Father : hey Son! why is yOur mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u my son

kingkong do u knw sm peeps jst post shyte here (no mata aw inconsequencial) jst 2 get notifications when u update wif more jokes , *KIU*,

i dnt knw oo Mr mark_jac, but m guilty sha

king kong hawayhu

VERY FUNNY MUST READ: LOL
Men are Honest (story)

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked,

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with MEGAN FOX. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others

diss thread is just wowww!!!!

*zooms outta thread with my porsche*

laaf it out!!!!

Laaaaf Iiiit Ooooout Jooooo!!!

In Abia, a man was roaming around d streets and feeling very hungry when he saw a sign board outside a restaurant which reads: 'EAT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND LET YOUR GRANDCHILDREN PAY THE BILL'. He smiled, heaved a sigh of relief and quickly walked into the restaurant and ordered for different kinds of palatable dishes.
He ate as much as he can and the waiter gave him his bill, After eating, On seeing d thunderous bill He smiled again and Pointed to the sign board and said; 'Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill'.
The waiter replied; 'Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill', : .

►►"Dude! He just called you a thief!"

►►"Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!"

!!!!!!! Who get what happened here

Lol at last joke!

A man was chatting with his
friend on BB. He suddenly
discovered that the man sitting
beside him in the taxi was
reading their conversation.
Since he did not want to
embarrass the intruder, he
decided to change the topic of the
chat and
he wrote:
“abeg oga, please tell Kabiru
Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only
took two of the bombs we just
manufactured for this
operation.
Let them know as well that I may
find it difficult to get to the target
place before the bombs explode
becos there is terrible traffic jam
now but nevertheless, I am sure
casualty figure will be high since
we are five in our taxi and all the
vehicles in the traffic will be
affected too. We've less than
3mins for the bomb to go off, bye
and take care of my children as
agreed.” The intruder quickly
opened the taxi door and jumped
out.

Three pastors met and agreed to sincerely tell each other their problems which must be kept from other people. The 1st pastor said, my problem is money, "I do steal even from the church offering, please pray for me". The 2nd pastor said my problem is women, "whenever i see any woman, my desire will be to go to bed with her, In fact, I've slept with most of my female church members, please pray for me". Turning to the 3rd pastor to hear his problem, he started crying, it took his friends some effort to calm him, after dat, he was asked to continue and he said still crying that my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place everybody will hear what you two just told me, please pray for ♍ƺ too. laaf it out

Boss to secretary : We're going abroad

for a week .

She calls her husband : I will be going
abroad with my boss for a week .

Husband calls girlfriend : She's going ,
let's enjoy ~

Gf calls her student : For a week you're
free .

Student calls his grandpa : I am free for a
week !

Grandpa ( BOSS ) calls secretary : I'm with
my grandson this week .

Secretary calls husband : Trip cancelled .

Husband calls gf : Wife's not going .

Gf calls student : Your lessons as usual
this week .

Boy calls grandpa : Sorry I have to attend
my class .

Grandpa (BOSS) calls secretary : We are
going abroad,
laaf it out

(who gets this joke)

Bokoharamist & Obama were having a discusion in a bar.

A guy walks in & asks them what's the discussion about ??

Bokoharamist: "We are planing to kill 14 million Nigerians & Angelina Jolie"
,
Guy: Why Angelina Jolie ??
, Bokoharamist turns to Obama, "See I told you, Nobody gives Dam about 14 million Nigerians

hehehehehe
the last one is cool!

Lady: HELLO, Police Station, ?
A Man Has Entered Into My House & iS
Rapping Me Right Now,
Can Yoouu
AAHHH,
OOHHHH, YESSS, Harder,
O GOD,
AARESSTT HIMM
TOOOMORROOW. . .

passing by!

sutoboy:

passing by!

Thank U though!!

CHINEKE MEI!!!!
A guy named Chukwudi went for an
acting audition, and he was picked.
In the movie, he starred in a part
where he was hit by a car.
After production, the movie was a
hit as it was released and started
selling in the market.
It got to his hometown and his
mother watched how her son
was killed she wept uncontrollably.
A week later, Chukwudi went back
home to visit his mother.
When she saw him she got scared
and thought that it was her son's
ghost until he threw N25,000 at her.
With this, the mother realized that
her son was alive so she decided to
pray for her son saying;
Chukwudi my pikin, Na small motor
jam u wey u bring dis big money!
Now, as u dey go back 2 Lagos na
caterpillar go jam u!
YEEEPAAAA!

Kai,dude you are the bomb!!!

laaaaff it out!!!azin i cant stop laffn o

eldav:

Kai,dude you are the bomb!!!

about to explode already

SPERM BANK
A man wearing a Masquerade mask bursts into a sperm bank with a sawn-off shot gun. "Open the mutha-f**king safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't f**kin argue with me - just open the goddam safe or I'll blow your f**king head off!"
She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue honey, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down, every last drop.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the Mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband,

"Not that f**king difficult is it" he says.
How come you don’t like to drink mine when you suck?

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant.

One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can handle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit, except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom.

She looks at him and asks, "What's with this, a black condom?"

He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences!"

The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.

"Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"

Jack is one HoR;NY guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. Jack walks down the street to the local brothel and knocks on the door.

The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. "I'm really Hot but I only have $5. What can you do for me?", Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem".

She leads Jack into a room, and there is a chicken in the corner. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her.

Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.

One week later, and Hot again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for $10.

"Well, for $10 we have a special show", the madam replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack", the madam tells him. Jack gives the money to the madam and takes a seat.

Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to UnCloth each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other.

Jack once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "This is a pretty good show for ten bucks eh?!".

The guy turns to Jack and says, "That's nothing,  last week we saw a guy f.UC.K a chicken".

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did.

She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

Thumbs up.

Two men a Saudi Arabian and an
American are seraching for their lost
Wives the American asked the Saudi
what's your wife wearing the Saudi
replied she's covered up from head to
Toe the Saudi asked the American
what's your wife wearing the
American replied she's wearing a
short skirt and and a t shirt the Saudi
said the Hell with my Wife let's find
your Wife.