Dear Tito, please hide my identity, i have been your follower for quite some time now and i like how you give solutions to peoples problem. I want to share mine.
I got married in the year 2016, my marriage would have been 8years now. But we divorced a year ago and living separately. We have 2 kids (girls) age 7 and 5. I suffered emotional and verbal abuse from my ex husband throughout my marriage. I didn't marry because we were inlove, i accepted to marry my ex because i saw some good qualities in him like uprightness, decent and responsible.
I wasn't attracted to him emotionally or romantically to be honest. Maybe because i was a bit naive then i was young about 23yrs. So i didn't really understand the concept of marriage.
I just concluded my Nysc about to start my masters then. Although we've known each other for more than 2years. We met online while i was in the university. Our communication was mostly on calls and chats. It was a long distance relationship. We only get to see like 2 or 3 times a year.
I thought since he has responsible qualities we could get married and build love and bond but i was wrong. After our marriage, i realised he has anger issues, get angry at any slightest wrongdoing in the house. He can't over look my shortcomings. Always ready to reprimand doesn't care where or when. Domineering attitude. All this act of his made me not to develop any feelings for him.
We were just like flat mates where one is taking care of the home and working as well and the other goes to work come back, eat and sleep. S3x was always like r@pe because i am not sexually attracted to him.
So after our divorce in 2021, i took custody of the kids with the court involvement. With condition that, if i am going to remarry i will give the kids back to him. I was with them throughout 2022. All this while, my ex later accepted his mistakes and pleaded for us to come back together. He kept pleading from time to time, sometimes arrogantly and sometimes nicely.
While the kids were with me, he do take care of their upkeep. Even though the court had to come in as well. I didn't agree to go back to him because the thought of our sexual life while married kept hitting me. And i didn't want to go back to experiencing such. I don't have any feelings for him and i can't be in a marriage with someone i don't have feelings for. Unless maybe there is no s3x.
So towards the ending of 2022, i met a guy in the same state as i am and we got talking, we saw each other often and became more than friends. I love him and he does to, well he tells me and his actions too speaks. Note, there is no intimacy between us yet.
This new guy wants to marry me and i also want to marry him. We've started talking about marriage plans, involved both families. The issue is now, i have to take the kids back to their dad. Because of that court condition. The new guy wants marriage in few months time. My dad is saying the guy is not rich enough to take care me. Mom and siblings are with me to get married now. Dad is unconvinceable

Note in my religion, a woman who was once married, can remarry with or without the concept of her parents. So i only want to inform them and seek for their blessings.

As for my ex, he hasn't got married yet, although he is capable of taking care of the kids, but i know it'll be hard a bit as a man, couple with work.

So what do you guys think now, any advice?

Mods please, wider coverage is needed here 🙏

I WILL SAY SOMETHING BUT ME WAIT FOR THE ELDERS.

[quote author=fyzaila post=128094945][/quote]

Let she hand over the kids to her ex husband and marry the new guy, if she believes in whatever both of them share

Marriage shouldn't be by force.

Even if you decide to leave your kids, do not abandon them, if that ex-husband is toxic to you, he can equally pass it to his children.