I just saw a post "Why Good Men Marry Bad Girls, Bad Girls Marry Good Men" on the front page, and felt I should write this. So, I'll go straight to the point:

While someone might just say "because opposites attract", in response to why Good boys marry Bad girls and vice versa, it goes deeper!

In the study of human behaviour, a school of thought classifies humans into 4 major groups (temperaments) :

1. The Choleric (extroverted and usually bossy)
2. The Melancholy (introverted and empathic)
3. The Phlegmatic (privacy-loving and introverted)
4. The Sanguine (extroverted talkative)

This idea is a very popular one, so I won't go into explaining them but the brief explanation provided. According to Tim LaHaye ( in his book, "Why You Act the Way You Do" ) he describes humans as beings who could have blends of these temperaments e.g., a "Chol-san" who could be very different from a "San-chol" or a Phleg-chol. You might also like "Opposites Attract" by the same author (which is tilted towards Temperaments and relationships)


...as related to Relationships.
Every human has, and knows their strengths and weaknesses. It is natural for you to admire someone who is strong in areas where you know you're weak. Matter-of-factly, someone who has your weaknesses and strengths (in other words, identical to you) might end up repelling you. They do not fascinate you.

Now, Bad girls must pass certain criteria to qualify as one according to society (same as Bad boys) and based on how humans are wired, your temperament could make it easier for you to be a Good boy/girl, or a Bad boy/girl. For example, and not to discriminate here, it's easier for a Sanguine with a blend of Choleric or Phlegmatic to be a Bad boy or girl in our society. And if you recall, I mentioned that these temperaments do come with their strengths and weaknesses. Hence, the temperamental opposites of the individuals (the "Bad" girl/boy) tend to attract them.

Summary:
- If two talkative Sanguines are in a relationship, two of them would like to talk, with no one to listen.

- with an inward Phlegmatic and a sensitive, empathic Melancholy in a relationship, they likely would hold things in their minds, until it catastrophically explodes.

- two Cholerics in a relationship would like to boss each other, and if there's anything a Choleric hates, it's being bossed!

This is not a fool-proof explanation, but at least you get the idea what science says about why opposites attract. In other words, why "Good Men Marry Bad Girls, Bad Girls Marry Good Men"

I logged out...

Lemme drop a comment...

Might not be as good as yours but it's my opinion...

So... I'm an extrovert... I'm very social... But in public, I'm nice and cool... Still a tomboy but I'm not the sort of person to make trouble... I'm also very sensitive and I care a lot what others think of me...

In secondary school, I had a good reputation for being miss perfect... Ironed uniform, knee lenght socks and my navy blue beret... I wore my id card and I was a social perfect... My teachers all knew me...

But I'm not the sorta person who would concentrate during physics... I get distracted easily... And I enjoy distracting others... I would rather play with acids during chem practicals or play crosswords during maths... And so on...

There were bad boys in my class... The ones who would walk out and not tuck in their shirts and cheat during exams...

And I wanted to leave when they did... To go outside and visit the farm or just stroll... Rather I had to endure hours of torture...

I didn't mess up because everyone expected me not to... I would love to go crazy sometimes and have fun but I really can't!

I think men who are good love bad girls cause they are exciting... Like an adventure... They make you lose yourself and not worry about what others expect of you... You can be reckless and she wouldn't judge... Etc...

Women too...

Society sets strict standards for us... And it's in our nature to rebel... Finding someone who brings out the demon in us is exhilarating... Refreshing...

Raspberries:
I logged out...

Lemme drop a comment...

Might not be as good as yours but it's my opinion...

So... I'm an extrovert... I'm very social... But in public, I'm nice and cool... Still a tomboy but I'm not the sort of person to make trouble... I'm also very sensitive and I care a lot what others think of me...

In secondary school, I had a good reputation for being miss perfect... Ironed uniform, knee lenght socks and my navy blue beret... I wore my id card and I was a social perfect... My teachers all knew me...

But I'm not the sorta person who would concentrate during physics... I get distracted easily... And I enjoy distracting others... I would rather play with acids during chem practicals or play crosswords during maths... And so on...

There were bad boys in my class... The ones who would walk out and not tuck in their shirts and cheat during exams...

And I wanted to leave when they did... To go outside and visit the farm or just stroll... Rather I had to endure hours of torture...

I didn't mess up because everyone expected me not to... I would love to go crazy sometimes and have fun but I really can't!

I think men who are good love bad girls cause they are exciting... Like an adventure... They make you lose yourself and not worry about what others expect of you... You can be reckless and she wouldn't judge... Etc...

Women too...

Society sets strict standards for us... And it's in our nature to rebel... Finding someone who brings out the demon in us is exhilarating... Refreshing...

You just hit the nail on the head girl.

In Summary:We all love to rebel even the so called good people....
what makes them good is that they actually care about what society thinks, to want to stick to the norms of morality and so they envy the so called bad ones who are actually bold enough to do what they want...

This envy pulls them in...

Lovely

logicalhumour:
I just saw a post "Why Good Men Marry Bad Girls, Bad Girls Marry Good Men" on the front page, and felt I should write this. So, I'll go straight to the point:

While someone might just say "because opposites attract", in response to why Good boys marry Bad girls and vice versa, it goes deeper!

In the study of human behaviour, a school of thought classifies humans into 4 major groups (temperaments) :

1. The Choleric (extroverted and usually bossy)
2. The Melancholy (introverted and empathic)
3. The Phlegmatic (privacy-loving and introverted)
4. The Sanguine (extroverted talkative)

This idea is a very popular one, so I won't go into explaining them but the brief explanation provided. According to Tim LaHaye ( in his book, "Why You Act the Way You Do" ) he describes humans as beings who could have blends of these temperaments e.g., a "Chol-san" who could be very different from a "San-chol" or a Phleg-chol. You might also like "Opposites Attract" by the same author (which is tilted towards Temperaments and relationships)


...as related to Relationships.
Every human has, and knows their strengths and weaknesses. It is natural for you to admire someone who is strong in areas where you know you're weak. Matter-of-factly, someone who has your weaknesses and strengths (in other words, identical to you) might end up repelling you. They do not fascinate you.

Now, Bad girls must pass certain criteria to qualify as one according to society (same as Bad boys) and based on how humans are wired, your temperament could make it easier for you to be a Good boy/girl, or a Bad boy/girl. For example, and not to discriminate here, it's easier for a Sanguine with a blend of Choleric or Phlegmatic to be a Bad boy or girl in our society. And if you recall, I mentioned that these temperaments do come with their strengths and weaknesses. Hence, the temperamental opposites of the individuals (the "Bad" girl/boy) tend to attract them.

Summary:
- If two talkative Sanguines are in a relationship, two of them would like to talk, with no one to listen.

- with an inward Phlegmatic and a sensitive, empathic Melancholy in a relationship, they likely would hold things in their minds, until it catastrophically explodes.

- two Cholerics in a relationship would like to boss each other, and if there's anything a Choleric hates, it's being bossed!

This is not a fool-proof explanation, but at least you get the idea what science says about why opposites attract. In other words, why "Good Men Marry Bad Girls, Bad Girls Marry Good Men"

The reason is more statistical than psychological. You are mostly likely to find a bad wife than a good wife and you are also mostly like to find a bad husband than a good one. This makes marriages involving bad people more common than marriages involving good people and it also explains why divorces, domestic violence, paternity fraud etc are all part and parcel of most marriages!

Hmmm...



So far so good; all I have read so far is mere speculations. I neither credit nor discredit them. I'm only forced to ask: if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??

This question also directly affects those posters up there whom I am certain may have experienced or are experiencing broken or turbulent relationships.
Could it be that they allow/allowed emotions to override their knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then of what usefulness is the knowledge of personalities ?
Could it be that they are/were ignorant of the knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then why do they continue to experience broken or turbulent relationships after acquiring this knowledge of personalities ?
I am only asking...; I am not countering nor asserting.
Cc:
efficiencie
Eileene
Nobody

Psychological and philosophical matters of personalities is highly ambiguous; such that the more man tend to unfathom its ambiguity, the more ambiguous and complicated it is.

I therefore reserve my hypothetical thought.

Bluezy13:
Hmmm...



...
I'm only forced to ask: if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??
...

Nice observation.

You see, truly, we now have a better understanding of personalities. In fact, if we were to carry our current understanding of personalities into the past, and made a match for a couple, that relationship would have been more solid than a rock!

However, times have changed. People now have too many ideas about discontentment from the media and people around them at the detriment of marital endurance.

Statistically speaking, almost all divorces have been due to this discontentment I speak of. The media, particularly, has raised standards (of both men and women) to an unrealistic height, coupled with the fact that finding a new relationship has never been easier.

These things we watch in movies/read online goes deeper into our heads than we know, and the effect over-shadows our knowledge of personalities!

P.S
I'm not trying to boil it all down to my argument, however, this is the chief cause of why we still have increased rate of divorces despite our better understanding of personalities. Perhaps we should try understanding the 'global' culture instead.

logicalhumour:


Nice observation.

You see, truly, we now have a better understanding of personalities. In fact, if we were to carry our current understanding of personalities into the past, and made a match for a couple, that relationship would have been more solid than a rock!

However, times have changed. People now have too many ideas about discontentment from the media and people around them at the detriment of marital endurance.

Statistically speaking, almost all divorces have been due to this discontentment I speak of. The media, particularly, has raised standards (of both men and women) to an unrealistic height, coupled with the fact that finding a new relationship has never been easier.

These things we watch in movies/read online goes deeper into our heads than we know, and the effect over-shadows our knowledge of personalities!

P.S
I'm not trying to boil it all down to my argument, however, this is the chief cause of why we still have increased rate of divorces despite our better understanding of personalities. Perhaps we should try understanding the 'global' culture instead.

If the effect overshadows our knowledge of personalities, then our knowledge of personalities is a waste. Don't you think ?
Then if our knowledge of personalities is a waste, then needless the study and awareness of personalities in relation to friendly relationships and marriages.
In other words, the enlightenment of personalities should be limited to psychological fields like psychiatric and socialization and family members interactions only; but not in relationships.
Now, if that's the case, the essence of this thread is falsified.

Bluezy13:


If the effect overshadows our knowledge of personalities, then our knowledge of personalities is a waste. Don't you think ?
Then if our knowledge of personalities is a waste, then needless the study and awareness of personalities in relation to friendly relationships and marriages.
In other words, the enlightenment of personalities should be limited to psychological fields like psychiatric and socialization and family members interactions only; but not in relationships.
Now, if that's the case, the essence of this thread is falsified.

Haha. Not at all!

The effect of discontentment overshadowing our understanding of personality doesn't mean that this attraction of opposite temperaments doesn't still work.

Remember, there can't be a divorce without marriage in the first place. Which brings us back to my original post which sought to explain why opposites find themselves together in the first place!

The marital discontentment (which comes AFTER MARRIAGE) I wrote of BTW has no respect for personalities (opposites or not).

logicalhumour:


Haha. Not at all!

The effect of discontentment overshadowing our understanding of personality doesn't mean that this attraction of opposite temperaments doesn't still work.

Remember, there can't be a divorce without marriage in the first place. Which brings us back to my original post which sought to explain why opposites find themselves together in the first place!

The marital discontentment (which comes AFTER MARRIAGE) I wrote of BTW has no respect for personalities (opposites or not).

If marital discontentment you wrote up there (ie. Societal standards and expectations instigated by Social and entertainment media) had no respect for personalities, then there should be no need preaching the personalities in the first place. Of what use is an enlightenment if it is not realistic ?

If two persons felt they were compatible personality-wise and/or complement each other and they got married, then divorce followed suit, evidently their understanding of their personalities whether before marriage or before divorce (either or both) was wrong.

Bluezy13:

If marital discontentment you wrote up there (ie. Societal standards and expectations instigated by Social and entertainment media) had no respect for personalities, then there should be no need preaching the personalities in the first place. Of what use is an enlightenment if it is not realistic ?

If two persons felt they were compatible personality-wise and/or complement each other and they got married, then divorce followed suit, evidently their understanding of their personalities whether before marriage or before divorce makes (either or both) was wrong.

Lemme break it down...

Personalities aren't carved in stone... Same goes for a person's interests... They actually change... Often...

For example me... I was born an extrovert... In elementary school, I would make friends with everyone the moment I stepped into the classroom...

Now, I'm socially awkward... Years of being bullied in high school, staying indoors most of my life and I'm now an introvert... I still enjoy making friends and going out but I would rather stay home reading a book...

If I had gotten married when I was a kid... To a boy whose personality matched mine, we would be divorced now... Because I've changed and he would have too...

Also... It's hard to know who you really are... For a fact, no one is good and no one is bad... There's a thin line in between... So it's not easy to find mister/miss perfect... Our moods change and when it does, we're different people... Sometimes loud and mischievous, other times solemn...

I said I was a good girl in school... I'm still the girl who set her friend's bag on fire cause she made me mad and nearly poisoned another... Still the girl who says sorry too much cause I hate to offend anyone...

It's good to atleast try to know who you are... Cause it help you determine what's best for you...

I'm a teenager... I want to have a little fun but I'm not stupid... So I want a guy who's larger than life itself... Someone fun and exciting...

When I'm a young adult, I would (maybe) want a guy who's reserved... We would have a library with a million books! And drink coffee and watch the rain fall together...

When I'm way older, I would want someone really mature and all that... Go in family vacations...

Get it?

Hello, bad people........

One even said it's good to meet the person that would bring out d bad in u until he carries u to go and Rob and the both of u you get roasted alive.....

Datboredberri:


Lemme break it down...

Personalities aren't carved in stone... Same goes for a person's interests... They actually change... Often...

For example me... I was born an extrovert... In elementary school, I would make friends with everyone the moment I stepped into the classroom...

Now, I'm socially awkward... Years of being bullied in high school, staying indoors most of my life and I'm now an introvert... I still enjoy making friends and going out but I would rather stay home reading a book...

If I had gotten married when I was a kid... To a boy whose personality matched mine, we would be divorced now... Because I've changed and he would have too...

Also... It's hard to know who you really are... For a fact, no one is good and no one is bad... There's a thin line in between... So it's not easy to find mister/miss perfect... Our moods change and when it does, we're different people... Sometimes loud and mischievous, other times solemn...

I said I was a good girl in school... I'm still the girl who set her friend's bag on fire cause she made me mad and nearly poisoned another... Still the girl who says sorry too much cause I hate to offend anyone...

It's good to atleast try to know who you are... Cause it help you determine what's best for you...

I'm a teenager... I want to have a little fun but I'm not stupid... So I want a guy who's larger than life itself... Someone fun and exciting...

When I'm a young adult, I would (maybe) want a guy who's reserved... We would have a library with a million books! And drink coffee and watch the rain fall together...

When I'm way older, I would want someone really mature and all that... Go in family vacations...

Get it?

I get your point very well.
But you misunderstand my point.
I am not arguing whether personalities change with time or not. That is secondary.
I'm concerned with it's effect in relationships.
Or are you trying to tell me that the personality i will get married to today will be different from the personality i will be with in 20 years time ?? Anyways, that's by the way.

Perhaps you should read my further comments.
In summary, I am opining that if personalities can change, then there is no need for this thread about lending credence to the knowledge of personalities compatibility as a sine qua non to relationships sustainability.
For instance, abruptly put; this thread is saying that a lousy person complements a reserved person, so they are better off in a relationship.

Now in our predominant society, it is evident that there is high rate of divorce and broken relationships even among people whom were supposed to complement one another personality-wise. If this is the case, then there is no need for the enlightenment about personalities compatibility or complement.
It is not yielding any result.

aimmoney9:
Hello, bad people........

One even said it's good to meet the person that would bring out d bad in u until he carries u to go and Rob and the both of u you get roasted alive.....

Bluezy13:

If marital discontentment you wrote up there (ie. Societal standards and expectations instigated by Social and entertainment media) had no respect for personalities, then there should be no need preaching the personalities in the first place. Of what use is an enlightenment if it is not realistic ? [1]

If two persons felt they were compatible personality-wise and/or complement each other and they got married, then divorce followed suit, evidently their understanding of their personalities whether before marriage or before divorce makes (either or both) was wrong. [2]

1. It's takes attraction to enter a normal relationship in the first place. This attraction hugely depends on the personalities of the couple.

2. To endure a relationship (AFTER the initial attraction phase), goes beyond the initial attraction / infatuation. I sought to explain how, and only how [1] works with the original post.

Divorces are a general illness. Marriages in general require great discipline. However, entering a normal marriage in the first place only requires attraction —which I've explained (original post) one way it works. This makes enlightenment regarding personalities still very useful. Maintaining the result of the attraction (marriage in this case) is left for you and your wife.

Define 'good'.

They are same bad negroes packaged in deceitfully calm appearance. We have them hiding in places of worship.

It's what they secretly crave for they go after.

That's why good girls by default are not becoming extinct which makes me happy.

Everybody should suffer the badness cause goodness no dey get reward.

Bluezy13:

I get your point very well.
But you misunderstand my point.
Perhaps you should read my further comments.
In summary, I am opining that if personalities can change, then there is no need for this thread about lending credence to the knowledge of personalities compatibility as a [I]sine qua non[/I] to relationships sustainability.
For instance, abruptly put; this thread is saying that a lousy person complements a reserved person, so they are better off in a relationship.

Now in our predominant society, it is evident that there is high rate of divorce and broken relationships even among people whom were supposed to complement one another personality-wise. If this is the case, then there is no need for the enlightenment about personalities compatibility or complement.
It is not yielding any result.

Oh no... See, I'm the person you mentioned (Nobody)... Deactivated my account...

I don't think opposites always attract or that we should just date someone whose personality is different...

But I believe this influences our choice in partners... Attraction...

Our everyday actions are determined by nature and society... We all want to be free to have sex and eat what we like and use swear words and be rebels fighting the system... Some people do, other's can't... They tend to be attracted to each other...

The one who offers freedom and the one who wants to be freed...

But I get your point...

aimmoney9:
Hello, bad people........

One even said it's good to meet the person that would bring out d bad in u until he carries u to go and Rob and the both of u you get roasted alive.....

Why? I'm weeping

logicalhumour:


1. It's takes attraction to enter a normal relationship in the first place. This attraction hugely depends on the personalities of the couple.

2. To endure a relationship (AFTER THE initial attraction phase), goes beyond the initial attraction / infatuation. I sought to explain how, and only how [1] works with the original post.

Divorces are a general illness. Marriages in general require great discipline. However, entering a normal marriage in the first place only requires attraction —which I've explained (original post) one way it works. This makes enlightenment regarding personalities still very useful. Maintaining the result of the attraction (marriage in this case) is left for you and your wife.

Now you are lecturing me on marriage

Without mincing words; I am asserting that the credibility of the KNOWLEDGE of personalities on relationships and marriages is useless.
All this A will be happy with B, or C is compatible with D is outrightly nonsensical with the following (and only) point of mine:

Our forefathers did not know anything about definition, classifications and applications of Personalities as proposed by erudite philosophers and/or psychologists; but they experienced happy and long lasting marriages compared to recent times. The excuse of increased societal standards instigated by Social and entertainment media as you proposed and the excuse of change in personalities with time as proposed by that other fellow by name Datboredberri, is highly inconsequential. QED

Datboredberri:


Oh no... See, I'm the person you mentioned (Nobody)... Deactivated my account...

I don't think opposites always attract or that we should just date someone whose personality is different...

But I believe this influences our choice in partners... Attraction...

Our everyday actions are determined by nature and society... We all want to be free to have sex and eat what we like and use swear words and be rebels fighting the system... Some people do, other's can't... They tend to be attracted to each other...

The one who offers freedom and the one who wants to be freed...

But I get your point...

Okay.

Bluezy13:

... the excuse of change in personalities with time as proposed by that other fellow by name Datboredberri, is highly inconsequential. QED

Rude!

Datboredberri:
Rude!

I know.
A careful scrutiny of my initial comments would reveal that I have tried to be as neutral, formal and diplomatic as possible... With most of the comments centered on questions only, without my personal assertion.
But that fellow's last comment placed me under the duress of being assertive (and rude as you put it)
I can't take it back; I can only be remorseful it affected you.

Bluezy13:

Now you are lecturing me on marriage

Without mincing words; I am asserting that the credibility of the KNOWLEDGE of personalities on relationships and marriages is useless.

Lol. You know what we've been doing? We been just derailing the thread.

Your very first question was: "if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??"

You see, that was off topic, however, you sounded like you legit needed answers, and that was why I started the marriage lectures, etc. And now your asserting on my head? Haha

I never said that the "credibility of the KNOWLEDGE of personalities on relationships and marriages is" useless or not useless.

I only explained "Why Good Men Marry Bad Girls, and vice versa (according to Science)" (thread)

ATTRACTION is the keyword here, not long-lasting marriages!

logicalhumour:


Lol. You know what we've been doing? We been just derailing the thread.

Your very first question was: "if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??"

You see, that was off topic, however, you sounded like you legit needed answers, and that was why I started the marriage lectures, etc. And now your asserting on my head? Haha

I never said that the "credibility of the KNOWLEDGE of personalities on relationships and marriages is" useless or not useless.

I only explained "Why Good Men Marry Bad Girls, and vice versa (according to Science)" (thread)

You're right.
I asked and I have been asking questions until my last comment.
And in my very first post, I opined that I neither credited nor discredited the comments before me. I had a reason for that. It was to instigate a neutral grounds on which any answer(s) to my question(s) would germinate and perhaps propagate.

I like asking questions... especially on matters of LIFE.
It is rather unfortunate that it affected your time and Energy, but it was fortunate to me.

Nevertheless, it is somewhat good that you've reiterated your (initial) stance.

Yawns!!!!

Bluezy13:
Hmmm...



So far so good; all I have read so far is mere speculations. I neither credit nor discredit them. I'm only forced to ask: if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??

This question also directly affects those posters up there whom I am certain may have experienced or are experiencing broken or turbulent relationships.
Could it be that they allow/allowed emotions to override their knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then of what usefulness is the knowledge of personalities ?
Could it be that they are/were ignorant of the knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then why do they continue to experience broken or turbulent relationships after acquiring this knowledge of personalities ?
I am only asking...; I am not countering nor asserting.
Cc:
efficiencie
Eileene
Nobody

Psychological and philosophical matters of personalities is highly ambiguous; such that the more man tend to unfathom its ambiguity, the more ambiguous and complicated it is.

I therefore reserve my hypothetical thought.

What you call "speculation" are basically "theories" attempting to explain what leads to the marital phenomenon that was described in the opening post. What's left is now an empirical evaluation of these "theories" to see which actually fits the real world.

The opening post seems to identify temperament mismatch as the cause marital friction and eventual divorce but it does not say anything about how these temperaments are formed, when they are formed and what factors affect their evolution over time.

The opening post assumes that people maintain their temperament over time but like we all know change in inevitable and someone who was once choleric today could encounter someone who makes her morph over time into someone with a sanguine temperament. If this kind of evolution occurs it makes temperament a poor determinant of stable or unstable marriages. The opening post also assumes that people are either of a particular type of temperament or the other at any point in time. This assumption can be seen in the example about a sanguine couple both talking and none listening. However it is very possible for people to embody all types of temperament at certain points in time to enable them adapt to their environment. There are people who become sanguine when then meet their fellow sanguine friend who they trust and confide in and that same person could become a choleric or melancholic when surrounded by people who they do not trust or do not confide in. This situation results in people having multiple personalities in different situations as an adaptive mechanism.

To really understand why marriages fail you need to understand what explains the character of people at a point in time, what accounts for changes in character over time, what motivates people to choose their spouses and what people understand marriage to be.

Marriage is a long established ritual. So long it makes me wonder why the first person to get married decided to. Why didn't they normalize having sex with anyone or everyone? Why was adultery a crime punishable by death in most societies? Why did people live in families? Why didn't most societies make it normal for men to just get ladies pregnant and walk away?

The commonalities in the timeless rules that have governed marriages in many societies makes me believe the supernatural origins of marriage and it also makes me believe that no what the temperaments of the couples in a marriage are, if a man loves his woman and the woman submits to her man marriage will be a success. If this simple rule is breached continuously and deliberately, no amount of marital counselling or therapy sessions cam save that marriage from its eventual demise.

As a man, if you are not ready to love, to provide, to protect, to lead selflessly, to teach, to safeguard, to inspire, to endure and to be faithful, you are not ready for marriage and no submissive lady should consider you a worthy candidate for a husband.

As a woman if you are not ready to submit in totality, you are not ready to be a wife and no loving man should consider you a worthy wife.

efficiencie:


What you call "speculation" are basically "theories" attempting to explain what leads to the marital phenomenon that was described in the opening post. What's left is now an empirical evaluation of these "theories" to see which actually fits the real world.

The opening post seems to identify temperament mismatch as the cause marital friction and eventual divorce but it does not say anything about how these temperaments are formed, when they are formed and what factors affect their evolution over time.

The opening post assumes that people maintain their temperament over time but like we all know change in inevitable and someone who was once choleric today could encounter someone who makes her morph over time into someone with a sanguine temperament. If this kind of evolution occurs it makes temperament a poor determinant of stable or unstable marriages. The opening post also assumes that people are either of a particular type of temperament or the other at any point in time. This assumption can be seen in the example about a sanguine couple both talking and none listening. However it is very possible for people to embody all types of temperament at certain points in time to enable them adapt to their environment. There are people who become sanguine when then meet their fellow sanguine friend who they trust and confide in and that same person could become a choleric or melancholic when surrounded by people who they do not trust or do not confide in. This situation results in people having multiple personalities in different situations as an adaptive mechanism.

To really understand why marriages fail you need to understand what explains the character of people at a point in time, what accounts for changes in character over time, what motivates people to choose their spouses and what people understand marriage to be.

Marriage is a long established ritual. So long it makes me wonder why the first person to get married decided to. Why didn't they normalize having sex with anyone or everyone? Why was adultery a crime punishable by death in most societies? Why did people live in families? Why didn't most societies make it normal for men to just get ladies pregnant and walk away?

The commonalities in the timeless rules that have governed marriages in many societies makes me believe the supernatural origins of marriage and it also makes me believe that no what the temperaments of the couples in a marriage are, if a man loves his woman and the woman submits to her man marriage will be a success. If this simple rule is breached continuously and deliberately, no amount of marital counselling or therapy sessions cam save that marriage from its eventual demise.

As a man, if you are not ready to love, to provide, to protect, to lead selflessly, to teach, to safeguard, to inspire, to endure and to be faithful, you are not ready for marriage and no submissive lady should consider you a worthy candidate for a husband.

As a woman if you are not ready to submit in totality, you are not ready to be a wife and no loving man should consider you a worthy wife.

Hmmm...

Bluezy13:
Hmmm...



So far so good; all I have read so far is mere speculations. I neither credit nor discredit them. I'm only forced to ask: if we knew this much about personalities, why do we still have increased rate of broken relationships and divorce unlike the ancient times ??

This question also directly affects those posters up there whom I am certain may have experienced or are experiencing broken or turbulent relationships.
Could it be that they allow/allowed emotions to override their knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then of what usefulness is the knowledge of personalities ?
Could it be that they are/were ignorant of the knowledge of personalities ?
If that is the case, then why do they continue to experience broken or turbulent relationships after acquiring this knowledge of personalities ?
I am only asking...; I am not countering nor asserting.
Cc:
efficiencie
Eileene
Nobody

Psychological and philosophical matters of personalities is highly ambiguous; such that the more man tend to unfathom its ambiguity, the more ambiguous and complicated it is.

I therefore reserve my hypothetical thought.

The thing is most times we do not choose our partner based on temperaments ....I mean how many times have you asked a girl out simply because she is a sanguine and would suit your melancholy side...We are mostly attracted by the physical attributes we see and then you come closer before you notice she's quite vengeful or so...
That said in emotional matters the heart rules the head most times...So while you may have all the knowledge in the world it is a different ball game in reality...

Moreover temperaments are not all there are to relationship...There are other factors to consider like values,character.So even when you match temperamentally other things might draw you apart.

Eileene:

The thing is most times we do not choose our partner based on temperaments ....I mean how many times have you asked a girl out simply because she is a sanguine and would suit your melancholy side...We are mostly attracted by the physical attributes we see and then you come closer before you notice she's quite vengeful or so...
That said in emotional matters the heart rules the head most times...So while you may have all the knowledge in the world it is a different ball game in reality...

Moreover temperaments are not all there are to relationship...There are other factors to consider like values,character.So even when you match temperamentally other things might draw you apart.

Now, this one is interesting.