Hezzyluv:


I'm from kogi state. They're not in anyway close to my state and will not like to mention her state/tribe since Nairaland don reduce to tribal war..

We dey Lagos Sha.

The Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (DSVA) is managed by Lagos state government. That allegation of sexual abuse by the maternal uncle has to be reported to the agency and they would know how to get him. If she has younger female siblings they are more likely to be vulnerable to his sexual abuse, if he has not started already. If it is established that he is a perpetrator, he would be taken out of circulation.

Below is the contact address of DSVA.
Novel House, Central Business District, Alausa Ikeja, Lagos,
08000333333
info@lagosdsva.org

Exmilitant:
■ Don't blow the issue out of proportion. The girl might deny she ever discussed such things with you.
If you have time with her again, discuss with her don't ask her questions, just talk, strengthen her emotionally, tell her she has the power to stop that rubbish. Tell her she has the power to stand up to her uncle. Tell her stories of girls her age who triumphed over similar situations.... (I don't know any 17 year old girl who triumphed over similar situations) but just cook up a story....

Jesus, did I proffer this wonderful advise?

So what if she denies it? So long as he heard it from the supposed victims mouth, OP'S duty is to inform the authorities of the potential crime and then allow them investigate. So long as OP has done his part, that is that. OP don't need to turn investigator or rape counselor when he is just a person who heard a story of a potential crime.

If it turns out the girl lied or she denies any such happened, that one no be OP headache. He heard of and reported a crime. Case closed!

henrimoto:
...and you think him minding his business is the best thing to do now ? To a minor female child that's like a daughter and junior sister to you...

If the girl doesn't come around him, if the girl does open up to confide in him, then, you can tell the OP to mind his business..

No be when something evil go happen to that girl, na that una go dey show yeye concern wey una for don show before the evil happen.

Can he go and confront the uncle? He should follow a panel that won't cause him his own family

Kobojunkie:
So what if she denies it? So long as he heard it from the supposed victims mouth, OP'S duty is to inform the authorities of the potential crime and then allow them investigate. So long as OP has done his part, that is that. OP don't need to turn investigator or rape counselor when he is just a person who heard a story of a potential crime.

If it turns out the girl lied or she denies any such happened, that one no be OP headache. He heard of and reported a crime. Case closed!

You no Sabi book o, I say make op no report give any authority. The girl might lie to protect her family's image. E don happen before.

Exmilitant:
You no Sabi book o, I say make op no report give any authority. The girl might lie to protect her family's image. E don happen before.

No no read my response at all?

Kobojunkie:
So what if she denies it? So long as he heard it from the supposed victims mouth, OP'S duty is to inform the authorities of the potential crime and then allow them investigate. So long as OP has done his part, that is that. OP don't need to turn investigator or rape counselor when he is just a person who heard a story of a potential crime.

If it turns out the girl lied or she denies any such happened, that one no be OP headache. He heard of and reported a crime. Case closed!

Since she has a phone that can do WhatsApp, is there no way to gather evidence

Exmilitant:
Don't blow the issue out of proportion. The girl might deny she ever discussed such things with you.
If you have time with her again, discuss with her don't ask her questions, just talk, strengthen her emotionally, tell her she has the power to stop that rubbish. Tell her she has the power to stand up to her uncle. Tell her stories of girls her age who triumphed over similar situations.... (I don't know any 17 year old girl who triumphed over similar situations) but just cook up a story....

Jesus, did I proffer this wonderful advise?

.... And also direct her to NGOs and Government Agencies for Gender based Violence and Abuse issues

fyzaila:


Can he go and confront the uncle? He should follow a panel that won't cause him his own family

... Going to confront the said uncle is not the way to help girl.

Mindlog:


The Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency (DSVA) is managed by Lagos state government. That allegation of sexual abuse by the maternal uncle has to be reported to the agency and they would know how to get him. If she has younger female siblings they are more likely to be vulnerable to his sexual abuse, if he has not started already. If it is established that he is a perpetrator, he would be taken out of circulation.

Below is the contact address of DSVA.
Novel House, Central Business District, Alausa Ikeja, Lagos,
08000333333
info@lagosdsva.org

@hezzyluv.... Copy this information.

Kobojunkie:
No no read my response at all?

If the girl denies op, he is in deep shit. He loses respect from the girls mother, he becomes uncle's enemy, he becomes enemy with the girl.
Best he should do is talk to the girl and strengthen her all he can.

Hezzyluv:


As I type this now, her mom is heavily down with malaria since the insults her brother gave her n the daughter. Na one drama wey me no just understand b dat. How can she have this thick fear for her own brother? Is there anything bigger den me which I don't get? could there b any skeleton in the cupboard?? Plenty questions just full my head!

check if it's the uncle that caters for them, na the uncle get the house wey them dey stay?

This is not your fight.

Exmilitant:
If the girl denies op, he is in deep shit. He loses respect from the girls mother, he becomes uncle's enemy, he becomes enemy with the girl.
Best he should do is talk to the girl and strengthen her all he can.

There is absolutely no truth to that claim. If the girl denies the claim, then regardless of the reaction from the girl or her family after all, OP can rest easy knowing he did what was right in the girl's case and can wash his hands off that family if he needs to. You don't because of want for attention and respect from others turn a blind eye to what is a crime. That is wickedness and one of the major reasons why Nigeria is the cesspool it is today.

The girl has opened up to him and what he needs do next is make sure that issue is reported to the authorities who can then do follow up investigation to find out fact from fiction. Op is not a mental health therapist nor a rape counselor to "strengthen" her as you suggest. It is not his job.

Kobojunkie:
There is absolutely no truth to that claim. If the girl denies the claim, then regardless of the reaction from the girl or her family after all, OP can rest easy knowing he did what was right in the girl's case and can wash his hands off that family if he needs to. You don't because of want for attention and respect from others turn a blind eye to what is a crime. That is wickedness and one of the major reasons why Nigeria is the cesspool it is today.

The girl has opened up to him and what he needs do next is make sure that issue is reported to the authorities who can then do follow up investigation to find out fact from fiction. Op is not a mental health therapist nor a rape counselor to "strengthen" her as you suggest. It is not his job.

Sounds like we are both trying to find a way for op but from different angles.. I still maintain my idea is the best.

Exmilitant:
Sounds like we are both trying to find a way for op but from different angles.. I still maintain my idea is the best.

This is 2023. The old approach to dealing with crimes in our homes has woeful failed Nigerians.

Kobojunkie:
This is 2023. The old approach to dealing with crimes in our homes has woeful failed Nigerians.

Was there ever an approach to deal with domestic crimes?

Exmilitant:
Was there ever an approach to deal with domestic crimes?

Yes, it was either "mind your own business" or "let the family/elders settle it". Both turned out disastrous decisions for all..

Kobojunkie:
Yes, it was either "mind your own business" or "let the family/elders settle it". Both turned out disastrous decisions for all..

And what is the new workable approach?

Exmilitant:
If the girl denies op, he is in deep shit. He loses respect from the girls mother, he becomes uncle's enemy, he becomes enemy with the girl.
Best he should do is talk to the girl and strengthen her all he can.

OP's obligation is to refer her allegation to relevant government agency (details I have earlier posted). If the young person recants the allegation before the officials of the agency who are better skilled to handle such as they are always aware relatives and perpetrators instill fear into victims, making them to recant then the OP losing the respect girl's mother will not affect him losing the capacity to take care of his own family as he can comfortably wash his hand off them.

OP is not trained on trauma-informed approach in working with a young person who is alleging sexual abuse, people are specially trained for that.

Exmilitant:
And what is the new workable approach?

It shouldn't be "mind your own business!", or "let the family/elders settle it." Best option is to report to the authorities and allow them do their job.

Mindlog:


OP's obligation is to refer her allegation to relevant government agency (details I have earlier posted). If the young person recants the allegation before the officials of the agency who are better skilled to handle such as they are always aware relatives and perpetrators instill fear into victims, making them to recant then the OP losing the respect girl's mother will not affect him losing the capacity to take care of his own family as he can comfortably wash his hand off them.

OP is not trained on trauma-informed approach in working with a young person who is alleging sexual abuse, people are specially trained for that.

Not what you wrote interest me but how you wrote interest me..

Kobojunkie:
It shouldn't be "mind your own business!", or "let the family/elders settle it." Best option is to report to the authorities and allow them do their job.

Well, that is your opinion on this dicey situation.
Unless the girl is willing and determined to stop the nonsense, there is no other approach save my method.

Mind you a 17 year old girl is not a child.

Hezzyluv:
Good day NLs, I will like to be brief couple with the fact that I'm not a good writer. Now for those of us here who most times believe any story on NL is fiction or tales, it's not cock-n-bull. But if you insist, den suit yourself or take it with a pinch of salt.

I have this teenage girl Sarah 17 (not her real name) who is so fond of me same as the mother and her siblings. Infact, I got to know these girls 2ru dia mum because she (the mum) do patronize me (I have business center close to their house). Each time her mum is looking for her and didn't see her around the compound, she will call my line and say "Hello Gab, is Faith with u"? When I affirmed to her question, she feels relaxed I.e, her mother believes I will NEVER make funny moves towards her little daughter (tho not advisable to parents). "And me no even fit do so, Because I see her as my daughter. Plus, my integrity and pedigree matters and I have this believe watch words ringing in my head day by day which is, Gab, let your head do the thinking and not your pen!s.

I have not been seeing their father around which made me became curious and had no option den to ask his whereabout from the woman. She told me he left her with the children I didn't even bother to ask further because, I hate to dey pok-norse. Now to ease the burden, she had no option then to leave the children with their Uncle (her elder brother), that the children came back to start staying with her about four months ago since she has gotten her apartment.

"Na where the problem start be this". For the first time this their Uncle saw me, l saw this feeling of extreme hate towards me from him. I greeted him, "good evening sir! he didn't respond. "As gentle man wey I be, I just buy wetin I go to buy and left that place." Since that day, I reduced my way of going that side even when I have business to do around there some times, I shaply get it done and leave afterwards. The following day, Faith came to my shop as usual. I asked her "da Fu!k is wrong with your uncle"? She said they have been talking about Gabriel (me) and there was a day he came around, sounded them working naver to mention my name again that I shouldn't mind him that he just want to protect dem from bad boys bla, bla, bla... and all of that. But deep down, l believe it's more then that but I just let it slide since the mum had already called me to apologise for her brother's behavior towards me.

Now the koko
She was sent to my shop to come collect money POS, and few minutes latter, the Uncle came visiting. He asked where is Faith? Afraid of him and not wanting to tell him she has went to Gabriel's shop. Because, he will flog her for coming to my place (flog 17years old girl oo..), they now lied to him that she went to aboki's shop to buy something. He went there and didn't see her that was when the Aunt Called me that I should tell Faith to come home immediately that her uncle is around. U need to see how this girl jumped and left my place with the speed of light. (I don't want to go to details of how it ended that day because, if I start narrating what that man did, to her, her siblings and his younger sister, "this place go full with writing"

Now, down to the real koko
After the drama in paragraph above, the following evening, she came to my shop.
I was like Faith, you again
But then I latter noticed this traumatized look on her face on looking at her for the third time, she rest her head on my shoulder and started crying profusely. I allowed her to cry for like one minutes (was meant to understand u allow someone to cry first before asking dem what's up) den I calmed her down and ask what the matter is?
That was how this girl started telling me how her said Uncle (The over protective uncle) had been molestation her sexually.

-How he fingered her (by for)
-How he kissed her (by force)
-How he force her to watch porn (by force)
-How he had tried to rape her
-How He vowed to be the first person that would enter her with his ghola
-How he would be the one to marry her
-How he had threatened to kill anyone who will stop him, kill her and kill himself.

Asked her if she has told her mum, she said how will she start this? That they will never believe her! The annoying thing is that her mum is scared of the brother (extremely) and this man I'm talking about should be around his 50something years old oo.. and not married.

As I'm typing this so, I'm yet to set my eyes on the girl since the day this this happed (Day before yesterday). Her WhatsApp dey off, she no dey even pick my calls.

Do I go 2ru the mother??
Do I go with police??
Do I go with human Right
Dose the woman want it trash out in family way?

Even me, I dey confused.

Pls admin,move this to front page!


Modified, to those who fink her closeness to me would lead to one fin, u go wait... tire

Honestly, you may be taking risk fraternizing with this family

First her mum is comfortable asking you if her daughter is with you and you said yes, so that means you can be with her and she is ok with that

Secondly they have a wicked uncle who sees you as a threat and yet you have not done anything to warrant that but his instinct has told him that you are a potential rival to him
Do you have the strength to struggle with this man over that family, think about it especially on that girl

Third one, the mum is already helpess and can't confront her brother if the girl should complain
My question now is, will you be able to fight for this girl to get justice, if yes are you really sure what that you can do that from start to finish

Lastly, you said that you don't have anything to do or doing with that girl, well the mind is shapper than you think, when that feelings will develop be ready to father a child

Left for me, start withdrawing from them, unless you don't mind what will be the out come and you are ready to face it

Just face your business that's what you came to that area to do

Exmilitant:
Well, that is your opinion on this dicey situation.
Unless the girl is willing and determined to stop the nonsense, there is no other approach save my method.
Mind you a 17 year old girl is not a child.

By reporting to the authorities, OP can help make sure no such ever happens again to that same girl. She is 17, not a full blown adult who has a complete understanding of actions and consequences.

Police or soldiers straight up. That huncle must be very stupid!