I had a lengthy chat on phone with a friend a while ago.

Dude got married in April this year, it was a lowkey ceremony of family and friend. Before the marriage, he already had a kid with his now wife, kid is 2 yrs now.
After much indirect pressure from wife's family, he rally'd round to raise some money and perform the marriage rites. All traditional requirements were met 100%.

fast forward to now ( almost 2 months after the wedding day) he has not heard from both the mother or father in laws.
no greetings, not even a physical visitation of the new marriage home. just absolute silence.

i asked him if his wife hears from her parents, he said YES
in-fact his wife has visited her parents separate homes a few times already ( yes the parents of the wife are separated ).

my friend is worried, the silence is become a norm and i agreed with him its not so usual.
in my tribe of EDO, the night of the wedding, the parents family escorts the bride to her new home, he agreed with me he paid the excursion fee as stated in the dowry list given to him.

to cut long story short, i jokingly told him, his inlaws gifted ( dashed) him his wife but adviced him further to break the ice which he has agreed to.
ps: in his description both his father and mother in law are down to earth, easy going characters and he and his wife live very happily. in-fact his wife dosent even think about this.

i brought this here to know if anyone has a different opinion as to why this scenario?

Modified: I just recalled he told me clearly, his father in law has never being to his home, as in no idea where his daughter lives with her husband hence u jokingly told him, dem dash you wife.

tonididdy:
I had a lengthy chat on phone with a friend a while ago.

Dude got married in April this year, it was a lowkey ceremony of family and friend. Before the marriage, he already had a kid with his now wife, kid is 2 yrs now.
After much indirect pressure from wife's family, he rally'd round to raise some money and perform the marriage rites. All traditional requirements were met 100%.

fast forward to now ( almost 2 months after the wedding day) he has not heard from both the mother or father in laws.
no greetings, not even a physical visitation of the new marriage home. just absolute silence.

i asked him if his wife hears from her parents, he said YES
in-fact his wife has visited her parents separate homes a few times already ( yes the parents of the wife are separated ).

my friend is worried, the silence is become a norm and i agreed with him its not so usual.
in my tribe of EDO, the night of the wedding, the parents family escorts the bride to her new home, he agreed with me he paid the excursion fee as stated in the dowry list given to him.

to cut long story short, i jokingly told him, his inlaws gifted ( dashed) him his wife but adviced him further to break the ice which he has agreed to.
ps: in his description both his father and mother in law are down to earth, easy going characters and he and his wife live very happily. in-fact his wife dosent even think about this.

i brought this here to know if anyone has a different opinion as to why this scenario?

First off. Its no big deal and its not your business


Next...

He actually shouldn't be bothered.... When his wife delivers the baby boy that is coming, her mum will come.


He should focus on his life and move on

woginid967:


First off. Its no big deal and its not your business


Next...

He actually shouldn't be bothered.... When his wife delivers the baby boy that is coming, her mum will come.


He should focus on his life and move on

My kind of guy. No time!

'before the marriage he had a kid with her' I read only this up. Your man is a real niggar. Tell him his fellow brother from nairaland salute him. He get balls.

woginid967:


First off. Its no big deal and its not your business


Next...

He actually shouldn't be bothered.... When his wife delivers the baby boy that is coming, her mum will come.


He should focus on his life and move on

i totally agree its none of my business.
i'm just ensuring i haven't given a wrong advice.
who knows if his inlaws are angry with him?

lol, you of all people, when we were discussing relationship issues, you said it's nothing to be worried about... in fact, you were quick to throw insults, you have a problem now, and you said it's a friend.. lol... and guess where you came running back to? the same nairaland where you once rejected solid advice...

her parents are divorced, sooner or later the wife might not see anything wrong with being divorced or separated when shits hit the fan.. your in-laws don't like the husband, that's not a good sign, people might suggest you to mind your business, but trust me, you can't actually be minding your business since you're married to their daughter.. if things doesn't go the way you imagined, when shit hits the fan, all the blame would be put on to you... always check the family background of the woman you would want to marry, if they are disunited and don't care about you or don't want you to marry their daughter, it's better you back off... the man can either continue minding his business but he should know of the consequences of that choice... or he can also choose to mend the ties between them by paying the woman's parent a visit...

like I use to say, life will surely teach everyone...

Reminderz:
lol, you of all people, when we were discussing relationship issues, you said it's nothing to be worried about... in fact, you were quick to throw insults, you have a problem now, and you said it's a friend.. lol... and guess where you came running back to? the same nairaland where you once rejected solid advice...

her parents are divorced, sooner or later the wife might not see anything wrong with being divorced or separated when shits hit the fan.. your in-laws don't like the husband, that's not a good sign, people might suggest you to mind your business, but trust me, you can't actually be minding your business since you're married to their daughter.. if things doesn't go the way you imagined, when shit hits the fan, all the blame would be put on to you... always check the family background of the woman you would want to marry, if they are disunited and don't care about you or don't want you to marry their daughter, it's better you back off... the man can either continue minding his business but he should know of the consequences of that choice... or he can also choose to mend the ties between them by paying the woman's parent a visit...

like I use to say, life will surely teach everyone...

idiota read the post and pass if you have no other advice like I’ve already given.
First of all I don’t live in Nigeria, neither am I expecting my in-laws to visit me in my country of residence neither do I expect them to call me.
I do the calling and visiting!

So move along like I said earlier.

just the perfect reply I expected...

Please matured minds only.
You don’t have to quote me!


Tys

This right here, is the reason why people should shun third parties. If what your friend is complaining about is tenable in your culture, why impose it on your friend? Why do you want to fuel crisis in a budding union?

Please steer clear and allow your friend build his home. Her parents not visiting is simply out of respect as they do not want to interfere. Is your friend the Oba of Benin that he wants his in-laws to call him? They can't do that. He needs to set the ball rolling and they would take cues and return the favour as they deem fit.


For the last time, don't put asunder, what God has joined.

Juliearth:
This right here, is the reason why people should shun third parties. If what your friend is complaining about is tenable in your culture, why impose it on your friend? Why do you want to fuel crisis in a budding union?

Please steer clear and allow your friend build his home. Her parents not visiting is simply out of respect as they do not want to interfere. Is your friend the Oba of Benin that he wants his in-laws to call him? They can't do that. He needs to set the ball rolling and they would take cues and return the favour as they deem fit.


For the last time, don't put asunder, what God has joined.

Ok noted Ty’s
But I don’t think I gave a bad advice asking him to break the ice.
Thank goodness I brought this on here.

tonididdy:


Ok noted Ty’s
But I don’t think I gave a bad advice asking him to break the ice.
Thank goodness I brought this on here.

It is not like this counsel of yours is bad, but you have already insinuated (albeit subtly) that all is not well. Your friend may "break the ice" with the wrong mindset. He may further nurse the impression that his in-laws do not like him and trust me, that would ruin their relationship

Juliearth:





It is not like this counsel of yours is bad, but you have already insinuated (albeit subtly) that all is not well. Your friend may "break the ice" with the wrong mindset. He may further nurse the impression that his in-laws do not like him and trust me, that would ruin their relationship

Oh

I am reminded of the saying, "potential trouble dey sleep, yanga go dey wake am!"

I don't understand people's problem sometimes, your inlaws have not visited your home you are complaining, what if they just want you guys to bond first.

One mustn't whine about everything, tell your friend I said that.


My own inlaws never visited my self and their brother until 8 months after we got married like his siblings never even came to know the apartment we rented coz he changed apartment.

Now my father inlaw did come to greet me at home with gifts after I had my baby despite the fact that we would still go to his place for the naming ceremony in few days, some Father inlaws wouldn't bother coming since we were still going over there with the baby.


We visited them few weeks after we got married the next time we visited and I think he noticed I was pregnant he called me on phone few days later that we should pls not visit him again for now I guess he didn't really want people around him to see me belleful
We respected his opinion and stayed away, I didn't make a fuss about it.


Different families different dynamics and individual differences, these things come into play in family relationships


Leave things the way they are which ice are you advising him to break which one is they dash you wife? What are you insinuating? Don't put ideas into that guys head pls.

If his inlaws have not called him after 2 months, what stops him from calling them? Your friend must be proud.

You also said, no physical visitation yet. I don't understand, how is this a problem? Na una go still complain if relatives pack their load come una house.

Bro, you and your friend are not making sense at all. BTW, leave the young couple to sort their lives out. Don't pokenose in their affairs please.