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Y.o.u - Literature - Nairaland

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Y.o.u by Feanad: 6:17pm On Sep 13, 2011
Say she doesn't understand my poetry
the rhyme scheme it seems
bled out of the pen
so I made out with spoken words
sweet and fresh out like juice
from cocoa pods
thoughts I tickle; she giggles
a smile, her inner core wiggles
knows every hint; googles.
The truth I dare!
oh
I seek the emotion
to express you!


Check www.nantygreens..com
Re: Y.o.u by dumodust(m): 10:37pm On Sep 15, 2011
Nice, I like this. But is the use of 'say' correct at the beginning. Maybe 'said' would be more appropriate. But all in all, it's spontaneous and has some rhythm about the midsection.
Re: Y.o.u by Feanad: 1:31pm On Oct 28, 2011
dumodust:

Nice, I like this. But is the use of 'say' correct at the beginning. Maybe 'said' would be more appropriate. But all in all, it's spontaneous and has some rhythm about the midsection.

Thanks for the comment. Apart from poetic license, 'say' and 'said' can be used interchangeable especially in Amer.Eng context. Look at a this phrase 'they said , ' and 'they say , '
Also in oral rendition, 'say' gives the start of the poem a better effect. You can check my blog www.nantygreens..com for more creative stuffs.
We also accept contributions from creative individuals to be posted on the blog. If interested, send your entry to nantygreens@gmail.com.
Thanks.

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