₦airaland Forum

Ladymaceral:
I pay all the bills including our son's school fees. The last time, I kept mute until they drove him from school for school fees default two days to his birthday, yet my husband never care. He asked me to go to the school and beg them till month end, the following day I made the payment and told him I borrowed it from my mom. Till today, he refused to refund.

I eventually struggle to pay for everything in this house. While he keeps giving excuses.

I know he need serious help, but I can't figure out what really happened to this life that is so broken like this.

Several times, I've told him about divorce, but he kept on begging.

I'm just confused.

Since you are taking care of the bills, please don't give him any money. You will need the money later on to take care of his irresponsibility

Ladymaceral:
Even when I'm not showing it, I'm so worried.
My husband is really stubborn and wouldn't listen.

He has been on loan with some people, which he refused to pay back.
He gradually migrated to loan app some months ago. He's currently owning about 5 loan app and they've started threatening him.
He borrowed to fund his bet nija (sport betting) which has been the only problem in our home.

Since two days, he has been so cold. I know he's in a big problem. He finally opened up this morning that he borrowed 37k altogether, but due to default, everything is 87k as at today.
I ignore him and pay deaf ears to it because I've been warning him about loaning money from app.

I don't ask him for money in this house, because he doesn't always have to give and I told him not to ask me as well.

The truth is, I have up to this amount to give him before they start sending those self deforming messages to his contact.
But one thought is telling me not to involve myself in his disobedient.
I'm so sad because many of my family people will also get these messages.
Is going to be so shameful.

Please, what would you advise? Could it be this is a way to change him for good after the embarrassement ?
Matured mind please

don't give him..
About the loan app there's a way some pro borrow and won't pay and their names won't be defamed, tell your husband to make a long click on their apps den go to permission and decline all the permissions
They have his WhatsApp num, he should stop using the number on WhatsApp
They have his Bvn,.he should get another ATM, they won't have access to fund in his account
Gbam hes free...but he should stop going to loan app tho

Ladymaceral:
My very worry is, will it stop him from wasting money and putting us on poverty lane? Will I be the only one sourcing for money for general upkeep and also money to repay debt? Will this sacrifice change him?

What was his profession before your marriage? Did he lie about his source of income?

One does not need to earn big to keep a marriage but money is very essential. The role of disclosure of earnings, clarity on source(s) of income, and other money matters cannot be overemphasized.

I feel like you downplayed the above issues. You have said a lot about his gambling lifestyle and debt profile but not a single mention of his earning, salary, or job.

Ladymaceral:
Even when I'm not showing it, I'm so worried.
My husband is really stubborn and wouldn't listen.

He has been on loan with some people, which he refused to pay back.
He gradually migrated to loan app some months ago. He's currently owning about 5 loan app and they've started threatening him.
He borrowed to fund his bet nija (sport betting) which has been the only problem in our home.

Since two days, he has been so cold. I know he's in a big problem. He finally opened up this morning that he borrowed 37k altogether, but due to default, everything is 87k as at today.
I ignore him and pay deaf ears to it because I've been warning him about loaning money from app.

I don't ask him for money in this house, because he doesn't always have to give and I told him not to ask me as well.

The truth is, I have up to this amount to give him before they start sending those self deforming messages to his contact.
But one thought is telling me not to involve myself in his disobedient.
I'm so sad because many of my family people will also get these messages.
Is going to be so shameful.

Please, what would you advise? Could it be this is a way to change him for good after the embarrassement ?
Matured mind please

Pls save his ass . I beg you with the name of God

It will be very easy for people who have not been in your kind of position, or something similar, to urge you to continue indulging him or cast aspersions on you for being annoyed, even though if such people were to find themselves in your position, they would not have done and indulge 1% of what you might have done and indulged from him so far.

In fact, a thorough dissection of your submissions shows that the lack of money is not his main problem; his weak ethical leanings are. He does not mean well to you, and by extension, he is not healthy.

That said, you can still bail him out from this one, but before and after doing so, sound it out to him by every means possible that you will not indulge any further nonsense from him and mean it both in words and actions by relating with him based on his mentality and mental disposition towards you in general rather than based on the nomenclature of husband he bears - that is part of what it takes to be conscientious and it is for the good of your health. Do this only if you do not mind losing your marriage in principle, which will entail separating from him should he fail to change positively.

The highest and most fulfilling point of living is reaching the height of not minding losing any person or thing in principle.

Report him to his parents and siblings, then assist him in paying and tell it to everyone that cares to listen that if he should ever go back to borrowing you will leave him

SavageResponse:
Do people actually become rich from betting here in Nigeria?

Why then do people borrow to fund a betting lifestyle?

Someone should please explain the logic to me

Yes, people become rich from betting in Nigeria. They are the ones who own the betting business. Look at Akin Alabi

Kobojunkie:
You've already become an enabler to his habit then. You forgot to mention this in your OP. I take back my previous advice and suggest instead you call a family meeting and let all those who would otherwise be shamed by his acts know exactly what the situation already is, so you all can come together to find a way to either pay off his debt and/or maybe send him to prison where he can cool off for some time.

Your marriage is no longer a marriage but a joke and you shouldn't have to carry it all on your head while also working to hide what is his shame, not yours. Allow his family and friends, all those he is probably hiding this secret from, in on it so they can realize the person he is abeg. Your children, if old enough, also probably know of their father's habits - children are not as dumb as people like to think - so, your focus should be primarily on keeping them away from the toxic situation that is their dad. That alone should be enough of a job to keep you busy and not thinking of acting as savior or messiah to a grown arse man who refuses to know himself.

How dare you reduce someone else's marriage to a joke because of a gambling problem? You kids these days don't even understand what marriage vows mean.

Prison is the wrong option here especially in Nigeria because he will come out worse.

The family meeting option is fine and I agree with it. They could help him work something out to pay off his debts by himself.

legionISproteus:
1. How dare you reduce someone else's marriage to a joke because of a gambling problem? You kids these days don't even understand what marriage vows mean.

2. Prison is the wrong option here especially in Nigeria because he will come out worse.

3. The family meeting option is fine and I agree with it. They could help him work something out to pay off his debts by himself.

1. The one who reduced the marriage to a joke, a sham even, is the man who gambles away his earnings while his family struggles with the shame of him.

You see, a marriage is an agreement/vow between a man and a woman,so when it ceases to be so, it is no longer marriage but resembles instead a prison. And that is what this man makes of the own marriage for his partner. The delusion many of you carry into marriage is that in marriage, your envision your partner has to serve the role of messiah/savior on whom you ought to lay your shit on with the expectation that it will be covered up under the cloak of marriage, ignoring the fact that what you married is a human being much like yourself who seeks and needs support instead, just like you do.

2. Well, since there are not a lot of affordable addition treatment centers in Nigeria at the moment, prison makes sense since he will probably get treatment for his gambling addiction in there if he does not quit. If he comes out worse, all the more reason she should count her losses and move on, at least mentally.

3. The family meeting option is meaningless without some penalty against the man and the option in Nigeria is prison.

Ladymaceral:
He has given too many promises that he never kept already. Those words are not important to me anymore.

I believe u have been praying & now God is about to answer your prayer u want to ruin it? If your husband doesn't go through something like this embarrassment u think he will change? Gambling addiction is a very serious issue & it is not something mere words of the mouth can solve. Let the loan company send embarrassing messages to his contacts, let there be family meetings to raise the said loan, that way, elders will have the opportunity to talk sense into his head. How can a married man be playing bet to the extent of owing debt not because of house rent, feeding or children's fees, but because of gamble? That is something a teen should be doing, not a married man.

Let him learn the hard way, even after this, he might no change completely, but this kind of embarrassing experience can kick start the process. Whenever he remembers how shameful he felt, he will only use his personal funds to bet and avoid borrowing money as he wouldn't want what happened to repeat itself & that will go a long way in reducing his addiction. If u bail him out by giving him this money so quick, just know u have encouraged him to go deeper in this gamble thing & he will always see u as a bail out. Let him face the embarrassment & learn!

blaquebelle:
The debt is going to keep accumulating and eventually hinder household activities. She also won't be excluded from any embarrassment or name calling, she would feel even worse if she really loves him. That's why it's important who you marry. Their good translates to your good and so also their bad times.

The bold is nothing but cheap emotional blackmail! After she bails him out, the husband will go to another loan app to get a higher loan to bet, how long do u think she can continue? Or u think this is the first time she bailing her husband out? Seems u haven't live with a chronic gambler before. Do u think gambling for a married man is a minor issue? Even parents shouldn't encourage their kids bad habits, by bailing that man out all the time she is encouraging him.

Let her husband face the embarrassment & she should report him to every respectable elder in her husband family. If she continue cleaning her husband gambling mess by giving him money all the time, that woman won't last & those children will suffer because their father is irresponsible. How can a married man be owing debt not because of house rent, kids school fees or medicals, but because of gambling? Such a man is irresponsible & shouldn't even start a family life. Let him face the embarrassment & learn the hard way.

blaquebelle:
The debt is going to keep accumulating and eventually hinder household activities. She also won't be excluded from any embarrassment or name calling, she would feel even worse if she really loves him. That's why it's important who you marry. Their good translates to your good and so also their bad times.

You didn't bother to read her follow-up is what. The debt has already been piling up and she has been paying it up until even now. She is already experiencing the embarrassment that is having a gambler as a life partner. So, why is your advice for her that she continues living as she has?

Gambling a deadly disease! He need cure, who knows the embarrassment from the loan sharks might heal him, so my advice don’t get involve yet.

Ladymaceral:
He has given too many promises that he never kept already. Those words are not important to me anymore.

Here's another thought you might call everyone together to consider. Since gambling is an addiction, a sickness of sorts of the mind, you could look into finding an Ibogaine clinic where he could receive ibogaine treatment which is said to cure all kinds of addictions.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibogaine
https://time.com/5951772/ibogaine-drug-treatment-addiction/
https://www.inverse.com/article/31461-ibogaine-cure-addiction

Ladymaceral:
Even when I'm not showing it, I'm so worried.
My husband is really stubborn and wouldn't listen.

He has been on loan with some people, which he refused to pay back.
He gradually migrated to loan app some months ago. He's currently owning about 5 loan app and they've started threatening him.
He borrowed to fund his bet nija (sport betting) which has been the only problem in our home.

Since two days, he has been so cold. I know he's in a big problem. He finally opened up this morning that he borrowed 37k altogether, but due to default, everything is 87k as at today.
I ignore him and pay deaf ears to it because I've been warning him about loaning money from app.

I don't ask him for money in this house, because he doesn't always have to give and I told him not to ask me as well.

The truth is, I have up to this amount to give him before they start sending those self deforming messages to his contact.
But one thought is telling me not to involve myself in his disobedient.
I'm so sad because many of my family people will also get these messages.
Is going to be so shameful.

Please, what would you advise? Could it be this is a way to change him for good after the embarrassement ?
Matured mind please

Just leave him, let him deal with it

He knows what he is doing and he is doing it so that you can rescue him yet he will go back to that same shit

Forget about what your family will say, the earlier they know what he did, the better for them to advise him

You are carrying family load and still want to help a chronic debtor pay his bills that you didn't benefit from, how do you want him to change if you keep bailing him out

Use that money to pay school fee's and other debts waiting for you

I wonder why you ladies allow desperation to lead you into bad marriage.

Why marry a gambler just to answer married?
If people had tried talking you out of marrying that man then, you would have called them jealous but now you're coming to seek advice from people.

Better you dump him and save your face or remain there just to answer married and let him wreck you.

Channah1:
I wonder why you ladies allow desperation to lead you into bad marriage.

Why marry a gambler just to answer married?
If people had tried talking you out of marrying that man then, you would have called them jealous but now you're coming to seek advice from people.

Better you dump him and save your face or remain there just to answer married and let him wreck you.

@channal1, at times, the way you reason matters... So myopic! None of us know what is ahead of us in life. When the challenges of life happen to us either in marriage/relationship, business, career. It doesnt make us lesser persons, we just have to decide positive way(s) to handle such challenge(s).

henrimoto:
@channal1, at times, the way you reason matters... So myopic! None of us know what is ahead of us in life. When the challenges of life happen to us either in marriage/relationship, business, career. It doesnt make us lesser persons, we just have to decide positive way(s) to handle such challenge(s).

Ever heard of the saying " look before you leap"?
If she's going to be truthful, she can't say she didn't see the traits of a gambler in him before going ahead to marry him.

Most ladies these days will see a man that is clearly not a husband material but will still go ahead just because they feel time is running out on them. Then later they'll realize their mistakes; by what time it's already late.

There's nothing she can do to salvage the situation because the man is addicted except with the help of God.

Channah1:
I wonder why you ladies allow desperation to lead you into bad marriage.

Why marry a gambler just to answer married?
If people had tried talking you out of marrying that man then, you would have called them jealous but now you're coming to seek advice from people.

Better you dump him and save your face or remain there just to answer married and let him wreck you.

dont worry ...your husband to be will be a SAINT. He will have no short comings at all. See how a "miss" dey reply a "mrs" wey dey husband house with her children. @channah1, continue.

henrimoto:
dont worry ...your husband to be will be a SAINT. He will have no short comings at all. See how a "miss" dey reply a "mrs" wey dey husband house with her children. @channah1, continue.

Abeg abeg, which one is your own?
I only gave my opinion like every other person. Why blow mine out of proportion?

Please o. My armpit is clean.
Say your own and leave. Abeg!

Channah1:
Ever heard of the saying " look before you leap"?
If she's going to be truthful, she can't say she didn't see the traits of a gambler in him before going ahead to marry him.

Most ladies these days will see a man that is clearly not a husband material but will still go ahead just because they feel time is running out on them. Then later they'll realize their mistakes; by what time it's already late.

There's nothing she can do to salvage the situation because the man is addicted except with the help of God.

You got it all wrong. But I'm not going into explaination on how I married him. Desperation is far from me here.

frozen70:
Just leave him, let him deal with it

He knows what he is doing and he is doing it so that you can rescue him yet he will go back to that same shit

Forget about what your family will say, the earlier they know what he did, the better for them to advise him

You are carrying family load and still want to help a chronic debtor pay his bills that you didn't benefit from, how do you want him to change if you keep bailing him out

Use that money to pay school fee's and other debts waiting for you

The kind of threat calls and messages he has been receiving from those loan app since the past 4days, is enough to send any reasonable person into depression.

I'm hurting because they are calling me as well, but each time I get a call, I shout at them and block them.


He will need to sort it out on his own.
Maybe that is where his healing lays.

I pray for strength here.

Ladymaceral:
You got it all wrong. But I'm not going into explaination on how I married him. Desperation is far from me here.

Ok Ma

Pardon me for concluding wrongly on your matter.

Whether you help him or not, either ways, you'll still be burnt and it still won't change a thing about him or his addiction. So?

It is well with you Ma.

Betting... Hmmm


If you have a time and data spare,then its time for you to start earning in dollars..

Its might not be too big,but it can pay some bills.. That's the link below.....

Ladymaceral:
The kind of threat calls and messages he has been receiving from those loan app since the past 4days, is enough to send any reasonable person into depression.

I'm hurting because they are calling me as well, but each time I get a call, I shout at them and block them.


He will need to sort it out on his own.
Maybe that is where his healing lays.

I pray for strength here.

Buckle yourself up over the issues he brought upon himself, let him deal with it

It's going to be a turning point for him

frozen70:
Buckle yourself up over the issues he brought upon himself, let him deal with it

It's going to be a turning point for him

I hoping so. Thanks