Nah, only God can save this boy.

It was only God in heaven who saved him from my wicked hands this evening.




A few weeks ago, a secondary school classmate of mine called me and begged that his younger brother stay in my house for at least a week because he was going to write an external exam, and the exam venue was around my city.

Normally, I don't like visitors at my house, but because of how close I was with this dude, I agreed and asked the young boy to come over.

One of my worst mistakes ever!

The moment this boy stepped his foot into the gate in my yard, the whole atmosphere changed.

A terrible, awful smell from the coven of hell enveloped me, making even the six-month-old baby of my neighbor's wife, who has never said any reasonable word since her birth, shout "Chineke Nna". 

At first, I thought the smell was probably because of his long journey from Asaba to Enugu or was coming from one of the dirty clothes in his traveling bag.

But brooooohh... brooooohh, his mouth was the source of this terrible, devilish smell.

A human being's mouth was smelling like unrefined socks.

I endured it that night, but man, I couldn't take it the next day.

I woke up the next morning and went to the nearest provision kiosk in my street, and this was my conversation with the shop owner.

Me: Good morning. 

Shop owner: Morning customer, wetting you want to buy

Me: Abeg, you don't sell toothbrushes. 

Shop owner: Yes, nah, 100 naira.

Me:No, be that kind of brush I dey find; I mean illegal toothbrushes that normal people don't know about. Toothbrushes that were made with Ampiclox, Ampicillin, and herbal mixtures. Dental toothbrushes that only people living in the Diaspora know about

Even if it costs $5,000, I will pay. Bring it. 

Shop owner (Shocked): Ah!




The shop owner actually referred me to a better store, where I bought a better one, took it home, and gave it to this boy.

He used it, but bro, the smell even became worse, but for the sake of my guy (an ex-classmate), I continued enduring it.




Until yesterday, when I couldn't take it anymore.

I furiously went out, bought an iron sponge and detergent, then forced the detergent into his mouth and told him to use the iron sponge to wash off all the devilish concoctions planted in his mouth. That is gradually driving me mad.

Broooooh, the iron sponge was even what ironed out the issue. and made the smell graduate from God, why? "Oh, Lord, what a life!"

So I decided to tackle the matter head-on.

I decided to confront what was threatening my livelihood and risk it once and for all.

But unfortunately and luckily for this boy, he ran out this morning after I went out.

Nah, herbicide; I just bought it now; I would have sprayed it in his mouth and killed all the germs there, and if he dies as well, then so be it.

Person no go come inconvenience me inside the house way I dey pay rent.

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I don't follow! The secondary school boy had halitosis and you could have helped by getting him to a dentist who would then have proceeded to educate him on mouth hygiene and regular dental cleaning. Which one be inconveniencing you inside your house and all the nonsense you wrote up there?

Kobojunkie:
I don't follow! The secondary school boy had halitosis and you could have helped by getting him to a dentist who would then have proceeded to educate him on mouth hygiene and regular dental cleaning. Which one be inconveniencing you inside your house and all the nonsense you wrote up there?

You must be fun at parties. It's obviously a fictional comedy.

Thanks op for making me laugh this evening

GodWrites:
■ You must be fun at parties. It's obviously a fictional comedy. Thanks op for making me laugh this evening

I don't do this kind of comedy then since I don't get it at all.

Stale,very stale and hopelessly dry jokes.
Sorry,it's not funny.


No hate meant,I just told you the truth

Tales of a story teller.

Dude! I get that you're a writer and all, but you overdid it with this one.

I stopped at A terrible, awful smell from the coven of hell enveloped me, making even the six-month-old baby of my neighbor's wife, who has never said any reasonable word since her birth, shout "Chineke Nna".
I mean, prrrrrrh! 🙄

What are we? A bunch of 6 year olds? 🤷🏽
Next time, try to make it a bit 🤏🏼more believable at least.
Thank you.😌

mariahAngel:
Tales of a story teller.

Dude! I get that you're a writer and all, but you overdid it with this one.

I stopped at A terrible, awful smell from the coven of hell enveloped me, making even the six-month-old baby of my neighbor's wife, who has never said any reasonable word since her birth, shout "Chineke Nna".
I mean, prrrrrrh! 🙄
Very dried jokes in this frustrating economy.

What are we? A bunch of 6 year olds? 🤷🏽
Next time, try to make it a bit 🤏🏼more believable at least.
Thank you.😌

A very dried jokes in this frustrating economy.

Don't mind them, I laughed oo

Hyperbole' be looking at OP like...

Caaz:

A very dried joke in this frustrating economy.

Find the cure for your frustration elsewhere, bro.
The joke was for people with a pretty decent life with at least a few things going for them.
As for you, Mr Frustration, seek Jesus, he alone is the person that can carry your heavy laden loads.
Sorry! I pray you find help, soon.

Kobojunkie:
I don't follow! The secondary school boy had halitosis and you could have helped by getting him to a dentist who would then have proceeded to educate him on mouth hygiene and regular dental cleaning. Which one be inconveniencing you inside your house and all the nonsense you wrote up there?

Now you know how you make people feel when you write your heresy in the religious section.

I think it’s funny…

But you kinda over did it especially towards the end part.

The sponge and the herbicide part made it look really unrealistic and unbelievable.

But you tried… will give you a D for effort!

Kobojunkie:
I don't do this kind of comedy then since I don't get it at all.

What do you do for fun…?

You always seem dam.n serious. Where is your sense of humor?

Do you ever laugh unwind?

Kobojunkie:
I don't follow! The secondary school boy had halitosis and you could have helped by getting him to a dentist who would then have proceeded to educate him on mouth hygiene and regular dental cleaning. Which one be inconveniencing you inside your house and all the nonsense you wrote up there?

It's clearly a joke, but because of your psychotic need to argue, you can't see it. You need help.
Sheeessh

Kobojunkie:
I don't do this kind of comedy then since I don't get it at all.

What kind of comedy do you do

Even if others are decieving him that the joke dey funny,which obviously isn't,I expect you to tell him the truth oniovo.

brain54:
I think it’s funny…

But you kinda over did it especially towards the end part.

The sponge and the herbicide part made it look really unrealistic and unbelievable.

But you tried… will give you a D for effort!

Say it as it EAST.

Caaz:
Even if others are decieving him that the joke dey funny,which obviously isn't,I expect you to tell him the truth oniovo.
Say it as it EAST.

I know you…

You can’t make a good disguise!

brain54:
I think it’s funny…

But you kinda over did it especially towards the end part.

The sponge and the herbicide part made it look really unrealistic and unbelievable.

But you tried… will give you a D for effort!

None of the movies you watch is realistic but you still enjoy them.

I thoroughly enjoyed this comedy and I envy op for his writing.

brain54:

I know you…

You can’t make a good disguise!

Disguise from whom?from my vituperation I know you knows me....you know say I nor Sabi pretend.

But it's good to tell pipu the truth, atleast dem go know say na the truth.

It's like topping egusi soup inside coleslaw.

mariahAngel:
Tales of a story teller.

Dude! I get that you're a writer and all, but you overdid it with this one.

I stopped at A terrible, awful smell from the coven of hell enveloped me, making even the six-month-old baby of my neighbor's wife, who has never said any reasonable word since her birth, shout "Chineke Nna".
I mean, prrrrrrh! 🙄

What are we? A bunch of 6 year olds? 🤷🏽
Next time, try to make it a bit 🤏🏼more believable at least.
Thank you.😌

helo my uncle is a milllionaire.please are u intarested in doin housegirl work to make extra moiney & u will be provided uniform.u will earn a cool 25,000 (25K0 a months. was yor nomba & are u intaresssted please?(no ofeincse)

MechanicMike:


helo my uncle is a milllionaire.please are u intarested in doin housegirl work to make extra moiney & u will be provided uniform.u will earn a cool 25,000 (25K0 a months. was yor nomba & are u intaresssted please?(no ofeincse)

Your "millionaire uncle" should get you a private tutor with the 25,000 instead.
"No ofeincse"

ahnie:

Disguise from whom?from my vituperation I know you knows me....you know say I nor Sabi pretend.

But it's good to tell pipu the truth, atleast dem go know say na the truth.

It's like topping egusi soup inside coleslaw.

Chai…

brain54:

Chai…

you don get my point

ahnie:
you don get my point

Yes ma…

I did!

confusedlady:
■ Now you know how you make people feel when you write your heresy in the religious section.

You call what is written right there in scripture as heresy so that makes me wonder if you even understand what that reveals of your person. I am not the one who makes you feel what you claim. It seems you are rather repulsed by the very Truth of God, Jesus Christ is the thing.

ahnie:

Disguise from whom?from my vituperation I know you knows me....you know say I nor Sabi pretend.

But it's good to tell pipu the truth, atleast dem go know say na the truth.

It's like topping egusi soup inside coleslaw.

ROFLMAO

GodWrites:


None of the movies you watch is realistic but you still enjoy them.

I thoroughly enjoyed this comedy and I envy op for his writing.

Sure…

GodWrites. Whatever you say!

Kobojunkie:
ROFLMAO

Chai…

You don finally laugh.

I must give it to Ahnie for bringing out the humor inside of you.

Ahnie… you deserve a round of applause barbecue fish.

For making kobo see the lighter side.

More oil to your sauce pan!

brain54:

Chai…

You don finally laugh.

I must give it to Ahnie for bringing out the humor inside of you.

Ahnie… you deserve a round of applause barbecue fish.

For making kobo see the lighter side.

More oil to your sauce pan!

Kobojunkie na my babe anyday any time,na you nor understand her,if you do,you go know say aside her long dragging big English vibes on nairaland,na very good person wey nor dey hide her mouth.


Kobojunkie you owe me one hot barbeque fish and chilllllllled fanta.
E nor easy to make you laugh on nairaland

brain54:

Yes ma…

I did!

Doh

ahnie:

Kobojunkie na my babe anyday any time,na you nor understand her,if you do,you go know say aside her long dragging big English vibes on nairaland,na very good person wey nor dey hide her mouth.


Kobojunkie you owe me one hot barbeque fish and chilllllllled fanta.
E nor easy to make you laugh on nairaland

Haha…

No let fish put you for trouble o.

How you later settle that your matter self? You no give update again.

I hope you don collect your money back!

brain54:

Haha…

No let fish put you for trouble o.

How you later settle that your matter self? You no give update again.

I hope you don collect your money back!

I be barracks geh,I used solders collect my money.
I used some part of the money buy catfish cook,no time o