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I Am Confused � - Family - Nairaland

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I Am Confused As A Father And As Husband / My Step Dad Is Maltreating My Mom, I Am Confused / Lady Shares Stunning Photos with her Mom, But People are Confused Which is Mom (2) (3) (4)

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I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 1:18am On May 21, 2022
Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post
Re: I Am Confused � by Nobody: 3:16am On May 21, 2022
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Re: I Am Confused � by gaby(m): 4:10am On May 21, 2022
Poor kid...

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Re: I Am Confused � by Acidosis(m): 4:33am On May 21, 2022
Please take the kid to her mother or grandmother.

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Re: I Am Confused � by Richy4(m): 5:24am On May 21, 2022
You are an adult.. u are capable of making an informed decision..

I believe you can decide what is best for your daughter as her protector..

As u are deciding, think about the psychological effect the child is going through right now knowing she's in an environment that she wasn't loved... Act on it fast before you have a damaged kid on your hands

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Re: I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 8:19am On May 21, 2022
UpInTheSky:
There's nothing to be confused about.

Reading your previous thread, it's as clear as night and day that your wife has never liked your first daughter, let alone love.
Marrying someone who doesn't love or at least accept your child like her own wasn't a good idea but you've chosen that route...

It's either you take your daughter to her mother to live with & pay the necessary child support, and visit the girl regularly (don't neglect her),
Or stop allowing your wife to mistreat & verbally abuse her in your home, 'cos as her father, it's your duty to protect her from these things.
If the girl has been enduring hatred and spitefulness from your jealous wife since you married her, then the poor girl has really tried, smh.
She's now a pre-teen and her continuing to live in such an unloving home will negatively affect and shape her self-esteem and self-worth.






Thank you for the advice, taking her to her mother is not an option for me but I am thinking of renting a one bedroom apartment for me and my daughter. But I don't know if it will be fair on my other children and I strongly believe that if I leave , she will stop me from seeing my children.

But I have to do it for the sake of my daughter well-being.

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Re: I Am Confused � by ThatPetiteChic: 9:20am On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:


Thank you for the advice, taking her to her mother is not an option for me but I am thinking of renting a one bedroom apartment for me and my daughter. But I don't know if it will be fair on my other children and I strongly believe that if I leave , she will stop me from seeing my children.

But I have to do it for the sake of my daughter well-being.

Two wrongs don't make a right sir. At this point, there is really nothing you can do about it. Your wife has 2 children and pregnant with the 3rd child. Take it as your cross and continue to show love to your kids.

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Re: I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 10:34am On May 21, 2022
ThatPetiteChic:


Two wrongs don't make a right sir. At this point, there is really nothing you can do about it. Your wife has 2 children and pregnant with the 3rd child. Take it as your cross and continue to show love to your kids.

I am trying so hard to keep my family together but the way things are getting worse day by day, you know school teaches our children that chikd abuse is wrong and if they are at risk, they should report to the teacher. if one day my daughter has decide to report her mother to the school. Do you know that we are going to be at risk of losing all the children.

I rather act now before it get out of hand.
Re: I Am Confused � by ThatPetiteChic: 10:47am On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:


I am trying so hard to keep my family together but the way things are getting worse day by day, you know school teaches our children that chikd abuse is wrong and if they are at risk, they should report to the teacher. if one day my daughter has decide to report her mother to the school. Do you know that we are going to be at risk of losing all the children.

I rather act now before it get out of hand.

Whatever you do, think of your other 2 children and unborn child. They shouldn't be deprived of a father figure just because of their mother's attitude. Just calm down, do not hastily take a rash decision that would affect you or them in future.

I feel for your 11yr old daughter and you can only manage the situation. Your wife and mother in law don't like her and you can't force them to like her. Ensure you encourage love and respect among your kids because your wife is capable of causing sibling rivalry.

God will help you to do what is right.

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Re: I Am Confused � by Mindlog: 10:56am On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:


I am trying so hard to keep my family together but the way things are getting worse day by day, you know school teaches our children that chikd abuse is wrong and if they are at risk, they should report to the teacher. if one day my daughter has decide to report her mother to the school. Do you know that we are going to be at risk of losing all the children.

I rather act now before it get out of hand.

I understand your fears over the possibility of Child Protection Service having your children removed from your care, so I would suggest you look up for a grounded family therapist near you, so that you, your wife and the kids can sit down in a neutral setting and explore issues that are affecting relationships within the family and it is also a safeguard because it would help your case, should it escalate.
Re: I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 11:12am On May 21, 2022
ThatPetiteChic:


Whatever you do, think of your other 2 children and unborn child. They shouldn't be deprived of a father figure just because of their mother's attitude. Just calm down, do not hastily take a rash decision that would affect you or them in future.

I feel for your 11yr old daughter and you can only manage the situation. Your wife and mother in law don't like her and you can't force them to like her. Ensure you encourage love and respect among your kids because your wife is capable of causing sibling rivalry.

God will help you to do what is right.

Thank you
Re: I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 11:13am On May 21, 2022
Mindlog:


I understand your fears over the possibility of Child Protection Service having your children removed from your care, so I would suggest you look up for a grounded family therapist near you, so that you, your wife and the kids can sit down in a neutral setting and explore issues that are affecting relationship within the family and it is also a safeguard because it would help your case, should it escalate.


Thank you for this great advice
Re: I Am Confused � by Mindlog: 11:24am On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:



Thank you for this great advice

You are welcome, just make sure he/she is a licensed family therapist because you may need an official report from him/her should the need, arise.

1 Like

Re: I Am Confused � by Mrperfecto: 11:42am On May 21, 2022
Mindlog:


You are welcome, just make sure he/she is a licensed family therapist because you may need an official report from him/her should the need, arise.


Thanks will have a look on Google and read some reviews
Re: I Am Confused � by Blue86(m): 11:48am On May 21, 2022
I don't understand.

People go preach preach preach everywhere, that you should be careful of marrying people, not for beauty majorly, but character.
You will not listen.

May your daughter not suffer abuse in the hands of this woman.
Re: I Am Confused � by Blue86(m): 11:51am On May 21, 2022
But my advice is this, you men should know how to be men and stand your ground in your own house.

Let your yes out of wisdom be yes.
And your no out of wisdom be no.

Must you be manipulated to doing what the one that should be submissive wants.
Because of sex.

For her to manipulate you and hold your clothes in that manner means you are not holding the family as a man.

Be men, you men.
Re: I Am Confused � by superCleanworks(m): 12:45pm On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:
she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore.

I was about to chip in, then i read this part. Good luck.

I wonder how men carry untamed and uncouth females to a country where their behavior will bloom and become a problem to the same man. I can't even be friends with such a woman who doesn't guard her tongue or think of consequences. Not to talk of wife.

I know my post is not helpful, I am venting cos i feel your pain. You did the right thing by moving away from provocation as a first aid to regaining your sanity.
Re: I Am Confused � by Elporo(m): 12:51pm On May 21, 2022
Mrperfecto:
I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post

Find a cheap lawyer and make a formal report at the police station.

Something is cooking, and you need to be prepared.

Johnny Depp has given a lot of men in the west hope cool


And, why did you get married, when you already have a child? I can't understand men nowadays...
Re: I Am Confused � by Foodqueen(f): 10:33pm On Feb 23
Mrperfecto:



Thanks will have a look on Google and read some reviews

U created this post before, hope your wife isn't the reason your daughter is acting up.

Where is her biological mother?

I will advise you remove her from your environment so that she wouldn't turn toxic to herself and her environment.
Re: I Am Confused � by Anguldi(m): 11:45am On Feb 24
Mrperfecto:
Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post

In response to your other thread: This is the foundation of your first daughter misbehaving. Some women can be terrible most especially step mother. She sees your daughter as competitor/rival to hers. After the demise of our mum, we had two terrible step mothers. Your wife will show you she cares about your daughter but it's the opposite. Use your head, seek advice from family and friends most especially those that have had similar experience growing up. Bring your daughter closer, you will know the kind of wife you have.
Women are manipulative, ask your self why there is always issues when you are not home.
My brother, that girl is in her father's house with all rights and previlages. Your daughter is been abused right under your roof

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