A 60 YEAR OLD NIGERIAN FATHER SHARES HIS REGRET ON PARENTING

I got married at 25, finished my PhD at 35 and became a Professor at 40.

So fast you see! Yes, everything around me worked fast. It is now that I realize that it was a misplaced priority.

My ambition blindfolded me and I got it all wrong, that is why I am sharing my experience through this medium to warn and encourage our young fathers not to be careless as I was back then.

I worked very hard as a lecturer and as an administrator, always so busy that it became my language to my children and wife..."I'm busy"

My wife was around to nurse the children for me for some time. The moment they clocked ten, I sent them to boarding schools, though my wife was not in support of this. I always found my way.

I had no warm relationship with my children, 2 boys and a girl.

I never knew it was a bad idea not to have time for my wife, children and the household, until 5 years ago, when guilt, loneliness and restlessness filled my heart.

I sent for my children to rejoice with me on my 60th birthday.

The two boys, living in Canada said they are "busy" and that their sister will come down from South Africa.

Two days to my birthday, my daughter sent this message to me, "Dad, I am very sorry not to be around over there, there is no time to squeeze out, my husband needs my attention at his newly established clinic and presently, I'm pregnant. "I'm very very busy,
I'm also lonely in a strange land. Please pray for us dad. Happy birthday". I could not recover from the meaning I got from the message.. "First-things-First". When they needed me for warmth and discussion, I was not available, now I needed them for warmth and discussion I could not get them, rather they returned my slogan back to me, "I'm busy"

To worsen the matter, my dear wife died in her sleep a month after. ...Only one of the children came ​without​ his family to the burial ceremony.

I was dumbfounded!!! Considered Opinion: it is good to work and be a hard working fellow.
But hear this important and salient truth:

Parenting is sacrificial work, give it all it takes. Avoid any work that will take away your attention too much from your home - Avoid it and be careful!

Great work

Thanks for the brilliant words sir. Your time was better, you see this new generation of parents we have will make worse mistakes most especially social media mum's and drunkard father's.
Thanks once again Daddy

Thanks for the advice. Many of us make this same mistake. I will try to do my best to be a good and supporting father.

Tell them. We think that financial provision is training.

Some of you guys are just bad at parenting but you'd never say this.

Parenting is one important aspect of marriage. If neglected at the earlier stage, the end isn’t always good.

Thanks for the beautiful advice.

Parenting isn't just about providing at all times
It goes beyond that..... anyways lesson learnt.

It's for us to learn and not repeat the same mistake.

Informative. Kinda thought Twas a similar thread to going to the UK and having one’s nipples licked for rent money.

Are you not happy that your children are successful?
What if you showered all the attention on them and they ended up wayward. You'll still come here to complain bitterly that you have cows for children..

Your children are not in Nigeria, even if u won the award for the best dad, u don't expect them to come for simple things as birthday. Distance is already an issue. I always tell people, when kids grow up, they will also face their own family, i see nothing wrong in what ur daughter did. I don't see anything that has to do with bad parenting here

Justkatty:
Parenting isn't just about providing at all times
It goes beyond that..... anyways lesson learnt.

There is absolute no lessons to learn here
The man is just being sentimental & taking things out of proportion. That his children should leave whatever they are doing & come for simple things as birthday? All my friends abroad only come home for burial & not all o. I am yet to see any that came for ordinary birthday. It is more of a distance issue & not bad parenting. The children still communicate with him, even the daughter had to apologize. Even daughters in Nigeria hardly visit home, let alone a married one in South Africa & she even sent a detailed explanation.

Echonosenny:
Are you not happy that your children are successful?
What if you showered all the attention on them and they ended up wayward. You'll still come here to complain bitterly that you have cows for children..

Exactly!
The man is just being petty
Expecting ur kids to travel all the way from Canada just for birthday. Even those in the cities here, how many can go to their villages to celebrate birthday with their parents. Let alone someone abroad, this has nothing to do with bad parenting abeg

A man is never appreciated let it be the woman's birthday and see everybody gathering... We men are lonely in the world, even with us hustling all round the clock. Know this know and know peace. Don't let your children be ur retirement plan.

It's always in old age they get to realize their mistakes by what time its too late wouldn't matter anymore.

polime:
Thanks for the brilliant words sir. Your time was better, you see this new generation of parents we have will make worse mistakes most especially social media mum's and drunkard father's.
Thanks once again Daddy

Most of the "new generation parents" you speak of learned the same from their parents before them, the one's l whose time you are quick to insinuate was better.

The cycle is what the OP is trying to get you to see.

Echonosenny:
Are you not happy that your children are successful?
What if you showered all the attention on them and they ended up wayward. You'll still come here to complain bitterly that you have cows for children..

Where did you get that his kids are successful abeg?