1. Every problem you have is spiritual.


2. In every romance movie, someone must die.


3. It is possible to hit a person without actually
touching them!


4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.


5. Poisoned food always tastes better.


6. The best way to make money is by visiting a
babalawo/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men.



7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born
evil.


8. There is never an end to your suffering, except
death!


9. With a pastor, all things are possible.


10. A movie can be titled anything such as:

*The boy is mine, The girl is yours, The child is theirs

* Face me, I face you

* Kill me,I kill you,

* Two cockroaches in Africa

*Two rats,

*Spanner,

*Calculator,

*Computer

*The Driver

*Igala,

*Ijele,

*Olodo,

*Mumu,

*Wawa,

*Igodo,

*Igudu

*Shigidi

*Wakadugu


11. A movie has not been made if at least one
actor/actress has not twisted his/her lips to speak
wrong phonetics.


12, You are in love. You want to take your girl out
and the best place you take her to is:


*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.

*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a
donkey and carry her playfully.

*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.


13. An Igbo movie has been made if
* You visit a babalawo
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals
for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo O Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Udochie is
also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult


14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!


15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do
with the movie and other times, once you read the
title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the
soundtrack gives you a headache because it just
narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for
suspense and intrigue!)


16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
* Stella Damasus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic


17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their
counterparts in real life.


18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than 3 years and even in longer flashbacks.


19, It is permissible to wear very dark shades at
night!


20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't
matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your
legs!


21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf?



22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be
able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you
won't be able to send your kids to school.


23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman
must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business,


24. My personal favourite- the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police

I 1da y no1 has replied dis post. Its fckn HILARIOUS! Definitely 1 of ma fvryte. Nd so tru.
U've made ma week.

this is one of the best jokes i have heard all year

i feel you,you could have been more correct.

another thing must that white foam always come out of their mouth to show they are dead(its always there no matter the cause-be it posion or bullet or even car accident!)

Words lyk
confisticate, evaluate can be used in a typical village setting.

you are toooo much ,i love tour analysis, its hightime we made these people know who the real fools are.

n° 25,
When an actress get mad she still keeps well manicured nails even after one y

A woman can still make up d day after her daughter's death

10 more things I have learned from Nollywood

1. Guys give the stupidest chat up lines and the girl always agrees
witness: "a beuri-ful gal like u & a fine man like me, should be somewhere in the cool of the beach making rrrr-iiii-ples!" Gal giggles! !
2. The good looking guys always have pto bellies, grey hair and wear ridiculous hats
3. Jim Iyke is always a bad guy
4. It is possible to be rich and still drive a mecerdes benz 190E in 2007!
5. It is impossible to make a movie that has no parts
6. All hospitals have only 1 bed in any room at any time
7. Doctors always have stethescopes hung round their necks (always)
8. There is always a scene with a doctor! (unless it was made as a period piece)
9. Mother in laws are horrible people , as in horrible!
10. it is possible to make a 3 part movie in 3mins and 56 seconds (the credits! thats the only bit worth watching!)
9. They are

How abt this - One girl must carry bele

How can't they blurr out those onlookers  standing  in street corners and watching.
It is so annoying.

The same scene of cars going down some  highway in Abuja is shown over and over and over again.

Somebody always carries belle from  someone else's husband.

all the women always have an attitude.

The houses are always mansions complete with maiguards and servants.

and the poor ones are dirt poor.

everybody yells at everybody

U can be Rita Dominic as a kid then grow up to be Patience Ozorkwo.

what do you mean?
They are both great women.
I haven't seen to many movies but I love Patience.

I mean skin color

forgot to add everything bad happens one right after the other!

desorlah:


20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't
matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your
legs!

My favorite  

thats true, cos nigerian movies really sucks.  

not all!

gooodddd lawd how did i manage to miss this joke

this is the joke of the century

and ramsey noah always the love sick puppy!

the topic ought to be CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF  ;DNOLLYWOOD

I'm glad all enjoy the joke.

Thanks

Migines:

You can be Rita Dominic as a kid then grow up to be Patience Ozorkwo.

Buahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Women make up and you'll think it was halloween

lauryn:

not all!

tell us one that can keep u glue to the telly for 5 mins.without checking other tv channels

very true

there was one i watched!
i knew i had just wasted 2 hrs of my life!

if i was a director must of them wont get any role n even the directors are very annoying no b there fault they never had any formal education on it.i rather b sleeping than watch their drama

though its true but there are some producers out there who kudos have to be given to.like TADE OGIDAN, he will never produce mumu movies.although i dont watch Nigerian movies, i always go for the ones that have OGD'S label. nice joke anyway

Actor's that are always bad.
Patience ozonkwo, Jim iyke, pete edochi, Segun arinze. Actor's that are always good:
Desmond elliot, Rita dominic, Ramsey noah, Fred amata. I would search for more i can't remember because nigerian movies suck and i dont watch the *screams when saying last sentence*.

Actor's that are always bad.
Patience ozonkwo, Jim iyke, pete edochi, Segun arinze. Actor's that are always good:
Desmond elliot, Rita dominic, Ramsey noah, Fred amata. I would search for more i can't remember because nigerian movies suck and i dont watch the *screams when saying last sentence*.

Never bother myself watching anything that comes out of nollywood.
Nollywood is where you are shot without blood stain.
The actress looks like a rat out of soup pot ,with there rubbish called make up .

oyie:

i feel you,you could have been more correct.

another thing must that white foam always come out of their mouth to show they are dead(its always there no matter the cause-be it posion or bullet or even car accident!)

[b]Very correct at times i wonder if they are all epileptic before the accident.[/b]

1. Every problem you have is spiritual.


2. In every romance movie, someone must die.


3. It is possible to hit a person without actually
touching them!


4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.


5. Poisoned food always tastes better.


6. The best way to make money is by visiting a
babalawo/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men.



7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born
evil.


8. There is never an end to your suffering, except
death!


9. With a pastor, all things are possible.


10. A movie can be titled anything such as:

*The boy is mine, The girl is yours, The child is theirs

* Face me, I face you

* Kill me,I kill you,

* Two cockroaches in Africa

*Two rats,

*Spanner,

*Calculator,

*Computer

*The Driver

*Igala,

*Ijele,

*Olodo,

*Mumu,

*Wawa,

*Igodo,

*Igudu

*Shigidi

*Wakadugu


11. A movie has not been made if at least one
actor/actress has not twisted his/her lips to speak
wrong phonetics.


12, You are in love. You want to take your girl out
and the best place you take her to is:


*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other.

*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a
donkey and carry her playfully.

*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.


13. An Igbo movie has been made if
* You visit a babalawo
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals
for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo O Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Udochie is
also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult


14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!


15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do
with the movie and other times, once you read the
title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the
soundtrack gives you a headache because it just
narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for
suspense and intrigue!)


16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses-
* Stella Damasus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic


17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their
counterparts in real life.


18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than 3 years and even in longer flashbacks.


19, It is permissible to wear very dark shades at
night!


20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't
matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your
legs!


21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf?



22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be
able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you
won't be able to send your kids to school.


23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman
must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business,


24. My personal favourite- the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police

Nice one actually, good job.
But on the other hand, this was dubbed from saturday TRIBUNE. (that's almost two years ago). Better dubbing to your elbow.