I met this woman around 2020 and was interested in her, she is a single mother (a girl around 5yrs old). I approached her and she agreed even her mum rejected the proposal but later they agreed. I went to their house to tell her parent my plan to marry their daughter.

Around, April 2021, she moved in with me and we are still living together with her baby girl. But in December 2021, we had misunderstanding, she is very quiet and calm, though I am older than her with 8yrs gap. She seems not to be taking to correction especially if she is angry and she is not easily provoked, there was a time, her ex called her, the father of that kid and I told her not to call him again and she should limit her conversation with him except if she is willing to go back to him.

Before we even started living together, she told me then that she want the type of husband that she can change her daughter name to his own but I said, it is not a big deal but I can't tolerate that because of the father surfaced later in future, he can sue me and also, she herself can also deny me later in future or even tell the kid that I am not her biological father. Though, she said the father doesn't even know the baby which is a complete lie.

So, December 2021, we had misunderstanding and I told her we can't continue in that journey again, though she apologized but within one week of that misunderstanding she had a thorough conversation with her ex, which I deduced from the talk that she was willing to go back to him because I recorded everything but she was not aware her phone was in recording mode. I told her, within weeks of misunderstanding, she still have the audacity to be negotiating with her ex and she said someone told her to be answering his call so that he can be sending his daughter school fee, I told her so since all this while, he has been the one footing the girl school fee and food right? She apologized later and we moved on. Last week, I told her to unlock her phone that I need to check something because she password her phone and WhatsApp and she refused, she said what is it that I want to check? I told if she fail to unlock that phone that it will be the end of our relationship and it means she end it herself and she is free to do anything she want and I won't send her away but I will move away from her. After some minutes, she now unlocked the phone which I believed she must have deleted some messages and she now said I should collect the phone but I dejected and told her that was gone, that I have made up my choice.

Ever since then, she didn't apologize and she said she will be fine. Though, I trust her that she is not promiscuous but she might want to try it and I only come home once in a while due to the distance of my job. Now, I have planned to send her money for food for next month and after this, I will stop giving her anything again. And nothing join us together yet because she is yet to conceived.

You haven't paid her bride price bro, you might not have a total hols on her in that dimension. Settle down and talk things out with her, leave emotions out of this , once a man has a child by a lady , the bond can be so strong and hard to break.Discuss with her and ask her to be frank and transparent about either returning back to the baba or choosing to fully stay with you and thus, abiding by the rules of engagement.Once you can extract those commitments from her and find them genuine , pls go and do the needful. Your gap will keep on widening unless you get commitment from her while you go further on the bride price.God go provide d funds.

Send her money now...infact you supposed build house for am

olumided:
■ So, December 2021, we had misunderstanding and I told her we can't continue in that journey again, though she apologized but within one week of that misunderstanding she had a thorough conversation with her ex, which I deduced from the talk that she was willing to go back to him because I recorded everything but she was not aware her phone was in recording mode. I told her, within weeks of misunderstanding, she still have the audacity to be negotiating with her ex and she said someone told her to be answering his call so that he can be sending his daughter school fee, I told her so since all this while, he has been the one footing the girl school fee and food right? She apologized later and we moved on. Last week, I told her to unlock her phone that I need to check something because she password her phone and WhatsApp and she refused, she said what is it that I want to check? I told if she fail to unlock that phone that it will be the end of our relationship and it means she end it herself and she is free to do anything she want and I won't send her away but I will move away from her. After some minutes, she now unlocked the phone which I believed she must have deleted some messages and she now said I should collect the phone but I dejected and told her that was gone, that I have made up my choice.

Ever since then, she didn't apologize and she said she will be fine. Though, I trust her that she is not promiscuous but she might want to try it and I only come home once in a while due to the distance of my job. Now, I have planned to send her money for food for next month and after this, I will stop giving her anything again. And nothing join us together yet because she is yet to conceived.

1. Have you married this girl? Seems the answer is NO! Have you formally adopted the child as your own? Again, the answer seems to be NO! So, why are you insisting she first cut off from the source of support for her child before you do any of that?

Your story isn't clear at all whether she is living with you or not but the fact is not married to you. Her responsibility is to make certain that child is first provided for, and her best bet remains to be tied to her ex — the father of that child — from whom she has a higher chance of success than any from any come along boyfriend. So, if you are only interested in being her bed warmer, then I should say you should maybe just move on to your next lay so she is no longer confused by you.

There is no care from the ex, before I met her, she has been the one taking care of the baby.

And since we are together now, I am responsible but she is working in a private school where she convert her salary there to pay the child school fee.

Kobojunkie:
1. Have you married this girl? Seems the answer is NO! Have you formally adopted the child as your own? Again, the answer seems to be NO! So, why are you insisting she first cut off from the source of support for her child before you do any of that?

Your story isn't clear at all whether she is living with you or not but the fact is not married to you. Her responsibility is to make certain that child is first provided for, and her best bet remains to be tied to her ex — the father of that child — from whom she has a higher chance of success than any from any come along boyfriend. So, if you are only interested in being her bed warmer, then I should say you should maybe just move on to your next lay so she is no longer confused by you.

All I have to state is she made a big mistake moving in with you without being married.
It seems she further wants to mess up her life.

As for you op, you better not get her pregnant o!
If you're serious about her, then marry her.
If not, let her go.
Please, do not complicate her life any further.

Even though you don’t want to marry her please make sure you help her and her child financially. She really need all the support she can get from you.

May God help us all

Don't send her shishi.
End things with her.
Cos if u broke she will move to her babydaddy

UBUNJA once said that once a man gives a woman a baby. That bond is unbreakable. Even if she marries another man. The father of the child and the woman are linked for life.


Guy you didn't see tear rubber woman to start a relationship with. So all these while you've been paying school fees for a child that is not yours. You try. So since 2020 you've not had your own child... You try.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, the world needs people like you.
So people like us can feel better about ourselves and thank God that it's not us.

Jennyclay:
Even though you don’t want to marry her please make sure you help her and her child financially. She really need all the support she can get from you.

May God help us all

Another female supporting each other.
When we know she's planning on going back.
The records are there.

You guys are just doing legal fornication and then my advise is that since u haven't married her legally i don't see the point commanding her and wanting to get into her private life..

Being a single mother doesn't mean she can't make a good wife but in the future d father might surface and claim the child ..

Follow your heart bro

olumided:
■ There is no care from the ex, before I met her, she has been the one taking care of the baby.
■ And since we are together now, I am responsible but she is working in a private school where she convert her salary there to pay the child school fee.

1. She may have been the one taking care of the child in the past, but that does not mean her plan is to continue being the only one taking care of the kid going forward, right?

2. We are talking of a child who is more than just school fees, which according to you, she converts her salary to pay for. You are not a permanent fixture in her life — you are not married to her and you have not adopted the child as yours—, not yet, and so she has to continually worry about how to take care of her child. Again, her best bet remains the father of the child until you declare yourself it. You may have been helping all this while but from 2020 till this 2023, you remain a boyfriend for reasons best known to you and that is an issue of concern to any reasonable woman.

Some women don't learn.

olumided:
I met this woman around 2020 and was interested in her, she is a single mother (a girl around 5yrs old). I approached her and she agreed even her mum rejected the proposal but later they agreed. I went to their house to tell her parent my plan to marry their daughter.

Around, April 2021, she moved in with me and we are still living together with her baby girl. But in December 2021, we had misunderstanding, she is very quiet and calm, though I am older than her with 8yrs gap. She seems not to be taking to correction especially if she is angry and she is not easily provoked, there was a time, her ex called her, the father of that kid and I told her not to call him again and she should limit her conversation with him except if she is willing to go back to him.

Before we even started living together, she told me then that she want the type of husband that she can change her daughter name to his own but I said, it is not a big deal but I can't tolerate that because of the father surfaced later in future, he can sue me and also, she herself can also deny me later in future or even tell the kid that I am not her biological father. Though, she said the father doesn't even know the baby which is a complete lie.

So, December 2021, we had misunderstanding and I told her we can't continue in that journey again, though she apologized but within one week of that misunderstanding she had a thorough conversation with her ex, which I deduced from the talk that she was willing to go back to him because I recorded everything but she was not aware her phone was in recording mode. I told her, within weeks of misunderstanding, she still have the audacity to be negotiating with her ex and she said someone told her to be answering his call so that he can be sending his daughter school fee, I told her so since all this while, he has been the one footing the girl school fee and food right? She apologized later and we moved on. Last week, I told her to unlock her phone that I need to check something because she password her phone and WhatsApp and she refused, she said what is it that I want to check? I told if she fail to unlock that phone that it will be the end of our relationship and it means she end it herself and she is free to do anything she want and I won't send her away but I will move away from her. After some minutes, she now unlocked the phone which I believed she must have deleted some messages and she now said I should collect the phone but I dejected and told her that was gone, that I have made up my choice.

Ever since then, she didn't apologize and she said she will be fine. Though, I trust her that she is not promiscuous but she might want to try it and I only come home once in a while due to the distance of my job. Now, I have planned to send her money for food for next month and after this, I will stop giving her anything again. And nothing join us together yet because she is yet to conceived.

Save yourself from the trouble you are getting into. You have seen the red flags and even stated them in your post.

So, get out of it now!

Make una try dey smoke or do something less emotionally disturbing... the country don hard pass all these things

Stevenbright:


Save yourself from the trouble you are getting into. You have seen the red flags and even stated them in your post.

So, get out of it now!

The OP himself is the red flag. He has serious trust issues and the lady will be lucky for the relationship to end. Monitoring phone up and down and telling her not to be in touch with her daughter's father is off.

Escapist:


The OP himself is the red flag. He has serious trust issues and the lady will be lucky for the relationship to end. Monitoring phone up and down and telling her not to be in touch with her daughter's father is off.

My response to you is on a personal note that is not in respect to this post.

See ehn, getting married to a woman or man who have a child(ren) from her/his previous relationship is a big red flag anytime, any day for the following reasons:

1. There is the prospect of that individual cheating on his or her present partner with the baby daddy or mama.

2. The new partner will have to bear a lot of responsibility of caring for a child(ren) that is not his or her own. And in most cases, the biological parent may still not be satisfied and may complain that his or her present partner is not doing enough for that child(ren).

3. The child(ren) may not even regard or respect such an individual enough despite the sacrifice most especially if the biological (away parent) is in the picture.

In conclusion, it is never a Worthy venture and anyone who values his or her peace of mind should avoid such relationships.

She is not your wife neither are you her husband, just co-habiting.

You both need to move on from each other, to different directions.

There's no way you can stop her from communicating with her baby daddy. The both have a bond. If you love her, marry her, if you don't, let her go please

Stevenbright:


My response to you is on a personal note that is not in respect to this post.

See ehn, getting married to a woman or man who have a child(ren) from her/his previous relationship is a big red flag anytime, any day for the following reasons:

1. There is the prospect of that individual cheating on his or her present partner with the baby daddy or mama.

2. The new partner will have to bear a lot of responsibility of caring for a child(ren) that is not his or her own. And in most cases, the biological parent may still not be satisfied and may complain that his or her present partner is not doing enough for that child(ren).

3. The child(ren) may not even regard or respect such an individual enough despite the sacrifice most especially if the biological (away parent) is in the picture.

In conclusion, it is never a Worthy venture and anyone who values his or her peace of mind should avoid such relationships.

I don't agree with your first point. Anybody has the prospect to cheat with whoever.

The responsibility part is true but that still does not make her a red flag. I personally prefer when single parents marry each other as they will both understand how much of a sacrifice parenting is financially, mentally and otherwise. That way, no one will be frustrated when the full weight hits them.

In all, the important thing is to know who you are with and what they are capable of, instead of judging and distrusting them based on stereotypes around single parents.

Escapist:


I don't agree with your first point. Anybody has the prospect to cheat with whoever.

The responsibility part is true but that still does not make her a red flag. I personally prefer when single parents marry each other as they will both understand how much of a sacrifice parenting is financially, mentally and otherwise. That way, no one will be frustrated when the full weight hits them.

In all, the important thing is to know who you are with and what they are capable of, instead of judging and distrusting them based on stereotypes around single parents.

I agree with the point in your second paragraph.

olumided:
I met this woman around 2020 and was interested in her, she is a single mother (a girl around 5yrs old). I approached her and she agreed even her mum rejected the proposal but later they agreed. I went to their house to tell her parent my plan to marry their daughter.

Around, April 2021, she moved in with me and we are still living together with her baby girl. But in December 2021, we had misunderstanding, she is very quiet and calm, though I am older than her with 8yrs gap. She seems not to be taking to correction especially if she is angry and she is not easily provoked, there was a time, her ex called her, the father of that kid and I told her not to call him again and she should limit her conversation with him except if she is willing to go back to him.

Before we even started living together, she told me then that she want the type of husband that she can change her daughter name to his own but I said, it is not a big deal but I can't tolerate that because of the father surfaced later in future, he can sue me and also, she herself can also deny me later in future or even tell the kid that I am not her biological father. Though, she said the father doesn't even know the baby which is a complete lie.

So, December 2021, we had misunderstanding and I told her we can't continue in that journey again, though she apologized but within one week of that misunderstanding she had a thorough conversation with her ex, which I deduced from the talk that she was willing to go back to him because I recorded everything but she was not aware her phone was in recording mode. I told her, within weeks of misunderstanding, she still have the audacity to be negotiating with her ex and she said someone told her to be answering his call so that he can be sending his daughter school fee, I told her so since all this while, he has been the one footing the girl school fee and food right? She apologized later and we moved on. Last week, I told her to unlock her phone that I need to check something because she password her phone and WhatsApp and she refused, she said what is it that I want to check? I told if she fail to unlock that phone that it will be the end of our relationship and it means she end it herself and she is free to do anything she want and I won't send her away but I will move away from her. After some minutes, she now unlocked the phone which I believed she must have deleted some messages and she now said I should collect the phone but I dejected and told her that was gone, that I have made up my choice.

Ever since then, she didn't apologize and she said she will be fine. Though, I trust her that she is not promiscuous but she might want to try it and I only come home once in a while due to the distance of my job. Now, I have planned to send her money for food for next month and after this, I will stop giving her anything again. And nothing join us together yet because she is yet to conceived.

I think she is still holding on with you to know if the father of her daughter will ask her to reunite with him because I don't understand why she is still with you and still being stubborn over an issue that she would have just hand over the phone to you, when you requested for if she doesn't have any thing she is hiding

Giving her food money or no food money is not the main issue now

I think the issue now is that you have to inform her that you want her to go visit her parents and stay some time with them

You know why

You kept some one daughter and be sleeping with her, another's person's baby mama

Thats a big risk, if anything happens to her, that marriage rights that you have not performed will be performed dead or alive

Save yourself of that situation

When she goes back, change your keys, take a break and ask yourself if you are ready to marry her or you still want free relationship

The choice is yours

But it's obvious that you are no longer interested in her again

I see no problem coparenting with the father of the daughter however, she needs make up her mind if she is done with him or not. The idea of taking his calls shouldn't be a problem however, taking it beyond "Good morning, how are you?" is where the problem lies. Except she defines what she wants, your fear is as good as mine.