If you want to know what goes on in the life of your male child, read this and make of it whatever you want.

In my family, we weren't brought up to count on friendships. We were dissuaded from making friends. Making friends of the opposite sex was an abomination. I grew up not being serious about fostering friendships.

We were also raised to loathe what you could call "obscene dressings". I and my siblings could pass a lady wearing sexy clothes and shout "something is smelling here...". We would make funny and despicable remarks about women who chose to wear things we felt weren't right.

For me, I didn't know what it was to be sexy, I didn't even understand what being sexually appealing was and I didn't know what sex meant. As at JSS3, I didn't know that there was a possibility of the penis penetrating the vagina. I thought the moment you have any immoral attraction towards a lady, you'd get HIV. I also thought babies come after the wedding.

I recollect when I was enrolled at St. Christopher's Junior Seminary School, 3-3, Onitsha. We were asked to provide our HIV results, I was so nervous. I was shivering when we did the test in a hospital.

I had a female neighbour "Ozioma". We were very friendly as at the time we were in Primary School at Early Life Nursery and Primary School, Obosi. I had this thing for her that I couldn't explain. I only got to know what I had for her years after.

When Mum got the result and told me I was HIV negative, I shouted "God forbid!" I knew HIV was deadly, I was even told it kills people before one realizes it. The way it was depicted in Nollywood movies made it appear like the worst thing one would ever have.

But then, after making fun of me, Mum explained to me that being HIV negative means that you don't have it at all. I was relieved.

Anyways, although I had something for Ozioma in Primary School, it was innocent, it was pure! Ozioma was beautiful and that was all that counted. But then, going into the world, I realized that people had different things that got them attracted to others. It could be big buttocks, large breasts, curvy waist and all those other features men trip for. I didn't understand why people could be falling for that.

I bonded with Ozioma because she was my neighbour. We shared things, stories, pencils and so on and the bond grew that way. I could be wrong though; maybe I was feeling a bond with her while she felt like "he's just a classmate".

I also had a classmate in primary school, Nzube who was more like a competition. He was always coming in between me and Ozioma. They were friends too and it seemed they were even family friends. I was a bit overprotective so I didn't like the fact that I can't have Ozioma all to myself.

I enrolled on a Seminary School where I'd spend my time with only boys. There was no interaction whatsoever with girls, it wasn't in my conversations, it wasn't in my thoughts. At home, we weren't allowed to play outside, we were discouraged from visiting neighbours or conversing with them. So, aside from Primary classrooms, I had no interaction with girls.

I left St. Christopher's much later when I and my brother could no longer cope with the lifestyle there. I remember sharing a story of how I was sexually abused by a schoolmate who was only my senior by one year.

Then, we were enrolled on Winners International School, Nkpor. At Winners, my first neighbour was Chioma. I had this thing for her that I couldn't explain. At some point, my classmates noticed and started talking about it. I remember Ekene, one of our humourous intelligent classmates always hinting to anyone who cared to listen that Onyedika and Chioma are husband and wife.

I know I had something for Chioma, something that I couldn't explain but at the same time, I thought Ekene was being too irrational. I didn't concede to having anything for Chioma. By the time we got to SS1, my attention had moved from Chioma because I felt she wasn't reciprocating my attention. We were also beginning to fight over little things.

Ogechukwu was a hot cake in class. She was intelligent and beautiful. She was our neighbour at Limca Road where I lived with my parents. Sometimes, I would want to wait for her to see if we could go home together. The few times Mum noticed that I had something for Oge, she warned me. I think that was the first time I challenged my mum on the issue of having female friends.

I was the first among my siblings to protest certain rules at home. If Oge noticed that I liked her but chose to pretend like she didn't, I don't know. What I do know was that she didn't act as she noticed. I recall she was the one I gave my first ever valentine's gift. At a point, I thought there were just too many people interested in Oge and I let go. I didn't stop liking her but I just chose to exit the competition. I could be wrong but I felt I didn't measure up.

Surprisingly, Ozioma got admitted into Winners! Yes, the same Ozioma that I had something for in Primary school but it wasn't like it used to be. Ozioma was in Art Class while I was in science class. We were only about 7 or thereabout in science class while we had several others in Art class. Using the first letters of our names in the science class, we labelled our class as the "PROKETIC" or "PROCKETIC" class. I'm not exact.

I and Ozioma didn't connect that much the way I felt we should but we were getting very along when she left Winners International School for another school. I was going to meet Ozioma much later after secondary school and we remained friends till she got married.

One certain time, I was discussing a movie with someone when one of my classmates Sarah picked interest. Sarah was in Art class and I hadn't noticed her that much. I only knew she loved reading novels much like me. As we got talking, we started finding so many interests we shared.

We began by always exchanging movies. Sarah had this knack for American movies that requires you to wear your fifth sense to understand. We shared books too. Because I didn't want us to stop communicating, I was always ransacking my Mum's library or even borrowing movies and books just to engage her in conversations.

Sarah was just naturally beautiful and smart. She may not have been among the most intelligent people in the class but Sarah was intelligent and always ready to learn. By the time I exhausted all I had, I realized that as usual, Sarah was a hot cake and the competition was high!

Throughout my Secondary School, I suffered low self-esteem, I regarded myself as unattractive, and I always didn't want to be part of some conversations even though anytime I find myself in one, I could be the centre of focus. As a result, I wasn't ready to fight for any relationship where the other person wasn't showing serious interest. Maybe, none of them knew that I had such feelings for them. I also didn't understand what I had for them, I couldn't define it and I didn't come plain with it.

One certain time, a classmate by the name of Joan approached me. She wanted both of us to be learning together as she believed I could teach her one or two things in mathematics. Me? Mathematics? Well, if it was Beautiful Joan, I could do anything!

I got home that day and began to study my worst subject, mathematics. I suddenly started understanding our Mathematics teacher better. I had to do all I could to impress Joan. So, during the break period, I and Joan could move to an empty classroom and learn. I was doing most of the teaching. I didn't know I knew Mathematics that much.

Joan was so beautiful and special. I didn't feel I was worth it. I felt that I wasn't attractive enough or well-built like some other prominent handsome dudes in class who come to school with expensive shoes, well-made hair and belt.

I remember one of the days Joan asked me if I knew Emeka Offor Plaza, she wanted to repair the phone her dad bought for her. I had never gone to Emeka Offor Plaza before, everyone had this feeling that I was a computer wizard, they had this feeling that I knew my way around anything that had to do with phones and computers so I was the person she had to reach.

I claimed to Know Emeka Offor Plaza just so that I could go with her. We indeed went to Emeka Offor Plaza together. It was stressful to figure the place out, she almost caught me; maybe she did but didn't say. That night was a good one for me because I went to Emeka Offor Plaza with Joan!

Towards the end of our Secondary School when we were busy preparing for WAEC and NECO, mum sent me to repair her shoe at Aboki's shop. This was during a long vacation.

It took me time to locate any Aboki until I got to a place. As he was fixing the shoes, I noticed Joan's younger brother and when we got talking, he told me they live in the house. Chioma, my first friend at Winners International School lived there too.

I started lurking around the building every day. Most times, I would always look for spoilt shoes or slippers and convince mum that it needs repairing. Fortunately, I met Joan. She was excited that she even asked me to come to their house. She introduced me to her ever-young mum who worked at NTA as a presenter then.

We were just getting along just fine, I could visit her sometimes or come around the house. Joan was such a nice innocent soul and I believed that what existed between us though shortlived was pure friendship. I wanted to consolidate it, I wanted assurance and then I messed up.

One early morning, as early as 7'Oclock. I gathered the courage, to do what I had never done before. I went to Joan's house and knocked. It was her sister who came to check who was at the door. She was surprised to see me standing there. I believe she would be wondering what I was doing there that early.

"Call Joan for me please," I said "It's urgent..."

It took some time but Joan showed up. I told her that I didn't want to come inside. I told her that I wanted to tell her something but that I had no courage to. She smiled and said "Onyedika try... You came here to tell me this remember..." She was patient with me but I was too naive and timid.

After a while, she went in, brought paper and pen and said "if you can't say it, I believe that you can write it..."

"Promise me that you won't look as I write," I told her and she agreed. She faced the other way to allow me to write and I wrote "I LOVE YOU", kept it on the staircase and ran away. As I approached downstairs, I could only hear her shout "You are very stupid!"

That was it. That was the end of the friendship I should have allowed to grow and blossom into something beautiful. When school resumed, the gist panned into the class among the ladies and they would laugh at me. She didn't stop talking to me though, I was just too scared to keep talking to her.

I mentioned earlier that I didn't know what sex was or what was involved. This ended during my senior secondary class when I overheard a classmate discussing with her male friends. We had this naughty set of people who could talk dirty and say all manner of things. I heard her say "this your small penis cannot enter my vagina nah..." And they laughed.

My head burst!
I couldn't hold it.

Immediately after I got home, I approached my brother who was also my classmate and asked "are you aware that people put the penis into the vagina? I overheard them saying it in class...!" I can't remember what his reaction was. One time again, I caught this same set of people in school watching "blue film". It got stuck in my head!

All of a sudden, I could understand to some extent certain things that were happening to my body. I remember I used to feel very ashamed whenever my penis gets erect in class for no reason or even at home. I remember I could enter the toilet to force it in between my legs where no one could notice... I didn't know my body was simply responding to changes. I was getting mature but no one was putting me through.

There was a time our Mathematics teacher was advising the boys. The class was divided between boys and girls and a female teacher was appointed to talk to the girls while our Maths teacher who was male was appointed to talk to the boys. He was teaching us about hygiene when he said "ensure you keep your penis clean. Ensure you watch it with soap even if it means using soap on it for five minutes." The entire class burst out in laughter.

I got home that day. As I was in the bathroom, I did as we were told. As I was rubbing myself there, I was feeling some kind of strange sensation. My legs were shaking but I didn't want to stop, I was enjoying the surprising feeling. I was doing this innocently trying to understand my body. The bathroom doors were open because we usually left the doors open when taking our bath.

Not long, I felt a rush! It was white substances all over the floor! I didn't know what it was but I felt pleasure like I'd never had. When I got to school, I shared my discovery with Onyeka, a classmate and all he did was laugh at me.

For me, I thought I had discovered a pleasure that no man on earth knew about. It was very much later that I realized it was called masturbation and "it is a sin!" A new struggle began, I started closing the door of the bathroom because I became ashamed of myself. I was going to start struggling to unlearn that habit.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn about my body from my parents. We had a very good relationship with our mother but it wasn't very intimate to the point that I could boldly share some of these experiences with her. I was learning about my sexuality all by myself and carelessly so. I was just picking up experiences from here and there. It could have been much easier to exploit me sexually then because I didn't know what was happening to me.

What didn't happen in my life anyway was having any form of a sexual affair with anybody at my young age except when I got sexually abused by homosexuals right from Seminary School. I wrote a book on that titled "Raped At Seventeen".

After school, I'd realize that I was beginning to find beautiful stranger ladies that I meet on the road attractive, I was beginning to find certain features in their bodies very appealing.

Although I didn't explore these things, I began wondering to myself why some years back I could see beautiful girls and pass but now I could see them and look twice, sometimes I could keep looking till they notice me. I simply had no courage to go further than that.

This was what my formative years and life during puberty looked like. I was scared of sharing any of these developments with my parents because I didn't know how I would be judged. I don't blame my parents for not teaching me sex education, they did the best they could and protected me the best way they felt they could. But I'll have myself to blame if I am not actively involved in the life of my kids if I'm not friendly enough to have them share their secrets and experiences freely with me.

I believe that becoming your kid's best friend makes parenting easy. So many people today are "sexually damaged" not because that was the life they wanted for themselves but because they had nobody to guide them well during puberty.

Today, I see kids dancing to vulgar songs, they can sing these songs word for word and their female counterparts twerk to it at the applause of their parents. Many kids became sexually active at a very tender age, they became active before they even knew what the word sex means.

When we look around the world today and see people do many unhealthy things for pleasure, the problem didn't start with them. It started from what their parents failed to do.

nice read, i read from start to the end.

interesting.... waiting to read about how you got your first girlfriend

Parents should be the major active ones in teaching sex education. Sadly Most of us learnt it out terrible experiences outside our home.
I won't fail my offsprings on this.

A nice thread Sir