I already realised that I often come off as one who hardly lets go. How convenient. The reason I harp on taking care not to offend people in the first place is very clear to me. Forgiveness is just; and should be a way of life for every believer. But it's best if there were never reason for forgiveness. Say, if a piece of cloth was torn in two (symbolizing a hurt relationship), and later mended (symbolizing forgiveness have taken place); remember there'll always be a material with which the mending was done (symbolizing sacrifice). The torn cloth may have been woven back together again with thread, some kind of glue, clips, pins etc. The cloth is mended, that's alright, but there's now a bump where the stitch weave through the the mended cloth. Both sides may have to live with that forever even when they've chosen to ignore the bump and pretend it's not there. Many years ago, someone said that a reputation once broken is like a wall with holes. The holes may be filled and the wall painted over but the world will always remember where the spots once was. A mended relationship have gone through the stitch, so to speak. Now, here I submit; battered, mended relationships are often the strongest if they survive. But like I've often said, I disagree that experience is the best teacher. One can learn by instruction and avoid unnecessary pain. What does 'forgive and forget' mean? Nobody literally forgets. That's akin to wiping from memory which is only possible in cases of amnesia. Forgetting simply refers to expunge from record. It does not indicate that you could will away an incident from your memory- no need for self-deception. The sad truth is that repeated offences often dredge up old forgiven and 'forgotten' betrayals. I'd prefer not to give you memories that make you wince when you remember them. I'd prefer there are no threads running through the garment. I believe that it's impossible for a Spirit-filled christian to hold grudges- except they purposely refuse to let go. Jesus said, 'if you let it go- it goes. If you hold onto it- it holds --John 20:22-23'. I personally LACK THE CAPACITY to hold onto offences even when no apologies were tendered. A vessel bearing the Spirit of light CANNOT HOLD grudges unless they choose to. Here's the thing, I may forgive, but the relationship may never be the same- again. I may become withdrawn, cautious, protecting myself from further harm. There are those who purposely harm relationships just to 'see what she will do' or 'how he'll take it'. If Jesus said don't test your God, why test your friends? Consider that the results you may get from such test today may well vary from the results you'll get from similar test from the same person tomorrow. A woman is not the only thing to be handled like China wares; relationships are to be handled with care as much because incidents may be 'forgotten' but never forgotten.