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I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother - Family (5) - Nairaland

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UPDATE: I've Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother / My Pregnant Neighbour Has Been Restless Because She's Carrying Twin / I Have Been Having An Affair With My Elder Brother's Wife – Nigerian Man Reveals (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Whiteangel1234: 2:25pm On May 12, 2023
I think you should focus and make it before sitting somebody else down and nagging

At 29 yrs you with your university graduate is likely heading to become a failure also

3 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Tonnyray: 2:25pm On May 12, 2023
First deeply introspective thread I'm seeing on nairaland in quite a while.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by mariahAngel(f): 2:28pm On May 12, 2023
Bashman49:


Hey bud,
I can help you

Help him with what? If you don't mind me asking...
Did he ask for help in his post?
If you have help to offer, the right person you should offer is the Op's brother (or the op even), don't you think so?

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by GodWrites: 2:28pm On May 12, 2023
Aurelius1:
You no get single sense for your head. That you are living a comfortable life today is not by your own effort. It's by the grace of God. Try and be humble, else, nature will humble you.

I don't want to call you mumu, but you behave like one.
Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Blendy77(f): 2:33pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

The truth is everyone in the same family will not have the same hustling spirit. How can someone be doing conductor work at his age? A smart conductor would have learnt how to drive by now and either be driving for someone or driving his own bus or even doing uber business. That guy is not smart and you cant keep pushing him when he's not ready to change. Sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk. Ask him what can he do? If he loves transport business so much let him go and learn driving then you look for hire purchase car that he can use for uber. He can learn other handwork like sewing, barbing etc. You too while waiting for a paid job, look for other side hussle you can add. You were a hustler before you went to school, please dont stop in the name of looking for job because no one knows where this country is leading to. You can also learn driving and start uber business, buying and selling and other business to put food food on your table. You guys should try as much as possible to make your mum happy otherwise mere thinking of her kids alone can increase her blood pressure. It is well. Will try and send you a DM to know what you studied and how I can help. God who sees how far you have struggled will make things easy for you

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by VTJN(m): 2:33pm On May 12, 2023
Mummyimbecile:
OP, please take this advise from this Man.

Don't make your elder brother to be depressed with the manner you talked to him. Things will get better.

I know it's not easy seeing your 38yrs old elder brother staying idle.

If he's responsible, I think you all can come together and ask him what he wants to do with his life so you people can sponsor him either in Business or to travel outta the country.

I wish you and your family the very best. Thank you and God bless you.
Op himself need help. If you go through the post carefully you will realise OP work in a pure water factory which I'm sure won't earn more than 20-25k. The elder brother no do well. He's busy working as conductor without thinking of his life. Now he's a liability to the family, especially to the younger brother. I sincerely feel for the family

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by mariahAngel(f): 2:34pm On May 12, 2023
kacheezy:
You don’t write like the brother of a bus conductor.

Hey God!
What is that even supposed to mean?

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by adedayourt(m): 2:36pm On May 12, 2023
At his age, learning or studying might not be a viable option at the moment, but being a conductor for a long time he should be a good driver by now, seek help how to get a bus for him on hire purchase or help him get a driver job with an organization.

That would help sustain him for the very least.
Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Fame1309(f): 2:37pm On May 12, 2023
GodWrites:
Your parents are to be blamed.

They couldn't even take care of themselves, yet they went ahead to breed kids they can't take care of.

If your elder brother has been given the opportunities, such as basic education, he wouldn't find himself in this condition.

Hawking is nothing but child abuse.
Stop the blaiming, what we need at this point in time is solution to the problem at hand.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by seguno2: 2:39pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys

My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

It was not wrong for you to talk to your elder brother, for him to sit up and get his life together.

Thanks for your testimony about free primary education in Lagos, which unfortunately is not available for every child despite the high IGR, oil revenue and loans by government on behalf of the people.

Do you think you will be hustling in a pure water factory with your 2:1 if you enlighten enough people to expect more from the local and state governments? More employment of teachers for the free education of all children, more jobs to provide free basic healthcare and water supplies to every building?

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by mariahAngel(f): 2:41pm On May 12, 2023
juman:
As conductor for many years, he should be able to drive.
Instead of sitting idle why can't he be Uber driver or driver to private individual.

Do you know what it requires to be an Uber driver?
It's not as easy as you state it o.
It's not even as if Uber as a company have cars to lease out to whoever is willing.

4 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by seguno2: 2:42pm On May 12, 2023
GodWrites:
Your parents are to be blamed.

They couldn't even take care of themselves, yet they went ahead to breed kids they can't take care of.

If your elder brother has been given the opportunities, such as basic education, he wouldn't find himself in this condition.

Hawking is nothing but child abuse.

You are right about the parents being failures for having more children than they can cater for.

He said that the children all had free basic education.

Hawking is NOT child abuse, since the children feed there from.

3 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by KonTagiousBull: 2:43pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

I almost cried when I was reading this..I had to stop.God will definitely see you through and bless you with something to help your family.


You did the right thing by talking to your brother...God has given you to power and mantle to lead the lead the family in a way ..take it up and go ahead but don't use it in such a way that you belittle your brother.

Joseph was the smallest.......

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by DownTime44: 2:45pm On May 12, 2023
Blendy77:


The truth is everyone in the same family will not have the same hustling spirit. How can someone be doing conductor work at his age? A smart conductor would have learnt how to drive by now and either be driving for someone or driving his own bus or even doing uber business. That guy is not smart and you cant keep pushing him when he's not ready to change. Sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk. Ask him what can he do? If he loves transport business so much let him go and learn driving then you look for hire purchase car that he can use for uber. He can learn other handwork like sewing, barbing etc. You too while waiting for a paid job, look for other side hussle you can add. You were a hustler before you went to school, please dont stop in the name of looking for job because no one knows where this country is leading to. You can also learn driving and start uber business, buying and selling and other business to put food food on your table. You guys should try as much as possible to make your mum happy otherwise mere thinking of her kids alone can increase her blood pressure. It is well. Will try and send you a DM to know what you studied and how I can help. God who sees how far you have struggled will make things easy for you
Thank you so much ma'am. I sent a DM to your mail.

4 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Smith414: 2:46pm On May 12, 2023
Olarewaju89:
Being the first born and first son in a poor family like this is a serious issue. Don't blame your brother too much pls. It is a spiritual things and he need a deliverance and serious councils.

To be honest with you, your mother has a lot to do in this matter not you.

I won't go further than this.
Many people may not understand you but brother I know what you mean, there’s this spirit that follows first born especially when they’re boys, it takes the grace of God, prayers from parents and a lot of discipline to make sure first sons don’t go astray, I’ve seen a lot from experience, his mom really needs to pray or do something about it else na so the guy brother go remain

2 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Igbokwechika101(m): 2:46pm On May 12, 2023
It's well.and you did nothing wrong by talking to him.i pray everything goes well to all the first son out there.

3 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by NothingDoMe: 2:49pm On May 12, 2023
Stephen0mozzy:
Trust me, your elder Bro is aware of his own shortcomings (every first son is aware and it makes life pretty hard when it's not going your way)......I don't think he cried because he felt insulted... Those tears where the reality of his life past, present and the seemingly unpleasant future coming out from where he's buried them.

But he's a man, at 38 he should push himself, he has to be humble to learn something, even if it's driving (he must have learnt how to), then look for work as a driver in a factory or something.

At that age, he doesn't have many options of what to learn as a skill... But he has to start somewhere.

And you, thumbs up to you.. You really have Shown that you're a true hustler and i pray God blesses your hustle to make your mum proud and enjoy her labours of love.

You'll still have to talk to your bro... Not necessarily to apologies, you didn't tell him anything that he doesn't know.... He was just hiding from them.

Talk to him, ask him if there's anything he'll like to do (other than conducting buses)....most conductors who work with buses for that long or even short time actually know how to drive buses.

Don't tell him about how he's falling short.. Just ask him about his plans moving forward.... At this stage he should be humble and not let his age decide what is "beneath" him. Nothing is too small.... Everyone starts from somewhere.
Well said 👏

2 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by DownTime44: 2:49pm On May 12, 2023
zrocky:
I have a few things to say to you. You might be surprised that he is the way he is, because he had to sacrifice his needs for you and your siblings to have it easy. Being the first son and a father figure comes with lot of responsibility. I have so many guys like your brother Sacrificing alot. Most won't show you how they do as they will prefer to go through your mum. My advice is apologize to your brother . Ask him what is his goal and then try to see how you can support him achieve his goal.

Alright sir. I will do exactly what you said. Thank you so much.
Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Dabesthing: 2:51pm On May 12, 2023
There are a lot of opportunities out there, that he can take advantage of, so all hope isn’t lost, tell him to go and learn how to ride bike if he doesn’t already know. After learning he should get a job as a dispatch rider with Gokada or any dispatch company, dispatch riders are in high demand and the monthly salary ranges from 60k - 80k. From there he can save some money and buy his own dispatch bike. Since he has been a conductor before then he must be familiar with lagos roads, so doing dispatch business wouldn’t be difficult for him. Tell your brother to stay strong things will be fine.

If he can ride bicycle he can also do food delivery, and earn N500 - N600 per delivery, if he can do 10/day that’s 5k - 6k daily.

2 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by chinchum(m): 2:51pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?
i am sorry to inform you that you have to focus on yourself for now. I am not saying you can't provide occassional assistance like when he was sick and you needed to buy medications for him. A mother with her toddler on a flight is always advise to fix her oxygen mask before assisting the toddler during a flight turmoil.

You cant pull him out of the vicious cycle he is stuck in at this time; you have to improve yourself optimally to find a sustainable help you can provide him. You may advise he learns driving and seek hire purchase of tricycle for commercial transportation. It appears your brother is mentally fatigue and laid back which is a recipe for failure.

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Fame1309(f): 2:52pm On May 12, 2023
GodWrites:


I am not blaming you, rather your parents. It's your parents responsibility to make sure you get the best life has to offer.

Your mother shouldn't have even married your father in the first place if he was incapable of taking care of his kids.

Like I said, it's their fault and not yours. I am sure if given a choice you wouldn't have allowed them to birth you.
Are you a kid?all your comments are just childish, don't worry when you get older you will understand life better.

That's life.
Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Fame1309(f): 2:53pm On May 12, 2023
GodWrites:


I am not blaming you, rather your parents. It's your parents responsibility to make sure you get the best life has to offer.

Your mother shouldn't have even married your father in the first place if he was incapable of taking care of his kids.

Like I said, it's their fault and not yours. I am sure if given a choice you wouldn't have allowed them to birth you.
Are you a kid?all your comments are just childish, don't worry when you get older you will understand life better.

That's life.
Are you a kid?all your comments are just childish, don't worry when you get older you will understand life better.

That's life.

2 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by mariahAngel(f): 2:53pm On May 12, 2023
VTJN:
what do you mean that he should never disrespect his elder brother? Respect is earn, you don't seek for it. Apart from being irresponsible, his common sense ought to have told him that he's not getting any younger still living under his parents roof.

Life happens to some people.

Also, where one grew up could make or mar someone's future.
Imagine raising a child in a place where there are hardly any achievers -- no inspiration.
The best thing their parents could've done was take them out of Ajegunle.
The stories I've heard about that place and people who live there ehn...they say they're too laid back and unbothered.

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by seanwilliam(m): 2:55pm On May 12, 2023
VTJN:
interesting

I thought guys adore, worship and respect women who married struggling guys. I thought that's what some guys want. A woman who will start from a single room with them

Op mother is one of the numerous women out there who chose LOVE above every other thing. She stood with her man through thick and thin. She gave birth to kids. She was submissive as some guys want. She hawked with her children. I'm sure she never hawked while she was single. That is what marriage has done to an average Nigerian women. Marriage took most average Nigerian women backwards in life

Please what has the so called marriage benefited her? What was her benefits chosing love over every other things? What was her achievements being a submissive and respectful woman?

Her only achievements was to give birth to children suffering even in their late 30s to 40. Look at where her virtuous woman landed her into.

So pathetic
dumb post by dumb human being.
When a man and a woman are poor and in relationships , the woman is the understanding one Abi ?. Why is she not rich herself ? Do you know what it takes to house and feed a fellow human being as in a complete adult?


Do you even know if the man was doing ok too before he met her? Or there was a turn in fate?.

@ op, nobody has really provided any solution to your situation. You deeply know what to do to get out of this. Don’t let nairlanders whine u .

And @38, you need not sugarcoat anything for him ( I know that he’s not lazy ) but trust me, there’s different between doing what works and what is right .

Good luck !

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by DownTime44: 2:55pm On May 12, 2023
OChimex:


Your family condition is heartbreaking. Sorry about that.

But I hope you didn’t vote APC?
Because if you do, you don’t need my advice.
Anyways, first, you blame your older brother but you are a mistake yourself. Who in his right thinking with your condition goes to school not even to study medicine?
You got a bike which you would have rode yourself to hustle your way up, save and go into business or learn a skill.
Now you are out of school, waiting for a job and working for 15k salary? Where you see job in Nigeria?
No right thinking person goes to the university in Nigeria. Mr man no job for you.
Learn a trade/skill or go into trading.
Let me tell you one thing, here in America, nobody cares about certificate, unless u wan go have fun. Or you wan study medicine or engineering,
American economy is great because it’s skill based.
Nigerians know say no job for una still una go dey joggle to go university only to come out to be unemployed or underemployed.
Una suppose try copy the Igbos, go serve person after secondary school if come from poor home, most Igbo billionaires from poor homes, na that way them go. Almost all of them.
Stop blaming your brother, go into the hustling field yourself, you could be that one person who will break the poverty circle and save your brother and your entire family.
Don’t read this with sentiments as many Nigerians do, read am with logic.
Peace ✌️
God forbid I involve myself or got anything to do with APC. I'm almost regretting why moving forward to further my education. After everything, there's nothing to show for it. I had wanted to consider NDA. I wrote the screening exam after JAMB and i was shortlisted for final training but couldn't make it to Kaduna. It really saddening my heart whenever i remember

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by Connected1: 2:56pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.

Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?
I smell immaturity here.

Dropping for something in such a situation is very foolish of you, so you think he's happy with his condition right?

We were 8 or 9 (parents inclusive) living in a one room store, I used to blame my father while I was about 7 or 8 for not planning well, I did hawking of plantain and even sold my father's wares too, I did bricklayer work (as a helper/service), as I grew older I starting providing solutions instead of questioning life.

I rent a flat and sorted a lot of financial bills, school fees, feeding et all (all these while avoiding women) and I discovered that my father's drinking habits were not spiritual as some fake pastors claimed.

Don't go passing blames, since you went to school you were suppose to have more critical thinking abilities than what I am reading here.

Provide solutions Fam.
Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by RomanGreen: 2:56pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
Hi guys


Please i put up this post basically because of my elder brother. I sincerely want to know if i was wrong talking to him, or I could have just let him be. I wasn't myself ever since i talked to him, and i was somewhat having guilty conscience since then.


I have an elder brother, he's 38 years old and also the first son. I am the fourth child in the family of five. The second child is a female and she's married. We lost our third child, that's my immediate elder brother some years back, while i have a younger brother. I came from a humble background. Lost my dad while i was in JS 3, even before his death we had been hustling on a daily basis for survival, and we live happily as one big family. My mother, siblings and i do hawk daily before we could eat. All thanks to public school in Lagos, my family wouldn't have had the opportunity to basic education. We hawk daily after school, weekdays and weekend. My family was bred and brought up in Ajegunle.


Few years after the demise of my father, we struggled to pay house rent. We had to leave Ajegunle to a local and developing area. I didn't allow my family conditions deter or weigh me down. Never! I believe I'd make it in life legitimately without venturing into crime, fraud, theft etc. After my secondary school, i was into all sorts of labour work. I worked in factory, building site, cleared bushes, laundry man , just to save up and further my education. I worked for 6 years after my secondary school, bought a bike from the little savings i had and proceed to school through jamb. I gave the bike to someone who often deliver #6,000 weekly for the upkeep of my family. I was in year 2 when i let go of the bike, it was on a higher purchase and the agreement we have had elapsed. I hustled my way through school and graduated. I'm done with service last year but couldn't land a job, probably due to my age. I'd be 29 this year and most graduate trainee often request for age below 28. Although, i had a 2.1. I'm only managing in a pure water factory to make ends meet, keep soul and body together and support my family


I sat my elder brother down and talked to him. He has been hustling like every other person in the family but i don't understand what's happening. He didn't futher his education nor learn a handwork. He's 38 but still live under his parents roof. He has been doing conductor work for many years. The family had talked to him several times to look for something else. It's fine you are hustling as a man for survival but doing conductor for many years without thinking of what else to do is wrong. A family friend of ours who later got to know what he does for a living had advice him also.


The bus he was following, the driver had misunderstanding with the owner and he collected his bus back. My elder brother had been idle for months, doing nothing. He claimed he has gone virtually everywhere in search of bus he could be working with but couldn't get any. This is a family that we all had to bring something no matter how little to survive. I was talking to him as a younger brother. I asked him why didn't he heed to people's advice when they were advising him then to stop the conductor work and look for something to learn, if perhaps he doesn't want to further his education? He doesn't believe in Nigeria education, because he could count graduates without job or those with petty job. My elder brother wear almost rag as clothes. I had to give him some of my little wears I'm managing. He has just one slippers. We don't wear same size of shoe or sandals, we could have been sharing that also. He sold his phone to feed sometime ago and had been without phone. I was initially saving to get my mum a small phone but i had to give him the phone instead.


He was crying when i was talking to him. I understand the situation of things in the country, which i myself is going through. I was just trying to know what other things he could come up with. I am not happy seeing him sitting idle doing nothing. The fact that he's the first son and found himself in this condition at that age breaks my heart daily. My mum had been so worried about his condition. I had to convince her that things will be better. I don't want her to develop high Blood Pressure that could lead to her untimely death.


Please guys was i wrong talking to my elder brother?

I wish your brother learnt driving during the period he was a conductor. Most guys with foresight and ambition do that such that once the opportunity comes, they become their own drivers perhaps on a hire purchase agreement and eventually become vehicle owners themselves. He's already old. I advise you guys get him to learn driving, after that ..do a higher purchase agreement. If he's dedicated, in 5 years max ..he will be a vehicle owner and life will definitely be better off for him

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by seanwilliam(m): 2:57pm On May 12, 2023
chinchum:
i am sorry to inform you that you have to focus on yourself for now. I am not saying you can't provide occassional assistance like when he was sick and you needed to buy medications for him. A mother with her toddler on a flight is always advise to fix her oxygen mask before assisting the toddler during a flight turmoil.

You cant pull him out of the vicious cycle he is stucked in at this time; you have to improve yourself optimally to find a sustainable help you can provide him. You may advise he learns driving and seek hire purchase of tricycle for commercial transportation. It appears your brother is mentally fatigue and laid back which is a recipe for failure.
a very underrated comment

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by DownTime44: 2:59pm On May 12, 2023
PROUDIGBO:


So what’s your bank account details for those wishing to send you and your brother a little something!?
0048307786 Johnson Anthonia, Stambic ibtc

God bless you sir.

2 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by OChimex: 3:00pm On May 12, 2023
DownTime44:
God forbid I involve myself or got anything to do with APC. I'm almost regretting why moving forward to further my education. After everything, there's nothing to show for it. I had wanted to consider NDA. I wrote the screening exam after JAMB and i was shortlisted for final training but couldn't make it to Kaduna. It really saddening my heart whenever i remember

It’s okay man, no time to regret. Put away your certificate, go into the hustling field, find skill learn, or business learn. They apply with your certificate oo in case something fit mature. But enter street, fit try the Okada again.

1 Like

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by udeh3(m): 3:00pm On May 12, 2023
Stephen0mozzy:
Trust me, your elder Bro is aware of his own shortcomings (every first son is aware and it makes life pretty hard when it's not going your way)......I don't think he cried because he felt insulted... Those tears where the reality of his life past, present and the seemingly unpleasant future coming out from where he's buried them.

But he's a man, at 38 he should push himself, he has to be humble to learn something, even if it's driving (he must have learnt how to), then look for work as a driver in a factory or something.

At that age, he doesn't have many options of what to learn as a skill... But he has to start somewhere.

And you, thumbs up to you.. You really have Shown that you're a true hustler and i pray God blesses your hustle to make your mum proud and enjoy her labours of love.

You'll still have to talk to your bro... Not necessarily to apologies, you didn't tell him anything that he doesn't know.... He was just hiding from them.

Talk to him, ask him if there's anything he'll like to do (other than conducting buses)....most conductors who work with buses for that long or even short time actually know how to drive buses.

Don't tell him about how he's falling short.. Just ask him about his plans moving forward.... At this stage he should be humble and not let his age decide what is "beneath" him. Nothing is too small.... Everyone starts from somewhere.

Well, I work in an MEP firm as an Engineer. You can contact me for more discussion. He can learn plumbing or Electrical skills, even both and be sure of job security in any of the MEP firms if he's serious with his learning. For me, I'll suggest he try Electrical due to his age and lucrative aspect of the job.

I'm a senior child and son too almost from same background as yours. So, I understand his position and feelings. He needs more encouragement and support, especially mentally

Drop a mail via NL

5 Likes

Re: I Had Been Restless Having A Chat With My Elder Brother by JohnnA1: 3:02pm On May 12, 2023
Maybaby4eva:
Father God, in the name of your holy divine son, my Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and by the power of his holy divine blood, I bind and break all witchcraft, curses, spells, and all powers associated with it.  Through the holy blood of the Lamb of God, I destroy the works of every witch, warlock, wizard, sorcerer, and all other powers of darkness, in my Lord Jesus name. Through the divine holy blood of my Lord God Jesus Christ, I break and destroy my enemies evil powers and their works; including the influences of witchcraft, spells, hexes, vexes, voodo, hoodo, roots, potions, or any such things off me, my life, my family, my home, my possessions and all future generations, in my Lord Jesus name. Through the divine holy blood of my Lord God Jesus Christ, I also rebuke, bind up and destroy all the spirit-guides, helps, and shields of these workers of evil, and leave them without any strength, stripped of their evil powers and influencee, in my Lord Jesus name.
In the name of my Lord God Jesus Christ and by the power of his divine holy blood, I bind kings, princes, and evil world rulers. I strip each evil spirit, and his hierarchy of power, armor and rank, and separate each from the other. I put confusion to the ranks of the enemy, and declare their assignments ragainst me, my life, my family, and my possessions are hereby rendered null, and void in my Lord Jesus name. In the name of my Lord God Jesus Christ, and by the power of his divine holy blood, I bind and terminate the influence and power of all spirits from the netherworld, evil 
spirits between, over and around those praying and those prayed for, and all evil and familiar spirits are completely bound, and forbidden to manifest in the name of my Lord God Jesus Christ.
In the mighty name of my Lord God Jesus Christ, and by the divine power of his holy blood, I bind, break and destroy the power of all curses spoken, all rituals or sacrifices, all divination, spells, incantations, meditations, all sorcery and magic, and all kind of evil ceremony, and any medium with evil purposes. In the name of my Lord Jesus, I plead the precious divine holy blood of my Lord God Jesus Christ; over myself and my family, my home, and everything that belongs to us. Father God, in my Lord Jesus Christ name; please send your warrior holy Angels to surround and protect us. In the mighty name of my Lord God Jesus Christ, and by the power of his divine holy blood; I break down, demolish, destroy, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, Satanists and the like, and I break and destroy the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way, my life, my home, my family members way, and my possessions. 
By the holy divine blood of my Lord Jesus, and by his mighty name, my Lord God Jesus Christ, I command to all evil spirits, and the works that evil beings have done on my life and my family; to be reversed now, be gone, get out of my life and my family, go to the abyss and never return, and do not send reinforcements, in my Lord Jesus name.  Father God, I pray that these lost souls that have attacked me and my family, will find the light of your son Jesus... In the name of my Lord God Jesus 
Christ of Nazareth; I now loose them from all mind control of Satan!..  Heavenly Father; I also ask that you please send your Holy Spirit to their hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of Satan, in my Lord Jesus name.
In the name of my Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ, and by the divine power of his holy blood, I bind, terminate and destroy, all powers, influence and evil works of all principalities, powers of the air, wickedness in high places, thrones, dominions, world rulers, strong men, and all kind of evil Mighty name of my Lord God Jesus 
Christ, and by the power of his divine holy blood, I bind, break and destroy all witchcraft, witchcraft control, mind-binding spirits, spirits that block and bind the will, spirits of mind control; destruction, lust, perversion, intimidation, rebellion, rejection, schizophrenia, paranoia, anger, hatred, wrath and rage, resentment, bitterness,  unforgiveness, slander, unteachableness, deception, doubt and unbelief, passivity, pride, false humility, panic attacks, and any kind of evil spirits to reverse all their evil works that they have done on me, my life, my family, my home and my possessions in my Lord God Jesus name, and be gone out of my life, my home and my family, go to 
the abyss and never return, and do not send reinforcements, in my Lord Jesus name. I pray all of these in the mighty name of my Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ, amen.

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