let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

Two wrongs do not make a right. Give your mother-in-law what she deserves from you as her son-in-law. Her mismanagement of her husband's property cannot be your excuse.

If you are not consulted on the management of her husband's assets, do not interfere.

NOTE: I am not supporting how she and her sons treat her daughters. My point is that her wrongs do not justify yours.

Women start drama, pull you in and then begin to mess you up. Stay out of it permanently. Keep quiet and mute. Let her have the money if she wants to. Dont take the mothers call. Dont also respond to your wife. Stay away from all this and stay silent and mind your own business. In all honesty, it is none of your business.

My guy leave the woman and focus on your family I support you 100%, so the money don finish na na

Do whatever you are supposed to do for her as much as you can afford. Don't always try to do things for people because they deserve it because everybody has a fault. If you continue to focus on faults, you can never relate well with anybody.

Moreover, as your wife said, it is their family issue, you shouldn't take it personal. Also, remember that in Africa, women don't have any kind of right of inheritance in their family house.

Totally wrong who told you daughters don't have right it's peculiar to family

SharingIsLife:
Do whatever you are supposed to do for her as much as you can afford. Don't always try to do things for people because they deserve it because everybody has a fault. If you continue to focus on faults, you can never relate well with anybody.

Moreover, as your wife said, it is their family issue, you shouldn't take it personal. Also, remember that in Africa, women don't have any kind of right of inheritance in their family house.

Keep your money as well and mind your own business.

Mind your business. Before them go use u settle matter.

Just give her whatever you can afford to give. No be everything you suppose carry for mind. You're a man.

The property was for her children. If your wife who's among those children has forgotten about the incident and is telling you to show love to her mom, why should you still be angry over it?

If anyone should be angry it's your wife not you.

You shouldn't have told her to return her share of what she got from the sale of her father's house. Whatever happens in her father's family is not your business.
You're not obligated to send anything to your mother in-law. No be by force

As usuall the man has to die first. This one your wife is supporting the mom. Op you better watch your back. you don build your own house?

See as your own wife you were trying to protect wan throw you under bus, putting you between the devil and the deep blue sea, has she sent things to your own mom too for the festive period if not no send shimgbaai to her mama

Nicepoker:
As usuall the man has to die first. This one your wife is supporting the mom. Op you better watch your back. you don build your own house?

It's weird how I find this useful 😂. More knowledge, boss

Dear op, it is important your displeasure is felt if not uttered by words. It's not your right to send to her. The moment they start making it look like it's your responsibility to send money to her, please dodge it and send at random some other times.

A strong man must be unpredictable. No one should programme you to always vomit money during Christmas period. I'm not saying it's wrong, but they you don't owe them.

You can send much more than you've been sending later. Be unpredictable sir. Especially, this time they just misbehaved.

Meanwhile, as per the land, neglect it, that you asked your wife to reject it is a message strong enough to express her displeasure and of course yours.

SharingIsLife:
Also, remember that in Africa, women don't have any kind of right of inheritance in their family house.

For your info, supreme court of Nigeria ruled that women are entitled to inherit their parents properties.

jmoore:


For your info, supreme court of Nigeria ruled that women are entitled to inherit their parents properties.

Thanks for letting me know this.

Please, just perform your usual Xmas duty to your mother in law and try not to interfere in their family wahala. That is what works for me, my in-laws usually have issues among them and i have never for once gotten myself involved despite my closeness with my mom in-law.

All of those folks above me saying that the OP should mind his business and that he doesn't have right to be upset since it's his wife family...

I hope y'all will maintain the same energy when there's issues in his wife's family and he blatantly refuses to help ...


One thing some of y'all haven't understood is when you marry, you don't just marry the girl, you marry into her family!!! ...

So whatever is done in that family will somehow somehow affect you in one way or the other, so I dunno about you guys, but as for me whatever has the ability to affect me in ANY WAY is my business!! ....


Oga OP...
I believe that a man should within the best of his abilities extend a hand of fellowship to his inlaws where possible, so if I was in your shoes I would do my due diligence to my inlaws ...

However, if in the future I am called upon to support in any way that will cause me the slightest bit of inconvenience, I won't hesitate to remind my beloved wife that "it's their family thing not mine" ...

immortalcrown:
Two wrongs do not make a right. Give your mother-in-law what she deserves from you as her son-in-law. Her mismanagement of her husband's property cannot be your excuse.

If you are not consulted on the management of her husband's assets, do not interfere.

NOTE: I am not supporting how she and her sons treat her daughters. My point is that her wrongs do not justify yours.

are you crazy ? mother in law/father in law only deserve gift whe you visit them. The rest can be sorted by their own kids

James4joh:
let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

when she sold the house did she even give your something eg she sends money saying "buy this and that for my grands kids its money from their grand father house or something like"

my point is they think of you when they want to recieve from you but when they got something they never even thought to buy something for grands kids, to be thats a great sign of appreciation to you via kids

So to me people like that are just selfish

Stay away completely. Can't you learn from history? It's the greatest teacher.

Lead your family and take charge lest you suffer massive consequences later on in life.

A good way to reverse this messy history in your life is to treat your daughters as KINGS. Let them know their worth from childhood and never relegate any gender in your home. If you fail to do this, then prepare for a repeat of wifey's history. As you have already seen, her tears mean nothing.

I will comment when i read the article

James4joh:
let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

lets put your story aside

a wise woman from hubby who is average financial plan in advance, planning i mean asking hubby what the plan for xmas for both in laws, this should be at least 2/3 months before xmas

It give the wise time to also hustle something for either mother direct or her mum -in

Gives you both hubby and wife to be on the same page what needs to be done for out respective parents

As wife if you simply wait for the man to do it last minute, you are creating a room for both in laws to blame their daughter or son in law for not being good people

Then as our in-laws before you ask from your son/daughter in law ask yourself have your ever given your son/daughter in law gifts or you are just those who want to recieve by default of being mother/father in law

Father/mother in law are self entitled

So beside the family drama, did your wife talk about xmas present for both parents ? if not she has no right to pin only on you, she is equally responsible however in your case she cant manipulate you to give to the same
mother who sees no value in her own daughter

ZIMDRILL:


when she sold the house did she even give your something eg she sends money saying "buy this and that for my grands kids its money from their father in law house or something like"

my point is they think of you when they want to recieve from you but when they got something they never even thought to buy something for grands kids, to be thats a great sign of appreciation to you via kids

So to me people like that are just selfish

It is not selfish, you cannot expect someone to sell his father's house and then start dividing the money about, only those legally bound to inherit should get something if the mother was dead then yes maybe her kids can receive but the mother his wife got 200k, regardless whatever amount the wife got he the husband has to totally remove his heart from his wife's family inheritance issues

Naira2Man:

It is not selfish, you cannot expect someone to sell his father's house and then start dividing the money about, only those legally bound to inherit should get something if the mother was dead then yes maybe her kids can receive but the mother his wife got 200k, regardless whatever amount the wife got he the husband has to totally remove his heart from his wife's family inheritance issues

yes hubby should not get involved in inheritance issues but lets say your wife is being sidelined infront of your eyes then all of sudden, she is backing up the same people who were sidelining her

Does it make sense to you ? will you be comfortable with such people?

In my family, our only male inlaw knows that there is an unwritten assumption in on us that giving us gift is an insult to us. Big insult. Cheapest car in our compound is 3.5m, so b4 we go accept anything e bring, na car of 20 million at least, which is out of equation. Even when our sister abroad give birth, mum just way bill foodstuff worth 600k, instead of traveling abroad like the way poor and yeye people day do, and on the mans expenses oh, while conversely, we dey assist our female in-laws family, both when they asked for it or not. This has made our wives to both respect and fear all us in the primary family.

Creamypie:
In my family, our only male inlaw knows that giving is gift is an insult to us. Big insult. Cheapest car in our compound is 3.5m, so b4 we go accept anything e bring, na car of 20 million at least. Even when our sister abroad give birth, mum just way bill foodstuff worth 600k, instead of traveling abroad like the way poor and yeye people day do, on the mans expenses, while conversely, we dey assist our female in-laws family, both when they asked for it or not. This has made our wives to both respect and fear us in the primary family.

its culture mostly in poor families, where membera of the family expect son-in- law to shower them with gifts and it has been mandotory, whereas these gift should be gesters of love etc once in while not to say every xmas its must

There is nothing wrong in giving something to
in laws but in laws shouldnt make it manditory

Creamypie:
In my family, our only male inlaw knows that there is an unwritten assumption in on us that giving us gift is an insult to us. Big insult. Cheapest car in our compound is 3.5m, so b4 we go accept anything e bring, na car of 20 million at least, which is out of equation. Even when our sister abroad give birth, mum just way bill foodstuff worth 600k, instead of traveling abroad like the way poor and yeye people day do, and on the mans expenses oh, while conversely, we dey assist our female in-laws family, both when they asked for it or not. This has made our wives to both respect and fear all us in the primary family.

Abeg, any of your sisters still dey market?

James4joh:
let me do little introduction of my wife's family for better understanding, it's a family of 6 (2 boys 4 girls) the 2 boys are the eldest both the Men and the ladies are happily married all living in Abuja except for me and my wife living in kogi and my mother-in-law living in Auchi in Edo State because my father-in-law also have house in Auchi but they where all living in Abuja before the death of the man.

It all started after the death of the man, the woman connive with the 2 boys to start collecting the proceed from the house without carrying any of the ladies along this has been going on for almost 4 years too date. Though I never showed any concern because I felt it was not my business even when I hate my mother-in-law attitude for being bias ( one sided mother-in-law.)

The one that really got me angry was when the mum sold one of the house in Collabo with the 2 men without the other girls knowing, later when the other girls find out they cried uncontrollably including my wife because they where looking like outcast in the own father heritance. They later credit them 200k each but I ask my wife to return the money with immediate alacrity... To fast forward Christmas has come my mother-in-law is calling me because she knows I always deliver. Sending me account number well my wife knows me too well not even a dime from me.

My wife is now taking side with her mum and she is even saying that I am not supposed to take it personal it's their family thing not mine



Please guys am I doing too much?

What is your business with your wife's inheritance or not? Your wife was right, it's non of your business