular full time job. He's stuck on the menial jobs because he has bills to pay so it will take a little more time to get the job that pays much better. They both need to talk it out and decide on how much time he needs to focus on applying and going for interviews.

It's all about communication and commitment. If he needs help with his resume or needs to work with an agent, he needs to do that, but they both need to understand the process and focus on it

I have faith he will find something. Hes intelligent but the job market where we live is not good