Some guys are like super glue oh they will keep on persisting till you agree

mukina2:

Some guys are like super glue oh they will keep on persisting till you agree

and if u dont want it to go on, it can be very annoying. I think every one involved should be true to themselves. On occasions, persisting works wonders!

Women tend to want a longer time to think about it whilst we men want a quick answer. So you see your question is complex. In reverse, women also tend to take a longer time to get over a man if things have gone sour where love once existed.

I honestly don't see the reason why a lady should play hard to get if she's really down for a man. Maybe that's just me though. (The grandma in me talking)

Only if u ar interestd

@Zayhal, it might be that she is afraid that his intentions are not noble even if he has not done anything wrong. It is a little bit like when you meet an organization that presents you with a business proposal that is well-researched and makes a lot of business sense. Yet, a part of you is saying: can they be this good? It is no longer about the other party. It is about you being in doubt!

This thread is surely an eye opener.
Keep it coming guys

maclatunji:

@Zayhal, it might be that she is afraid that his intentions are not noble even if he has not done anything wrong. It is a little bit like when you meet an organization that presents you with a business proposal that is well-researched and makes a lot of business sense. Yet, a part of you is saying: can they be this good? It is no longer about the other party. It is about you being in doubt!

Ok. I understand your viewpoint. But you see, some ladies would like the guy but will continue to make things difficult for him, make him beg them for everything, I don't like this. If you think you don't and won't like the guy, tell him straight. I'm very blunt in this area. But if you think you like him but have your doubts, pray about it, keep him at arms length, let him know he's a friend but nothing more, you need some time to gather your thoughts blah blah. Don't deliberately 'play hard to get'. Afterall you know what you want and don't want.

For example, if @maclatunji came in his shorts, riding his phantom and expected he'd sway me, I won't bat an eyelid, those shorts have automatically disqualified him.

zayhal:

Ok. I understand your viewpoint. But you see, some ladies would like the guy but will continue to make things difficult for him, make him beg them for everything, I don't like this. If you think you don't and won't like the guy, tell him straight. I'm very blunt in this area. But if you think you like him but have your doubts, pray about it, keep him at arms length, let him know he's a friend but nothing more, you need some time to gather your thoughts blah blah. Don't deliberately 'play hard to get'. Afterall you know what you want and don't want.


I agree with you 150%!

For example, if @maclatunji came in his shorts, riding his phantom and expected he'd sway me, I won't bat an eyelid, those shorts have automatically disqualified him.

You know the irony of this argument is that I hardly wear shorts. I cannot remember the last time I wore shorts outside. Of course, I don't have a Phantom. Friends, pray that I will be able to buy something better than it soon (for my sake).

'grandma' you're really an expert. Am enjoying your contribution. @maclatunji, the ball is in your court now.

grand mama, Interesting analysis!

jay bee:

This thread is surely an eye opener.
Keep it coming guys

would have thought the romance mod had enough eye opening already. .weird world I must say

deols:

so, i went into one of my old lecture notes nd found ds( God bless my teachers!)

manners of approach-

*someone speaks wv d woman on behalf of the man (dats like d alarina style of the Yorubas )- ds happened when the prophet Married Zaynab. It is said that Zaid conveyed the message to her.

*Man goes to the lady himself - Fatima bint Khais's case was the reference. .She went to the prophet to tell him of three pple who had asked for her hand and asked the prophet to help her choose after which he told her to marry Usama bin Zaid for Ma'wiyya was poor nd Abu Jam was fond of beating.

*Lady approaches the man - Khadija bint Khuwaylid asked for the prophet's hand. Also, a woman came to the prophet and said O Allah's apostle, I have come to give you myself in marriage. . .(vol.7, book 62, number24.)

and also

*Man asks the girl's waliyy(but of course! marries her only wv her consent) - the prophet asked Abubakr for Aisha's hand in marriage.(sahih Bukhari vol.7, book 62, Number 18)

I think lady can send someone to the man too. . .

_not every of us would like these although Islamic!

also, d waliyy can present his daughter/ward to a man for marriage--Umar asked Uthman and then Abubakar to marry his daughter Hafsa after her husband died.They declined. he offered her to the prophet, who married her. Note-with her consent.

@Olawalebab, what do you mean by the ball is in my court? I am here to learn like everybody else.

Only kidding @ what 'grandma' said about "you coming in short".

deols:

also, d waliyy can present his daughter/ward to a man for marriage--Umar asked Uthman and then Abubakar to marry his daughter Hafsa after her husband died.They declined. he offered her to the prophet, who married her. Note-with her consent.

Of course.

deols:


would have thought the romance mod had enough eye opening already. .weird world I must say

you may be right but i certainly ain't see enough from an Islamic angle. liking the convo on this thread so i'm definitely gonna continue keeping meself updated/refreshed with the interesting dicsussions
Sunday going good btw?
Preparing for work 2moro?

dats understandable. . nd studies? good. thnks for askn

Ladies and gents,

HOw long should a relationship last before marriage

or better put,

How much years is healthy for a relationship before marriage

^^^^
A year should be more than enough but then again it all depends on the relationship

It all depend, the Sahaba's own don't stay that long, but most appropriate a year is okay.

Some may say a year others may say for as long as you are sure that,you can take care of the needs of your future family

Salam, I think in as much as we are talking about relationship between man and woman. We should also talk about rejection. It is not every proposal that will be accepted. How should a lady reject offers that she is not interested in? And how should the man accept it?

Personally, I think as a man if you are rejected you should ask for a genuine reason for it and accept in good faith. Immerse yourself in your work or some other form of positive distraction and move on. Or what do you think?

zayhal:

Ok. I understand your viewpoint. But you see, some ladies would like the guy but will continue to make things difficult for him, make him beg them for everything, I don't like this. If you think you don't and won't like the guy, tell him straight. I'm very blunt in this area. But if you think you like him but have your doubts, pray about it, keep him at arms length, let him know he's a friend but nothing more, you need some time to gather your thoughts blah blah. Don't deliberately 'play hard to get'. Afterall you know what you want and don't want.

For example, if @maclatunji came in his shorts, riding his phantom and expected he'd sway me, I won't bat an eyelid, those shorts have automatically disqualified him.

Kai that means , if all women were of this opinion LAGOSBOY would have it tough finding a nice sista 


Seriously some sisters are taking dress issue to a new level. I have seen not a few @salafi@ sisters turn down bros all because they dont dress in a thobe or have a long beard. The irony is the divorce rate amongst them int he UK is so high which is an indicating factor that those long thobes and beards are nothing but cosmetics when it comes the quality of islam in a man.

This shorts issue reminded eme of my experience in Makkah. After asr prayers     an arab bloke walked up to me saying "hadha libas laisa tayyib fiy al huna " with a loud voice . meaning "This dressing of urs is not good for this place" , he then pointed to the jalabiyyah of my friend implying i should be wearing that and not my bermuda shorts.

I was so vexed and wanted to take him on but i was fasting and it was in Ramadan where needless arguements are to be avoided. More importantly it was in the haraam. I just told him jazakallah and walked away.

Some people are taking dressing of men to a whole new level forgeting that there is what we call "ourf" culture in usul ul fiqh. Some even say u are dressing like the kuffar because u are wearing a jeans forgetting that the englismans culutre is that kind of dressing.

I am sorry to digress but i have been turned down once by a sister because of my western style normal dressing.       It was her loss anyway and such sister with such mentality does not deserve me  . . .lols   

beard is cosmetic?

beard is equal to hijab of women.

these are the signatures to make people know about your faith, without you telling them

thobe, you have a point, because it is not the only clothing type that covers the aura.

Lagosboy:

Kai that means , if all women were of this opinion LAGOSBOY would have it tough finding a nice sista 


Seriously some sisters are taking dress issue to a new level. I have seen not a few @salafi@ sisters turn down bros all because they dont dress in a thobe or have a long beard. The irony is the divorce rate amongst them int he UK is so high which is an indicating factor that those long thobes and beards are nothing but cosmetics when it comes the quality of islam in a man.

This shorts issue reminded eme of my experience in Makkah. After asr prayers     an arab bloke walked up to me saying "hadha libas laisa tayyib fiy al huna " with a loud voice . meaning "This dressing of urs is not good for this place" , he then pointed to the jalabiyyah of my friend implying i should be wearing that and not my bermuda shorts.

I was so vexed and wanted to take him on but i was fasting and it was in Ramadan where needless arguements are to be avoided. More importantly it was in the haraam. I just told him jazakallah and walked away.

Some people are taking dressing of men to a whole new level forgeting that there is what we call "ourf" culture in usul ul fiqh. Some even say u are dressing like the kuffar because u are wearing a jeans forgetting that the englismans culutre is that kind of dressing.

I am sorry to digress but i have been turned down once by a sister because of my western style normal dressing.       It was her loss anyway and such sister with such mentality does not deserve me  . . .lols   

interesting. . .

Girls do all sort of things to look good and be appreciated. Guys can reciprocate this too . Even if you love to wear shorts, dr's no harm nd its no pretence(after all u wont dress d way u do everyday while going for a job interview) to keep it on that very important day nd just dress up(our local nija definition of dat. . lol) 4 d girl. I tell u a guy did ds for me once nd I liked it.

U know they say the way u dress is d way u'r addressed. Your dress sense might be the one reason she's listening to you in the first place.

Thats not to say I think w should wear jalabiyya everyday. We'll b sending our own trads into extinction by so doing. Cant even imagine pple bringing up fatwas on whether the saudi or sudanese jalabiyya would be best or fighting those wearing the pakistani

maclatunji:

Salam, I think in as much as we are talking about relationship between man and woman. We should also talk about rejection. It is not every proposal that will be accepted. How should a lady reject offers that she is not interested in? And how should the man accept it?

Personally, I think as a man if you are rejected you should ask for a genuine reason for it and accept in good faith. Immerse yourself in your work or some other form of positive distraction and move on. Or what do you think?

Individuality comes in again. Not many pple find the word, No easy to say. But the best thing is to just say it and let everyone move on. Why waste any1's time if u know u wont give in eventually. Pple who wldnt are just keeping the guy on the side, in case things dont go on with the one dey'r eyeing but that's really bad and is a show of insecurity.

Guy can just nudge the girl on too. A friend of mine once did this and I tell u I was grateful for it. We were friends and when he asked me out I ddnt know how to tell him off. He told me to just say yes or no, and that hlpd and w'r still friends.

And about moving on, every guy out to ask a girl out knows of the risk involved. THis is when you know a real MAN actually. A real man moves on without sulking. There is so much other rejections to face in life. Wld he continue to sulk at every turn

Sweetnecta:

beard is cosmetic?

beard is equal to hijab of women.

these are the signatures to make people know about your faith, without you telling them

thobe, you have a point, because it is not the only clothing type that covers the aura.

beard is equal to hijab of women lagosboy pls answer. I av always wanted to know

deols:

beard is equal to hijab of women lagosboy pls answer. I av always wanted to know

Beard is not equal to the hijab of woman.

Wearing hijab is[b] COMPULSORY[/b] and not wearing it is tantamount to great disobedience to Allah and His injunction. The verse on hijab are very clearly explained in the quran. A woman who does not wear the hijab is commiting a great sin. Beard on the other hand is a meritorious sunnah act. The Prophet (saw) enjoined the men to keep their beards and shave the moustache 'in order not to look like the Jews and Xtians'. Thus, it is highly ENCOURAGED for a Muslim to grow beards to show love and obedience to the Prophet (saw) and men who do this will be highly rewarded by Allah, masha Allah.

But we cannot equate the beard to the hijab. And Allah knows best.

Lagosboy:

Kai that means , if all women were of this opinion LAGOSBOY would have it tough finding a nice sista 


Seriously some sisters are taking dress issue to a new level. I have seen not a few @salafi@ sisters turn down bros all because they dont dress in a thobe or have a long beard. The irony is the divorce rate amongst them int he UK is so high which is an indicating factor that those long thobes and beards are nothing but cosmetics when it comes the quality of islam in a man.

This shorts issue reminded eme of my experience in Makkah. After asr prayers     an arab bloke walked up to me saying "hadha libas laisa tayyib fiy al huna " with a loud voice . meaning "This dressing of urs is not good for this place" , he then pointed to the jalabiyyah of my friend implying i should be wearing that and not my bermuda shorts.

I was so vexed and wanted to take him on but i was fasting and it was in Ramadan where needless arguements are to be avoided. More importantly it was in the haraam. I just told him jazakallah and walked away.

Some people are taking dressing of men to a whole new level forgeting that there is what we call "ourf" culture in usul ul fiqh. Some even say u are dressing like the kuffar because u are wearing a jeans forgetting that the englismans culutre is that kind of dressing.

I am sorry to digress but i have been turned down once by a sister because of my western style normal dressing.       It was her loss anyway and such sister with such mentality does not deserve me  . . .lols   

We don't seem to be on the same page, LB. You are talking about dressing in relation to the deen. I am talking about individual preferences.

I can never look down on a brother in shorts (as long as its below the knees) as lacking in his deen. In my school then, it was even the 'konko' brothers that used to go on shorts mostly. It'd even be silly of anyone to judge a person based on such. But as for me, when it comes to finding a man marriageable, I do not like to see my man dressed in shorts. I'm sure if I wasn't a Muslimah, (God forbid), I'd still hold the same opinion so it's not a matter of religiosity, ok?

Sweetnecta:

beard is cosmetic?

beard is equal to hijab of women.

these are the signatures to make people know about your faith, without you telling them

thobe, you have a point, because it is not the only clothing type that covers the aura.

zayhal:

Beard is not equal to the hijab of woman.

Wearing hijab is[b] COMPULSORY[/b] and not wearing it is tantamount to great disobedience to Allah and His injunction. The verse on hijab are very clearly explained in the quran. A woman who does not wear the hijab is commiting a great sin. Beard on the other hand is a meritorious sunnah act. The Prophet (saw) enjoined the men to keep their beards and shave the moustache 'in order not to look like the Jews and Xtians'. Thus, it is highly ENCOURAGED for a Muslim to grow beards to show love and obedience to the Prophet (saw) and men who do this will be highly rewarded by Allah, masha Allah.

But we cannot equate the beard to the hijab. And Allah knows best.

deols:

beard is equal to hijab of women lagosboy pls answer. I av always wanted to know

masha Allah, sis Zahyal has given a good explanation on this issue.

Bismillahi Arahamani Araheem
This issue of beards sometimes is a contentious issue amongst muslims and some muslims make a big issue out of it. Some scholars mainly of the Wahabiyyah school and the deobandis of the indo pak region consider a beard as compulsory , some even go as far as saying it is a major sin if you shave your beard. This issue has to take us back to the basis in usul ul fiqh or the categories of ahkam in fiqh

Wajib -  Compulsory and if you dont sinful
Mandub/Sunnah -  recommended and if you dont sinless
Haram or Halal
Makru - Frowned upon
Mubah - neutral

Some of us forget that the sahabas had beards before islam and the mushriks had beards as well, the Prophet PBUH recommended trimming of the moustache to differentiate the two people. There are two kinds of command in fiqh Amr haqiqi and amr ijaazi. Amr haqiqi is a rule from the most High to we lowly humans., this kind of command has no clause in it is like "Wa aqeemu salatu wa aatu Zakah" Establish prayer and pay zakah etc. These type of comman are always categorised under Waajib acts

On the other the second type of amr is like "marry two, three or four  . . .  BUT if you fear you cannot do justice then marry one" . This verse is also a command from Allah but it is placed on the second category of commands because there is a clause to it  . . which is BUT.

The scholars that hold the opinion of the beard not being wajib have cited some of the above. Also, in any isse where there is difference of opinion among the jurists in the sunni school. We do not condemn but rather we respect those who do not follow our opinions.  I respect people with long beards and may Allah reward them as long as their intention is pure, however i expect these people to not consider those without beard as a lesser muslim or lower in eeman because Allah cleary says taqwa is not in the outer look but inside.

And God knows best

zayhal:

We don't seem to be on the same page, LB. You are talking about dressing in relation to the deen. I am talking about individual preferences.

I can never look down on a brother in shorts (as long as its below the knees) as lacking in his deen. In my school then, it was even the 'konko' brothers that used to go on shorts mostly. It'd even be silly of anyone to judge a person based on such. But as for me, when it comes to finding a man marriageable, I do not like to see my man dressed in shorts. I'm sure if I wasn't a Muslimah, (God forbid), I'd still hold the same opinion so it's not a matter of religiosity, ok?

Of course i know it is your personal choice and no associated with the deen as u have said it here before. That is why i apologised in advance for digressing as it only reminded me of some personal experiences.

maclatunji:

Salam, I think in as much as we are talking about relationship between man and woman. We should also talk about rejection. It is not every proposal that will be accepted. How should a lady reject offers that she is not interested in? And how should the man accept it?

Personally, I think as a man if you are rejected you should ask for a genuine reason for it and accept in good faith. Immerse yourself in your work or some other form of positive distraction and move on. Or what do you think?

Good question. Because as the Yorubas will say, the prospective husband of a woman are 1001, it's the one on top of the thousand that she'll eventually settle down with.

I agree with deols here. If a lady is not interested in a man, if you don't see him as being your hubby, the father of your kids, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then tell him immediately, as nicely as you can. If he persists, and you're certain you don't want him, tell him very firmly that he's wasting his time and he should stop being a pest to yours. If he's someone you really respect, you can put it in writing. And please ladies, don't sniff at what you won't eat. You know you don't want this man, he invites you to lunch, you follow him. he buys you gifts, you accept them. He offers you a ride, you readily oblige. The truth is that even if you continually tell this man you don't want him, but accepts all these offers from him, it means you're giving him hope, so please, let your verbal rejection match your attitude and disposition towards the man.

Some men handle rejection badly. I can remember a couple of brothers (one of them, an Imam in a mosque in town) in school who stopped talking to me till we graduated because I rejected their proposal. I see this as the height of immaturity. na by force?

Ok. Not only men make proposals, some bold women do too. Now, how do ladies go about this? How should she handle been rejected? Brothers, how do you reject a sister's proposal in order not to hurt her?