you only see what your eyes want to see.
what do you know about the wife.
do you know if he caught her red handed once, forgave her and never really did?

The African culture permits a man to marry more than one one wife. Since most modern women would not allow their man take another wife, so they cheat.probably your grandfather had seven wives or even more. I would say,it is probably in the gene of men to be promiscuous

[color=#006600][/color]2 me, a male cheatin is normal, whc ofkos i wil do b4 nd afta marriage, mehn i nid 2 help d gurls out in my magnamosity, d issue of fidelity shldn't arise @ all, abi i dae wok 4 fidelity bank? I see marriage as a mins of procreation, nd besides mst gurls luv marid men mre,

Don't feel to sorry for the woman. She is getting her own on the side. Why move on to another man who might also be a serial cheat when she can be married to an MD and she also making pretty good money. Keep the family together while they both keep fooling themselves. Hopefully someone does not bring AIDS home

according 2 darwin, men are descendants of apes there4 not accountable to no one, no reverence for divine authority thus fidelity/faithfulness is relative hence the prevalence of

at topic,
    Getting married doesn't stop cheating. It never has, it never will.

at all,
      There's this indignation esp by females at cheating. Men are usually the ones who are said to cheat most. I hold no brief nor justification for this act yet I believe it is hypocritical of today's civilization [especially Western which has filtered into others] which glorifies sexuality and bombards you with sensuality be shouting itself hoarse over morality. Sensual music& images flood the senses of those of us alive today and we easily forget that as a man thinks, so is he. And for those [esp my fellow bruvas] parroting African culture, recall polygamy had a purpose then which was to give a man's household more helping hands in the agrarian culture of those days.

Miss EZ:

We are not denying that both men and women cheat, but you guys should be honest enough to admit that it is more of a male problem than a female problem. I think the OP has asked a very good question.

how can it be more of a male problem?. . . . are the men cheating with christmas goats?. . .is it not with women?. . . .its 50/50 jor. .  . . . i can't stand it when women try and pretend that some how they are innocent of cheating. . . a woman will cheat on her husband in a hearbeat if she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. . .  . .no doubt. .  .some of u ladies on NL will leave your husbands quick quick if u give rapjunkie your digits and allow me to flow with some lyrics. . . . . .

coogar:

- the society demands it
- a single male is seen as irresponsible once he clocks 30+
- for procreation

there's a certain adventure in cheating. . . .men are naturally adventurous.
besides, some women stop looking attractive after marriage, some of them start adding weight or dressing like eskimos.
men are attracted by what they see within and outside their territories. . . .so when a man starts cheating, the wife is always the fault.

I agree 100%

nsodo:

Many get married not because they want to stop cheating but to earn that status given to married people and out side the home continue with their mischief.  

I agree. Lol

Men  are  polygamous by nature a friend once told me that,  how truth is that notion,

@op,

a man has every right to cheat if and when he is tired of d relationship. afterall,women cheat where they were young and fresh.they allow pay

according 2 darwin, men are descendants of apes there4 not accountable to no one, no reverence for divine authority thus  fidelity/faithfulness is relative hence the prevalence of cheatin:-)

Dont blame the man, blame the hormone. '' na testosterone na em cause am'' e dey always make man body jigijigi. Bt seriously it all boil down to personality

Men would never take such from their wives, but many married men today can't stop cheating even he they want to. All they need from wives are children. Thereafter, their wives are old story to them. They need something new. Hmmm! Advice to men: cheating tears a happy family apart.:-|

When are the men going to stop this delirious notion that the wife causes the husband to cheat? The more anyone says it the more s.t.u.p.i.d I think it is. Instead of changing their selfish ways/ lifestyle they blame it all on the wife, s.i.l.l.y! You both took a vow and the man will be the first to jump out, and then turn the whole thing around - eh "she caused it". Better wake up guys.

I wonder who God will judge at the end of the day.

@ rap junkie

fair enuff, they are cheating with women. But we are talking about married men now not just cheating in a relationship. IMO i think married women are less guilty of cheating than married men. Although naija don become something else o, married women too don de follow men do nonsense.

Either ways,i think that its a shame for any married person, male or female to not honor their marriage vows. Its quite sad

My take on this is that people both men and women while single can play the field and sow their wild oats if they so wish to (I am not endorsing promiscuity) . But the moment they say "I do" they should commit to that one person to the exclusion of others. Remembering the "good times" they had while single and adopting a new lifestyle of one man, one woman.

here is where the problem lies ^
you are simply encouraging indiscipline and predisposition to infidelity.

if a guy is disciplined while single and doesn't sleep around, chances are high that he will maintain his discipline while married.
if he is sleeping around and "spreading his wild oats" while single, chances are very high that he will do the same while married.
old habits are very hard to break.

to men who are used to that kind of freedom, cheating and sleeping around will become like a human right while marriage and fidelity like a prison or cage.
for example, you called his single life "the good times." So, doesn't that translate into his marriage becoming "the bad times"?

Outstrip:

Don't feel to sorry for the woman. She is getting her own on the side. Why move on to another man who might also be a serial cheat when she can be married to an MD and she also making pretty good money. Keep the family together while they both keep fooling themselves. Hopefully someone does not bring AIDS home

You are right !! this attitude of "if you cheat I will cheat too" doesn't make an ounce of sense people are just deceiving themselves.

oohunt:

When are the men going to stop this delirious notion that the wife causes the husband to cheat? The more anyone says it the more s.t.u.p.i.d I think it is. Instead of changing their selfish ways/ lifestyle they blame it all on the wife, s.i.l.l.y! You both took a vow and the man will be the first to jump out, and then turn the whole thing around - eh "she caused it". Better wake up guys.
I wonder who God will judge at the end of the day.

Blame shifting at it's finest!! Hubby is cheating coz the wife made him too,One of the many excuses

rapjunkie:

how can it be more of a male problem?. . . . are the men cheating with christmas goats?. . .is it not with women?. . . .its 50/50 jor. .  . . . i can't stand it when women try and pretend that some how they are innocent of cheating. . . a woman will cheat on her husband in a hearbeat if she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. . .  . .no doubt. .  .some of u ladies on NL will leave your husbands quick quick if u give rapjunkie your digits and allow me to flow with some lyrics. . . . . .
I agree 100%

lol You are too much,women are not pretending and saying they dondon'teat at all, it's just that men are doing it more than the women.

wazobia-ng:

you only see what your eyes want to see.
what do you know about the wife.
do you know if he caught her red handed once, forgave her and never really did?

Your right a coin has two sides,I wouldn't know what is going on behind closed doors,as I also mentioned earlier when wives cheat the husbands see this as an unforgiving act,but the husbands would expect to be forgiven,a double standard?? You tell me

kokoye:

Again,  you knew he was cheating but you still married him.
your call  . .

Some of the lifelong consequences people have to deal with when you give someone the benefit of doubt,believing that he or she might change

Miss EZ:

We are not denying that both men and women cheat, but you guys should be honest enough to admit that it is more of a male problem than a female problem. I think the OP has asked a very good question.
I think that it boils down to a persons character (male or female). If you dont value integrity as a person, then you will not feel the need to act as someone who intends to stay legit in all their dealings with others. And by legit, i mean faithful to one's partner in this context.
I really think its a shame for either gender to indulge in cheating, especially in your old age (being an adult). Its such an irresponsible behavior. The wahala sef of trying to hide the thing so that no one knows, to me it just doesnt make sense. But that one na me sha, everybody get wetin de do them

We know a person's background plays a huge role in their future,if a man saw his father/Uncle/grandfather beat or cheat on his wife he could grow up thinking this is normal and replicate it,same goes to the ladies if they saw their mom's disrespecting their fathers,she could do the same,it's a choice people make and besides grown people know the difference between right or wrong

First of all,cheating is not genetics so stop blaming your weakness on science,hell as no way is it something u inherit,its a personal individual thing,men and women cheat because they want to not because they are weak or anything people cheat because they processed it,thought of it and decided to act on it,if a woman/man cheats its not the other partners fault,because regardless of how well u treat them they'll always cheat.ur friend knew hwat she was getting into,so its her cross to bear.

Once a cheat, will always be a cheat. shikena

@ OP: the question should be, why do women marry men who are cheats ? Men who are financially stable are more likely to cheat than men who don't have any money, won't you agree ? Hence, a woman who rather a rich man who cheats and sleeps with the world than a poor saintly man. We all get what we ask for --- the wife is probably afraid of STDs from naija. Otherwise, her husband's cheating doesn't concern her.

Jenifa_:


here is where the problem lies ^
you are simply encouraging indiscipline and predisposition to infidelity.

to men who are used to that kind of freedom, cheating and sleeping around will become like a human right while marriage and fidelity like a prison or cage.
for example, you called his single life "the good times." So, doesn't that translate into his marriage becoming "the bad times"?

@ Jenifa

How am I encouraging indiscipline and predisposition to infidelity? Didn't you read the part about me not endorsing promiscuity in my first post? To spell it out more clearly for you I do not approve of cheating, flings or whatever people want to call it, and it is not something I would encourage anyone to do because I've seen first hand the damage that sort of life can cause.

Secondly I said if people so wish to  live that way, or if they are so inclined to cheat and all. . PLEASE NOTE I did not say people should live promiscuous lives while single and then ammend their ways when married. If anyone chose to live that way while single, in my opinion it is only reasonable that they stop when married because one would expect that they have matured and realized the emptiness in that way of life.

Did you even notice that my reference to good times was put in quotation marks? Meaning that what I call good times is in fact not good at all. Jenifa I spoke plain english ooh! not spanish. I honestly don't know how you could misinterprete this and arrive at the conclusion that I was encouraging indiscipline.

I don't like to be misunderstood which is why I've taken the time to respond to you, I didn't do this just so I could argue with you. Please try to read between the lines and seek to understand.

If you are a married man and cheating makes you "fulfilled" in your marriage like someone once confided in me, then please go by the rules:-

1. Be as discrete as ever.
2. No CD, No wire
3. Even when caught "pants down", vehemently deny everything and everybody
4. When the mistress starts seeing herself on the same pedestal as the legitimate madam, bros,,,,,,,,, it's time to shift base!!!

Good luck.

Cheats are addicted to the Game, it does not matter whether they love their spouse or not, Its like smoking and drinking.

[size=17pt]If a man has a problem with LUST, Marriage will not save him.

The best it will do is make him feel sorry every time and possibly keep begging God for mercy.

It's like getting yourself a girlfriend in order to end P.ORN ADDICTION. Aint going to happen!

LUST is a problem of the heart. Until it is dealt with, the man remains perpetually in bondage.[/size]

My Rav4:

If you are a married man and cheating makes you "fulfilled" in your marriage like someone once confided in me, then please go by the rules:-

1. Be as discrete as ever.
2. No CD, No wire
3. Even when caught "pants down", vehemently deny everything and everybody
4. When the mistress starts seeing herself on the same pedestal as the legitimate madam, bros,,,,,,,,, it's time to shift base!!!

Good luck.

Wonderful! So there are rules to the game,

My Rav4:

If you are a married man and cheating makes you "fulfilled" in your marriage like someone once confided in me, then please go by the rules:-

1. Be as discrete as ever.
2. No CD, No wire
3. Even when caught "pants down", vehemently deny everything and everybody
4. When the mistress starts seeing herself on the same pedestal as the legitimate madam, bros,,,,,,,,, it's time to shift base!!!
Good luck.

I don't approve of infidelity but I certainly agree with point 1 and 4 in bold. If anyone decides to cheat they should make this points the cardinal rule.

permit me, if you all will, to make a case exception for those who cheat because they do not find sxual excitement in their marriage. if we talk as adults we'll agree its hell to be sxually dissatisfied for years. d wife one day will consider stealing a far-from-home harmless orgasm.
really some of these ones dont get involved emotionally, and they try much to be discreet about it. both husbands and wives might also not be compatible in their sxual orientations.
its lame and an excuse of mentally unfit guys to say things like eating one pot of soup forever.
what if your friend suffers from that sex disorder of never being Hot? wont it be a blessing she found someone to marry her, should she not consent to ways that would alleviate her hubby's woes? as painful as it is, a husband who cannot have an erection for 30 seconds will punish his wife forever.
these impractical solutions and criticisms already tells who will have difficulties handling marital issues

obowunmi:

@ OP: the question should be, why do women marry men who are cheats ? Men who are financially stable are more likely to cheat than men who don't have any money, won't you agree ? Hence, a woman who rather a rich man who cheats and sleeps with the world than a poor saintly man. We all get what we ask for --- the wife is probably afraid of STDs from naija. Otherwise, her husband's cheating doesn't concern her.

I have seen what you are calling "a poor saintly man" cheat on his wife/girlfriend if a dude has his game right and is  is full of charm,He's good looking then he will cheat.Sometimes it has nothing to do with how deep his pockets are but with an individuals virtues and morals
I guess it gets easier to do if you get away with it the first time

9jafreak:

[size=17pt]If a man has a problem with LUST, Marriage will not save him.

The best it will do is make him feel sorry every time and possibly keep begging God for mercy.

It's like getting yourself a girlfriend in order to end P.ORN ADDICTION. Aint going to happen!

LUST is a problem of the heart. Until it is dealt with, the man remains perpetually in bondage.[/size]

Very well said, Deliverance is what is needed here

adanny01:
The second question almost made laugh as am typing. Imagine it, the more cheaters, the less divorce. The more divorce, the less cheaters.

Cheating isn't the reason for less divorce.  The answer is here:

kokoye: Some people marry to be looked at responsibily in life, some do it for financial reasons and some for religious reasons. . .companionship. . .child-rearing, etc

there s no good reason to cheat. all these men are polygamous in nature stuff are just weak excusses to cheat, i ve been married for 2 yrs now, i ve not and will never cheat onmy wife. marriage is a serious life commitment.

nautysense:
2 me, a male cheatin is normal, whc ofkos i wil do b4 nd afta marriage, mehn i nid 2 help d gurls out in my magnamosity, d issue of fidelity shldn't arise @ all, abi i dae wok 4 fidelity bank? I see marriage as a mins of procreation, nd besides mst gurls luv marid men mre,

yeah they love married men more...

A man or woman who does not have self control and who fails to have true love for God will cheat when faced with slight temptation will fall.I am an active guy that groves alot in my office I come across girls daily. The respect I have for my wife and fear of disobeying Gods command has prevented me from misbehaving since 5 good and happy yrs of marriage.