Hi,

On this thread, Id post useful articles for the unmarried Insha Allah

Salam Aleikum.

Empowerment of Women Speech
Yasmin Mogahed

When the companion of the Prophet, pbuh, entered a town to bring them the message of Islam, he put it very beautifully. He said, “I have come to free you from the servitude of the slave and bring you to the servitude of the Lord of the slave.”

Within this statement lies a powerful treasure. Locked within these words, is the key to empowerment and the only real path to liberation.

You see, the moment you or I allow anything, other than our Creator, to define our success, our failure, our happiness, or our worth, we have entered into a silent, but destructive form of slavery. That thing which defines my self worth, my success and my failure is what controls me. And it becomes my Master.
The master which has defined a woman’s worth, has taken many forms throughout time. One of the most prevalent standards made for woman, has been the standard of men. But what we so often forget is that God has honored the woman by giving her value in relation to Himself—not in relation to men. Yet, as western feminism erased God from the scene, there was no standard left—but men. As a result the western feminist was forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing she had accepted a faulty assumption. She had accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man: the standard.

When a man cut his hair short, she wanted to cut her hair short. When a man joined the army, she wanted to join the army. She wanted these things for no other reason than because the “standard” had them.

What she didn’t recognize was that God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness–not in their sameness. When we accept men as the standard, suddenly anything uniquely feminine becomes by definition inferior. Being sensitive is an insult, becoming a full-time mother—a degradation. In the battle between stoic rationality (considered masculine) and selfless compassion (considered feminine), rationality reigned supreme.
As soon as we accepted that everything a man has and does is better, all that followed was just a knee jerk reaction: if men have it—we want it too. If men pray in the front rows, we assume this is better, so we want to pray in the front rows too. If men lead prayer, we assume the imam is closer to God, so we want to lead prayer too. Somewhere along the line we’d accepted the notion that having a position of worldly leadership is some indication of one’s position with God.

But a Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as the standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn’t need a man to do this.

Given our privilege as women, we only degrade ourselves by trying to be something we’re not–and in all honesty–don’t want to be: a man. As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men, and value the beauty in our own God-given distinctiveness.

And yet, in society, there is another prevalent “master” which has defined for women their worth. And that is the so-called standard of beauty. Since the time we were little, we as women, have been taught a very clear message by society. And that message is: “Be thin. Be sexy. Be attractive. Or…be nothing.”
So we were told to put on their make-up and wear their short skirts. Instructed to give our lives, our bodies, our dignity for the cause of being pretty. We came to believe that no matter what we did, we were worthy only to the degree that we could please and be beautiful for men. So we spent our lives on the cover of Cosmo and we gave our bodies for advertisers to sell.

We were slaves, but they taught us we were free. We were their object, but they swore it was success. Because they taught you that the purpose of your life was to be on display, to attract and be beautiful for men. They had you believe that your body was created to market their cars.

But they lied.

Your body, your soul was created for something higher. Something so much higher.
God says in the Quran: ‘Verily, the most honored of you in the sight of God is the one who is most righteous’ (Quran 49:13).

So you are honored. But it is not by your relationship to men—either being them, or pleasing them. Your value as a woman is not measured by the size of your waist or the number of men who like you. Your worth as a human being is measured on a higher scale: a scale of righteousness and piety. And your purpose in life–despite what the fashion magazines say–is something more sublime than just looking good for men.

Our completion comes from God and our relationship with Him. And yet, from the time we were little, we, as women, have been taught, that we will never reach completion until a man comes to complete us. Like Cinderella we were taught that we are helpless unless a prince comes to save us. Like Sleeping Beauty, we were told that our life doesn’t fully begin, until Prince Charming kisses us. But here’s the thing: no prince can complete you. And no knight can save you. Only God can.

Your prince is only a human being. God may send him to be your companion—but not your savior. The coolness of your eyes—not the air in your lungs. Your air is in God. Your salvation and completion are in His nearness—not the nearness to any created thing. Not the nearness to a prince, not the nearness to fashion or beauty or style.

And so I ask you to unlearn. I ask you to stand up and tell the world that you are a slave to nothing—not to fashion, not to beauty, not to men. You are a slave to God and God alone. I ask you to tell the world that you’re not here to please men with your body; You’re here to please God. So to those who mean well and wish to ‘liberate’ you, just smile and say: “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Tell them you’re not here to be on display. And your body is not for public consumption. Make sure the world knows that you will never be reduced to an object, or a pair of legs to sell shoes. You are a soul, a mind, a servant of God. And your worth is defined by the beauty of that soul, that heart, that moral character. So, you don’t worship their beauty standards; you don’t submit to their fashion sense. Your submission is to something higher.

Therefore, in answering the question of where and how a woman can find empowerment, I find myself led back to the statement of our Prophet’s companion. I find myself led back to the realization that true liberation and empowerment lies only in freeing oneself from all other masters, all other definitions. All other standards.

As Muslim women, we have been liberated from this silent bondage. We don’t need society’s standard of beauty or fashion, to define our worth. We don’t need to become just like men to be honored, and we don’t need to wait for a prince to save or complete us. Our worth, our honor, our salvation, and our completion lies not in the slave.

But, in the Lord of the slave.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/12/12/empowerment-of-women-speech/

Jazakallahu khairan!this is quite enlightening because Our Sister's have been reduced to something else.
On one of Oprah's show,people were being interview to tell their age and it was used to judge if they're wearing clothes that fit their age, she was discussing the kind of clothes a woman should wear to get attention from Men/get noticed.
At the end their dicussion they end up with conclusion like; women below 25yrs should wear clothes showing thier shape,between 20-35yrs,clothes showing their cleavage,35-50,clothes showing their breast,and 50 and above clothes showing their hands.
What i'm trying to say here is this guys are setting standard for Women,and in trying to look civilized they fall for this rhetorics that will lead them distruction all in the name of fashion and getting noticed

Edzy:

Jazakallahu khairan!

Wa iyyakum

A Reflection on Love

All of this love. Every piece. Every part of all the love in this world. The love they make poems with. The love of spellbinding novel. The love in songs. The love they tried to capture in a movie. The love of a mother for her child, of a child for her father. The love that liberates. The love that enslaves. The love you win. The love you lose. The love you chase. The love you live for. The love you know you’d die for. The love that makes men bleed. The love that swords have killed for.  The love of fairytales and tragedy.

It is all just a reflection.

An echo. Of one single Source. Of a single love that you know, and I know, because we knew it before we could know. We were loved before we could love. You were given before you could give or know what it was to give. It is the love that your heart was created to know. It is the love that creates and sustains all love. It is the love that was before—and will remain after all else has passed away.

It is the love that was before…and will remain after all echoes have passed away.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/12/01/a-reflection-on-love/

For the Love of the Gift
Yasmin Mogahed

We all love gifts. We love the blessings that beautify our lives. We love our children, our spouses, our parents, our friends. We love our youth and we love our health. We love our homes, our cars, our money, our beauty. But what happens when a gift becomes more than just a gift? What happens when a want becomes a need, a favor becomes a dependency? What happens when a gift is no longer only that?

What is a gift? A gift is something that did not come from us. A gift is given—and can be taken. We are not the original owners of a gift. A gift is also not necessary for our survival. It comes and goes. We want and love to receive gifts—but they are not necessary to our existence. We don’t depend on them. We don’t live to receive them and do not die if we don’t. They are not our air or our food. But we love them. Who does not love a gift? Who does not love to receive many gifts? And we ask Al Kareem (The Most Generous) to never deprive us of His gifts. Yet, a gift is still not where we place our dependencies, nor do we die without them.

Remember that there are two places to hold something: in the hand or in the heart. Where do we hold a gift? A gift is not held in the heart. It is held in the hand. So when the gift is taken, the loss creates pain to the hand—but not to the heart. And anyone who has lived long enough in this life knows that the pain of the hand is not like the pain of the heart. The pain of the heart is to lose an object of attachment, addiction, dependency. That pain is like no other pain. It’s not normal pain. And that pain is how we will know we just lost an object of attachment—a gift that was held in the wrong place.
The pain of the hand is also pain—but different. So different. The pain of the hand is to lose, but not something we are dependent upon. When a gift is taken out of the hand—or never given at all—we will feel the normal human pain of loss. We will grieve. We will cry. But the pain is only in the hand; our heart remains whole and beating. This is because the heart is only for God.
And God alone.

If we examine the things in our lives that cause us most pain or fear, we can start to pinpoint which gifts have been stored in the wrong place. If not being able to get married, be with the person we want, have a child, find a job, look a certain way, get a degree, or reach a certain status has consumed us, we need to make a change. We need to shift where the gift is being stored; we need to move the gift out of our heart and back to our hand where it belongs.
We can love these things. It’s human to love. And it’s human to want the gifts we love. But our problem begins when we put the gift in our heart, and God in our hand. Ironically, we believe that we can live without God—but if we were to lose a gift, we crumble and can’t go on.

As a result, we can easily put God aside, but our heart cannot live without the gift. In fact, we can even put God aside for the sake of the gift. So it becomes easy for us to delay or miss a prayer, but just don’t deprive me of my work meeting, my movie, my outing, my shopping, my class, my party, my basketball game. It’s easy to take interest baring loans or sell alcohol, just don’t deprive me of my profit margin and prestigious career. Just don’t deprive me of my brand new car, and over-the-top home. It’s easy to have a haram relationship or date, but just don’t deprive me of the one I ‘love’. It’s easy to take off, or not wear hijab—just don’t deprive me of my beauty, my looks, my marriage proposals, my image in front of people. It’s easy to put aside the modesty that God says is beautiful, but don’t deprive me of my skinny jeans—because society told me that’s beauty.
This happens because the gift is in our heart, while Allah is in our hand. And what is in the hand can be put aside easily. What is in the heart, we cannot live without—and would sacrifice anything to have. But sooner or later we need to ask ourselves what it is that we really worship: The gift or the Giver? The beauty or the Source and Definition of Beauty? The provision or the Provider?
The creation or the Creator?
The tragedy of our choice is that we chain our necks with attachments, and then ask why we choke. We put aside our Real air, and then wonder why we can’t breathe. We give up our only food, and then complain when we’re dying of starvation. After all, we stick the knife in our chest and then cry because it hurts. So much. But what we have done, we have done to ourselves.
Allah says:

“And whatever affliction befalls you, it is on account of what your hands have wrought, and (yet) He pardons most (of your faults).” (42:30)

Yes. What we have done, we have done to ourselves. But look how the ayah ends: “He pardons most.” The word used here is “ya’foo’ from God’s attribute Al-A’foo. This denotes not just forgiving or pardoning, but completely erasing! So no matter how many times we stick that knife in our own chest, God can heal us—as if the stab had never occurred! Al Jabbar (the One who mends) can mend it.
If you seek Him.
But how foolish is the one who exchanges air for a necklace? He is the one who says, “Give me the necklace, and then you can take away my air after that. Suffocate me, but just make sure I’m wearing the necklace when I die.” And the irony of it all is that it is the necklace itself that suffocates us. It is our own objects of attachment—the things we love more than God— that kill us.

Our problem began because we saw the gift as the air, instead of just that: a gift. So in our blindness, we became dependent on the gift, and put aside the Real air. As a result when the gift was taken back, or never given at all, we thought we could not go on. But, this was a lie that we told ourselves, until we believed it. It isn’t true. There’s only one loss that we can’t recover from. There’s only one reason we wouldn’t be able to go on: If we lost God in our lives. The irony is that many of us have lost God in our lives and we think we’re still alive. Our false dependencies on His gifts have deceived us. So much.
Only God is our survival. Not His gifts. God is our support and our only true necessity. Allah says:

“Is not God enough for His Servant? But they try to frighten thee with other (gods) besides Him! for such as God leaves to stray, there can be no guide.” (39:36)

We all have needs and we all have wants. But our true suffering begins when we turn our wants into needs, and our one true need (God) into a commodity we think we can do without. Our true suffering begins when we confuse the means and the End. God is the only End. Every other thing is the means. We will suffer the moment we take our eyes off the End and get lost in the means.

In fact, the true purpose of the gift itself is to bring us to God. Even the gift is a means. For example, does the Prophet not say that marriage is half of deen? Why? If used correctly, few other parts of this life can have such a comprehensive effect on the development of one’s character. You can read about qualities like patience, gratitude, mercy, humility, generosity, self-denial, and preferring another to yourself. But, you won’t develop those qualities until you are put in a situation in which they are tested.

Gifts like marriage will be a means to bring you closer to God—so long as they remain a means, not an End. God’s gifts will remain a means to Him, so long as they are held in the hand, not the heart. Remember that whatever lives in the heart controls you. It becomes what you strive for and are willing to sacrifice anything to have. And to keep. It becomes what you depend on at a fundamental level. It, therefore, must be something eternal, that never tires, and never breaks. It must, therefore, be something that never leaves. Only one thing is like that: The Creator.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/for-the-love-of-the-gift/

People leave each other. But do they return?

Leaving is hard. Losing is harder. So a few weeks ago I asked the question, ‘why do people have to leave each other?’ The answer took me into some of my life’s deepest realizations and struggles. But it has also led me to wonder: After people leave, do they ever return? After something we love is taken from us, does it ever come back? Is loss permanent—or just a means for a higher purpose? Is loss the End itself, or a temporary cure for our heart’s ailments?

There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter won’t last forever—but neither will my tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.

Allah (glorified is He) tells us in a very profound ayah (verse): “Verily with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an, 94:5). Growing up I think I understood this ayah wrongly. I used to think it meant: after hardship comes ease. In other words, I thought life was made up of good times and bad times. After the bad times, come the good times. I thought this as if life was either all good or all bad. But that is not what the ayah is saying. The ayah is saying WITH hardship comes ease. The ease is at the same time as the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it.

If we study the difficult times in our lives, we will see that they were also filled with much good. The question is – which do we chose to focus on? I think the trap we fall into is rooted in this false belief that this life can be perfect—perfectly good or perfectly bad. But that’s not the nature of dunya (this life). That’s the nature of the hereafter. The hereafter is saved for the perfection of things. Jannah (paradise) is perfectly and completely good. There is no bad in it. And Jahannam (hell – may Allah protect us) is perfectly and completely bad. There is no good in it.

By not truly understanding this reality, I myself would become consumed by the momentary circumstances of my life (whether good or bad). I experienced each situation in its’ full intensity—as if it was ultimate or would never end. The way I was feeling at the moment transformed the whole world and everything in it. If I was happy in that moment, past and present, near and far, the entire universe was good for that moment. As if perfection could exist here. And the same happened with bad things. A negative state consumed everything. It became the whole world, past and present, the entire universe was bad for that moment. Because it became my entire universe, I could see nothing outside of it. Nothing else existed for that moment. If you wronged me today, it was because you no longer cared about me—not because this was one moment of a string of infinite moments which happened to be tinted that way, or because you and I and this life just aren’t perfect. What I was experiencing or feelings at that instant replaced context, because it replaced my entire vision of the world.

I think in our experiential nature, some of us may be especially susceptible to this. Perhaps that is the reason we can fall prey to the “I’ve never seen good from you” phenomenon which the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) referred to in his hadith. Perhaps some of us say or feel this way because at that moment, experientially we really haven’t seen good, because our feeling at that instant replaces, defines and becomes everything. Past and present becomes rolled up into one experiential moment.

But, the true realization that nothing is complete in this life transforms our experience of it. We suddenly stop being consumed by moments. In the understanding that nothing is limitless here, that nothing here is kamil (perfect, complete), Allah enables us to step outside of moments and see them for what they are: not universes, not Reality, past and present, just that—a single moment in a string of infinite moments…and that they too shall pass.
When I cry or lose or bruise, so long as I am still alive, nothing is ultimate. So long as there is still a tomorrow, a next moment, there is hope, there is change, there is redemption. What is lost, is not lost forever.

So in answering the question of whether what is lost comes back, I study the most beautiful examples. Did Yusuf return to his father? Did Musa return to his mother? Did Hajar return to Ibrahim? Did health, wealth and children return to Ayoub? From these stories we learn a powerful and beautiful lesson: what is taken by Allah is never lost. In fact, it is only what is with Allah that remains. Everything else vanishes. Allah (swt) says, “What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Quran 16:96)

So, all that is with Allah, is never lost. In fact the Prophet ﷺ has said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allah (swt), but that Allah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” (Ahmad) Did not Allah take the husband of Umm Salimah, only to replace him with the Prophet ﷺ?
Sometimes Allah takes in order to give. But, it’s crucial to understand that His giving is not always in the form we think we want. He knows best what is best. Allah says: “… But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

But if something is going to be returned in one form or another, why is it taken at all? Subhan’Allah. It is in the process of ‘losing’ that we are given.
Allah gives us gifts. But then we often become dependent on those gifts, instead of Him. When He gives us money, we depend on the money—not Him. When He gives us people, we depend on people—not Him. When He gives us status or power, we depend on, and become distracted by these things. When Allah gives us health, we become deceived. We think we will never die.

Allah gives us gifts, but then we come to love them as we should only love Him. We take those gifts and inject them into our hearts, until they take over. Soon we cannot live without them. Every waking moment is spent in contemplation of them, in submission and worship to them. The mind and the heart that was created by Allah, for Allah, becomes the property of someone or something else. And then the fear comes. The fear of loss begins to cripple us. The gift—that should have remained in our hands—takes over our heart, so the fear of losing it consumes us. Soon, what was once a gift becomes a weapon of torture and a prison of our own making. How can we be freed of this? At times, in His infinite mercy, Allah frees us…by taking it away.

As a result of it being taken, we turn to Allah wholeheartedly. In that desperation and need, we ask, we beg, we pray. Through the loss, we reach a level of sincerity and humility and dependence on Him which we would otherwise not reach—had it not been taken from us. Through the loss, our hearts turn entirely to face Him.

What happens when you first give a child a toy or the new video game he’s always wanted? He becomes consumed by it. Soon he wants to do nothing else. He sees nothing else. He doesn’t want to do his work or even eat. He’s hypnotized to his own detriment. So what do you do, as a loving parent? Do you leave him to drown in his addiction and complete loss of focus and balance? No.

You take it away.

Then, once the child has regained focus of his priorities, regained sanity and balance, once things are put in their proper place in his heart and mind and life, what happens? You give the gift back. Or perhaps something better. But this time, the gift is no longer in his heart. It is in its proper place. It is in his hand.
Yet in that process of taking, the most important thing happened. The losing and regaining of the gift is inconsequential. The taking of your heedlessness, your dependence and focus on other than Him, and the replacing it with remembrance, dependence and focus only on Him was the real gift. Allah withholds to give.
And so sometimes, the ‘something better’ is the greatest gift: nearnesss to Him. Allah took the daughter of Malik Ibn Dinar in order to save him. He took his daughter, but replaced her with protection from the hell-fire and salvation from a painful life of sin and distance from Him. Through the loss of his daughter, Malik ibn Dinar was blessed with a life spent in nearness to Allah. And even that which was taken (his daughter) would remain with Malik ibn Dinar forever in Jannah.
Ibn ul Qayyim (may Allah be pleased with him) speaks about this phenomenon in his book, Madarij Al Salikin. He says: “The divine decree related to the believer is always a bounty, even if it is in the form of withholding (something that is desired); and it is a blessing, even if it appears to be a trial and an affliction that has befallen him; it is in reality a cure, even though it appears to be a disease!”

So to the question, ‘once something is lost, does it return?’ the answer is yes. It returns. Sometimes here, sometime there, sometimes in a different, better form. But the greatest gift lies beneath the taking and the returning. Allah tells us: “Say, ‘In the bounty of Allah and in His mercy – in that let them rejoice; it is better than what they hoard.’” (Quran, 10:58)

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

He’s Like A Brother
NAIYERAH KOLKAILAH

“You’re just like a brother to me!” she’d often tell her Muslim college friend whom she’s grown close to over the years. She feels comfortable with confiding in him, trusting him, opening up to him – but she’s never thought of him as a husband. They hang out together during their breaks, she calls him whenever she needs to vent, and she loves how he’s never judgmental towards her. To him, she was a friend at first — but he soon discovered that he’d often feel a tinge of jealousy whenever she spoke nonchalantly and joked with other male classmates. It burned him inside, and he’d always try to pull her away casually without making his irritation apparent. Many times, he’d look at her with admiration, smiling and melting away with his dreams of what could be for them. He would never dare bring up marriage to her, though. How could he when she only viewed him as her brother?

So, would you call these two good friends? Brother and sister maybe? Boyfriend and girlfriend? As with many cases in the Muslim community, this is a confused pseudo-marriage framed under the guise of friendship or an innocent brotherly bond. As the two become lax in their interaction, their hearts naturally – albeit unintentionally – gravitate towards each other, their minds become occupied with each other, and one or both parties eventually develop feelings that either remain trapped or expressed and acted upon unlawfully. With their increasing closeness and intimacy, the special reserves of loyalty, emotional sentiments and halaal physical attraction may be exhausted before their rightful outlet in marriage. If they end up not getting married and search elsewhere for a partner, they may never be content because they can’t resist comparing potential spouses with their former “friend”. Even if they eventually marry someone else, they will always have a history, and sometimes Shaytan can push them to reconnect and rekindle that past relationship during marriage.

It is no wonder why our wise Creator `azza wa jall, who is well aware of our natures and inclinations, says in the Qur’an “…Nor of those who take (boy)friends…(4:25). With many commands and prohibitions in Islam, Allah has mercifully forbade the prerequisite acts that would lead to major sins. He is protecting us from Shaytan and from falling prey to our desires, which saves us the emotional distress and painful regret that often come as a consequence to disobedience.

It’s also no wonder why it is purer and more chaste for both men and women to lower their gaze when speaking to those of the opposite gender (24:30-31), and to focus only on the tasks necessitating their communication. Remember Musa (`alayhissalam ) with the two daughters of Shu`ayb? Their interaction and communicating was exuding hayaa’ and self-respect; Musa (as) never struck personal, unwarranted conversation with them and when one of the daughters informed Musa (as) that her father is inviting him to reward him for his assistance, she walked (and spoke) with utmost modesty and dignity.

One of the greatest manifestations of modesty and also a safeguard to indecent conduct is the Muslimah’s Islamic dress. Besides obeying Allah and the Messenger’s commands in wearing loose, non-transparent, non-perfumed clothing, the attire brings with it an entire set of behavioral traits that the Muslim woman finds befitting to uphold. She is no longer comfortable mingling with men, joking and laughing loudly with them – or behaving in any way that may ignite their desires. Her taqwa (God-consciousness) and hayaa’ with Allah become embodied in all her mannerisms – her body language, how she speaks and carries herself – and reminds her of amicably maintaining the boundaries that Allah and the Messenger (peace be upon him) would be pleased with.

There is a profound hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him), which if practiced and truly believed in, can adorn our lives with blessings and many successes. It states: “There is nothing that you leave out of God-consciousness except that Allah will compensate you with something better” (Ahmad). We all long for acceptance and relationships that quell our loneliness and make us feel needed and loved. Perhaps if we devote our lives to increasing our love for Allah and gaining His love in return, He will bless us with halaal relationships that will be the greatest source of happiness, love, loyalty and compassion in this life and the better one to come.

Originally published by Muslimah Source

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/gender-relations/he%E2%80%99s-like-a-brother-by-naiyerah-kolkailah-check-this-amazing-new-blog-for-sisters/

Lowering Your Gaze
By Zubair Khan

Bismillah,

Sometimes, as a Muslim youth in America, going through high school and college while keeping your emaan can be really difficult. I want you to recall back to the last time you were in one of the following situations:

You were walking on campus (or in the hallway) on a hot summer day and as you looked ahead to see where you were going, your eyes fell upon a half-naked beautiful woman (or man).
Or when you were reading an Islamic article or just browsing the Internet at night and a nasty popup appeared right in front of your eyes.

At that very moment, did you immediately lower your gaze and say “astagfirullah” / “audhobillahi minnash shaytaanir rajeem”? If you did, then alhumdulillah! But if at that very moment you struggled to lower your gaze and/or didn’t feel anything in your heart telling you that you shouldn’t be looking at what you’re looking at, then you should continue reading this article…

Wallahi, lowering your gaze as a young Muslim is very difficult, especially since you have immodesty, pornography, and such lewdness running rampant in this society. We have cable television (channels such as MTV, E!, and even the Disney channel!) openly promoting this type of behavior. Even the most popular video game out right now (GTA 4) is all about money, girls, cussing, and boosting (stealing) cars! (Ya Allah…) When our hearts aren’t affected by this type of behavior, and we wonder why it’s so hard to lower our gaze, we should realize that the root of the problem isn’t our gaze, that’s just a symptom, but the root of our problem is that our hearts aren’t lowered in front of Allah (swt). And the way to lower your heart in front of Allah (swt) is by developing a strong connection with him through some of the suggestions that will be discussed below. When we develop a connection with Allah (swt), we will find that our limbs (including eyes) will automatically reject anything that displeases Allah (swt).

Let us now take a look at some of the things we can do to get closer to Allah (swt). Here is a list of some practical suggestions, which will later be expounded upon individually:

Work on performing (and perfecting) all of the obligatory acts of worship (praying 5 times a day, etc.).
Develop a relationship with the Qur’an.
Increase in the voluntary acts of worship.
Hang out and spend time with good brothers/sisters!


Obligatory acts

Aboo Hurayrah (r) narrated that the Prophet (sw), said, “Allaah said: My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties [obligatory acts] I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Bukhari; hadith qudsi)

Subhannallah!

Allah is telling us, straight up, that the best way to get close to Him is by doing what He has ordered us to do. Let’s set some practical goals for ourselves with regards to our salah (prayer). Working towards praying five times a day is the best thing we can do for ourselves (if we don’t already do it). Allah (swt) has told us that he is with us if we pray!

Relationship with the Qur’an

I want us to ask ourselves this question: When was the last time we actually sat down with the Qur’an, read it in a language we understand, and pondered over the meaning? For many of us, we feel that the Qur’an is too good for us to read and that we won’t be able to understand it, so we keep it off on top of our bookshelves and let it catch dust. Or, when we do decide to read it, we only recite the Arabic and have no clue about the meaning. The Qur’an was sent down for people to think about and follow (the orders in it). How can we do that if we have no idea what it’s actually telling us to do (since we don’t understand the language)?

I can safely say that the Qur’an has had the biggest impact on my life in going back to Allah. If we don’t already read the Qur’an daily, we would be doing ourselves the biggest favor by buying an English translation of the Qur’an and getting in the habit of reading it daily. One of the best (easiest to read) translations I’ve found is the Saheeh International translation of the Qur’an. For less than $10, you can have it shipped to your house.

After you get your copy of the Qur’an, you can simply read it cover-to-cover, fifteen minutes a day. However, something that really helped me get in the habit of reading the Qur’an was that the first time around when you read the translation of the Qur’an, start from Surah 49 (second half of the Qur’an) and read it till the end. The reason is that the first half of the Qur’an (Medinan Surahs) is heavy in verses relating to law and sometimes it gets hard to read. When you start from Surah 49, the surahs are relatively short (2-3 pages long), and they are an amazing emaan booster, so you can set a goal to read one surah a day.

Increasing in voluntary acts of worship

The most important goal that we need to set for ourselves right now is to start praying (and yes, fajr is part of the five daily prayers too!). But after we are consistently praying five times a day, we should increase the voluntary acts. If you recall back to the aforementioned hadith, after Allah (swt) mentions that the most important step in going back to Allah is by performing the obligatory acts, He says: “…and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory (extra) works so that I shall love him.”

We can start off by performing the sunnah prayers before/after each of the five daily prayers. (See Sunnah (Optional) Prayers). We should also make an effort to remember Allah (swt) throughout the day, by making the du’as that the Prophet (sw) would make daily. A must-have pocket-sized book, which has the English translations of the du’as, along with the Arabic, is Fortification of the Muslim. You can order it online or buy it at your local Islamic bookstore (it’s only $3.00!).

Spending time with good brothers/sisters

If you feel like you’re having a really hard time trying to strengthen your emaan, look at the three closest people that you hang out with. I read an interesting article a while ago, which said that your habits are the same as the culmination of 3 or 5 of your closest friends’ habits. Seriously though, how do you plan on getting close to Allah (swt) when you’re hanging out with Mo(hammed) or Fatty(Fatima) who has a boyfriend/girlfriend and is constantly influencing you towards things that displease Allah? Find a good group of friends who will keep you in check when you start slipping.

Some ahadith (sayings of the Prophet (sw)) relating to the company one keeps:

“You will be with those you love.” (Bukhari)
“A man’s religion is that of his friends, so let each of you consider whom you befriend.” (Abu Dawud)
And one of my favorite ahadith: “A virtuous companion is like the merchant of musk (perfume). Either he will offer you some, you will buy it from him, or you will find him pleasant to smell. But an evil companion is like the bellows-blower, either he will scorch your clothes or you will receive a rotten smell from him.” (Bukari and Muslim)


Action items:

Start praying five times a day!
Read one page (or one short surah) a day of Qur’an in the language that you understand. If you don’t have an English translation, order it online.
Stop hanging out with friends who are a bad influence on you (and don’t lie to yourself and pretend like they’re not!). Wallahi, I know it’s very hard to stop hanging out with people you have become close friends with, but remember, “All friends will be enemies of one another on that Day (Day of Judgment) except those of the virtuous.” (al-Qur’an 43:67)
Finally, beg Allah, make dua, and ask him to allow you to get close to Him and to guide you to the straight path.


Ya Allah, please forgive us of our sins, guide us to the straight path, and allow us to lower our heart (and our gaze) in modesty. O Allah, please save us from the punishment of the grave and the Hell-Fire. Ameen.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/lowering-your-gaze-practical-steps-for-getting-close-to-allah-zubair-khan/

This is Love

This is love.

And so there are some who spend their whole lives seeking. Sometimes giving, sometimes taking. Sometimes chasing. But often, just waiting. They believe that love is a place that you get to: a destination at the end of a long road. And they can’t wait for that road to end at their destination. They are those hearts moved by the movement of hearts. Those hopeless romantics, the sucker for a love story, or any sincere expression of true devotion. For them, the search is almost a lifelong obsession of sorts. But, this tragic ‘quest’ can have its costs—and its’ gifts.

The path of expectations and the ‘falling in love with love’ is a painful one, but it can bring its own lessons. Lessons about the nature of love, this world, people, and one’s own heart, can pave this often painful path. Most of all, this path can bring its own lessons about the Creator of love.

Those who take this route will often reach the knowledge that the human love they seek was not the destination. Some form of that human love, can be a gift. It can be a means. But the moment you make it the End, you will fall. And you will live your whole life with the wrong focus. You will become willing to sacrifice the Goal for the sake of the means. You will give your life to reaching a ‘destination’ of worldly perfection that does not exist.

And the one who runs after a mirage, never gets there; but keeps running. And so too will you keep running, and be willing to lose sleep, cry, bleed, and sacrifice precious parts of yourself—at times, even your own dignity. But you’ll never reach what you’re looking for in this life, because what you seek isn’t a worldly destination. The type of perfection you seek cannot be found in the material world. It can only be found in God.

That image of human love that you seek is an illusion in the desert of life. So if that is what you seek, you’ll keep chasing. But no matter how close you get to a mirage, you never touch it. You don’t own an image. You can’t hold a creation of your own mind.

Yet, you will give your whole life, still, to reaching this ‘place’. You do this because in the fairy tale, that’s where the story ends. It ends at the finding, the joining, the wedding. It is found at the oneness of two souls. And everyone around you will make you think that your path ends there: at the place where you meet your soul mate, your other half—at the point in the path where you get married. Then and only then, they tell you, will you ever finally be complete. This, of course, is a lie because completion cannot be found in anything other than God.

But the lesson you’ve been taught since the time you were little—from every story, every song, every movie, every ad, every well-meaning auntie—is that you aren’t complete otherwise. And if—God forbid—you are one of the ‘outcasts’ who haven’t gotten married, or have been divorced, you are considered deficient or incomplete in some way.

The lesson you’re taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that’s when Jennah (paradise) begins. That’s when you’ll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that’s not where the story ends. That’s where it begins. That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of sabr, patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love.
And the building of your path back to Him.

But if the person you marry becomes your ultimate focus in life, your struggle has just begun. Now your spouse will become your greatest test. Until you remove that person from the place in your heart that only God should be, it will keep hurting. Ironically, your spouse will become the tool for this painful extraction process, until you learn that there are places in the human heart made only by—and for—God.

Among the other lessons you may learn along this path—after a long road of loss, gain, failure, success, and so many mistakes—is that there are at least 2 types of love. There will be some people you love because of what you get from them: what they give you, the way they make you feel. This is perhaps the majority of love—which is also what makes much of love so unstable. A person’s capacity to give is inconstant and changing. Your response to what you are given is also inconstant and changing. So if you’re chasing a feeling, you’ll always be chasing. No feeling is ever constant. If love is dependent on this, it too becomes inconstant and changing. And just like everything in this world, the more you chase it, the more it will run away from you.

But, once in a while, people enter your life that you love—not for what they give you—but for what they are. The beauty you see in them is a reflection of the Creator, so you love them. Now suddenly it isn’t about what you’re getting, but rather what you can give. This is unselfish love. This second type of love is the most rare. And if it is based in, and not competing with, the love of God, it will also bring about the most joy. To love in any other way is to need, to be dependent, to have expectations—all the ingredients for misery and disappointment.

So for all those, who have spent their life seeking, know that purity of any thing is found at the Source. If it is love that you seek, seek it through God. Every other stream, not based in His love, poisons the one who drinks from it. And the drinker will continue to drink, until the poison all but kills him. He will continue to die more and more inside, until he stops and finds the pure Source of water.

Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God’s beauty, you will learn to love in the right way: for His sake. Everything and everyone you love with be for, through and because of Him. The foundation of such love is God. So what you hold onto will no longer be just an unstable feeling, a fleeting emotion. And what you chase will no longer be just a temporary high. What you hold, what you chase, what you love, will be God: the *only* thing stable and constant. Thereafter, everything else will be through Him. Everything you give or take or love or don’t love, will be by Him. Not by your nafs. It will be for Him. Not for your nafs.

This means you will love what He loves and not love what He does not love. And when you do love, you will give to the creation—not for what you can get in return from them. You will love and you will give, but you will be sufficed from Him. And the one who is sufficed by God, is the richest and most generous of all lovers. Your love will be by Him, for Him, and because of Him. That is the liberation of the self from servitude to any created thing. And that is freedom. That is happiness.

That is love.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/

Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise
MARYAM AMIR-EBRAHIM

“Why are you majoring in that field?” I asked a sister in college. She sighed, “To be honest, I just want to get married. I don’t really care about what I’m studying right now. I’m just waiting to get hitched so I can be a wife and a mother.”

“It’s awesome that she wants to be a wife and a mother, but why would she put her life on hold?” I wondered. Why would a skilled, passionate young woman create barriers to striving for self-improvement and her ability to be socially transformative when she doesn’t yet have the responsibilities of wifehood or motherhood? Being a wife and a mom are great blessings, but before it actually happens, why exchange tangible opportunities, just waiting for marriage to simply come along—if it came along? I didn’t have to look far to find out.

“I’m already twenty-six,” another sister lamented. “I’m expired. My parents are going crazy. They think I’m never going to get married and they pressure me about it daily. My mom’s friends keep calling her and telling her I’m not getting any younger. She keeps crying over it and says she’ll never be a grandma. It’s not like I don’t want to get married; I’ve been ready since college! I just can’t find the right guy,” she cried.

Why, as a general community, are we not putting the same pressure on women to encourage them to continue to seek Islamic knowledge? Higher education? To make objectives in their lives which will carry over and aid them in their future familial lives, if such is what is meant for them? Perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with the idea that women need to get married and become mothers and that if they don’t, they have not reached true success.

We all know the honorable and weighty status of wifehood and motherhood in Islam. We all know that marriage completes half your deen1 and that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us about the mother, “[…] Paradise is at her feet.”2

But getting married and becoming a mother is not the only way to get into Paradise. And not every grown woman is a wife and/or mother, nor will ever be. Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.

Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”3

Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.

Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.

However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.”

The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.

Islam gave women scholarship. Our history is filled with women who have dedicated their lives to teaching Islamic sciences. Have you ever heard of Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr? She was a scholar who was born around the year 522. Her father, Sa`d al Khayr, was also a scholar. He held several classes and was “most particular about [his daughters] attending hadith classes, traveling with them extensively and repeatedly to different teachers. He also taught them himself.”4 Fatimah studied the works of the great al-Tabarani with the lead narrator of his works in her time.  You know who that lead narrator was? The lead narrator of Fatimah’s time was not named Abu someone (the father of someone, indicating that he was a male). The leading scholar of her time was a woman. Her name was Fatimah al-Juzadniyyah and she is the scholar who men and women alike would study under because in that era, she was the greatest and most knowledgeable in some of the classical texts.5 Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr eventually married and moved to Damascus and eventually to Cairo and she continued to teach. Many scholars travelled specifically to her city so they could study under her.6

Fatimah was brought up in a family that valued the education and knowledge of a woman to the point that her father was the one who would ensure she studied with scholars from a young age. Before marriage, she was not told to sit around and be inactive in the community out of fear that some men would find an educated woman unattractive or intimidating and would not want to marry her. She was not going through the motions of studying random things in college because she was stalling until she got married. She sought scholarship and Allah (swt) blessed her with a husband who was of her ranking, who understood her qualifications and drive, and who supported her efforts to continue teaching this religion even after marriage. She left a legacy we unfortunately have most likely never heard about because we rarely hear about the over eight thousand female scholars of hadith who are part of our history.7

Why do we never hear about Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr and the thousands of female scholars who were like her? I think that one of the reasons—and it’s just a personal theory—that as a community, we are so focused on grooming our women to be wives and mothers that we lose sight of the fact that this is not even our number one role.

Servitude to Allah (swt) is our number one role. We need to use what He has given us, the means that we have at the moment we have, to worship Him in the best of ways.

Islamic history is filled with examples of women who were wives and mothers, who focused completely on their tasks of being wives and/or mothers, and produced the likes of Imam Ahmed rahimahu allah (may God have mercy on him).8 We take those examples as a community and we reiterate the noble status of such incredible women.

But we also have examples of people who were not only wives and not only mothers, but those who were both of those, one of those, or none of those, and still were able to use the passions, talents and skills Allah (swt) blessed them with to worship Him through serving His creation, through calling His creation back to His Deen and leaving legacies for the generations to come. Some of these women were wives and mothers and dedicated their lives to focusing on their families completely and some of them continued to serve the greater society at large.

Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein, or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to being a man, or considered that, given aptitude and opportunity, she had no duties to the wider society, outside of the domain of family life.”9

Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and  when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large. They are loving worshipping Allah (swt) through investing in their abilities and using those for the greater good. Perhaps we can all take from their example.

God, in His Wisdom, has created each one of us differently and in different circumstances. Some recognize this, love any stage they are in, and develop their abilities to the fullest. Let us, too, use the time and abilities God has given us to maximize our worship to Him and work for the betterment of society and humanity as a whole. If wifehood or motherhood comes in the process, then at least we were using all of our ability to worship Him before it came and can continue to use the training and stamina we gained before marriage to worship Him with excellence once it comes along.

If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).

Allah (swt) created us to worship Him. That is our number one role. Now, let us do our part and figure out how best we can fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/wifehood-and-motherhood-%E2%80%93-not-the-only-ways-to-paradise/

Hook Up with the Quran, Allah Will Hook You Up
MARYAM AMIR-EBRAHIMI

Veiled from sight, a young woman walked down the streets of Cairo, reciting Qur’an to herself and thinking about her goals. She loved the Qur’an and was passionate about studying and teaching it. She wanted to move to Saudi Arabia, where she knew of Qur’anic scholars from whom she dreamt of learning. She was mesmerized by Makkah and Madinah; she’d find herself spending hours making du`a’ (supplication) to visit the House of her Lord in Ramadan, to make the journey of Hajj, to walk through the land of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him). Working on a Master’s degree and traveling for hours in traffic to come to her students’ homes and teach them Qur’an never caused her to complain. She was constantly working on reviewing her Qur’an; she had memorized it completely from years past and she continued to review it to ensure it never left her heart.

Suddenly, she was stopped by a random lady on the road. “Excuse me,” the lady inquired, peering into the eyes of the girl whose heart burned with the inscription of the Words of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (swt), whose face was veiled by her niqab, whose hands were covered by gloves, and whose body was cloaked by a long, flowing outer garment. “Are you married or engaged?” the lady asked. Staring at the lady, the young woman replied in the negative: hesitant, yet curious at such a loaded question from a random passerby. Considering her outer dress, the strange lady certainly was not asking because she found the young woman to be ridiculously beautiful. “I have a brother,” the lady explained. “He’s Egyptian, but he lives in Saudi Arabia. He has memorized the entire Qur’an. He has qualifications to teach it. He’s looking to get married. Might you be interested?”

Incredulous, the young woman exchanged information with the random woman on the street. Soon, their families initiated contact and within weeks, the brother of the strange lady had come to visit the young woman and her family. With time, prayers, and lots of consultation, the young woman finally agreed. She would marry the young man with whom she would live in Saudi Arabia, the young man who helped her plan to make Hajj that very year, the young man who had already memorized the Qur’an and who had dedicated his heart to the Book of Allah (swt). This young man, now her husband, was introduced to her by a random lady on the road.

This is the story of how my Qur’an teacher was united with her better half. She had devoted her life to the Qur’an and to her studies. She focused on her objectives of being a servant of Allah (swt) and of His Book, and maintained that focus in every aspect of her life. I would never have imagined that she would get married to someone who was the missing piece to everything she was looking for and even more. I should have realized that my puny imagination is nothing in comparison to Allah’s Power and Decree. Allah (swt) hooked up my Qur’an teacher big time and it could easily be argued that it was because she hooked up with the Book of Allah (swt).

Hooking up with Allah (swt) means being hooked up in the best of ways in every realm of life. Marriage, graduate school, studying overseas, relationship with one’s parents, getting a job, passing the SATs with high scores… you dream of it, yearn for it… who’s going to really give it to you? Your Facebook friends? Or the Lord and Ruler of all the Worlds (swt)?

Allah, the Exalted, has told us in a sacred hadith, “…the most beloved thing with which My slave comes nearer to Me, is what I have enjoined upon them; and My slave keeps on coming closer to Me through performing nawafil (voluntary prayers or doing extra deeds besides what is obligatory) until I love them, (so much so that) I become the hearing with which they hear, and the sight with which they see, and the hand with which they strike, and the leg with which they walk; and if they ask Me something, I will surely give them, and if they seek My Protection (refuge), I will surely protect them.”

Get this: Allah (swt) might not give you exactly what you want when you beg of Him in supplication, but because He loves you, He’ll always give you something better. The Prophet ﷺ has taught us, “Any Muslim who supplicates to Allah in a du`a’ which contains no sin or breaking of kinship, Allah (swt) will give him one of three things: either his du`a’ will be immediately answered; or it will be saved for him in the hereafter; or it will turn away an equivalent amount of evil (from him).” The companions said, “So we will ask for more.” He replied, “Allahu Akthar”–Allah is even more. More than whatever they ask, more than whatever we all ask.

Maybe marriage isn’t actually great for you and maybe that specific job won’t actually be everything which you’ve dreamed. There are numerous uncertainties regarding the outcome of our affairs. However, without doubt, when we hook up with Allah, if we’re sincere and determined to work, we can be certain that He will always guide us to whatever will ultimately bring us eternal happiness.

So, how can we hook up with Allah? How can we be of those who do our best to do obligatory actions and then run to our Lord through extra acts of worship?

Let’s take my Qur’an teacher’s example – let’s hook up with the Qur’an! Let’s make the intention to become the people of the Qur’an! Let’s begin by believing with certainty that we want to make a connection with Allah’s Words; that we want the Qur’an to play a pivotal role in our lives. Once we’ve made that commitment, bi’ithnillah (with the permission of Allah), here’s a suggested plan of action:

If we’re in school, at work, have family or other obligations and are already squeezed for time, let’s make a commitment to begin by reading the Qur’an on a daily basis and in a language we understand because the point is to understand it and make that crazy strong connection with it.
Suggestion for those of us who just can not get off our laptops and always lament wasting time: make a sticky note to put somewhere on your laptop which reads something like, “Have you hooked up with Kitab Allah today?” or “[Your name here], don’t you want Allah (swt) to hook you up?” Hooking up with Allah (swt) is beyond any hooking up we can do over social media and will bring us ridiculous quantities of benefit in this life and the next insha’Allah!
If you are not yet able to read Arabic, keep up with reading the translation, and when you can, try to begin learning the language of the Qur’an. There are a ton of online programs for this now. However, never let language stop you from connecting with the Qur’an. Read the translation in any language with which you find easiest to connect, and with time, you will insha’Allah be pleasantly shocked at how much you’re finding your personal perspective to be one of the Qur’anic narrative.
If you already know how to read Arabic but don’t understand what you’re reading: begin by setting an amount of Qur’an that you’ll read every day in both the Arabic and translation. For example, if I know I’m intensely busy and updating my Facebook is also a significant part of my life, let me make a commitment to start with just five verses a day, both in English and in Arabic, and let me make sure I don’t sleep without doing my Qur’an for that day.
If you can make a commitment from now to memorize the Qur’an, start looking for a teacher who can help you with tajweed and once you’re ready, memorization. If you can’t find anyone in your area, then find a Qur’an buddy near you who can help you read and learn the basics until you find someone who can fully teach you. If you live in the middle of nowhere and there’s really no one near you at all, search online for programs which teach tajweed which you can do via Skype or other means from your own home. Readers, please comment with online programs you recommend! If you have no one but know how to read with passing tajweed, just start! Set a goal for yourself, write it down, and work on moving forward weekly. Thus, within a month, instead of having never opened the Qur’an, insha’Allah you’ll have perhaps even an entire new chapter memorized!
Finally, if sometimes you feel apathetic, find yourself slipping, or realize that your heart is feeling bored with trying to make a connection with the Qur’an, change your mindset. Stand up, say bismillah (in the name of Allah) and seek refuge with Allah (swt) from the accursed Devil. Jump up and call in a loud and exciting voice with an enormous grin on your face, “THE QUR’AN IS MY BEST FRIEND!!!” Maybe it’s not completely true yet, but insha’Allah with enough convincing, and moving your body in an excitable way, your total physical response to the Qur’an combined with your newfound daily relationship with the Book of Allah, will help your neurons make positive connections which they will soon need more than your lungs need air.
Let’s make the Qur’an our best friend! When we’re sad, lonely, depressed and frustrated, let’s say, “I needa vent with the Book of Allah,” and just recite it all out. We will find ourselves connecting with Allah’s Words, awed by the relevance of His Book to the exact tribulation we’re experiencing. When we’re elated, let’s say, “I can’t wait to tell all of this to my best friend” and run to the Qur’an! Not excited? Fake it till you convince yourself to make it, insha’Allah! Insha’Allah we will be shocked at the fact that even though we’ve read the same surah (chapter) a hundred times over, we don’t remember ever reading the very same dynamic words before. And when we’re too busy, let’s realize how eager we’d be if some public figure we thought was amazing just called us up on our cells. Wouldn’t we make time, wouldn’t our adrenaline suddenly rush when we see whose actually calling us?

So then, let’s rush with that same vigor to drop everything and make time for the most important One – the Rabb al `alameen, the Lord of the Worlds. Let’s develop a strong relationship with the Words which He has revealed to take us from the darknesses of this life to the one light and to help us be a means of benefit in society.

The Prophet ﷺ taught us, “The Companions of the Qur’an are the people of Allah, and His favored people” [Nisai]. Let us be of Allah’s favored people – those who work to recite the Qur’an by day and night, work to memorize, understand, and live by it! Let us consciously decide to strive to take it as our best friend!

Whatever we’re seeking, in this life or the next, let’s hook up with the Book of Allah and have certainty that because of the sincerity of our investment, Allah (swt) will hook us up in whatever ways are best.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/withthedivine/hook-up-with-the-quran-allah-will-hook-you-up/

Defining Manhood: The Facade of Being “Hard”

Last week my sister called. She has been studying abroad since summer began, so naturally I was thrilled to hear from her. After hearing how she was, I asked about her new home. With her living in a Muslim country, I felt assured that everything would be fine. For that reason, what she described next was a complete shock. She began to describe a place where a girl can hardly leave her house without being verbally harassed by men walking by. She said that the catcalling was no longer the exception; it had become the rule. Then she told me about a Muslim girl she knew. The girl was riding in a taxi and when she arrived at her stop, she handed the driver his money. In many of these countries there are no strict meters, and since the fare is somewhat arbitrary, the driver became angry. Eventually the altercation escalated to such a degree that the driver grabbed the girl by the shoulders and began to shake her. At this, the girl became angry and insulted the driver. The driver then punched the young woman in the face.
At this point, I was extremely disturbed. But it was what my sister said next that was most devastating. Nearby, there was a group of men who saw what was happening, and rushed to the scene. Naturally they came to help the girl.
No. They stood and watched.
It was at this point in the story that I began to wonder. Suddenly I found myself questioning every definition of masculinity I had ever believed in. I wondered how a man — not one, but many — can stand and watch a woman be abused, and do absolutely nothing about it. It made me question what ideals define what it means to be a man in today’s society. Had the definition of masculinity become so distorted as to be reduced to just unbridled sex drive? Had the image of the ‘knight in shining armor’ really been replaced by visions of macho, catcalling boys in the street?
Most of all, it got me thinking about what it means to be a Muslim man today. I wondered if our dominate definitions as Muslims are really what they should be. Today, a man is expected to be stoic, unemotional, inexpressive, tough, and unbending. Physical aggression is glorified and emotional expressiveness ridiculed. I then decided to examine the epitome of what it means to be a man. I decided to look at the Prophet ﷺ.
One of the most common definitions of manhood today is the lack of emotional expressiveness. It is almost universally believed that to cry is ‘unmanly’ and weak. And yet the Prophet ﷺ described it very differently. When the Prophet ﷺ was handed his daughter’s son who was dying, his eyes flooded with tears. His companion Sa`d then told him, “What is this, Prophet of God?” He ﷺ said, “This is a mercy that the Almighty has made in the hearts of His servants. And surely God has mercy to the merciful ones among His servants.” [Bukhari]

But today, a man is not only expected to hide feelings of sadness, he is taught early on that even other emotions are not to be expressed. During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, there were some men who believed the same. Once while a villager was present, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandsons on the forehead. At that, the villager said with surprise, “I have ten children. I have never kissed any of them!” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ looked at him and said, “He who does not have mercy will not have mercy upon him.” [Bukhari] In fact, with regards to showing affection, the Prophet ﷺ was very clear. He said: “If a man loves his brother in faith, he should tell him that he loves him.”[Abu Dawud]
The Prophet ﷺ used to also show a great deal of affection towards his wives. Aisha reported that the Prophet ﷺwould only enjoy his meals when she would sit next to him. They would drink from one cup and he would watch where Aisha would place her lips on the cup so that he could place his lips on the exact position. He would eat from a bone after she would eat from it, placing his mouth where she had eaten. [Muslim]
The Prophet ﷺ used to also help around the house, contrary to another widely held myth of masculinity. Aisha reported, “The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
But, perhaps one of the most common myths of what a man should be is the idea that a man should be ‘tough.’ Gentleness is widely considered only a feminine trait. And yet the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, nor for anything else.” [Muslim] In another hadith, he says, “He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.” [Muslim]
And yet so much of that gentleness has been lost from our modern definition of masculinity. It is frightening when a boy can consider it manly to sexually harass a woman on the street, but consider it no question of his manhood to stand and watch while a girl is being hit. It makes you wonder if maybe our image of what is ‘manly’ in fact resembles a Hollywood gangster more than it does our beloved Prophet.

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/01/18/defining-manhood-the-facade-of-being-hard/

Intercultural Marriages: A Qur’anic Reflection
By Eyad Alnaslah

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Intercultural Marriages: A Qur’anic Reflection
Guest Authors | March 30, 2012 5:00 am

http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiedee/4285282225/in/photostream/By Eyad Alnaslah

In Islam, the concept of diversity and tolerance is found many times in the Qur’an and hadith (records of the words of the Prophet ﷺ, peace be upon him). We find diversity in all our mosques and Islamic functions, with Muslims from different parts of the world, and of different cultures and backgrounds. Accordingly, as Muslims in America, it is only natural that we have inter-cultural marriages in our respective communities. However, it is unfortunate that many brothers and sisters that would like to get married to someone of another culture experience many hardships. The following is a Qur’anic reflection from Surat Al Rum (Qur’an 30) I had while reading a few verses pertinent to one of the signs of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He): marriage.

20. Among His signs is that He created you from dust; then, suddenly you were human beings dispersing [throughout the earth]. 21. And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. 22. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge. (Qur’an, 30:20-22)

Verse 20 reminds the reader of one’s origin, that we were all created from dirt.

Verse 21 is a verse quoted oftentimes during a marriage ceremony, or found on a wedding invitation. It is an extremely nice verse.

Verse 22 highlights that the creation was given different colors and tongues (i.e. skin color and languages).

Many people focus on love in Verse 21. But we see that this verse comes in the middle of two verses: a verse that reminds us that we are not better than one another, regardless of our backgrounds, since we are all from simple dirt (verse 20), and a verse that explains the blessings of Allah (swt) creating us all different, with varying looks, colors, languages, perspectives and cultures (verse 22).

When I read these three verses, I think of the society that we are in today; where cross-cultural marriages are discouraged or even forbidden in some of our Muslim households. Why? Because some families may think they are of a higher class than other families, or their culture is better than another, or their language supersedes all. It is a very arrogant and ignorant outlook, one condemned by Islam.

But at the end of verse 22, Allah (swt) distinctly mentions that these verses are for people of knowledge, people who think, and people who reflect on the signs of Allah (swt).

Therefore, it is a sign (ayah) of Allah (swt) that people from different ethnicities, backgrounds, and cultures get married and live their lives with a new person. A relationship is formed between two families that do not have the same language or skin color, but have the same origin (and of course, have the same faith too insha’Allah, God willing).

I think these three verses speak to our society today – where brothers are having a hard time getting married, largely because of the ignorance rooted in the cultures of some Muslims. I am sure it is just as hard for the sisters as well.

We have a beautiful religion. One aspect of it is the institution of marriage. But as Sh. Suhaib Webb says, “marriage is the easiest chapter in the books of fiqh, but the hardest chapter in our society today.” This is because of the barriers, conditions and requirements many Muslim families put forth that are Islamically baseless. In my humble opinion, these verses refute such mentalities that complicate our youths’ marriages at a time where our youth are clinging on to their religion with their fingernails. Unfortunately, there are several cases of practicing and guided brothers and sisters that have left their religion behind after being denied the opportunity for marriage based on the cultural ills of our Muslim society.

May Allah guide us all to the correct understanding of Islam, protect our youth in the Muslim community, and allow us to live and breathe the sunnah (tradition) of the the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in all aspects of life, including marriage.

Indeed, putting a verse about marriage in between two such verses is not spontaneity on the part of Allah (swt). Allah is Most Wise.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/intercultural-marriages-a-quranic-reflection/

On treating broken hearts (love addictions)

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

Intercultural Marriages: A Qur’anic Reflection
By Eyad Alnaslah

In Islam, the concept of diversity and tolerance is found many times in the Qur’an and hadith (records of the words of the Prophet ﷺ, peace be upon him). We find diversity in all our mosques and Islamic functions, with Muslims from different parts of the world, and of different cultures and backgrounds. Accordingly, as Muslims in America, it is only natural that we have inter-cultural marriages in our respective communities. However, it is unfortunate that many brothers and sisters that would like to get married to someone of another culture experience many hardships. The following is a Qur’anic reflection from Surat Al Rum (Qur’an 30) I had while reading a few verses pertinent to one of the signs of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He): marriage.

20. Among His signs is that He created you from dust; then, suddenly you were human beings dispersing [throughout the earth]. 21. And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. 22. And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge. (Qur’an, 30:20-22)

Verse 20 reminds the reader of one’s origin, that we were all created from dirt.

Verse 21 is a verse quoted oftentimes during a marriage ceremony, or found on a wedding invitation. It is an extremely nice verse.

Verse 22 highlights that the creation was given different colors and tongues (i.e. skin color and languages).

Many people focus on love in Verse 21. But we see that this verse comes in the middle of two verses: a verse that reminds us that we are not better than one another, regardless of our backgrounds, since we are all from simple dirt (verse 20), and a verse that explains the blessings of Allah (swt) creating us all different, with varying looks, colors, languages, perspectives and cultures (verse 22).

When I read these three verses, I think of the society that we are in today; where cross-cultural marriages are discouraged or even forbidden in some of our Muslim households. Why? Because some families may think they are of a higher class than other families, or their culture is better than another, or their language supersedes all. It is a very arrogant and ignorant outlook, one condemned by Islam.

But at the end of verse 22, Allah (swt) distinctly mentions that these verses are for people of knowledge, people who think, and people who reflect on the signs of Allah (swt).

Therefore, it is a sign (ayah) of Allah (swt) that people from different ethnicities, backgrounds, and cultures get married and live their lives with a new person. A relationship is formed between two families that do not have the same language or skin color, but have the same origin (and of course, have the same faith too insha’Allah, God willing).

I think these three verses speak to our society today – where brothers are having a hard time getting married, largely because of the ignorance rooted in the cultures of some Muslims. I am sure it is just as hard for the sisters as well.

We have a beautiful religion. One aspect of it is the institution of marriage. But as Sh. Suhaib Webb says, “marriage is the easiest chapter in the books of fiqh, but the hardest chapter in our society today.” This is because of the barriers, conditions and requirements many Muslim families put forth that are Islamically baseless. In my humble opinion, these verses refute such mentalities that complicate our youths’ marriages at a time where our youth are clinging on to their religion with their fingernails. Unfortunately, there are several cases of practicing and guided brothers and sisters that have left their religion behind after being denied the opportunity for marriage based on the cultural ills of our Muslim society.

May Allah guide us all to the correct understanding of Islam, protect our youth in the Muslim community, and allow us to live and breathe the sunnah (tradition) of the the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in all aspects of life, including marriage.

Indeed, putting a verse about marriage in between two such verses is not spontaneity on the part of Allah (swt). Allah is Most Wise.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/intercultural-marriages-a-quranic-reflection/

A Reflection on Pain
Yasmin Mogahed

It’s easy to minimize a person’s hurt without understanding the nature of pain. People often like to categorize how much a person should or shouldn’t hurt about things. For example, when someone is upset about something, they say, “At least you’re not paralyzed, or starving in Africa.” While it’s imperative to be grateful for what we have, I think people often mistaken the nature of pain, when they ‘categorize’ in this way. A relationship break up can hurt more than struggling with cancer (true story). The criteria for how much something hurts is not dependent on the thing itself. It is dependent on 2 things:

1. The strength of the attachment.

2. The level of Divine help.

Therefore to minimize the devastation of pain:

1. Don’t be attached to (dependent on) temporary things.

2. Seek Divine help.

And don’t assign judgement for people’s pain.

LONELINESS

Question:

I was engaged to be married, but one day my fiancé changed like the weather, and chose to marry another woman. I have been broken, humiliated, and abandoned. Now, every time I try to move forward with other relationships, I face another failure. I have been deserted by those I love the most, betrayed, and I remain unmarried, childless and constantly disappointed. I am patient, I pray and make du`a’ (supplications), and fulfill my duties toward Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). But I really feel very lonely at times, and there’s a pain in my heart. I wish I could wake up one day with a smile and joy, and not with a compressed heart and wounded soul. How can I alleviate this pain I am going through?

Answer:

You have experienced a break-up which has deeply hurt and embarrassed you. You are missing the emotional connection you had with your fiancé and are now feeling sad and lonely without him in your life. A failed relationship, despite its difficulty, is a learning experience and an opportunity for personal growth. It sounds like you are trying to meet other people for marriage and are eagerly seeking to be married and to have children. This process has entailed many disappointments for you, and possibly feelings of insecurity and fear have arisen that you will remain unmarried and without children for a long time.

To overcome feelings of loneliness you can begin by learning to be okay by yourself. Be comfortable with yourself and engage in self-reflection about who you are as a person and with other people. This self-awareness will help improve your relationships with other people. Once you are comfortable with yourself, you will be able to interact with others with less of a “hungry need” and with more of an ability to give of yourself. You will show a deeper interest in others and project a self confidence that people around you will be responsive to. You will then be poised to meet people and make the most of every social contact you make. To further alleviate feelings of loneliness, you can join groups and organizations where you can relate with others who have similar interests. For instance, join a class and learn something new or volunteer for a cause that you believe in. Through these types of experiences, you will meet other likeminded individuals and find social support that will help to alleviate feelings of loneliness.

Companionship is a natural desire that all human beings crave. Feelings of loneliness naturally wax and wane through a person’s lifetime due to experiences and incidents that happen in life, such as losing friendships, moving away from loved ones, etc. Some people feel loneliness for extended periods of time, and this can lead to depression. When people feel depressed, they see life through “dark lenses” and lose hope for the future. If you are overcome with feelings of loneliness and unhappiness, it may be beneficial to seek a therapist to talk to about your feelings and find needed support. Without the help of a professional, feelings of depression can be very difficult to overcome because of negative thinking patterns and feelings of helplessness. You are still grieving that your fiancé broke off your engagement and feeling that your future is bleak. Active patience as well as a positive attitude about what Allah (swt) has planned for you will help you move forward. You now have the opportunity to meet new people and to become invested in activities you are passionate about. You also have time to engage in self-reflection and prayer to accept that Allah (swt) has planned a different course for you and trust in His Divine Wisdom and Plan.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/loneliness/

Many thanks