OP, strangely your story reminds me of a blog I'm reading currently ( got introduced to it through NL lit section). Go to bosediary.com and read through when you get time. Some women, I tell you !
While I pity you and your present situation, I hope you had stopped her the very first time she raised her hands on you. Being a  married woman myself I hate to say this, but a man has to remain a man, be it in the marriage or otherwise. I hope and pray she comes back to her senses and sincerely apologises for her acts. Good luck !

jennykadry:

^^^CC actually meant that comment. It was no joke.

oh!
CC??
Well,i prefer him walking out on her like he just did,
Some women sha!!smh,

Leaving the house and telling family is a good first step. I think you also need to learn how to tame your wife's excesses there must be something about the marriage she is enjoying and wouldn't want to lose.Could be you are too soft on her and she is one of those ladies that need you to be tough on them truly alot of women do not respect men who are soft or overly gentle and next time she slaps you maybe a quick backhand will bring her back to her senses. Sadly most people never change and you just have to keep tolerating them.

@OP

I must say I am surprised that you still de in that house. O'll boy  sammer that biatch one slap and commot from there o! If to say na me, anyway monkey know him master. this kine rubbish no fit happen lai lai.

@poster : how did it happen the first time? Was it right after the wedding, or did it take some time to grow to that extent? Could it be possible that the fertility challenge you guys are facing is the reason for all this wahala? I was also wondering, is she following any treatment to improve her fertility? I've known some women who couldn't handle their emotions when undergoing such treatments, because of the high dose of hormones injected. Of course, that wouldn't be an excuse to such violence, but maybe a tiny begining of an answer. For now, I think moving out for a while can help her realize she went too far, and hopefully help you guys to understand what went wrong and put your marriage back on track. Though I don't want to be pessimistic, but sometimes people don't change. How is her family background? Did she witness such behaviors between her parents?

Hmmmm, we've heard ur version, hope the 2nd version would favor u o, it takes too to Tango and hope u've not seen another woman that is distracting u out der?[ food for thought]

Man don't ever lay hand on her , there are thing u can do, first get Ur self a good apartment she doers not no about it and stay there for two or
tree weeks yes and don't say nothing she don't no Ur movement again

I think the OP is fake. Brilliant move by the "feminist cabal" though, the conversation is achieving exactly what you set-out to do. LOL!

arrangee:

Thanks for the posts. I had to run to south London to meet with a friend and eat some egusi & poundo. It was also good to hang out and he regaled me with his own marriage issues too, some were funny and others quite astonishing. He is not speaking terms with his MIL! His general gist was that it's a control thing and that the London wives know the laws are on their side, so they take every advantage. Even then he was shocked at her behaviour. He said from a pure naija perspective he is convinced she has no respect for me and that I'm finished - how disheartening.

@N101
I really didn't see this coming, She had a bit of a temper but it didn't manifest in this manner. This never happened when we were dating. Could it be that she hiding her true self during the dating period?


I have firmly made up my mind - this will not happen again. Soon this madness will begin to affect my work, the very thing that keeps us both going. Not to speak of the damage to my health with all the thinking and stress.   

From personal observation I know some people with bad tempers get worse once married.  I had a friend whose wife was exactly the same.  No one in the family believed him when he mentioned how violent she was, until one day she ripped the phone from the socket to stop him calling the police.  The same day the elders came and were still in denial, he simply showed them what she had done.  They were shocked and had nothing to say.  They have since divorced and sadly the whole experience has left him bitter about marriage.  I don't want to see that happening to you.

I don't think this has to do with London laws, I know enough women in the UK who don't have this kind of wahala in their homes.  It has to do with a certain type of woman.

It seems to me that your wife is unhappy which is why she's picking a fight with you.  Coming to the UK and studying hasn't made her happy and regardless of your support, I don't know what will.  Having a child will not necessarily make her happy, that is added responsibility.  Being jobless and childless does not justify her unreasonable behaviour.

You family and hers need to find out from her what she wants.  If she doesn't want to be married, at least you've tried on your part.  If she wants this marriage to work, then she needs to decide what she will do to make it work.  I definitely would suggest counselling, but not just any kind of counsellor.  She has issues that have nothing to do with you.  

I think you need and deserve the break, focus on your job, ensure her needs are met, stay away from her until someone can mediate.  This time around not just someone from her family should be present, but your own side as well.  She needs to realise how serious the situation is and take responsibility.

I was in a similar situation,
I had a girlfriend and finally decided to get married to her.
Few months to our wedding, she changed completely - she became a control freak,
hot tempered - on one occasion she struck me with a big stick, she would take offense
at the least statement etc.
I am naturally the quiet type, Then one morning, I surprised her.
I called the wedding off and the entire relationship.
She though I was joking - it took a week of insults and then another week of begging
for her to know I had made up her mind.
Now I have gotten over the shame of the wedding cancellation and many others.
But the good part is that I have peace and will live to correct my mistake -  

*******************
I know what you are going through cos I went through the same thing even though
I was not married,
Whatever you do, make the right decision, you have to know when to stay and
when to leave.
*******************

Assuming your wife is a Nigerian,marrying an overseas based Nigerian woman is the worst mistake a Nigerian man can make.Based on my own personal ,most Nigerian women tend to turn "tiger" once they cross over to another country if you know what i mean.

I once dated a Nigerian girl who was based in Johannesburg and after 4 months i ran for my dear life.She was so abusive and wanted me to f*uck her 3 times daily because she felt that will keep me away from SA girls.She was also very lousy ,rough and she liked visiting all these celestial churches apparently in a bid to hypnotize me with charms.She also wanted me to carry all the burden of her family back home so i took to my heels and never looked back.

My advise to you as an adult and a man married happily for the past 6 years will be to DIVORCE her,she has not had any kids for you so you are fine.A woman who changes after you put a ring on her for no good reason is a dangerous partner and may end up getting you locked up for assault or kill you and claim self defense.I repeat Nigerian women overseas are a no go,stay away from them.If you want a good Nigerian wife ,you stand a better chance of finding one in Nigeria.

Amazing to see how people who want their so called pieces of advice to be taken seriously call others Internet Nigerians. Last time I checked, NL is an Internet forum and all its members are Internet users.

Do you people go to church,i think she needs to listen to the word of God.
Try buying some tapes on the WORD for the family,bro i believe that will surely help out of the word DIVORCE

It is hard to tell a man to divorce. whatever he is thining of doing, now that they dont have kids will be a good time.
OP, i'm glad you still able to eat egusi soup and poundo jare. at least one less thing to worry about, you know food is life  
make you eat well o.

I can't believe what i am reading. If it was the guy that was beating the chic, will u still say she should hold on to her husband? This is violence. @ Poster, u guys need a trial separation to see if it is space u guys need. Who knows whether it is ogbanje spirit that is worrying her as in all the bad things she has done that is catching up with her. She may know that she has damaged her womb and can not have kids and thus taking out her frustrations on you.

Shine your eye well well before your story turn to newspaper story.

moremi2008:

I think the OP is fake. Brilliant move by the "feminist cabal" though, the conversation is achieving exactly what you set-out to do. LOL!

You are as mentally deranged as your fellow dumb men.

dude
any physical abuse should not be tolerated by either male or female spouse in a marriage.
a wise man once said We pray the best but prepare for the worst, in that spirit, I would advice you report her to the relevant authorities in preparation for the worst case scenario, a divorce.
i am quite sure her people and your people will wade into the matter and strongly influence you to make it work. As a man with strong family ties you will likely succumb to their advice. Please do take it. you should call her and tell her this is her one FINAL chance. If she is the kind of woman i believe she is, that is, a creature one with a total lack of control over herself or possible looney having a temper bordering on insanity, she will cross her boundaries and act up once again.
Dude then you should give her a divorce.
Please look at it on the bright side. you are young without children, you may have only lost two years of your life.
Bigger men and women have lost lives and decades to far worst monsters.

Caveat.
Before her final episode kindly make sure you dont sleep in the same room with her. one night you could wake up to big emppty ominous eyes watching you cackling in deranged silent laughter while blood drops silently from the cut parts of your family jewels held in her hand!!!!
by then, nobody who gives you advice right now will be able to give you back what you lost

PS.
Dont listen to people with names such as kill etc they are sympathizers with potential murderers and future killers, who knows they could be killers too.

divorce d focker

jennykadry:

You are as mentally deranged as your fellow dumb men.

What has gotten you so angry at men? Are you old, lonely, rejected and thus, bitter? Don't use NL as a forum to vent your frustration with life, oh! Abeg.

@Sisi kill. Look, my brother women beat men all the time-you can not understand this but that's the way it is. You may not even commit any offense against your woman or she's is just on her period and she hits you- It happens all the time(Although not as blatantly as your wife's case)

I disagree.

Divorcing your mentally, physically abusive wife doesn't mean you are a failure.
If I were you, I would take a walk.[color=#990000][/color]

You said you're living in the States abi?

You should know then that once you touch her you're thru. The system over here is set up to support women. If she calls the police on you, I can guarantee you that you're going straight to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. It's not worth it my dude. The best you can do is try to record any future episodes for proof and get out of the relationship as best you can without laying a finger on her.

Having carefully read through this thread, I have only one thing to say:
[size=14pt]HARAKIRI IS MY HERO![/size]
THE TRUTH HURTS, but it must be said.

This gentleman is in hell, and is contemplating the hardest though wisest decision of the union. Hypocrites are encouraging him to stay on until one person dies, so they can feast on the sordid story like vultures.

"Talk gently to her" " cane her more" "remain calm (in the midst of ceaseless rains of blows from a vicious vixen)" blaa bla bla

In other words, hang in there until the Police heads you away in handcuffs for murder, then body go tell you!!!
HYPOCRITES!!!! mmchhheew!!!

moremi2008:

What has gotten you so angry at men? Are you old, lonely, rejected and thus, bitter? Don't use NL as a forum to vent your frustration with life, oh! Abeg.

Have read that line a lot of times. Have you got anything else to add to it?

Hungry looking bia bia'ed cow.

@poster

i of recent have adopted the skool of thought that marriage does more harm than good,i am a career bachelor(not to say there are no good women i just cant be bothered anymore) anyways you need to exit that marriage.folks would pressure you, they will use God to beg you etc but my brother comot the marriage leave issue.it isnt worth it and i do know how it feels reining in your temper, the scary thing is this what happens if you snap? you will probably kill her and wind up in jail. . . . no woman is worth that trust me . . . .walk away, live your life , hell pay a woman to give you babies and be on her merry way or better yet adopt one.

it is no longer a crime to be single, male or female and i am an advocate for the single life, make good friends and live your life well

arrangee:

@funkybaby

We've been trying for the kids but she has had some problems - I can't really go into details.
Maybe all this things happening or about to happen are the reasons why God has not granted us kids - just maybe

Wow !

I guess that kinda explains some of the frustations she's bottling up but it is still no excuse for her behaviour.

I feel this is the time you two should bond so as to address the fertility problem. Like i said, its a good thing both families are now in the know. I will not advice you to divorce her. I think you should explore [b]all options [/b]available to resolve this issue. If you divorce her, what is the guarantee that the new lady will be any better  

Every relationship/marriage has its own challenges at one point in time or another. Some its infidelity, some its terrible in-laws, others. . . finances, etc. It is how the couple deals with it and the compromises/sacrifices they are willing to offer to make the union work that really matters.

N101:

@ arrangee

I think you know very well who you married:

Your wife didn't suddenly become this woman with a bad temper, she ALWAYS had it.   You chose to overlook it, and chose to believe and listen to others saying "show her love" when you know full well these people will not be living in your home.

Sorry, but "love" cannot make up for someone's foul temper and  bad behaviour.  You chose to ignore it and married her thinking it wasn't a big deal.  Well, now you know it is. 

Being unemployed and/or bored is not an excuse for bad behaviour from an adult.  If you don't want to divorce I suggest you make some space between you and your wife.  Tell her family the situation, she needs to decide what she wants to do regarding your relationship, the onus is not on you. If after a period  you both decide you want to be together, you have to establish ground rules, especially regarding her behaviour.

Well said.

She needs to be read the riot act. She either behaves and keeps you or keep on with her behaviour and have her sent back to her father's house with a demand for a full refund of the dowry you paid for her  

See most men here would say"am looking for a wife---she must be a graduate,phd etc ,she must be slim and tall,she must be this or that",(with all these qualities,you will not see the ,,,,, in her).instead of looking out for what it takes to be a good wife.

@O.P:Somebody forwarded this to me actually thinking I wrote this,our stories are identical in almost every regard except what gives me pause is precisely what frees you to act in a way that some here would consider overly radical,and that is our child.I daresay though that your wife is just testing the waters to see how far she can possibly go gassed up by freinds and the media who say that all men are animals.I have stab wounds,I have fled my house covered in my own blood,I have scars on my head and body from, take a pick, plates,shoes or whatever weapon just happens to be handy to throw at me,the physical battering is not nearly as bad as the emotional one from the curses and abuses that I have received.Like you and most people here,I was raised to believe in the permanence of marriage,like most of us this monster did not rear its head until one decided to up roots and explore the British aspect of ones heritage,like you I have had to endure repeated Police incursions to the house and I laugh at those women/men who assume to retaliate in kind would end up anywhere asides from jail time,having a criminal record is not a badge of honour especially for those of us with a sense of obligation to our family name,admitting the level of abuse one suffers is also an invitation for social services to reenact the grand inquisition and try to take your kids,the UK is the broken home capital of Europe,if you love your child theres no way you want him/her to get caught up in the foster care system.It started with one foul yelled abuse and graduated to one lying in bed,broken collar bone and concussion,you dont have a kid, yet!The system has her believing shes invincible,its from the Police handcuffing you to the ground once they come in before hearing your side of the story.You will survive,you have to!and for those thinking of bringing that angel of yours to 'live the dream' in rainy England.You will live to regret it.
Whatever you do,dont go to jail over something you didnt do to fulfill some warped feminist agenda that doesnt subscribe to rhyme or reason.Stay up bro.

Hum! some have all the luck in the world and yet mess it all up. If am to go by Poster's words, he is indeed a good man. I can imagine him living up that the family man that he is yet this woman spoils things with her anger, too bad. Not all men will tolerate a lady hitting them.

That said, I think Poster you separate with wife for a little time, Good family is involved now but they shouldn't dictate to you  your course of action. Whatever you decide to do should be solely your decision. After a period of separation, I suggest both of you sit down and outline things that you do that always upset each other and if there is truly love agree on making amends where necessary and changing where it is required. This should be premised on the ground that both of you value your union and want to keep it.

If after this and change does not come especially as regards physical abuse, may be you should cut out. My Pastor always says that it is better to divorce than to get yourself killed in an abusive marriage.

ariblaze:

@poster

i of recent have adopted the skool of thought that marriage does more harm than good,i am a career bachelor(not to say there are no good women i just cant be bothered anymore)

biko, which one be career bachelor again  
explain pls